The wife just asked me, "What is it with the people out here"?

[OS OK]

His accepting your help was prolly about as foreign & uncomfortable to him as it is to you accepting his gracious thanks...

[waksupi]

Accept it gracefully. I recently had the carb rebuilt on my old 6 hp Evinrude, $140. He got a good deal, you got the satisfaction of tinkering with something you enjoy. You both won.

[RED BEAR]

If it were me i would accept the gift and wait for him to need a favor and be quick to do what you can do to help not for more money but thats what friends do. I understand how he feels i have a very hard time accepting help especially if it cost someone else money.

[SSGOldfart]

I would tell you this... many people don’t feel comfy with just accepting help. That want to even things up and don’t feel comfortable with friendship or anything unless things are even. In those cases, you must just accept and not one up somebody, or they won’t come again. Pride is a powerful motivator. Just accept, and don’t worry about it. It’s all good in this instance.

Marko

I agree with Morko besides you can add that to your dinner fund blessing

[fatelk]

A couple years ago I took on the project to repair/restore/refinish the stock on a good friend’s favorite hunting rifle. He hunts and traps for a living (county trapper) and he’s hard on his gear so it was quite a project.

I told him it was a favor for a friend but he was very happy with the results and insisted on paying me. I tried to turn it down but he insisted so I said thank you with a smile and a handshake.

Some time later he brought me another one to fix up. It wasn’t as abused and was an easier project. Again he was pleased with how it turned out and offered to pay me. I told him no, you gave me plenty last time; This one is my gift to you. He didn’t insist that time, just a thank you and a handshake. We’ve been friends since we were old enough to walk.

[jsizemore]

The older gentleman that rents the pasture around me had his 3 point hitch pin come loose and bend the bracket. I stopped to help and with his assistance we got it bent back in place and attached with a bit of farmboy ingenuity. It took a bit more than an hour to complete. His rate of pay is $20 regardless of the job. He doesn't want to owe anybody anything. If I don't take the money then I've belittled his gift. I thank him for his generosity and tip the girls at the local grill for feeding me in the morning.

I feel sorry for the folks in the big city. I'm glad I moved out of there.

[Hamish]

Never insult someone trying to do the right thing by showing their appreciation by refusing their gift.

[WheelgunConvert]

Blessings are multiplied when you give with the right spirit.

Mr. Cathy, the ChicFilA guy, lived that principle.

[jonp]

Invite him to a BBQ or two and call it even

[WRideout]

On occasion, I have used money obtained in a similar way to donate to a charity or church. When I lived in Knoxville, TN, I did some plumbing work for an elderly lady who served me dinner. It was rewarding just to help her.

Wayne

[Harter66]

I find often that I give w/o fair compensation . Skill , knowledge , and tools are expensive to aquire as a rule . I think most folks recognize that . There is nothing more irritating than having to pay for a service at $100/hr to install a $30 part that takes a $300 tool that I could have fixed with a $35 wrench and 15 minutes if I'd known where and what to look for and fix .
I'm grossly under paid for my current employment , I'm also working very often out in the limits of my knowledge base , but I also appear to be a miracle worker . Quite honestly I'd rather be under paid for my skills and seem to be some wonder worker than be paid full rate and be expected to deliver all the wonders of the cosmos every day . Frankly it's satisfying to have things work out and be able to flex time and materials to get the results . I'm told that the completion of the current job set will have a gratuity awarded .

So here's the deal . You feel like you were over compensated for a tinker job but you spent a lot of time and at some point probably felt like you HAD to get it finished up.
In my life that's a windfall and it usually shows up in time of need . I can't count the number of times that a few extra bucks showed up a week or so before I needed them .
Give generously , receive graciously , and always be ready to return the favor .
I agree with splitting for dinner , or a special trip with the gentleman .

[myg30]

Keep filling his fuel tank up, he might catch on sometime but it would be fun to see his reactions.
I’m kinda the same way, if I do a favor because I want to, I don’t want to get paid. I enjoy being able to help folks out when I can.
When I’m stuck, and no ones able/ offer to help me, it’s then I realize we are a dying breed.

Mike

[popper]

Pay it forward, Vet or another 'senior'. Re-gift it when the chance occurs?

[Land Owner]

Keep filling his fuel tank up, he might catch on sometime but it would be fun to see his reactions.

If you can get away with it without getting SHOT. Some folks don't like other folks, warm heartedly or not, messing with their stuff (tools, car, truck, golf cart, golf clubs, fishing tackle, guns, spouse, etc.) without permission or unbidden - especially IN THEIR OWN YARD, which could get you SHOT.

Otherwise, I like your idea...

[Thomas Creek]

You have a great neighbor. I would suggest to continue to pay or play it forward. I believe he would appreciate it.

[Winger Ed.]

You have a great neighbor. I would suggest to continue to pay or play it forward. I believe he would appreciate it.

Yeah, I couldn't have much better of a neighbor if I got to pick one myself.

[dverna]

If you attend church consider donating all or part of it. If not, the Salvation Army is one of the best charities I know of.

BTW, good of you to help for neighbor.

[fatelk]

Putting it in the plate or paying it forward to someone else who could use it are great ideas, but really there's nothing wrong with stashing it in your rainy day fund either, if you could use it yourself.


I hope nobody minds a little thread drift, since it seems the original question has been addressed pretty thoroughly:

It's interesting to me how different people handle these kinds of things. I see two basic reasons why many people feel the need to turn down payment for this kind of thing: kindness/compassion, and pride, or most often a combination of the two. The same two typically apply to someone wanting to pay something for help given freely, as well.

What I find interesting is that to a small degree the pride part seems to vary generationally. I've met a lot of especially older folks who are too proud to accept help freely given, either physical or financial. Then there are some people who have had so much tough luck, hard times, and helping hands that they come to expect a hand out (especially if they're related to you). They'll ask for and take a hand-out with barely a thank you. I like to help people when I can but those type can be really frustrating because their need for help is usually the result of their own poor decisions and it's never ending. The people who can really use the help are often too proud to ask, and then want to pay you!

On the other hand, I always offer to pay someone when they help me, and try my best to turn down pay for my help freely given. Part of that is because I want to do something nice for people I like, and part of it is my own pride, and not wanting to ever take advantage or owe anyone. There are times though, as has been mentioned repeatedly here, where you have to consider the other person's pride and act accordingly.

I have a fitting story about the extreme end of the pride thing. Quite a few years back an uncle of mine stopped by from out of state. He was on his way cross country in his fancy new RV, a big one. He stopped by for a couple day, tinkering with something on it in preparation for the long trip. At one point he asked me for a ride into town to get some parts, rather than drive the behemoth on a short trip.

No problem at all, glad to do it. We had a good visit. I helped him some. The next day he was ready to go. He said goodby and thanked me for driving him into town. As he did, he handed me some "gas money". I told him I didn't want any money, that I was glad to do it. He insisted so I took the folded cash. After he left I looked at what he had given me. It was a tightly folded $1 bill!

I was surprised at first when he gave it to me, because he's well know in the family as a notorious cheapskate, but when I saw what it was I realized it wasn't really for me, it was just so he didn't feel like he owed me. I just had to smile. I think I actually started laughing when I saw what it was.

[Winger Ed.]

It was a tightly folded $1 bill!I was surprised at first when he gave it to me, because he's well know in the family as a notorious cheapskate, but when I saw what it was I realized it wasn't really for me, it was just so he didn't feel like he owed me. I just had to smile. I think I actually started laughing when I saw what it was.

That's great.
It reminds be, back in the late 60's-early 70's in High School,
of working at a local cafeteria, and a friend who worked at a grocery store.

For generations, a nice sized tip was a dime.
There was a little old, silver haired lady who we'd both encountered at work.
He'd take out her groceries, I'd help with her tray at the cafeteria.

I'm sure she did it everywhere, but anyone that helped her while doing their job,,,,, she tipped them a dime,
as she probably had for 50 years.

We both always thanked her at the time, she was as nice and gracious as you could imagine,
and after seeing that she gave always gave us old, solid Silver, Mercury dimes-
we both would look for her to come in where we worked...…


Over time, we'd both gotten 3 or 4. I still have mine.

[fatelk]

That's cool, what a neat thing!

My brother-in-law worked in a grocery store for many years, from box-boy to manager. He said there was a little old lady who was quite a character who shopped there all the time. She liked him especially since he would always go out of his way to help her with her groceries. She would pretend to flirt with him and he would insist on carding her for wine (had to make sure she was old enough to buy alcohol). She got to where she would bring him a Christmas card every year with a $100 tip in it!