What's the closest you've come to soiling yourself???

[Sweetpea]

Seems there are some pretty good "add your own" threads going around right now, but none of them quite cover this...

I'll start off...

I was a little more than halfway done with a rather large smelt this evening, when I felt two or three sprinkles hit the back of my neck.

I slammed the lid on the pot, turned off the gas, and was headed into the garage to check myself in about .75 seconds...

Pretty sure some foul language was used also...

Brandon

[waksupi]

You have never ate my cooking, or you would not ask this question. At my age, I never trust a fart or waste an erection, even if I'm alone.

[nagantguy]

In a helicopter that broke its rotors off on the stack of a ship and went skipping across the water and came down in a less that "grease" landing.

[MaryB]

Late 70's I was 17 ro18 and riding in a friends Mustang. We were beer cruising a gravel bottom road along the river because the cops never patrolled it. He was doing 80 when we came around a corner and had a road grader 100 feet or so in front of us. We bounced off one of the front tires about a foot. To this day I don't know how he got it slowed down.

[jcobb651]

About 18 or 19 years old driving home down gravel backroads after watching a monster flick. About 1 in the morning...man was I spooked....couldn't get home fast enough....hit a rough patch in the gravel that shook my checkbook out of the sun visor and into my lap...slapping me in the face on the way down. First I said it...then almist did it!

[Swamp Man]

When I was a teen hunting in the pine groves and stepped around a large pine tree and looked down to see a 6 plus foot coiled up rattler between my feet. I was froze in my tracks and couldn't breath for few seconds I knew I was going to get bit. Once the total shock eased I did a back flip and he stuck just missing my right foot. My oldest son has that skin hanging on his living room wall now he always wanted it so when he moved out I gave it to him.

[Bad Water Bill]

At my age it is impossible to remember all of them,lets just saw Hanes has made a good dollar off me.

[runfiverun]

this is one of many.

we had weighed all the baggage and people going into a metal tube twin engine thing they said was an airplane.
after some of crawled about halfway to the back, we loaded the heavy guy's to the front so the thing wouldn't tip over backwards, then finished filling the rest of the tube with bodies.
we took off and headed towards minot north Dakota at the blinding speed of 200 feet up and 300 feet down then 40 feet sideways for the trip from about casper wyoming on up.
we changed itinerary into wiliston ND because we had been pushed off course burned off almost all the fuel and couldn't make the whole trip.
as we turned into the landing strip the lightning started really lighting things up and a tornado was sighted off to the right, accompanied by the attending worsening wind shear pushing us voilently first left then right then finally downwards.
we made a short pass towards the strip when the last one hit us.
the pilot over revved the engines trying to climb back out of the landing, and the co-pilot throttled back as the pilot started fighting the controls and trying to decide which way to go.
we ended up dropping down to Dickinson and going straight in to land in the middle of the tornado sirens blaring there.
we went straight in to approach hit pavement and went directly towards the hanger right across the grass, we coasted [with dead engines] the last 100' or so towards the building.
they didn't have to tell anyone how to depart the plane, we bailed just as the hail started pelting everything in sight.
I have no idea how many little bags were filled from the earlier lunch break
and everybody wanted out NOW.

[Bad Water Bill]

One more Hanes story

June 20.1959

Uss Independence
Gitmo bay.

I worked the night shift 4 PM-8 AM. Discharge date is July one and I am running out of beads on my short timers chain.

Instead of bed I went to personell and asked when do I and how do I get discharged?

When it is your time we will let you know at least two weeks in advance. Now get back to work so we can do our job.

Well a couple loud remarks brought out the duty officer wanting to know what the problem was?

My discharge papers are two weeks late is my problem,I said.

Orders were immediately cut.First flight out to nearest base for discharge.

Bags packed and at the flite line in a flash. Sailor we have a RESERVE flight to Detroit leaving in 30 minutes. Go eat and report back. YIPPEEE Detroit is only a few thumb rides from Chit Kaga.
Cane back to see my ride is a trusty DC-3 Well we got airborn then I found the crew was on a WISKEY RUN. Not bad enough now we are in a real tropical storm. I swear sometimes I looked UP to see the top of the waves. 8 hours later and almost out of gas we landed at NAS Sanford Fl.

Lots of thumb rides to get home from there but that was better than riding with that crew just to the end of the runway.

Only one of ????

[Cosmiceyes]

When I had to take medicine to clean me out for a "colonoscopy"!

[jcwit]

A few years ago I ripped 2 fingers off my left when a board got out of control using a spindle sander, I was attempting to turn off the machine and the board caught me in the palm of my hand taking the 2 fingers with it. During the 45 minute ride to the hospital I had little control of any functions because of the pain. I was fighting cancer at this same time.

[Echo]

I was giving an outside
tour of our museum, on their bus, and near the end when I noticed I had to use the bathroom. A minute later I REALLY had to use the bathroom - so I bailed out after telling the bus driver what to do, and headed for the nearest john. Didn't make it. Emptied the descending, transverse, and ascending colons, and maybe part of the small intestine, too, outside the building with the john. I don't think any visitors were aware of the problem. Maintenance took care of the cleanup, but that was the absolute worst bug attack I ever had. Carrumba...

[KCSO]

About 1971 or so my wife and I were riding the BMW bike at night and I saw something moving across the road ahead of me. I swerved and caught the rear of a medium to large snake and the front end came off the ground and soon I was riding with a really pissed off snake wrapped around my right boot. Thank God it turned out to be only a small, 5-6 foot, bull snake who was unable to chew through my boot before I was able to kick it off. I have since thought a lot about how lucky we were not to be riding further west in the country of the rattlers.

[44fanatic]

I honestly cant remember much of it. My Soldiers were nice enough not to burn my sleeping bag and my uniform. Opening up a trash bag 4 or 5 days later was not a pleasant experience....just about started puking again. Had picked up some bug in Iraq that dang near killed me, no bowel control for 24 hours and a fever in excess of 104. Aint ever drinking the local bottled Pepsi again.

[popper]

Charge by a large, mad, black bull from 15' while chasing cattle off the base after Carla. Didn't soil the britches but still had to wash the dungaree shirt after I blacked out. The rest are gee whiz moments, like jumping down blind terraces on a 250 yamahammer and landing the front forks on a VW muffler. No, I didn't fall off but there was a moment when you see what is in front of you. Or you are napping in the right seat and dad decides to do an air restart without telling you. Darn, we're airborne and the prop isn't moving. Or seeing a 6" chunk of hail hit the windscreen @ 13K' over lake Estes. Or 'get the **** out of there, a Martin 404 is touching down behind you'.
BWB - had the same problem on a transfer, Caught last the U boat while passing Point Loma, else I would have been on the way to Nam.

[Boz330]

Like Bill I have several that come to mind. I started jumping out of airplanes in 64', started flying airplanes in 68', and balloons in 90'. Over the years I had 15 parachute malfunctions, and a number of dead sticks, but the most scared I have ever been was in a hot air balloon where everything seems to go soooo slow. With parachutes and to a lesser extent airplanes everything happens quick and you don't have time to think about it much you just react. In a balloon you have a long time to contemplate your situation.
I was flying one evening in the balloon and had a gal and her son on board. I had, had my license about 6 months and it was a nice evening in Jan with fairly light winds. Sunset was approaching and I shot a landing into a very small field and missed. When I climbed out I was tracking right straight down a 100,000 volt power line and not moving very fast. By this time it was getting pretty dark. The line finally made a turn off to the east and while the line was gone I was still over a lot of trees with no clearings. I could see a big transmission line right of way coming up and there was room to land with no mistakes but I was committed. At this time it was so dark that I could see the transmission towers but not the lines hanging between. Just before I was going to cross the fence on the ROW the balloon turned slightly right and I was passing over the back corner of a house lot. I ripped out the top and dropped into the corner of the yard. I did hit a tree on the descent but did no damage. I did kiss the ground upon exiting the basket.

Bob

[MrWolf]

Had a few but seeing my dead mother-in-law looking at me through a window. I still have the goosebumps every time I think of it including writing this.

[EddieNFL]

When a .30 caliber bullet passed between my left side and arm leaving a hole in my jacket.

[Love Life]

After a 3 day bender (my younger days) we got Taco bell for breakfast. That was the longest ride 10 minute ride of my life.

[km101]

June 1967

Me and a couple of buddies got the bright idea to climb the fire lookout tower with a case of beer and watch the stars. There was no ladder for the first 30', so we each tied a couple of six packs to our belt and climbed the tower to the level of the steps. (this requires both agility and strength) From there on it was easy climbing to the top of the 125' steel tower.

We were sitting on the outside walkway telling lies and drinking beer, throwing the cans off the tower and about to get really drunk (it only takes about a 6 pack at 17) when one of the guys looks behind us and exclaims "Holy S***, what is that?"
Well, THAT was a summer thunderstorm, complete with plenty of lightning! We instantly realized:

A. We are on the tallest structure for miles around and it is steel!
B. We have all consumed enough alcohol that our coordination is no longer good.
C. We have to climb down 90+ feel of steel ladder, and then down the structure of the tower, and it is STARTING TO RAIN!
D. None of us may see our 18th birthday!

It is true that the Lord protects fools and drunks, because we made it down to the ground in record time with only minimal injury! We were sitting in the car, trying to control our trembling when there was a loud bang, a flash of light, and a ball of lightning traveled from the base of the tower to the closest pine tree about 40' away. We left so fast that we forgot to get the rest of the beer from the second case, that was sitting on the ground. My old '51 Dodge never went that fast before or since!

We had two Hanes moments within 5 minutes!