Wimmens

[Southern Son]

I have done something wrong, I don't know what, but I am getting the silent treatment, it only took me four days to realise it was the silent treatment. She thinks that the silent treatment is a punishment. I thought it was an answered prayer.

[xs11jack]

Here is a couple that might take your mind off the pain for a minute or two.

My friend told his wife he had the body of a Greek god.
She had to explain to him that Buddha is not Greek.



A man walks into a flower shop and says, "I’d like some flowers, please."
"Certainly, Sir," says the clerk. "What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs, "Well, I’m not sure… I uh… I uh… I uh…"
The clerk says, "Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"



After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice."

[Don Purcell]

39 years and 3 months for us. Had some very rough times but never strayed from each other and that means a lot. She told me the other day that she hopes we live to be at least in our eighties and die at the same time. I told her maybe it would happen after a night of wild sex and she smiled her usual seductive smile. That smile always gets me even now after all these years.

[NavyVet1959]

She told me the other day that she hopes we live to be at least in our eighties and die at the same time.

I'm thinking the reply should have been, "Well, *that* could be arranged..."

[Bob in Revelstoke]

If a man is walking alone in a forrest and he says something out loud and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?

[JSnover]

If a man is walking alone in a forrest and he says something out loud and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?

No, just happy.

[Don Purcell]

NavyVet, I'll hold that one in reserve.

[MrWolf]

If a man is walking alone in a forrest and he says something out loud and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?

Hehe I like this!

[NavyVet1959]

If a man is walking alone in a forrest and he says something out loud and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?

A corollary to this might be:

Q: If a man is in the forest and has no idea where he is or how to get back, is he lost?

A: No, without a woman to tell him he's lost, he's just having fun and exploring new territory.

[Hardcast416taylor]

The Silent Treatment.


Two old friends were sitting on a park bench talking about anything to come to mind. "I think my Wife is dead" said one. "What makes you say that"? said the other. "Well, I still cook for myself, the dishes are piling up in the sink and the s*x is still as cold as it was 10 years ago"!Robert

[edler7]

I have done something wrong, I don't know what, but I am getting the silent treatment, it only took me four days to realise it was the silent treatment. She thinks that the silent treatment is a punishment. I thought it was an answered prayer.

Amen, brother ! I stepped in it twice before noon yesterday, blissfull silence since.

[Ballistics in Scotland]

One of the few things we can say without fear of contradiction about women, is that about half the population, other than kids and don't knows, are. Even tiny girls have a sense boys don't, that being lovely ought to cut them a bit of slack on their failings.

There is an early Peter Sellars film, "I'm all right, Jack", which might not have travelled. In it he is an aggressive, left-wing trade union shop steward. At one point in negotiation one manager says to another that as long as they are talking about one or two big issues, no matter how vehemently, you are still negotiating, and a don't know whether it is cause or effect, but it is true with women.

Feminists often quote the first verse of Rudyard Kipling "The Female" as an example of male chauvinist piggery:

TheFemale of the Species

"When the Himalayan peasant meets the he-bear in hispride,
He shouts to scare the monster, who will often turn aside.
But the female, thus accosted, rends the peasant tooth and nail,
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male."

But it goes on to something quite different. Men, in politics and war, are aware of dealing with people very much like themselves, and can reach compromises, even find friends. They even understand "Imagine yourself in his place," at least outside politics. But for women in areas of public life which Kipling, in 1911, thought unnatural for them, their ideas and principles take the place of their children, whom they must protect regardless of the cost to anyone else. Anybody who endangers them has to take the fall.

"When Nag the basking cobra hears the careless foot of man,
He will sometimes wriggle sideways and avoid it if he can.
But his mate makes no such motion where she camps beside the trail,
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

When the early Jesuit fathers preached to Hurons and Choctaws,
They prayed to be delivered from the vengeance of the squaws.
’Twas the women, not the warriors, turned those stark enthusiasts pale,
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Man’s timid heart is bursting with the things he must not say,
For the Woman that God gave him isn’t his to giveaway.
But when hunter meets with husband, each confirms the other’s tale,
The female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Man, a bear in most relations - worm and savage otherwise, -
Man propounds negotiations, Man accepts the compromise.
Very rarely will he squarely push the logic of a fact,
To its ultimate conclusion in unmitigated act.

Fear, or foolishness, impels him, ere he lays the wicked low,
To concede some form of trial even to his fiercest foe.
Mirth obscene diverts his anger - Doubt and Pity oft perplex
Him in dealing with an issue - to the scandal of The Sex!

But the Woman that God gave him, every fibre of her frame
Proves her launched for one sole issue, armed and engined for the same.
And to serve that single issue, lest the generations fail,
The female of the species is more deadly than the male.

She who faces torture for each life beneath her breast,
May not deal in doubt or pity - must not swerve for fact or jest.
These be purely male diversions - not in these her honour dwells.
She the Other Law we live by, is that Law and nothing else.

She can bring no more to living than the powers that made her great
As the Mother of the Infant and the Mistress of the Mate.
And when Babe and Man are lacking and she strides unclaimed to claim
Her right as femme (and baron), her equipment is the same.

She is wedded to convictions - in default of greater ties;
Her contentions are her children, Heaven help him who denies! -
He will meet no suave discussion, but the instant, white-hot, wild,
Wakened female of the species warring as for spouse and child.

Unprovoked and awful charge - even so the she-bear fights,
Speech that drips, corrodes and poisons - even so the cobra bites,
Scientific vivisection of one nerve till it is raw
And the victims writhe in anguish - like the Jesuit with the squaw!

So it comes that Man, the coward, when he gathers to confer
With his fellow-braves in council, dare not leave a place for her
Where, at war with Life and Conscience, he uplifts his erring hands
To some God of Abstract Justice - which no woman understands.

And Man knows it! Knows, moreover, that the Woman thatGod gave him,
Must command but may not govern - shall enthrall but not enslave him.
And She knows, because She warns him, and her instincts never fail,
That the female of the species is more deadly than the male."

[Reverend Al]