You made a big step. Discovering and admitting and then talking is the progression. No one knows how anyone will handle things you have seen and done. Coping and rationalizing and categorizing these things will help you. But the biggest help will be god and the strength and power of your faith.
Just a simple little phrase for you the remember.
KNOW GO, KNOW LOVE. NO GOD, NO LOVE.
You don’t need to hear these words, you need to believe these words. Understand what death is. BELIEVE in the awesome power and love that is god. Death is a door way. It’s a new chapter but with out faith it’s the blinding unknown. That unknown can be powerful it can be over welling.
Absolutely turn to god. Find a man of the cloth you like. Visit Churches listen to the spoken words. Then choose a place and ask for help.
Fear is real. Fear is a killer. But know and believe in gods word and you will learn the power the love and that nothing, nothing at all can hurt you.
May god bless
CW