Dating over 50.

[Idaho45guy]

I've been divorced for over 10 years now. I'm 54. I've had 2 serious girlfriends in that time period and both were a bit crazy and around 10 years younger than me.

I had finally come to terms with reality a few months ago and decided that being single was actually pretty darn good.

It seems that every woman over the age of 35 that is single has some serious issues, or comes with lots of "baggage", or is downright unattractive.

I came to the conclusion that dating over the age of 50 means serious compromise in terms of attractiveness, mental health, values, drama, compatibility, etc.

My last girlfriend was sweet, conservative, Christian, attractive, and amorous. But, she also still lived with her parents, was fiscally irresponsible, horrible credit, loved rap, and gained 45 lbs while we dated.

She actually broke up with me because I didn't approve of her fascination with urban culture and didn't enjoy travel to dangerous urban areas. Good riddance.

But, I dated her for 2.5 years despite knowing that she was seriously flawed.

I sadly think that this is normal for people dating past 50. I was willing to overlook all of the danger signs just to avoid being alone.

The girlfriend before her actually said to me that at my age, I needed to find someone that would take care of me in my old age and that I was running out of time. I was 48 at the time. She ended up getting fired from her job for refusing to stop trying to sell her pyramid scheme supplements to coworkers. Crazy.

Dating over 50 is pretty awful, from what I've seen.

Now, I did meet the woman God picked out for me a couple of months ago. 100% certain we will marry.

But I came pretty dang close to settling and am curious as to if other guys over 50 have settled, or have decided to stick to their guns and remain single, or met their miracle gal.

[trapper9260]

I am 62 and I met all types and they mainly did not live up to what I looking for. I seen they mainly will tell you what they think you want to hear just to see what they can get out of you then drop you . For what the OP stated on some they met .I drop them also. I stick to my guns and remain singe till if the miracle girl show up then I go from there. Also meeting someone your own age , they thinking they own you before they even get to know each other better. That is also a red flag to me. age dose not matter to me , it is in ones heart and mind that matters. Beside what as said .

[Nobade]

I have found that I am much happier working on projects - house, cars, motorcycles, guns, etc than chasing women. One day I realized that the only times I have ever been really unhappy in life was directly related to women so why would I do that again? Best to just stick to myself. 58 years old BTW.

[dale2242]

I am 81 years old and in good health. As far as I know.
After having lost my wife of 60 years 6 months ago, I am pretty happy being single so far.
Time will tell.
I am only lonely for her.

[Jedman]

I am fortunate that my wife and I are happy together now for 45 years. But I hunt, fish,& golf with a lot of guys who are single and they tell me the same horror stories of trying to find a women without all of the baggage mentioned.
I think the mature women that are out there that are single, don’t have issues with kids or family, have their own money and a comfortable income feel the same. They probably have a very hard time trying to find a guy that isn’t a bum with many issues.
My advice would be to do what hobbies you like , have a reason to get out of bed each morning with a purpose and be happy. There are good people out there looking for a mate but once your older, wiser you don’t need drama, unhappiness ect.

Jedman

[DougGuy]

I got divorced in 2001, started online dating in 2004, was lured to NC by a woman who was out to show her ex that YES! She can get married too! Plans were made, the move to NC was made (this was actually a good move for me, better hunting here than where I was) then he got his marriage annuled, had a heart attack, wound up in the hosp so she comes in and says "well, I'm just not sure I'm ready for the 24/7 thing yet."

That little voice said "Self, get self to a place of safety and do it NOW!" I found a great little house, I walked in and that voice said "Take this place, you'll be happy here" and I was, there were a goodly number of one niters, a few could have beens, one wish you woulda been, a few lies and deceits here and there, a lot of insincerity on their part, they THINK they want one thing, then a few months in, well this ain't what they wanted at all, they just THOUGHT they did.

Met one stayed with her 8yrs, lived in her house 6yrs, she got me through cancer in 2013, I truly believe God intended me to be in that house, she was a really good caregiver, never been married, never even lived with a man before me, she got a good taste of domestic partnership, and eventually tired of it so I moved on. We are still good friends. (NOT FWB..)

I went through a couple more, had some adventures, some road trips to Florida, Arizona, life toiled on, had cancer 2 more times, emerged from that, and after 16yrs of hit or miss with various women, learning to pull myself up by my bootstraps after getting kicked in teeth and soldier on, hehe I could share some stories yes indeed..

Finally in 2020 I met this Puerto Rican woman a few yrs older than me, raised in Brooklyn NY, and here is this tattooed southern boy ex biker ex musician, ex alky, ex a few other bad habits, well guess who out of nowhere hits it off and two opposite cultures find a way to blend like a striped ice cream cone, I would have never figured but that voice said "just go, meet her, don't worry about the 100mi between you," so I followed along.

We spent the next 3yrs together, got married in October last year, we both got a keeper, yessir!

Now, let me outline a few things about dating in the 60s, first off, over half of the women you will meet are widowed, most own and maintain their own house, pretty settled into their life, just looking for someone to be friends with and hopefully find love, and maybe marry some day. It's pretty likely that you each have your own home, and you have to find an arrangement that fits both partners, some commuting, one may have to move (IF there is enough room to move in together) but you figure out that the outcome will be worth whatever you have to do to make it work and you just do it.

My wife has family and friends near where she lives, about 100mi away, her house is too small for all my stuff, even if it was empty it wouldn't work, my house is too full of my hobbies and previous occupations/careers for her to move, neither household can absorb the other one so we go back and forth, she has enough of her things here to be happy, hates having to go back to her house for a few days, misses me like crazy, but we can do this. It's called dating in your 70s.

We have our scars, her two strokes, me cancer 3x, but we have somehow managed to nurture and carry the physical side of the relationship this far and the intimate time we share is very rewarding, off the chart at times. I know there will come a day where we may not be able to engage in such activity but until then? I'm in til the end.

I have learned I can find love, I can get sex, the hardest thing to find, is friendship. My good friend and brother by a different mother used to sit on the steps of this old black woman's house while she rocked on the porch and smoked her cigar, she was WISE. She was one to listen closely to, she told him one day saying "When you die your true friends will be by your side, you will count them on one hand."

[txbirdman]

A lot of truth in this thread. I’m 74 and last Friday would have been our 50th anniversary. Unfortunately she passed almost 11 years ago. Some good friends tried on various occasions to introduce me to other women but my heart wasn’t in it. Feel the same today although it would be nice to have a little companionship every once in awhile. Have several friends that I do things with occasionally but lost my main shooting buddy to cancer last year. I know this much, it’s better to not have a women than to have the wrong woman.

[Thumbcocker]

I truly hope things work out for you Idaho 45. A good woman beside you can make life worth living.

[Nazgul]

My wife of 24 years died of cancer in 2007. I was in my mid 50's, we have 3 daughters. The 2 youngest were still in High School, I put them thru college on a mechanics salary. Very rough time, had to be very frugal and work all the overtime I could handle. No TV service, no outside meals, no A/C, even turned the water heater off during the day. I survived by the grace of God and a few good friends.
Being alone caught me off guard. It was the hardest part of the whole process. So I set out to date ....WOW! You don't get to that age with out baggage. Went thru several short term relationships . Met and got serious with a 52 y.o. who ran marathons and did Iron Man comps. Wild ride for 9 months. She had never had children, was financially independent and said she wanted a family. She just couldn't commit to me and my girls. I broke it off and entered a deep depression.

Then met my current wife of 12 years. She has a son, lost her husband before he was born so I am his Dad. Daughter #2 is very smart, she had a full ride scholar ship in college at the time. It was sponsored by a large company in the state who gave out 1 per county every year. Very competitive, over 1,000 applications for each spot. Her son was at a major college on the same scholarship.

She is the most stable, amazing loving woman ever created. We are very involved in church. With my married daughters and grandchildren she went from her and her son to 12 of us. They are so in love with her, especially the grandkids. The kids think of each other as brother and sisters like they grew up together.

We have an RN in a major ICU married to an Electrical engineer, 2 IT people for large companies and a Chemical Engineer getting married this summer to a Masters of Music. Very smart, successful kids who are a blessing beyond belief to us.

They all make 4 -5 times what we ever did. All are very involved with their church.
So, it can work out. Choose carefully and stay the course.

Don

[dverna]

If the truth be told....I have my own set of "issues". So, at least for me, the "baggage" thing is not one sided.

I do not need the "companionship" of a women. They are wired differently and not in a good way. I have more fun with the guys. I need intimacy and sex from a woman.

Some men need a woman to "take care of them and the house". I really feel sorry for men like that. Seems like a silly "need" but we are all different.

[JonB_in_Glencoe]

I am almost 60. While I have never been married, I have a Daughter and a Granddaughter. I'm not gonna go into a whole 45 yr schpeel about my dating history, but I can say that in the last 20 yrs, all the available women I met carry enough red flags to supply the USC Trojan Marching Band. BUT, I suspect these same women have thought something similar when they met me.

[KenH]

If the truth be told....I have my own set of "issues". So, at least for me, the "baggage" thing is not one sided.
.............................................
Some men need a woman to "take care of them and the house". I really feel sorry for men like that. Seems like a silly "need" but we are all different.

Truer words were never spoken (written?). My Dad taught me from childhood a "real" man can cook & clean just fine. That's not what you want (not need) a woman for. Dad 'n Mom had over 60 yrs together before both passed within a month of each other.

[Electrod47]

I truly hope things work out for you Idaho 45. A good woman beside you can make life worth living.

Amen Brother, It took me 4 times at bat. No.4 was a wartime sweetheart she was 18 I was 19 we lost track of one in another in 1969. 50 years later out of the blue we connect by email. Her Husband died a year earlier and my last wife had passed from a rough case pf pancreatic cancer 5 years earlier. I was done with marriage. This gal though had done something to me when we were young. I had thought about her a lot over the years especially when comparing her to what ever nightmare woman I had married. Whenever I hugged this girl it was weird, I felt this radiating warmth that went right through me and I immediately felt a calming. Like a vibration or something. I never felt it with anyone else, EVER. 50 years later I travel half way across the country to see if I just imagined that. I pull up in front of her house, she's on the front porch on a rocking chair, I get out of my car and we hug in the front yard. INSTANTLY that calming vibration overwhelms me. I was home.
2 months later she fly's out to meet me in Arizona and we marry in Vegas. We both have grown children and grandkid's, property, strangers to both of us. And of course since we are old folks they want to run our lives. They were absolutely freaked out...both sides. We took up where we left off in 1969 and been married now 13 years, we both agree the last part of our lives has been the best.....only thing I can add for somebody looking for a life mate....you got to feel something from the person you can't explain, or your just fooling yourself.

[MrWolf]

I moved out here a lil over six years ago (time really flies now) after divorce of 30 years. About four and a half years ago I decided I was ready to start dating. I was 58 and wow did things change. My local Postmaster tried hooking me up twice. She means well. One was not my type and second one SEEMED great on the phone till she heard about my dog (Great Pyrenees at 160+lbs, sheds, and barks). Turns out her place is a showroom and she is neurotic about cleanliness, neatness, etc. Decided to try dating apps since I am pretty rural. I tried Eharmony. Met a nymph and tried that for about six weeks. Tried Our Time. Nut jobs. Decided to try FarmersOnly.com. I put in my add what I was looking for. NO BAGGAGE, yup really said that, dog owner, that I couldn't drive more than 45 minutes due to disability, etc. I was pleasantly surprised how many nice women I spoke with, even though our distances apart were to much. I was contacted by one who was outside of my considered area. She was willing to make the hour and a half plus drive. Divorced, kids all grown and grand kids. She is five and a half years younger than me. We spoke for ten days, every day, before we even met. She is a phenomenal woman. We spoke every day (except two - migraine and birth of her grandson) for two years with her coming out every weekend. She and her dog moved in two and a half years ago. She sings at church, works from home, and treats me great. Our dogs adopted each other. I will be 63 next month and feel like we will be together till the end. No marriage, been there done that, but she is protected in my will with the ability to stay here as long as she wants after my passing if I go first.
Biggest thing is don't settle. Not worth being somewhat miserable just for company but everyone is different. Good luck and have faith.
Ron

[farmbif]

a good mate can be not so easy to find. ive had the same girlfriend since 1996 wow had both been married before and never really wanted to get married again and in some regards we are opposites but maybe thats a good thing but in many aspects we share the same opinion. she likes pink camo and pink guns and uses work boots as a fashion statement but thats all ok with me. caring for the teenage grand daughters is a whole new thing since her daughter drank herself to death, just another thing to keep life interesting. the main things are I guess we work together for common goals and dont really keep secrets from one another. I think maybe that is one key to a good relationship is honesty.

[DougGuy]

None of us are going to survive life without some carry-on luggage, the secret is turning your checked baggage into HISTORY. You have to examine it in detail, work your way through it, find a resting place for it and stow it there. It's perfectly fine to teach from it from time to time or help others with your experience, but don't maintain an attachment to it. Don't let yesterdays disappointments take anything away from today or it could turn into tomorrow's regrets.

[Head Shot]

Hello:
Cant join the single old guys single group because i myself still married to the same gal 48 years later and still going strong.
We dont always agree so many times just agree to disagree.
But at 66 years of age now ive see all i need to see with the drama and issues that others had and if i had to deal with it then ill be honest with you all.
Ill do a lot more HUNTING and FISHING .
HEAD SHOT

[Misery-Whip]

Im not over 50, but willing to share what my grandfather shared with me.

My grandfather was widowed in his 50s by a freak accident. And lived into his 80s. He tried to date again, and he gave up. In those days there werent many divorcees, and the ones available he said were insain.

My last conversation with him before he passed included: if it Flies, F***s, or Floats its cheaper to rent! I was about 16. He also said to not spend life alone, there is too much to see and do, and to go have the best time, then to go home and have no one to share it with.

[Baltimoreed]

I’m 72 and was married to a wonderful school teacher for 42 years, she was a lot smarter than me. We loved to travel but her only real flaw was she wasn’t a shooter. I lost her 4 years ago. I like living alone [not really as my adult grandson is still with me but should be in the navy shortly]. I am involved with my son improving the 33 acre property I’ve bought that he is building on. Will build a 30x42 ft quonset hut this year there. I still shoot 2 matches a month, cas and 2 gun and 3 months ago started a 25 hr week job at my friendly neighborhood Food Lion in the produce dept. Found myself sitting around too much. I have enough drama in my life from the family I’ve got so I’m not looking for any more. I do correspond with a out of state hs classmate that recently lost her husband but I doubt that it will go any further and thats fine. I have my baby grand, my shop, my firearms and good health.

[lightman]

Hello:
Cant join the single old guys single group because i myself still married to the same gal 48 years later and still going strong.
We dont always agree so many times just agree to disagree.
But at 66 years of age now ive see all i need to see with the drama and issues that others had and if i had to deal with it then ill be honest with you all.
Ill do a lot more HUNTING and FISHING .
HEAD SHOT

Wow Headshot, it sounds like we could be twins! I'm 6 months younger than you and have been married 6 months less! We got married right out of high school when I was 18. We've been through a lot together. She is dealing with my MS and I have dealt with Her breast cancer and liver transplant and now some heart problems. I would be lost trying to start dating again. I hope I go first.