Son marrying a Jewish woman

[dverna]

My son and I are not close. He called yesterday to wish me a Merry Christmas and announce he is marrying a Jewish lady. I have met her once. She seems nice enough but not too bright.

Anyway, my fiancé and I will be attending the wedding and I have been asked to say a few words.

Any advice from those of the Jewish faith on protocols and what is expected of the grooms father.

The closest synagogue is almost an hour away. I sent an email to them asking for the same advice.

Thanks

[Der Gebirgsjager]

Jewish folks are just like anyone else. Why would you say anything offensive? Just do what any father would do, wish them long, healthy, prosperous lives, and happiness in their marriage. That's acceptable in any culture I'm familiar with.

DG

[NSB]

I’ll second what DG posted. The only thing I could ad is that you never know how smart someone is or isn’t. I have a niece who I always thought was the one who wasn’t the smartest in the bunch. She’s finishing up her PhD at Cal Tech. Maybe it’s me. If they love each other, just wish them the best.

[cwtebay]

Read!!! Pretty sure the first 1/2 of my book was written by Jews! And I know that my Lord and Saviour was Jewish!
Read the Book of the Maccabees at least. Go meet with a rabbi and ask what you should say in the temple during his union.
I will pray that you reach a better relationship with your child - I also think that you could ask your son's rabbi how to reach out to him and be his father.

Sent from my Pixel 5 using Tapatalk

[badguybuster]

Congrats to your son and his bride.

[Plate plinker]

Is your son converting? Beyond that I have been to one Jewish wedding and it was a ton of fun. Above advice is good.

[Winger Ed.]

Of the various Jewish folks I've known, they're just like us.
They have same number of eyes, fingers, and teeth as anybody else.

Now one guy I knew did take offense if you teased him about his premature baldness.
I figure if you don't offer them a ham sandwich,
or insist her family's ancestors killed Jesus--you'll be good with them.

[dverna]

Yes PP, he has already converted.

I was a bit disturbed when he called me yesterday to wish me a Merry Christmas and said he had to because he is not allowed to use his phone today. Seemed weird, but it looks like some Jews have differing opinions on what behavior is acceptable on their sabbath.

Even more confused today as he and his fiancé are celebrating Christmas at my ex’s place. I thought Jews did not celebrate Christmas or accept Jesus as the son of God.

But I am grateful my son has accepted God. I never thought that would happen.

[country gent]

Like most get together be polite courteous and friendly, Speak from the heart honestly. There is a good chance if your try to "conform" that some will think you are not sincere and be offended.

[JimB..]

There are Jews that accept that Jesus is the son of God. I met a group of them at The Donut Shop in Destin FL about 10 years ago. I don’t remember how that came to pass.

My brother married a jewish girl. I do not remember anyone other than the rabbi speaking at the ceremony, there were the usual toasts at the reception.

I suggest that you accept that your son is extending an olive branch. Maybe he just decided it’s time, maybe it’s pressure from his fiancé or her family, doesn’t really matter why. You have to decide what to do with the opportunity.

[ddixie884]

I wish you much success in your endeavor but have no knowledge to share.

[dverna]

Like most get together be polite courteous and friendly, Speak from the heart honestly. There is a good chance if your try to "conform" that some will think you are not sincere and be offended.

Not looking to conform, but do not wish to offend. I was told by someone I may be encouraged to wear a skull cap, and that is not happening. I can respect their faith without compromising mine.

Frankly, I am concerned that my son converted in order to marry this lady. To me, that is the wrong reason. The Catholic Church is no better in that regard. If the Jewish faith aligns with his beliefs about God, I support him completely. Christianity works for me, but not for most of the world. In the end, I believe God has a big house and He will judge us fairly.

BTW, thank you all for your counsel and thoughts.

[JSnover]

Yeah, don't bother with the skull cap.
I dated two Jewish women in this country and spent some time in Israel. They understand we don't know many of their customs and traditions but as long as you're decent you'll be fine.

[JimB..]

None of my family was asked to wear a kippah, but the service was at a country club rather than at their synagogue. If the service is at their synagogue you will more likely be asked to wear one.

Wearing one in no way compromises your christian faith, nor is it actually a part of their faith, it is simply one of their traditions. It is to remind them that God is above them, that is all. In the Roman Catholic tradition I believe that many bishops and cardinals wear them in their daily lives. You take your hat off to pray or for the pledge of allegiance, their tradition is just different. If you are uncomfortable about it, speak to your pastor.

The mechanics of wearing one are not complicated, search the internet and worst case a little 2-sided tape. Her family will know that you are unfamiliar with their traditions, asking them and your son in advance about how you can respect their traditions and beliefs during the event might go a long way towards bringing your son closer to you.

As for him converting, it is clear that he is grown so there is little you can do about it, but it would be unusual. The conversion takes a lot of time and significant commitment, I don’t think the Jews care about the size of their community. My brother did not convert. His wife’s sister’s husband also did not convert. Again, maybe you can ask your son about this, and if you do, accept whatever decision he made.

By the way, there are a lot of non-practicing Jews. Ask your son how religious they are in their daily lives before making any assumptions.

[JonB_in_Glencoe]

Here is my 2¢

I agree with country gent, basically just be yourself. Speak from the heart.
You said you have no intention to offend, so if that ends up happening, you can always apologize.

[MostlyLeverGuns]

The Winter Solstice and lengthening of days has been celebrated long before Jews and Christians. Christmas is just another name for a very, very old celebration. As previously said, HEART FELT Good Wishes for Happiness are all that is needed.

[Bmi48219]

By the way, there are a lot of non-practicing Jews. Ask your son how religious they are in their daily lives before making any assumptions.

Years ago I was involved with a Jewish girl. From recollection there were three distinct levels of religious participation. The Orthodox were deeply involved in a synagogue oriented lifestyle and strictly adhered to all traditions. The Semi-Orthodox (not sure this is the correct term) observed their holidays and occasionally attended synagogue. And then there were those that attended synagogue services once a year and observed both their own and Christian holidays.
Your son not using a phone on certain holidays would indicate your daughter-in-law’s family leans more toward the Orthodox practitioners.
Whatever name we give Him, God is God.
Good people are good, regardless of where they worship. I’m sure her family will clue you in on protocol. I doubt you’ll be asked to speak, maybe propose a toast at most. Celebrate their Union and all will be well.

[Char-Gar]

Over the years, I have been asked to preside over four or five Jewish funerals and memorial services. There is a back story to each one, but that is not important here. Other than omitting direct Christian content, I have done what I usually do at such events. I never had any kind of problems and my service was always received warmly and with gratitude.

As other said, just be yourself and there will be no problem. Jews are just human beings like all others in most regards. They live in a non-Jewish world and are not easy to offend. They accept some cultural differences as just a part of life. They will not expect you to be what you are not.

[dverna]

I knew I would get good advice from many of your folks, and you have exceeded my expectations!!!

JimB, and Char-Gar, thank you for sharing your personal experiences.

[Hickok]

Jewish folks are some of the most family-oriented people you will ever meet. Congratulations on your new daughter in law!