I can't sleep

[0verkill]

I have trouble sleeping. Always have. My sugar gets high, it get's worse. Bad discs, when my back hurts, I cant sleep. Of the summer it get's hot, my sleep gets worse.

Got a call from someone the other night oddly asking about parts and moulds. I'd just bought a box lot the other day and figured the gunshop gave someone my number asking for some of the parts they'd seen. Turns out I was being scouted. I list off the parts I got that I'm still sorting through and this guy starts laughing. Says I better watch out at night and threatening to come steal some Ruger parts I had. It was George (yeah, that George)!

Didn't sleep for three days waiting on him. Then I came up with a plan. Went on the PIF and gave them away. Didn't have time to do proper research to make sure of what I had to sell them, but figured if I gave them away it would remove all incentive for him to come by, never know what else he might pick up that ain't nailed down.
I got greedy, had some parts labeled "Ruger Mark II", figured I'd sell those,make some of my money back. Don't know how, but somehow George knew I'd squirreled a couple parts back and didn't give all of them away, or maybe he smelled that gourmet coffee.

We all had to be gone a little while the other day, and I swear I could smell that coffee coming back up the mountain. I don't drink coffee much, not supposed to have caffeine. After the doctors told me no caffeine, I crave it every few months though and I found some this last time that was real good, too bad I don't have it anymore.

Anyway, I'd forgot about George's threat and we were all gone the other day. Come back and my cats are acting weird and I notice a USPS box by the back door. That's odd, cause the mail don't run up here, have to have a post office box. It may have been coffee I smelled coming back up the mountain, judging by the grounds, somebody must have made 3 pots while we were gone. Probably trying to sober up enough from the last house to look for more booze here. I've heard he imbibes with a vengeance, and the kitchen was tore apart like he was looking for something.

I knew now it was George because I'd went to where I had the parts stashed and they were gone! He must have still needed to do some sobering up cause the only coffee I had left was the grounds in the pot, not my coffee too! He must have wasted a lot of time looking for hooch since couldn't have been gone long.

As much coffee as he drank he wouldn't have been hard to track, just look for all the trees he's marked unless he's got way better kidneys than me. Couldn't give chase because I'd stopped to pick up the box and it was full of round balls. Got my back aggravated and had to lay down.


One last thing, who uses a kitten as a lookout? Aside from the roundballs he'd dropped to distract me there was also a kitten started meowing like crazy, loud little booger. After hurting my back, laying in the yard, cursing George I hear something over in the weeds. Out comes this scrawny little orange kitten. Crawls up on my belly and starts purring. I reach to pet it and I can feel his little spine he's so skinny. I grunt through the pain and manage to get to my feet and stagger in the house. At least George didn't take all my cream for his coffee. Then it hits me, nobody uses a kitten for a lookout, this was all to slow me down so I didn't give chase. Well it worked, I fed the kitten rather than look for George.

Still don't know how he knew I still had some parts hid back and where to find them, or how he knew I had bulged and herniated discs and can't resist lead (well, maybe that part was easy). The way I figure he had to have inside help, and I think I may know who. When my nephew is over he has two guards to help keep monsters out of the house, MonkMonk and Cookie Monster. I've known Cookie Monster for years and although he denies helping George, I know he'd sell his soul for chocolate chunk and his eyes bug out whenever I bring it up. Come to think of it, there were an awful lot of banana peels laying around and I don't really know this MonkMonk that well. Not to sound racist, but I don't trust green monkeys either.

So be careful, GeorgeOneDollarBill is wily. Not only smart, but he does his research and knew exactly when to get me, what to get, where it was and how to stop my pursuit. Maybe now I can sleep though.

[MrWolf]

Hehe nice. Off topic slightly, spend a night sleeping on the floor. Put at least three+ folded blankets under you for cushioning. Try it. I have to sleep on the floor two+ nights a week. Luckily my gf has a bad back also and understands. She hates laying on the floor as it doesn't help her. Good luck.
Ron

[BJK]

Humorous story, but what isn't humorous is the lack of sleep.

Have you tried melatonin? As we age our body reduces the manufacture of it and it's what helps us sleep. I'd suggest one of the Rx medications but my Dr had me on them until he got info that showed they really didn't result in what we need from sleep. But melatonin works for me. They come in 3 or 5 mg doses, and 5 works fine for me most nights, but it can be doubled up if need be.

[Czech_too]

For the lack of sleep I'd suggest having a banana, or two, in the evening. Sounds kinda 'contrary' to when a person would normally eat a banana but I've read that they contain melatonin.

As to George, well it's a little to late to prevent his pilfering.

Good read by the way, I enjoyed it.

[Conditor22]

I think George must be an electronics wizard and a little psychic.