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Thread: Jokes needed

  1. #1
    Boolit Buddy
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    near Horicon Marsh in southern Wi
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    Jokes needed

    My grandson is in the St. Louis hospital (Shriners) having a "halo" attached to his head. He will be there for one month and will then have surgery to fuse his spine.
    I send cards weekly and would like to include a few jokes from grandpa.
    Something like the following: How much does it cost for a pirate to have his ears pierced? A buccaneer
    Thanks for any help!!

  2. #2
    Boolit Buddy
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    What did the snail say on the back of a turtle? "Weeee!"

  3. #3
    Boolit Master KYCaster's Avatar
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    If you're attacked by a gang of clowns....
    Go for the juggler!

    Jerry
    Buzzard's luck!! Can't kill nothin', nothin'll die!!

  4. #4
    Boolit Master



    Dieselhorses's Avatar
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    (This was actually Pat Sajak's "Dad joke so credit goes to him) but what do you get when a bus load of inmates collides with a cement truck?

    "Hardened criminals"
    The unexamined life is not worth living....Socrates
    Pain, is just weakness leaving the body....USMC
    Fast is fine, but accuracy is FINAL!....Wyatt Earp

  5. #5
    Boolit Master

    Rcmaveric's Avatar
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    What did the alien say when he landed in the garden?

    Take me to your weeder.

    Sent from my SM-N970U using Tapatalk
    "Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far."
    ~Theodore Roosevelt~

  6. #6
    Boolit Buddy
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    How can you tell boy ants from girl ants?

    Drop them in a cup of water. If they sink, they're girl ants. If they float, they're buoyant.

    Sent from my Pixel 3a using Tapatalk

  7. #7
    Boolit Master


    Ickisrulz's Avatar
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    I named my son after my father.

    My son's name is Dad.

  8. #8
    Boolit Buddy
    Buzz Krumhunger's Avatar
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    What’s brown and sticky?

    A stick.

  9. #9
    Boolit Master
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    Do you know the difference between a Zippo and a hippo?

    One is really heavy, the other is just a little lighter.

    Sent from my Pixel 5 using Tapatalk

  10. #10
    Boolit Buddy Stewbaby's Avatar
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    Iíd tell the one about the peanut butter but I donít want to spread it

  11. #11
    AKA: GRMPS Conditor22's Avatar
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    sorry to hear about your grandson.
    It would help if we know what age he was and a little more about him.

    what time is it when an elephant sits on a fence ---- time to get a new fence.

    what goes up the chimney down but not down the chimney up --- an umbrella

  12. #12
    Boolit Master
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    Don't take it the wrong way. Have fun with the halo to desensitize any self consciousness. Get him a Herman Munster mask and a dvd of the show and he can impersonate Herman.

  13. #13
    Where does a 300 pound canary sit?

    Anywhere he wants to.


    What does a 300 pound parrot say?

    Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty.


    How can you tell if there is an elephant in the bathtub with you?

    You can smell the peanuts on his breath.

  14. #14
    Boolit Master
    dagger dog's Avatar
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    What do you call a guy that's laying in front of your door ? Matt
    "NUTS" A. Clement McAullife

  15. #15
    Boolit Master


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    What do you call a sea gull flying over the bay? A bagle.
    Micah 6:8
    He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?

    "I don't have hobbies - I'm developing a robust post-apocalyptic skill set"
    I may be discharged and retired but I'm sure I did not renounce the oath that I solemnly swore!

  16. #16
    Boolit Buddy beezapilot's Avatar
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    Three old guys walked into a bar, don't you think the last one would have ducked?
    The essence of education is self reliance- T.H. White.

    Currently seeking wood carving tools, wood planes, froes, scorps, spokeshaves... etc....

  17. #17
    Boolit Master Half Dog's Avatar
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    If you have Facebook I post dad jokes that you are welcome to share. Just let me know but for now:

    Today I learned that if you flip a canoe over you can wear it like a hat. Because it is cap-sized.

    Ha, get it? Cap-sized
    The sooner I fall behind...the more time I have to catch up with

  18. #18
    Boolit Buddy Dunross's Avatar
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    My son said he didn't understand cloning. I said "that makes two of us."
    Chance favors the prepared mind.

  19. #19
    Boolit Buddy


    foesgth's Avatar
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    What did the fish say when he hit the cement wall?


    Dam
    Nothing gets rid of tension like shooting your old computer with a 10 gauge.

  20. #20
    Boolit Bub QuackAttack24's Avatar
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    Q:What's blue and doesn't weigh much?

    A:Light blue

    Did you hear about the employee at the furniture factory that fell into the re-upholstering machine last week?

    Now he's fully recovered.
    What could possibly go wrong?

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Abbreviations used in Reloading

BP Bronze Point IMR Improved Military Rifle PTD Pointed
BR Bench Rest M Magnum RN Round Nose
BT Boat Tail PL Power-Lokt SP Soft Point
C Compressed Charge PR Primer SPCL Soft Point "Core-Lokt"
HP Hollow Point PSPCL Pointed Soft Point "Core Lokt" C.O.L. Cartridge Overall Length
PSP Pointed Soft Point Spz Spitzer Point SBT Spitzer Boat Tail
LRN Lead Round Nose LWC Lead Wad Cutter LSWC Lead Semi Wad Cutter
GC Gas Check