When your BF tells you she wants a divorse...

[MrWolf]

Wife decided after almost 25 years that since I am not going to be able to work much longer that instead of pitching in and working full time to help she would rather take half of everything and work full time for herself. Told me back at the end of February and we just told the kids this afternoon. Luckily (I guess) they are 23 and 21 with the 21 with a year left of college and the 23 lives in Philly. We agreed to stay together until he graduates next year and we sell the house. Figured I told my kids might as well tell my other family. Not much more to say. It sucks big time. Thanks for listening.

Ron

[8mmFan]

Mr. Wolf... I'm sorry to hear that. Went through that once before, myself. In my case, it woke me up to a LOT of things that I'd been putting up with and hadn't even realized it. As soon as it happened I told myself I would look at it as a learning experience, and see what a solitary life might lead to. To make a long story short, life ended up being happier than I thought possible. Was it easy at first? No. Did I have a lot of "lonely" times? Yes. Eventually, that became less and less, and the good meditative times more and more. About two years later life was the best I'd ever known. Work out. Sleep. Cook healthy food. Get out of the house as much as possible. Force yourself into conversations with anyone and everyone. Make an awesome life out of however few or many years you have left. Life in this country is a supreme gift. And it's short. 8mmFan

[doc1876]

I was married for 26 years. divorce was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. What 8mm said is very true.

[Superfly]

One word LAWYER NOW protect your self your BF will BECOME your WORST ENEMY. And Sorry to hear this news Sucks anyway you look at it.

[jcren]

Twice divorced, both times I was head over heals and they cheated on me. Took some time "off", just me and my daughter ,and when I stopped looking, Mrs right fell into my lap. The past is history, today is tough, but tomorrow is magic.

What superfly said is true, the person that you loved and who loved you will become so focused on those "cute little quirks" as to brew hatred. Try to remember you once loves this woman and keep it civil.

[shoot-n-lead]

MrWolf, I am very sorry to hear this. I know that it has to be tough to have this happen. I will add you to my prayer list and would like to encourage you to take the excellent advise and example offered by 8mmFan.

[Artful]

Now is the time for thoughtful consideration of what's your priorities - what do you want that you don't have that you are now going to be free to do? Do you want to go to shoots that are not local, do you want to visit places you have never been, do you want to change something about your life.

Remember - we have two words for not being with anyone - Alone and Solitude - only you get to decide which it is going to be. And I have a feeling you'll do just fine.

[crowbuster]

Boy I'll tell ya. Great bunch of guys hear with great advice, all true in my case. 18yrs ago I meet my 2nd, current, and last wife after 1st wife cheated, left me and took our two small boys, wow, that was rough. 100 times better off. Sorry to hear she threw ya to the wolves but some people do funny things when the chips are down. keep your chin up. You will be fine. And thank all you guys for giving good advice to a fella that needs it right now.

[bhn22]

By all means, do get a really good attorney, it'll be more than worth it. Don't just lie down and give her everything, and more. You're about to get a great gift, the kids will be on their own, and you can focus on yourself, and what you really want. Start making the list of things you want to do, and where you want to do them.

[Superfly]

Start stashing all the cash you can now. Also anything you really want to keep Sell it to a friend for a reasonable dollar amount and log it and keep the cash hid.

No Divorce Will ever be pleasant in the end or civil in the end PROTECT YOURSELF.

[NavyVet1959]

The only ones who win when you get lawyers involved are the lawyers themselves. If at all possible, keep the separation as civil as possible. I've known couples who divorce and end up being best of friends afterwards. That is definitely the exception to the rule though. Ending a marriage does not have to be an adversarial relationship, but it often ends up that way. Just accept the fact that she doesn't want to be with you anymore. If she has found someone else, tell her that you can understand that you have been involved with your career (or whatever) too were "not there for her" as much as you probably should have been, but you are happy for her. Say this even if you inwardly just want to "do an OJ on her". Yeah, I know... This is likely to stick in your craw, but it's cheaper in the long run than getting lawyers involved and your kids might even realize what a money-grubbing skank their mother turned out to be.

"The reason most men are stupid enough to get married twice is that they were stupid enough to get married the FIRST time."

"Half of all marriages end in divorce. The other half end in death. You don't get to (legally) choose which of you die though.

[MrWolf]

Thanks guys, appreciate the advise and prayers. As of now we are trying to come up with a settlement as she knows whatever we pay attorneys reduces what she gets by half. When we told the kids I mentioned what we were trying to do with an agreement and it being amicable. Sticking point is she wants a portion of my disability pension which bugs the hell out of me as she is not sharing in the pain. Cross your fingers.

[Houndog]

MR Wolf,
First let me say I'm NOT a Lawyer but you meed to see one ASAP! The Wife and I almost split after I recieved disability for an OJI and one of the first things he told me was disability benefits are not part of a divorce settlement! Even if you are trying to do a settlement without lawyers a paid consultation could be in your best interest.

[DCP]

Thanks guys, appreciate the advise and prayers. As of now we are trying to come up with a settlement as she knows whatever we pay attorneys reduces what she gets by half. When we told the kids I mentioned what we were trying to do with an agreement and it being amicable. Sticking point is she wants a portion of my disability pension which bugs the hell out of me as she is not sharing in the pain. Cross your fingers.

She may be entitled to up to half but you will be entitle to about half her pension. Good luck

[osteodoc08]

Sorry to hear of this. I've been through divorce and it's not fun. Id of rather burned all of our stuff to the ground than to let her walk away with over half. It's more than property but also savings, retirement, etc. All your hard earned savings flushed for someone's selfish behavior and lack of judgement. We're here if you need us. Praying for you and family.

[Wayne Smith]

One thing to consider - she has now twice proven that she is selfish, completely so. Take the advise of others and get a lawyer. Divorce laws are different by state, you need one that knows your state laws. You have no minor children, that should help. Your disability should be untouchable, but you need to know your state laws to confirm that. Even if you do nothing but get an education, it is worth paying the lawyer for that.

And she is NOT your best friend, she is now her own best friend. Don't forget that.

[SteveS]

MrWolf, you need a lawyer. Divorce is a legal proceeding against you. You need proper legal advice and the help of someone who keeps your best interest in mind.

It's a difficult situation but once it's over I'm sure you will enjoy your new found freedom.

Take care of yourself.

[Lloyd Smale]

like was said put away your feelings that are clouding your mind and get a lawyer and get whats yours.

[Handloader109]

like was said put away your feelings that are clouding your mind and get a lawyer and get whats yours.

I'll say it a bit different way, Keep what is yours!!!!

Never divorced, close one time 20 yrs ago, but get a lawyer, yes, you both lose some doing that, but long term, it i s worth the money spent. BTW, Each their Own lawyer.

[bob208]

as others have said bleed off as much of your stuff as you can you have a year. I got married at 24 divorced 3 years later. found a keeper at 50. the in between was filled with racing, motorcycles and shooting.