What would Jesus do?

[DLCTEX]

That is the question my wife asked ourselves this morning as we prepared for church. We were discussing a woman we knew who had asked for money again and we were concerned we may be aiding her continuing bad behavior. We had arranged for her to get groceries through our church and the Food Bank, but were wrestling with giving cash. The Sermon at church was Irrational Giving, giving the way God gave to us when we were yet sinners. Upon entering the church, each adult was given a numbered ticket. At the end of the sermon five numbers were drawn and the pastor asked that the recipients pray about giving it ti someone in need that we knew. We immediately said if we win, we know where to give it. My wife's number was the first to be drawn. We drove to her town and delivered the money with the story of where it came from and that it was God's provision for her. I usually can find excuses not to give, but the Lord usually talks me into doing it his way. Luke 6:30-38

[Wayne Smith]

Ask, and it shall be given, seek and ye shall find. (or the other way around - memory, you know) God answers prayer and gives us beyond what we seek.

[AlaskanGuy]

Yea I hear ya on this one....

I am having a similar problem at my house...

2 Years ago, My wifes son, then 25 years old, was kinda in trouble, and heading down the wrong road and needed help.. So my wife wanted to bring here to our little town and HELP him get himself together, and get established here... well, that was 2 years ago... he is Now 27. Still lives in our home, does almost next to nothing to support himself, shows no interest in getting a job, has his mother, my wife, to cook him his meals, and such. When he does do anything in the kitchen, he just leaves his mess for somebody else to clean up like a 12 year old... He sleeps 1/2 the day, and then gets online when he gets up.. I also use the internet, and dont want to remove it. He just wont do anything to help himself.. he comes to church only when the wife pushes him to. I tell ya, I am becomming bitter about this.. I have been praying and praying for the lord to intervene in this situation. I am praying for him to help my wife realize that in doing these things for him, she is actually hurting him. On top of this, he has pretty much decided that he should have been born a woman, and has been ordering female items and such as well... I just dont know what to do about this... My wife WONT allow me to remove him as he has "no place to go", and it is very cold here.. there are no shelters here and such... I have been praying about it, and my heart continues to bring me to the same place, that he needs to go. This has created a huge wedge between me and the wife. I have talked to him.. and talked to him... and he does nothing still... almost 0 contribution to the family, and I just dont want the hole gender issue thing in my home. I have had it... So I keep asking, what would Jesus do... My heart keeps comming back to the same thing.... If it does happen, and I am able to remove him while maintaining my marrige, and something happens to him due to his "at risk" behavior", This will create an even Bigger wedge and bitterness/Blame/Guilt....

I have never been faced with something like this before.. I have tried to just give it to the lord and do nothing but leave it in his hands... that was a year ago. it has been over 2 years now... I am angry about it now.. my mind keeps going back to it... He still sits there, making No moves towards working, or caring for himself, or supporting himself in anyway. I am Pissed. and tired about being angry about it...

What would Jesus Do???

AG

[aspangler]

The Bible says if a man won't work, neither should he eat. Sho the wife what it says and how you feel. It sounds to me as if it can't get much worse. Also a talk with the pastor for you and you wife is definitely in order.

[AlaskanGuy]

2 Thessalonians 3:10 (NKJV)
"For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat."

Did the pastor route already, months ago.... He and I are of the same mind.... And she agreed in principal to what was discussed... But nothing has changed.... I gotta tell you though, my wife, AlaskanGurl, is one awesome woman. I just love her to death... Loving, careing, works hard, beautiful, grounded in the lord, teaches sunday school, reloads, cleans fish, loves guns. Wonderful lover and friend...... It is just this one thing... But boy is it a doozy....

Sheesh, listen to me ramble about this.. I am sorry for the Hijack... And the dump session.

AG

[6bg6ga]

Reloads? She is a keeper then

[DLCTEX]

Lord, we ask you to bring peace and resolution to our brother, Alaskan Guy.

[Char-Gar]

The question was "What would Jesus do?". Jesus sought the highest and best good of every person. He also said we should be as harmless and doves and as wise as serpents. Lacking the clear vision of Jesus, we frequently find ourselves wanting to do good, but not knowing if the good we do is indeed in the highest and best interest of the person.

When are find ourselves in such a dilemma, the best thing to do is err on the side of charity and that was the decision you made.

Don't count on the Pastor to save you from making such a decision again, as it is no likely to fall the same way again. File this away in your "lessons learned" file for future reference when you will have to make a decision on your own hook.

[6bg6ga]

Amen brother

[Junior1942]

Alaskaguy, you're walking a dangerous road. Your key words are: wife's son.

Feed him; clothe him; don't complain about it. Do not give him one penny. Password protect your computer, and don't give him the password. If he wants to stay up all night on the Internet, let him buy his own computer and Internet connection. To do that he'll have to get a job. To hold a job he can't stay up all night. You've got a tough row to hoe!

[Char-Gar]

Alaska guy, you are in a tough spot. Here are just a couple of thoughts having seen this work out before.

1. A mother's love can have no rational basis to it. If you put her in a position to choose between you or him, she most likely will choose her son, worthless though he may be.

2. My wife had a son who was deep into drugs and gave her problem after problem for years. He ended up homeless and supporting himself in NYC as a male prostitute. He called her and ask to come home..again. She took a deep breath and said no, not until he got his act together. It was the hardest thing she ever had to do and she did it knowing full well she might loose him forever.

Her "no" shook him so bad, he took a long look at himself and over the next couple of years got his life back together. He did move back on his own and lead a good and productive live just a few blocks from our home. She had a wonderful 11 years with him in her life again before cancer took him two years ago at age 46.

It could have gone the other way. But if you love somebody and do the right thing, you take a very big chance it will not come out well. You have to be able to live with that possibility.

3. I would not want to be in your shoes. At this time, the best you can do is work on your own head and heart and keep this from causing a rift between you and your wife that can't be repaired.

4. I hold my wife in deepest respect for her strength of character and will.

[AlaskanGuy]

Thanks guys, for the wisdom... And the prayer.

The entire chapter 2 Thessalonians 3 deals with this subject... And deals with it well. It is easy to recognize what is right, and much harder to stand on the truth. But a stand on the truth is what is required.

AG

[jmort]

Most people do not treat their step-children the same way they would treat their own children. Human nature. I would be burned-up if I were you as no one wants to support a lay-about. 1/4 of all adults his age are living at home due to our screwed-up economy/nation. I raised two step-children and my rule was to let my wife deal with all discipline/decisions and only forced issues when it directly affected me. When you married her, you married into her family as well. When it warms up, offer him a one way ticket to Texas or get him to join the army.

[Charlie Two Tracks]

I pray Father that you would give AG the knowledge and strength to have your will done in his family. Grant him your peace in knowing that he is doing what he is supposed to be doing and the Christian leader of his family. I ask you to grant them all your peace. In Jesus name Amen.

[s mac]

I can't really offer any advice,but I too pray for you,that it won't create a wedge between you and your wife.

[Woodri]

Good Evening... First time post from Connectcut. I am an avid shooter/reloader and 2nd amendment supporter. I am also the pastor of a Baptist church... I just taught on this very subject this morning to our adult Sunday School class. Be glad to share it if you are interested.

I appreciate all those who share their firearms wisdom..

[AlaskanGuy]

Welcome Woodri to the cast boolit forum...

I would welcome some of your input as a pastor of the word..... It would be nice to get some more pastoral input around here with all these grumpy old heathens around here..... and you can learn a lot of stuff around here as well...

Bless you sir for your service to the flock...

AG

[missionary5155]

Good morning
For the OP.. Our Lord clearly taught we need to be lead by the Holy Spirit. Some times it does not make sense but it will still be a Biblical action. Being lead by the Holy Spirit is the greatest encouragement I know of to maintain the best personal fellowship with Christ I can following His Truth. I am not perfect in this but I sure want to be accomplishing God's will through the Holy Spirit. I always like John 4 where it states The Lord Jesus must needs go to Samaria.. well out of the normal path but to accomplish a wonderful task being lead by the same Holy Spirit.
I will pray God uses that action to accomplish His desires.

AlaskanGuy Communications is essential in all relationships. If you have not communicated how you feel to your wife about her deadbeat son it is time. I would also tell her you plan to communicate in her presence how you feel to that leech who is slowly destroying the good you and your wife have. I would definately have His Book in my hand and read the indicated verses about lazy men not eating. I would remind them that His Book is our guide to faith and practice. The issue then is no longer how you feel but "Thus saith the Lord". Joshua had it right (24:15) when he said ..."But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord". That needs to be the basis for all our choices and future decisions. God's way or no way... (some say God's way or the highway).
Mike in Peru

[square butte]

AG - You and family are in my prayers. My wife and I struggled with a similar issue for decades regarding my Mother and her support of my brother. Her support encouraged dependence. I wish I had come to prayer sooner about this. I truly do feel that in these kind of situations where no good solution seems evident - prayer is our best vehicle. And it's good to remember that we are all agents of God's work here on earth. Sometimes to us - it seems the person who has done something bad to us in the natural - Has done God's work in our lives. In that the result is one that moves us ahead in our relationship with God and his son Jesus.

[Woodri]

Missionary5155. Good counsel