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Thread: My Father Has Gone Home

  1. #1
    Boolit Master omgb's Avatar
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    My Father Has Gone Home

    Guys and gals, my father passed rather suddenly Wednesday. I wrote this for the folks at my school in part to explain why I wouldn't be there today and in part so they would know what my father meant to me. In this day, lots of people have crappy relationships with their folks. Respect seems to be the missing link. I'm 51 and still said "yes sir" and " no sir" to my dad. Not because I was afraid of him, quite the contrary, it was because I respected him, both as a man and a father. Any way, here is the account of his passing.

    To my friends:
    My father died very peacefully, holding my hand, surrounded by my sister Paula, my mother and his grandson Jared (my sister Carla's oldest) Jared's dad died when he was very young so my father was as much a father to him as he was to me.


    My dad was diagnosed with colon cancer at the start of summer school this year. Later, it was discovered that he had two different types of cancer at two different locations in his intestines. He had begun radiation and chemo three weeks ago but suffered a set back last week when his small intestine twisted shut. He was rushed to PSJ (Providence St. Joseph Medical Center)Thursday and was operated on Saturday AM. He was off the ventilator Monday and we had a very long talk. Unfortunately, he had to be placed back on the ventilator Tues afternoon. It was also then that the labs came back positive for a new (to him) and highly aggressive type of stomach cancer. This was deemed inoperable and was already occluding his upper GI. Sepsis had set in last week and was now affecting his kidneys to the point that between Monday and Wednesday he went into renal failure. My sisters, my mother and I agreed that we would move toward what the hospital calls "comfort care" after lunch yesterday. This meant that he would be taken off the drugs that had been artificially boosting his blood pressure. In addition, he would be placed on a morphine drip and disconnected from the ventilator. This was all done by 2:15 yesterday. Over the course of the next few minutes, dad was in and out of wakefulness. He could see us and recognize us but he could not speak. As his blood oxygen decreased he gradually drifted off and his breathing became slower and shallower. By 3:00 PM he was gone.



    Earlier in the AM I had read to him the 8th chapter of Romans and he had been awake off and on throughout the reading. At one point he squeezed my hand and looked at me. His only sibling, his sister, had called and we put the phone up to his ear. I'm not sure whether or not he heard her. My sister Paula, who is also an RN in that ICU, says he could so I'm taking her word for it. Any way, all of us had gotten a chance to say good by between Monday and Wednesday. From my conversations with him on Monday I know that he was ready to go. He was asking me alot about his father's faith (much of Dad's memory was erased 5 years ago during that bout with encephalitis) and I think he was looking forward to seeing him again. In any case, this was a good death for a good man. I can only hope that God will let me go in a similar way.



    The people at St. Joseph's were outstanding. His nursing care was simply perfect. In the end, I was given as much time as I needed just to sit with him and reflect. I couldn't have asked for more.





    For the record, My dad was born on March 4th 1931 in Culver City . He served in the USAF during the Korean War and after his discharge, attended Glendale Community College and Cal State LA where he majored in engineering. He used this degree to start a life-long career in the computer industry where he worked for Disney, Adventist Medical Systems, Hughs Acft and Technicolor. He was married to my mom in June of 1955. I was born in May of 1956, my sister Carla came along in December of 1957, my sister Aleece in Sep of 59 and my sister Paula in July of 1967. We all have given him grandchildren, 11 in total. In addition, he has one great grandson who was born to my daughter in May of 2006.

    He was a life-long member of First Lutheran church and had at various times served as a Deacon, Elder and Board of Education member (FLC has an elementary school).



    Any way, that's the story behind dad. I thought I'd include it so that people could get a better picture of what has happened. As I said earlier, feel free to share it.
    R J Talley
    Teacher/James Madison Fellow

  2. #2
    Boolit Grand Master
    9.3X62AL's Avatar
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    What a succinctly beautiful eulogy. Its contents bespeak love and respect on all levels. He, your family, and you are truly blessed.

    Allen Paine
    I don't paint bullets. I like Black Rifle Coffee. Sacred cows are always fair game. California is to the United States what Syria is to Russia and North Korea is to China/South Korea/Japan--a Hermit Kingdom detached from the real world and led by delusional maniacs, an economic and social basket case sustained by "foreign" aid so as to not lose military bases.

  3. #3
    Boolit Master in Heaven's Range
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    I sure am sorry to hear of this RJ,BUT you KNOW he is just rocking in the arms of the LORD now and couldn't be happier.We will send up kneemail for you and yours.
    JS.

  4. #4
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    I enjoyed reading your post because It shows your love and respect for your father. I am glad he had the chance to hear/be with all of his family in his final moments.

    From my family to yours - our condolences.
    Robert , Cindy, Kylea, Emily and Nikki
    "The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion."
    - Albert Camus -

    > My S&S Feedback Thread <

  5. #5
    Boolit Master

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    may the comforting spirit be with you & your family!!

    GP100man

  6. #6
    Boolit Buddy
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    My condolances as well. Glad you guys had a good relationship.
    John

  7. #7
    Boolit Master

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    hooah....

  8. #8
    Boolit Master crabo's Avatar
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    RJ, I feel your pain and your joy. I had a very similar experience with my dad. I was reading him the book of Hebrews and when I got to Hebrews 11:8, it said, "By Faith Enoch was taken from this life, so that he did not have to experience death: he could not be found, because God had taken him away. For before he was taken, he was commended as one who pleased God."

    When I read this verse, I knew God was going to take my dad, and he died about 20 minutes later. It sounds like your dad was a man who pleased God also. Take comfort in that.

    Crabo
    Last edited by crabo; 08-23-2007 at 08:25 PM. Reason: misspelled

  9. #9
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    My heartfelt condolences, brought tears to my eyes.

  10. #10
    Boolit Master twotoescharlie's Avatar
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    Dad's gone

    my condolences to you and yours. My dad has been gone for almost 20 years but I still miss him and think of him. he was a happy man always had a smile on his face. I am so sorry for your loss.


    TTC
    NRA life member (benefactor)

  11. #11
    Boolit Master
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    I offer my condolances as well. It is good to hear that you had a good relationship with your dad. We will remember you in our prayers.

    beemer

  12. #12
    Boolit Master kodiak1's Avatar
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    omgb you and your fathers families are in my prayers tonight.
    You have a long wonderful memory God Bless.
    Ken.
    Ken.

    Be nice if it was better, but it could be worse

  13. #13
    Boolit Grand Master
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    My Dad would've told you "You're a good man, McGillacutty!"

  14. #14
    Boolit Master Ohio Rusty's Avatar
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    Thanx for sharing RJ, and my heartfelt prayers for you and your family. I prayed that the Lord our Saviour brings to all of your family Peace, Strength and Happiness knowing he is now with Jesus in Heaven ... no more pain, no more sorrow. The loss of a family member is hard, but your Dad is waiting for all of you to join him. Take care friend .... May the Lord bless you and yours in your time of need.
    Ohio Rusty

  15. #15
    Boolit Grand Master

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    Sorry for your loss. My Dad passed in 2002, and I miss him badly. He and I were hunting partners from the time I was 14. I carry some of his ashes in a container in my pocket when I hunt now.
    You cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore

  16. #16
    Boolit Master and Generous Donator
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    RJ:

    If you gotta go (and we all will, sooner or later), that's the way, surrounded by family and only enough medication to let you pass on in some comfort. Beautifully expressed!

    And for the rest of you who are getting along in years, look into filling out a "living will", "durable power of attorney", and/or "advance health care directive", and have someone (spouse, child or good friend you can trust) designated with authority to take you off artificial life support at the point YOU specify in advance. File copies with your physician, local hospital and emergency services. Otherwise, the law (and fear of lawsuits) requires all EMTs', physicians and hospitals to use all means - regardless of expense or lack of prospects for recovery - to keep your carcass nominally "alive" as long as possible (a la Terry Schiavo). Check with your doctor, local Hospice or Senior Center for the necessary paperwork. YOU get to make the choice, while YOU are still in a condition to do so.

    Rant over, but - as you can see - at 76, though still in remarkably good shape, considering, I take this SERIOUSLY, as does my wife, a retired RN specializing in "seniors" care!

    floodgate

  17. #17
    Boolit Master

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    May the Lord grant your family His comfort and welcome your father with open arms.
    God Bless, Whisler

  18. #18
    Moderator Emeritus


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    My deepest sympathy towards all your family. Gianni.
    [The Montana Gianni] Front sight and squeeze

  19. #19
    In Remembrance

    NVcurmudgeon's Avatar
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    The obviously strong family that is part of your father's legacy to you will help you all through this hard time. May God comfort you and yours. Bill and Fran
    Eagles have talons, buzzards don't. The Second Amendment empowers us to be eagles. curmudgeon

  20. #20
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    Bret4207's Avatar
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    Deepest condolences to you and your family. Things like this are never easy. That being said, I envy you. I lost my father in a car accident just as I was getting over the "teenage blockhead" stage. What I would give to be able to say goodbye....

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