So, Im sitting here reading all these threads and came across one that got me thinking. I must say that I have been very lucky the past few years.
I was a single mom of 2, then I met my husband. Now I am a mom of 4. I have been blessed. I gained 2 beautiful boys and didnt have to give birth to them.
Our youngest, My step son (He calls me mom, I am the world in his eyes), Will be comeing home on Friday from a Pediatric Neurodevelopmental Center after 3 1/2 months away.
When he went there he was out of control. He actually stabbed me....Twice. We have had many home visits with him since hes been gone and I cant believe this same beautiful fun loving cuddly little boy is the same child who months ago stabbed me (It wasnt just a minor flesh would either). I am optimistic that the new medicine will keep his Psychosis, BiPolar and Schitzophrenia at bay. If it doesnt though, We have a back up plan and are well prepared. But Ive been praying with all my might that this baby can lead as normal of a life as possible from here on out.
If love fixed things, Hed be good as gold. I may just be the "step monster" (according to my 10 year old step son yesterday when he got in trouble for shooting his other 10 year old brother with a BB gun) but I love those boys with all I have and all I am. They know it too.
I am rather partial when it comes to Nathan though. This child didnt know what "i love you" meant when we first got custody of him, He didnt know how to lay on the couch and just snuggle up, or how to feed himself, or even how to hold someones hand, nor was he able to talk anything more then "baby" words or the grunt and point. It was all foriegn to him. Now, I just cant function right without hearing him say "I love you mommy", I talk to him every night on the phone and those 4 words just melt my heart. Hes been through so much, And I have busted my butt for a year and a half to get him functional, Hes busted his butt to help me help him. And he can finally function. I just pray we dont have any relapses, and that the meds keep the deamons at bay.
I wont ever be able to erase the horror he went through at the hands of his egg donar, But Ive made it my mission to make sure these boys grow up knowing how a mother is supposed to love and protect her children.
I just talked to Nathan on the phone, And he said "I love you mommy, Thank you for helping make the bad freinds go away" (With schitzophrenia, He had "friends" in his head telling him to do VERY bad things). And it just brought tears to my eyes. Ive had such guilt for putting him in the place he is at, And now, I know I did what I needed to do to protect and help my son.
I didnt provide the egg to create this little boy, But I have provided the love he needs to thrive. He is my son. And, Im pretty damn proud to be his mother.
His egg donar just emailed me while I was talking to Nathan, And told me that we are keeping her kids from her and that she wants to see them and we need to bring them to SC so she can see them. But she has 0 custody rights and there is a Order of Protection against her for the kids. She must have done lost her mind if she thinks I will allow her to see them.
Ok, Now I feel like a little crybaby. But venting really helped. Im going to go smelt some lead.