Lies and tales for beekeeper

[starmac]

I'll start off this tall tale thread for Beekeeper. lol

This is two stories about one of my best friends for lots of years.

Joe Essary at the age of thirteen got to carry his own rifle and killed (sort of) his first deer. Joes family had hunted the same country down not too far from winston New Mexico at a place called Sako canyon. The family still hunts there annually and it has grown considerably. This is over a 300 mile drive and his dad had drilled him that if he got a shot, the first thing to do was fill out his tag and tape it to the antler.

One shot dropped the deer and Joe got to it and properly filled out his tag and tape it too the deer. After this the deer got up and left in a hurry, not leaving Joe another shot. lol Joe chased the deer quite a distance over several hills before he heard shots. He ran up to the hunter (unknown) and told him that the deer was his, of course the hunter told him he was mistaken, that he had shot the deer cleanly and it hadn't even appeared injured. Joe kept insisting and so did the other hunter, finally Joe pointed out that he had allready tagged the deer.

At that point with the tag still in place the hunter said, Son if you can tag them on the run you can have him. lol

Joe for many years had a polaroid picture he took, while in line at the willard game check station of a small field dressed, mule complete with steel shoes loaded on an out of state rig. We all got some good laughs out of this one. He may even still have the photo.

Another member here Double Adobe knows several members of the Essary clan, any of which can verify both of these stories as they have been told at many a campfire. lol

[Chihuahua Floyd]

My dad swears that one of the guys from New York City that was stationed at Camp Rucker with him wanted to go hunting on the base.
My dad got a couple of rifles and they went out to a distant part of the base.
Dad sees nothing, hears one shot. Waits a while, goes to where the New Yorker was stationed to find him field dressing a collie dog. Collar and all.
CF

[x101airborne]

I am rich. I am famous. Horses bow down to me when I walk the ranch naked. I look like Gerard Butler in "300". I am so smart, Einstein dedicated a statue to me 37 years before I was born. I know the secret of life. Chuck Norris is my bodyguard so I dont have to hurt the back of my hand except on Chuck Norris. It is my place, I just let Hugh Hefner use it to keep the help straight. I told Donald Trump "You're fired". Internet porn is jealous of my wife. My farts really do smell like roses. I get PAID to oil up the Swedish Bakini Team. When I left Australia the male to female population ratio changed to 15-1. Hogs jump in front of my boolit as a sign of respect. Car jackers shudder at the point of my finger. The Million Man March?.... That was my enterauge!

I dont always drink beer..... Or admit how full of Stuff I am.

Does that qualify for the "Lies" section?


I had to copy this over. I read it sober and it was still funny!

[41 mag fan]

Couple of decades ago, guy in Ohio from the cities went hunting deer for the first time. Police stopped him, asked him what he was doing, he said he was taking his deer back home to the processors.
Deer was strapped to his trunk of his car. Farmer had caled police, had heard shots on his land, and noticed a calf missing.
You guessed it, the deer was black and white.

[Freightman]

I use to deliver freight to the Farmington, Durango area in northern NM and southern Colorado, and on my trip I had to stop at the weigh station both ways. That is also where deer going out of state are cked in at. I was having a cup of coffee when the officer said come out here and see this huge mullie the fellow has, I knew something was wrong as he was about to crack up. I went out and there strapped to a trailer was the biggest Mule I have seen in a while and tagged, the officer said I should let him go and eat the thing but I have to notify the owner as the mule had a brand. That was in '72 a life time ago.

[bbs70]

I am rich. I am famous. Horses bow down to me when I walk the ranch naked. I look like Gerard Butler in "300". I am so smart, Einstein dedicated a statue to me 37 years before I was born. I know the secret of life. Chuck Norris is my bodyguard so I dont have to hurt the back of my hand except on Chuck Norris. It is my place, I just let Hugh Hefner use it to keep the help straight. I told Donald Trump "You're fired". Internet porn is jealous of my wife. My farts really do smell like roses. I get PAID to oil up the Swedish Bakini Team. When I left Australia the male to female population ratio changed to 15-1. Hogs jump in front of my boolit as a sign of respect. Car jackers shudder at the point of my finger. The Million Man March?.... That was my enterauge!

I dont always drink beer..... Or admit how full of Stuff I am.

Does that qualify for the "Lies" section?


I had to copy this over. I read it sober and it was still funny!

See son, I told you if you paid attention to what I taught you, that you would go far.

[gew98]

Reminds me of this fella I worked with and whom still comes around. Says he was in the Army - tanker that parachuted behind his tank pushed from a C/130 ( hahahahaha ). Same fella did a "survival school" on fort Knox as a tanker and kileld a deer with his knife ( ahahahahha ! ) . Same fella that states he was shot with 9mm & 7,62 in desert storm - but oddly his proud medals contain no campaign ribbon nor Purple heart ( hahahaha ).
Well he came around a couple days ago to shoot his NIB Romanian AK in 223 caliber. He could not it seemed get it to stop jamming as it refused to extract . Seems he NEVER cleaned out the shipping grease film. I took care of that and when he had two last steel cased rounds left he fired one and oddly turned the rifle on it's side and pulled the trigger. The 100 mile an hour flying case went right into his right eye and it dropped him as though he put a bullet in his noggin. Rifle muzzled in the dirt , him in the fetal position with a black eye and me laughing uncontrolably !!.

[Wayne Smith]

My Dad was a farmer in Maine and was not a gun guy. He was leasing fields from his brother 1.25 miles from the house. Deer were getting into his dry beans so he bought a Marlin 336 in 30-30 (I still have it) from his hired man bought a box of shells. He drove over to the barn on his brother's land with the rifle loaded with 7 rounds. Climbed up to the top back of the barn, looked out of the window, and saw three deer eating his beans. He proceeded to fire seven shots at those deer who calmly stood still, missing all seven shots. He climbed back down out of the barn, got into the car, drove home, got the rest of the box, drove back to the barn, climbed back into the barn, and proceeded to fire the balance of the box at those three deer who were still, apparently unconcerned, still there. They survived the onslaught.

The next day he drove the rifle to a gunsmith in Bangor and had a scope put on. Went to the neighborhood junk man and got an old sign about three foot in diameter, on a pole. Set said sign, painted as a target, 70 yards across the field cross the 'street' (US Route 100/11) and proceeded to practice regularly. He and the hired man would routinely take the heads off of woodchucks @ 100 yds with it, and he never missed a deer again.

[felix]

Now, that ain't no sheet! Hafta' get mad to get real, I always did say. ... felix

[x101airborne]

See son, I told you if you paid attention to what I taught you, that you would go far.

BRAAAHHH HHHAAA HHHAAA HHHAA!!!!!! That's just dang funny, right there!

[blademasterii]

"Hope and Change is what this country needs"

[Jeffrey]

I had just gotten a new to me Colt 1911, a box of ammo, and some friends together to go shoot it. We went down to the river so I could see point of impact. "Shoot that cypress knee there, shoot that stump right there". Close targets were boring me. Looking across the river, against the far bank was a patch of lilly pads with a single flower in the middle (75 yards or so away). "I wonder.." says I as I take aim on the flower. Raising the front sight so its base was on top of the rear sight, trigger squeeze begins. My friend, seeing where I am aiming, starts to say "you will never.." as the shot rings out, and the flower disappears.

[MT Gianni]

I"m a Doctor, I'm a Lawyer, I'm a movie star,
I'm an Astronaut, I own this bar..

Extra points if you can name the Group.

[Jammer Six]

The finest pickup line I've ever heard: "I'm a heavily hung billionaire, I have a jet waiting to take us somewhere warm, and I like your hair."

[R.M.]

The Bellamy Brothers.

[runfiverun]

Extra points if you can name the Group.

i don't remember this part of the song....
but you got the answer.

[waksupi]

I have eleven flashlights, and seven brothers. And they all work.

[fatnhappy]

I understand women.

[Jammer Six]

There's one thing every man should know about women.

[Wayne Smith]

Dad and the hired man got to almost having a competition shooting groundhogs. They will mess up a tractor digging their holes in the field, Dad had to replace two front axels on the Farmall 200 to them. The hired man had open access to the house and the rifle.

Dad had leased the home farm for clover and hay for a few years to let the fields rest. We were in the kitchen eating lunch one day when Jim, the hired man, ran in and asked "Getch, where's the rifle?" Dad allowed that it was where it always was, and Jim grabbed it and ran out. We waited, expectantly, for a shot that never came.

A few minutes later Jim came in with the rifle. "Getch," he says, "I'm awful glad you put a scope on this thing! If you hadn't Mr. Beal would have lost a battery. I looked at that groundhog through the scope and saw two little red ears on it!"

We caused Jim to remember that for a couple of years.