Friend

[Tazman1602]

Don't know if I can even type this without bawling like a four year old.

Some friends of ours -- about the only other couple we know who we can get together with who doesn't want to get crankin drunk all the time is in trouble.

The husband blew out a shoulder at work 8 months ago and had shoulder surgery. Didn't take and he had to have complete shoulder reconstruction two months ago, he's had a witch of a time recovering. Their home is in foreclosure because work has been fighting workers comp.

Now this man had a philosophy -- even though he was a good friend and his wife is one of my wifes best friends I didn't agree with it much. This philosophy was "Why the hell should I work my whole life to die at a young age of some strange disease??" I thought that was just stupid.

I haven't had much respect for this philosophy...........until now. Keep in mind even though he *said* this he still worked and was a good provider for his family and was his wifes best friend -- THAT is something I respect highly and hold in VERY high regard.

Last weekend his wife took him into the doc because he was vomiting and was short of breath. She thought he had bronchitis. He has full blown stage 4 Lung Cancer that did NOT originate in his lungs and his lung capacity is down to 50%.

He's going to die. Period. Exit stage left. Finito. His wife is destroyed. My wife and I are about basket cases. The worst part is if someone was threatening his family, I have training to handle that. If someone was beating his wife, I have training to handle that. I got no training for this. Not a damn thing I can do but pray and I ain't real religious. I feel VERY helpless.

SOOOO....what I'm asking is that any of you who may have any lines of communication to any God whatsoever whomever that may be, if you would just ask that our friends wife be given some measure of peace I would really appreciate it.

I won't be able to check back for a day or two, gonna make sure his daughter is fed and the woodstove is taken care of but thank you for your prayers, I will check back in when I can.

The man is 48 years old. I think I'll work less and spend more time with my wife.

Thank you,

Art

[Bret4207]

Be strong for them. Thoughts and prayers headed your way.

[WILCO]

Be strong for them.

This is the time to make it count. Stay strong. Stay focused. Keep moving forward.

Prayers sent.

[BorderBrewer]

"any of you who may have any lines of communication to any God whatsoever"

Tazman,

I like to believe that we all have lines of communication to God. Even the least worthy of us. I am sending my prayers for your friend and for your families. Be strong.

Regards,
BorderBrewer

[45nut]

My prayers for him and his family are on the way also.

[Tazman1602]

Thanks so much guys, didn't think I would be able to make it back here but I just heard from his wife. The hospital is going to send him home to pass with some semblence of dignity and I am very, very grateful for that ----- and for all you prayers.

My wife and I are doing everything we can to take the pressure off of the wife and give her as much time as she can have with him.

Dam started bawling again..............THANK YOU..................

Art

[Dean D.]

I will keep you and your friends in my thoughts and prayers Art. They are lucky to have friends like you and your wife.

[fatnhappy]

The man is 48 years old. I think I'll work less and spend more time with my wife.

Art

Good choice Art. I doubt any man ever uttered these words on his death bed: "I wish I spent more time at work."

I'll pray for your friend.

[square butte]

Prayers for all of you. Sometimes it seems we are put here to help hold others together - and pray for those whom we cant.

[cowboy]

Tazman-
I'm am saddened by your friend's plight, and know you all have a bunch on your plates right now. You all are in my wife's and my prayers. My own limited experience with such matters has left me feeling the importance of humble sincerity.
No shame in bawlin'
Yours in faith,
cowboy

[Tazman1602]

Thanks SOO much to all of you, things are MUCH better today. Buddy is still going to die but last night his wife took him home which makes HER feel much better. Docs think they can give him 3-8 months of quality life before he dies with proper meds IF they can keep him from catching pnumonia or something.

It really doesn't matter, saw him and his wife smile yesterday and they are fixin' to make the most of what time they have left -- I suspect that will be some of the best quality time either one of them have had.

We fed them Kentucky Fried Chicken last night and he did eat a little bit -- in his words "What's KFC gonna do? Make me die a young man?"

What a guy, I almost fell out of the chair laughing and it gave him a smile too.

Thanks for all your prayers and listening to my ramblings, it has really helped ME personally and I ain't the one in trouble, but maybe those prayers have allowed his wife to sleep a little bit better.

Art

[JeffinNZ]

TAZMAN, it's a shame by any standard but at least you can be there to help him make sure things are in order prior to his departure. It sounds a bit clinical but needs must and I know I would want to leave things tidy for mine. Case in point: my friend Michael was tragically killed in the earthquake here recently. He had dropped off the family computer to a store to have it fixed days before. His wife has no idea where though and the CBD is still in lock down.

[MT Gianni]

My heart goes out to them ans well as you. Be there for him, swap stories, don't be afraid to laugh and joke.

[Duckiller]

Art be there for your friend and his wife. They will need your strength even though you will feel weak. Last spring before we came to Mi we lost a cousin and a friend, both to lung cancer. Just being there may not seem like much but I will help them get through the rough times. Jeff and Grace

[Tazman1602]

Thanks you guys, appreciate all the prayers and good wishes. Wife found out yesterday these people were out of wood and had no money for fuel oil so when I got home from work we fired up the saws and splitter and took them down a load of wood so they can at least stay warm -- it's still real cold here and we're supposed to get whacked with a blizzard today.

Been thinking about things, you know like if I was in his position? Fist I know he'd do the same for me. I also have no illusions about myself that even though someone was doing something really nice for me when I couldn't, the thought of someone else taking care of my wife kinda ticks me off. SOOOO, what I'm doing is having wife talk to wife and when he's sleeping from meds we run stuff down they need.

I still feel VERY helpless, mostly because I am, and can only figure out that God let me live after that last surgery so I can do nice things for people who can't (not won't, can't.....) do for themselves. I hope someone does the same for me when the time comes.

Gonna make 'em some homemade chicken soup today.......

I know if all you guys were close every one of you would do what you could, this is a pretty good group of people here.

[Murphy]

Art,

I can't say I've ever walked in your shoes my friend, my you have my admiration. At this time you and your wife are truly doing all you can for the man and his family. And that, means a great deal my friend.

And yes, the knowing your best buddy is passing away and you feel totally helpless about it...I can't start to even comprehend the feelings and emotion's.

My heart and prayers go out for everyone envolved, this truly is a tragic situation. Just do your best to stay strong, lean on God and know we're here when you need a shoulder.

Murphy

[firefly1957]

Not sure how I missed this a week ago, My prayers for your friend and his family.

[DoubleAdobe]

Hey Tazman
I've been through a very similar scenario with a good partner. It IS painful, what I found was that no matter how down he was, or his wife was, or I was, especially, still go by and see him or at least call him and BS about nothing in particular. I found out that people, very good, very well meaning people, even close people start staying away from terminal patients because they don't know what to say. I found out it doesn't matter what you say, or if you say anything at all. What the guy and his wife need is support and love no matter how casual or brief, it makes things so much, well, not easier or better, but manageable, I guess. Best wishes and prayers for you and your friends. Everyone should be so lucky to have a friend like you.

[Tazman1602]

Sorry for your loss. R.I.P.

Thanks Super,

He's still hanging on and functional. He told the docs to forget the mess two weeks ago, they'd told him there was nothing they could do and he decided that what time he had left he was NOT going to spend what little time he had vomiting from the chemo

.............then he told them to give him a good supply of painkillers, Vi ag rah, or sea Alice. He has been an inspiration to me in the face of death. Guy still has a great sense of humor.

Everytime I see the pain in his wifes eyes its all I can do to keep from breaking down right then and there.

I know a lot of guys here have had bad experiences with spouses, I have not. All I can think about some days is he I would feel if it were my wife with the cancer. I treasure just being able to go grocery shopping with her today.

Sorry, didn't mean to get sappy on you guys. Thanks for listening. Its just a really crummy way to watch someone die.

Art

[Tazman1602]

Been a long, long time. He was so tough he never let them put him into a drug induced coma so that he could spend all the time he had left with his wife.

He fought for three days with the tumors in his throat and eventually they strangled him to death yesterday morning.

Rest in peace buddy, God Bless.