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Jokes needed
My grandson is in the St. Louis hospital (Shriners) having a "halo" attached to his head. He will be there for one month and will then have surgery to fuse his spine.
I send cards weekly and would like to include a few jokes from grandpa.
Something like the following: How much does it cost for a pirate to have his ears pierced? A buccaneer
Thanks for any help!!
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What did the snail say on the back of a turtle? "Weeee!"
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If you're attacked by a gang of clowns....
Go for the juggler!
Jerry
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(This was actually Pat Sajak's "Dad joke so credit goes to him) but what do you get when a bus load of inmates collides with a cement truck?
"Hardened criminals" :bigsmyl2:
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What did the alien say when he landed in the garden?
Take me to your weeder.
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How can you tell boy ants from girl ants?
Drop them in a cup of water. If they sink, they're girl ants. If they float, they're buoyant.
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I named my son after my father.
My son's name is Dad.
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What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
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Do you know the difference between a Zippo and a hippo?
One is really heavy, the other is just a little lighter.
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I’d tell the one about the peanut butter but I don’t want to spread it
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sorry to hear about your grandson.
It would help if we know what age he was and a little more about him.
what time is it when an elephant sits on a fence ---- time to get a new fence.
what goes up the chimney down but not down the chimney up --- an umbrella
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Don't take it the wrong way. Have fun with the halo to desensitize any self consciousness. Get him a Herman Munster mask and a dvd of the show and he can impersonate Herman.
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Where does a 300 pound canary sit?
Anywhere he wants to.
What does a 300 pound parrot say?
Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty.
How can you tell if there is an elephant in the bathtub with you?
You can smell the peanuts on his breath.
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What do you call a guy that's laying in front of your door ? Matt
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What do you call a sea gull flying over the bay? A bagle.
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Three old guys walked into a bar, don't you think the last one would have ducked?
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If you have Facebook I post dad jokes that you are welcome to share. Just let me know but for now:
Today I learned that if you flip a canoe over you can wear it like a hat. Because it is cap-sized.
Ha, get it? Cap-sized
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My son said he didn't understand cloning. I said "that makes two of us."
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What did the fish say when he hit the cement wall?
Dam
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Q:What's blue and doesn't weigh much?
A:Light blue
Did you hear about the employee at the furniture factory that fell into the re-upholstering machine last week?
Now he's fully recovered.