I’m reminded how hard it is to forgive
I’ve spent the past week being disappointed and upset with someone for doing me wrong.
I’m mad at myself for letting it happen too, which makes it even worse.
So I’m buying a long list of stuff from a guy. We’re standing in his driveway and the deal is that for the used stuff we’ll agree on what the item would be worth new and then discount it 40% because it’s used, for other stuff we’ll just agree on a price. This was not at all unclear. I’m valuing the stuff, he agrees with each and then writes it down and does the math. You can see where this is going. I was generous with my valuations because he’s just a working guy that’s a little down on his luck trying to get a very small new business started, kinda living at the edge of financial crisis. Maybe he just made a simple math error, but he added all the new retail pricing up and gave me the total which I paid.
Honestly I shouldn’t have even been there, it was a bad pain day for my back and I was both taking medication and was very anxious to get back home. But no excuse, I didn’t do what any idiot would have known to do to protect himself.
Get home with everything, take a nap, wake up and immediately realize that the total didn’t make sense. Went back through and recreated the valuation to identify the error, he’d kept the paper, I didn’t ask for it. Sent him a txt explaining what had happened, silence.
None of that’s really important though, what’s important is that even though the amount of money is not important to me, being upset at him and at myself has been very distracting this week. I get a little less angry every day and I’m writing this in the hope that sharing the story of how my own stupidity opened me up to this will be cathartic. I just hate that he cheated me and that I allowed it to happen, maybe most I hate that I was being generous and got taken advantage of.
Anyway, the whole thing reminds me of how hard it is to truly forgive.
Thanks for allowing me to vent.
Jim