Hangover Scale

[MGySgt]

One Star Hangover

No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you're craving a philly sub and steak fries.

Two Star Hangover

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00am Denny's excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps' shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet coke-yet you haven't peed once.

Four Star Hangover

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambastered you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (for the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five craps you take during the day makes the eyes water of everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover

You have a second heartbeat in your noggin, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping our of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your butt. Death sounds pretty good about right now.

[454PB]

Now that brings back some memories. Any five star that occurs past age 45 or so can be fatal, or make you wish you were dead......

[krag35]

YUP, been there done that, but not no more.

Remember the "open a beer, and leave it on the counter, the warm flat beer will cure a hangover" bit? I don't know what sadistic bastard thought that stupid line up, but I tried it once. At least puke is easy to clean up off of the counter and linolium floor.

I'm glad I got old enough to enjoy fine whiskey and moderation.

krag35

[Frank46]

Gunny, sounds like you spent some quality tile in Olongapo City across from clark air base in the phillipines. Had a #4 hangover and the lighting off watch for our engine room. 4 hours later we were sober but looked like we had been thorugh hell. In fact the cheif came down and after seeing us wondered how the heck we ever got the engine room lit off. Course opening the drains off the boiler steam supply valves helped a lot. Frank

[MGySgt]

Nope - Didn't spend too much time in the Phillipines - Now the Perl of the Orient - Okinawa - that is another story - Sure wish I could rememeber some of those stories! Brain is a little fuzzy with the Typhon bottles of Orion Beer or Sun Torry Wiskey.

Drew

[Bret4207]

I loved Okinawa. Wish I'd gone straight there and stayed rather than going to Cherry Point/Yuma/Cherry Point/Yuma/Cherry Point..

[johniv]

Ahh... Olongapo City, San Miguel beer, Tandaway rum, pain..... Wouldent have missed it for anything. Wouldent do it again.
John

[StarMetal]

While in the Navy we pulled into Kingston Jamiaca. Pretty nice island, never seen the ocean more clear anywhere. Anyways we did our share of partying. They had this beer there called "Red Stripe". Well I'll be doggone, now I see it advertised here in the state on TV. Been a long time since I saw that beer, since I was 19.

I learned right away about getting smashed, getting loaded...getting drunk. Didn't like it, made me feel like crap the next day, proved nothing, and so what if you can drink me under the table. Even being in the Navy this ole boy got loaded very very very few times.

Joe

[omgb]

I would like to officially stand up for the USAF here and say that I've had a four and a class five way up above the arctic circle while defending all of you swabbies and jar heads from dangerous commie invasions. Yes sir, Bud beer, Mad Dog 20-20, Jim Beam, and Jose Cuervo were our constant companions in our war against the evil empire and boredom.

About 20 years ago, i began to get the feeling that drinking hard was getting hard on me. About 5 years ago I finally learned what the Chinese have been saying for a couple of millennia, "first drink, man drinks drink, second drink, drink drinks drink, third drink, drink drinks man".

Now at age 50 I finally know how to carry on without getting carried away. I guess I'm a slow learner :(

BTW, IMHO, Red Stripe beer sucks big time....Jamacans know rum but they don't know beer for squat. The only beer worse was either the crap they served in Thailand or the bear pee the French call beer.:confused:

[StarMetal]

I remember we use to make booze runs in the Navy too. First we'd be in port in Norfolk, Va and they'd take orders. You could order even if you were 18, only rule is when you got back to port it had to be taken off ship. I forget where we picked it up at, I want to say Puerto Rico, but anyways there would be two Navy grey tractor trailers on the pier waiting for us. This was all Bacardi Rums, Ronrico, CC, and Seagram 7. Remember when they were quarts? Well most all that stuff was like $1.69 a quart. That's when I got started on the old Navy drink of Rum and Coke.

I can't believe i made it out of the Navy without being an alcholic, getting tattooed, or smoking...but I did. I drink coffee tho, but did that before enlisting.

omgb,

While you were up in the Artic protection us from the Commies, I was down in the Atlantic saving all our asses from the potentially dangerous and close to a full out nuclear WWIII during the Cuban Missile Crisis. Believe it or not our ship did have an encounter. We were off the Cuban coast and this Cuban patrol boat (kinda like a PT Boat) came out of a river inlet towards us at high speed. Within less then half a minute we had confermation to blow it out of the water from Washington D.C. Cool. First and only time we went to General Quarters for real. When that boat saw the black smoke pouring out of our stacks, the ship turning towards them, and our 5 inch guns trained on them, they beat it back up the river. Oh darn, and I thought we were going to blast them out of the water. I can't believe the command came throught to take them out.

Joe

[Buckshot]

.............AH! Quantanamo Bay. Tied up and still lit off. A couple guys got a big can of pie cherries from the galley and picked up some booze at the package store to chase it with I guess. Then they sat out there in the cactus and had a party. I found that all out later. That night I had the sounding and security watch and when I decended into the after berthing compartment it reeked.

Making my way to the sounding tube I passed one of the celebrants in his rack, afloat in regurgitated pie cherries. Himself still sound asleep, or maybe even dead? Some of the ejecta had splashed off the opposite bulkhead to the deck. That morning at quarters he was a whitish bluish color and I had the strongest urge to mention greasy porkchops, just to see the reaction.

One morning after 2 days of liberty in Recife, Brazil I woke up in my rack with my shoes off and my wallet under my pillow, but danged if I recall going back to the ship.

When we tied up in Bahrain, Iran the entire Iranian Navy desended upon us in the attempt to buy any and all Playboy, Penthouse or other skin mags regardless of condition. Some guys made a killing. Kevin Soto who was a 2nd class storekeeper and I became friendly with this Iranian chief who wanted to show us around.

At liberty call we met him at the American Club where we dined upon spaghetti and meatballs with a couple pitchers of beer. From there it was off to the Iranian Navy base's chief's club where he and his friend's immediately instituted a drinking contest, or so it seemed to me. Winding that up, since the night was still young our chief and a couple of his buddies wanted to go to this 'house' they knew about.

So we all loaded up in this little 3 wheeled Cushman type pickup vehicle. I don't know if it was Iranian Navy property, belonged to one of the chief's, or if it was just convinient. Regardless, they had a madman driving it and whoever dreamed up traffic circles needs to be taken out and shot. After our sojurn at this 'place' we all piled back into the 2 cylinder 3 wheeled stakebed vehicle and proceeded to visit another couple traffic circles where I was certain we were all about to die.

About this time Kevin and I both had had about enough and I was glad to see that our hosts didn't insist upon continueing Mr Toads wild ride nor further partying. We were cordially dropped off at the brow and they careened off up the pier. I've wondered many times whatever became of that Iranian chief and his buddies after the Shah left?

We anchored in the lagoon of Diego Garcia in the Indian Ocean. I suppose the water was 70 ft deep, but you could see the bottom like it was in your bathtub. At that time the place was under construction and it's now a forward deployment base. There were 3,000 Seabees and a thousand sailors stationed there and it was just like Gillligan's Island.

After working hours there wasn't much for these guys to do when the sun went down, but to drink and fight. The single story barracks were on short piers and looked very, ah.......tropical. The other structures were mainly Quonset hut type buildings of fairly large size. Transport from the ship was via a 50' motor whaleboat and the last one left the utility pier to the ship at 2400.

I was drinking with a buddy named MIke (don't remember his last name) who was a Damage Controlman 3rd. Mike was from Memphis, TN and I guess he recognized the guys accent or something but pretty soon we were joined by a Equipment Operator 1st (Seabee) who was also from Memphis. We were genially drinking along, and watching the fights and doing a good job of staying out of the way.

It was getting kinda late and time to be heading back, when this EO 1st hit upon the marvelous idea to chauffer me and Mike back to the ship in an amphibious tractor. I thought it sounded pretty swell myself. I turned around to see what Mike thought, but Mike had disappeared. I looked all around and even checked the floor but he was nowhere to be seen. So the Seabee and I strolled out in the bright moonlight to an equipment park. I was at stage Buzz+ and ready for an adventure.

There was junk all over the place. Piles of girders and all manner of pipes and stuff stacked under the palm trees. He said you wait here and went around to the back and got in this APC looking tracked thing. I could see the top of his head over the side as he walked up to the front. Well he cranked and cranked and cranked but it wouldn't fire. He hollered to 'Wait a Minute' a couple times. I don't remember now why but I banged on the side and said I had to go and took off.

I ran up a pile of sand and down the other side and there was a hole there, or a foundation ditch and I piled into it. I hit something with my thigh and kind of pushed up a hunk of skin, but didn't know it till I got to the pier. I then noticed the bottom of my dungaree pants leg was bloody. I made the 2nd to last trip back to the ship and Mike was there on the fantail.

I asked him where he'd gone off to and he said he wasn't stupid or drunk enough to ride back in an amphibious tractor with a drunk Seabee. He said if we didn't sink and drown or get eaten by the sharks we'd have probably rammed the ship and sunk it there in the lagoon :-) !

..............Buckshot

[StarMetal]

Buckshot,

You sounded like the kind of sailor that either got busted alot or spent alot of time restricted to the ship on KP duty. In other words a fun kind of guy.

Me and one of my good friends, Gerry from Ohio, discovered these giant CO2 cartridges on somekind of little inflatable liferafts. Well we stole them. We went below and let the gas out. As we both had 3F BP aboard (sic) we filled the CO2 full and stuck an underware fuse in it that Gerry had a roll of. We waitied till dark and on the opposite side of the ship from the gangplank we lit the fuse and threw it over board. Now as teenager I had done this with pellet gun cartridges, but was in no way prepared for what unfolded with this much larger cartridge. The dang was like a minature depthcharge. The water boiled up first, white, then BOOM and a big geysur of water. We took off running. We ran all the way to the fantail and around back up and joined in as innocent bystanders wondering what the hell happen. The guards were there with their 45's pulled and when we looked over the side there were all these dead fish floating. Everyone was saying "what the hell happen, what was that?". Needless to say we didn't do that one anymore.

Another memorable moment was another friend, Worley from VA, had an original 1860 Colt cap n ball pistol. He brought it aboard one time and we enjoyed shooting it in the boilerroom from one side to the other using a big one foot in diameter damage control wooden plug. I had BP and caps and bullets for it. The ventilation system is so massive and effective it wicked any smoke away and the ship is so noisey nobody heard a thing. We were in port and not steaming.

Me and Gerry also use to shoot my Marlin 22 semi-auto rifle off the fantail too. It was one that Marlin made to look like an M1 carbine.

Joe
P.S. never got busted, never got KP, came out witha 4.0 record.

[nighthunter]

I remember Gitmo well. As a Gunners mate I did a lot of practice there. Both shore targets and ariel targets, Shot some sled also.The EM clubs in Gitmo were pretty wild, Especially the back room where they showed movies on the wall. If I remember correctly not many subjects were taboo.
The liberty in Kingston was a whole nother story. Rum was 50 cents a bottle and a 7 oz Coke chaser was about 2 Bucks. Guess which one we drank the most of? Then the guys with the newspaper sacks showed up selling their herbal wares. I am definately glad that I'm no longer that young and stupid. Bad things could have happened to all of us as we were not in the best of shape to get back to the boat. Shortly after that I got orders to the Mekong Delta and that is where all innocense deserted me. I came home a very different person. Today I can say that it is not a bad difference but it is a difference that has never gone away. Many folks don't understand the difference. I don't think they ever will. Those months of 70 and 71 will be in my mind forever but I don't talk about them to the unknowing. I have a couple vet friends and we get together a couple times a year. We woop and holler and raise a rukus. But none of us ever forgets that the party is for the guys that didn't come home with us.
What a useless war that was.
Nighthunter

[StarMetal]

More like what a useless government, they lost the war, we didn't. Why were we over there in first place? Nobody cares a rats two cents about that place and it's not much changed since we've been there and gone. Now after it's all over and everyone is supposely buddy buddy the Viet Cong Generals are doing interviews saying that if we would have stayed three more months, just three more stinking months, they were going to surrender. The Jane Fonda's, the Bob Dylans, the Buffalo Springfields, the Crosby Stills and Nashs and all the hippie protestors, including none other then himself Bill Clinton are what defeated us...errr...the government. So it did make it all for nothing. Well maybe not. Now every damn war we get into is referred to "Another Vietnam". There's alot of our boys that came back, that really didn't come back, if you know what I mean Nighthunter. I'll never, never, never, forgive the people of this country for the way they treated returning Nam soldiers. No, it wasn't all the people, more then likely all the ones that protested it.

Joe

[Shepherd2]

Joe - I was down to Cuba during the Cuban Missle Crisis too. We were one of the first ships down there. A fleet tug with one 3 inch gun. We had just returned to Key West from a couple weeks off Bermuda about 0200 that morning. We could tell something was up and right after Quarters a Jeep pulled up and an officer jumped out with a brown envelope in his hand. In about 15 minutes we were underway for Cuba. We had hardly any fuel, fresh water or food.

After a couple days of taunting the Cuban patrol boats they sent us back up to Key West for supplies and besides the big boys were arriving by then. When we got to the pier we just put out a couple lines to keep us in close and didn't even shut off the engines. We were passed a hose for fuel and another for fresh water. Food and mail was handed over the rail. In less than an hour we were off again.

When we got back to Key West a few weeks later the town was like an Army base. Soldiers everywhere. The ritzy hotel down the street from our apartment was taken over by the Army. The public beach had barbed wire stung on it and you could see missle launchers not too well hidden back in the palmetto scrub.

We heard that 100s of semis marked "Explosives" poured into the base. When the magazines were full they piled it outside.

I've been to Gitmo 5 or 6 times. Twice for training and the other times towing barges of fresh water to the base. They had a hard time making enough fresh water and Uncle Fidel had long since turned off the spigot to the base. Someone said earlier that the EM Club at Gitmo was a wild place. It was a very wild place.
Towing barges down there was boring but the nice part was once we had the barge tied up we could head back to Key West. Our captain didn't like it any better than the rest of us and he always got us out of there quick.

[StarMetal]

Chuck,

Alot of folks in this country don't know what went on with Cuba and would could have been WWIII. I've been to Gitmo a few times too and I never left the ship, except to go on the dock and get a pop out of this nice ice cold cooler. I hated every moment at that place.

Joe

[Frank46]

Joe, gitmo stunk for just about anything. But the best place we ever had for a division party was Grande Island in the phillipines. They'd haul us over there with cases of beer, hamburgers, hot dogs and stuff like that. They had two 10" disappearing rifles in a gun mount up on the hill. They were supposed to be dismantled and taken to the smithsonian museum but don't know if that ever came about. Got chased off the golf course with a cart full of beer and went swimming. The swimming part was ok until one storm chopped up a mess of jelly fish. Couldn't see the pieces but every so often you'd feel this sting. One guy got tangled up in the trailers on this one jelly fish and he looked like he was branded.
Haven't thought much about this stuff in quite a few years. And yes, I strongly feel that the American, soldier, sailor, marine and air force and coast guard did not get the treatment that they deserved after coming back home alive. There are about 58,000 of our brothers and sisters who never did. Hanoi jane should have been tried for treason after her little visit. Forgive, heck no. Sorry for the rant. Frank

[Frank46]

John, ah good old san miguel, better than the stuff they served in istanbul turkey.
Used to call it purple panther p--s was the worst beer I ever had the misfortune to drink. Yech. olongapo was fun, except when you were blitzed you had to watch out you didn't fall into any of the roadside ditches. They were fulla dung and thats putting it politely. frank

[johniv]

Was in the Phillipines from late'64 thru early '67. It was a wild place, the liberty was great for a 19, yr old country boy. As someone else said on this thread, you gotta learn moderation quick or you aint gonna make it.
John

[fiberoptik]

Ahhh. Olongapo,........Okie,...yeach.....Yuma,.......hrm mmmmmmmmmm. Spent 6 weeks in P.I. I drank a gallon of Mojo in 15 min. by myself. Kept it down 3 hrs. Couldn't dance for squat after that. Tripped on the 3" step, flipped a table, and dumped a pitcher of beer down a flilps dress. She wasn't happy. The g/f wanted to hit the hotel, but I was drunk enough to know I can't pop when plastered. Nearly married a girl over there, had to settle for a Mexican later. In Okie was stationed at Hansen. I'd drink a 7/7 to get in the mood, a 5th of Mojo, and then sake all nite long, alternating between hot & on the rocks. We were on call most of the time in Okie, worrying that uncle Kim wouldn't head south with all his little Korean buddies. No 2nd Korean war in '84. I guess he got better. My kid was born in Yuma. I had my 2nd motorcylce accident there. 1st in El Paso. Entered the USMC in perfect health. Left ALL broken up. I took up the martial arts to prevent becoming an alky like the rest of my unit. My stress relief was to picture whoever I hated most that day on the heavy bag. Worked pretty good till I busted the chain on the bag, sent it across the room, & pegged Sensei in the middle of the back with it. He just looked up, saw what was left, and said "Good Kick!"
Memories........ The cold war was kinda boring if I do say so. Salute to all who paid the price, and to all who paid the ultimate price.:drinks:

[johniv]

Frank, your comment obout the "ditches" in "PO town" made me remember seeing kids in the town run,(**** river) diving for coins. Man the "water" in that ditch looked about as solid as concrete, but when someone would throw a coin in, some poor kid in homemade goggles would jump in and damn if he wouldent come up with it. In with all the boozin and "sportin" the average GI does, you got to see what some people have to live with. I know there are unfortunate folks everywhere but the prospects and resorces in this country are so far above what some have to overcome that it is just amazing.

[nighthunter]

Starmetal .... I know what you mean. Its what I meant when I said that all innocence deserted me. I think it happens in all wars to all the participants. There are no winners in war.
Nighthunter

[StarMetal]

Nighthunter,

Yes, you are correct, that's another way to look at it.

Joe

[omgb]

My experience over seas was limited to remote outposts in the arctic circle. Lots of trees, tundra and snow. When that melted it was trees, tundra and mosquitos. The native girls were very hospitable but they smelled like dead fish and most had the clap while all had crabs. Lice were every where and so many of us got them that delousing was a regular event. The food was great, the booze almost free, a Ruger 44 mag was $95 from the PX, we drank almost every chance we got. I worked 6 days a week for 12-18 hours a shift. I was working alone, in a weather tower on the end of the runway, 4 miles from base camp and 6 from top camp. A guy could go crazy during the times when we had blizzards that lasted a week or more. I arrive in late December when it was dark 24 hours. Other than looking at a clock, you had no idea what time it was or even what day it was. Days seemed like hours and minutes like days. It was weird. AFRN was on all of the time and was our only contact with the lower 48 except for Radio Moscow which we would get on a skip. RCA Alascom ran "White Alice" a microwave telephone relay system that was part of NORAD. We had guys in the weapons control and tracking section that would snoop on White Alice listening for juicy "moral calls". When they got one, they would pout it on the site intercom for all to hear. Lonesome guys and horny wives made for some pretty nasty Jerry Springer like calls. In the spring, we went fishing on the local rivers and watched the bears mate. We had a shooting range and man did we do a lot of shooting. I did a year at Tatalina and then went back to Montana. While there I deployed TDY back to Pt. Barrow twice. Did some dangerous things while up there. Some times I long for the simplicity of it all but never for the debauchery or the stupidity. I once pissed out of a Huey at 80 kts in -60 degree still air, Lord only knows what the chill factor was at 80 kts. There I stood, in the door of the chopper, pecker hanging out and piss freezing in the wind stream. How I managed not to get a frost bitten short arm I'll never know. Shoot, how I kept from falling out of that bird is a mystery as well. The crew chief thought it was big time funny, I did too at the time. The AC didn't really seem to care what we did as long as he got his air time and could rotate back to the lower 48.

[Buckshot]

Buckshot,

You sounded like the kind of sailor that either got busted alot or spent alot of time restricted to the ship on KP duty. In other words a fun kind of guy.
Joe
P.S. never got busted, never got KP, came out witha 4.0 record.

...........Oh I graduated with an honorable discharge but I did hit captains mast once.

.............Buckshot

[Frank46]

Johniv, yep I was 17 when I enlisted. Dad had to sign the papers. Talk about culture shock. France, Spain, Turkey were not too much different than us or what I was used to. But Japan, Hong Kong, and the Phillipines was a whole different story especially the phillipines. Little kids in raggedy clotheing would dive for coins and cigarretts. Never thought I'd see something like that. Then there was hongkong Mary. For one days table scraps her whole crew would paint the hull with navy paint. And for you guys that hit japan does "saki joe" sound familiar. Could get bottles of vodka from the alliance club for 95 cents. Setups in a bar was about 5 bucks. Frank

[johniv]

Ahh a fellow "kiddy cruiser"
John