Loosing a friend, Hospice.

[Remmy4477]

Don't know where to start or what to say? This hurts!!

I met Bob 19 years ago, truck driver. I had been with the company a year before he was hired on.
Great guy, always happy, funny and just good to hang with.

We became good friends. He is/was? An avid hunter, fisherman, gardener and one heck of a carpenter. We shared many seasons of duck and pheasant hunting. I helped him get into bp cartridge shooting and even helped him buy a rolling block rifle from a member here many years ago.

My wife became a great friends with his wife. We watched their son and daughter grow up into wonderful people.

We as a group spent many holidays together, Sometimes Thanksgiving, Christmas, July 4th and Birthdays. Those gatherings were always wonderful.

Bob left the company ten years ago for another company closer to his home. This never disrupted our friendship or get togethers. We always found time to hunt, fish or just have fun!

Bob just turned 61 and was tired of truck driving. His wife had just hired on at the new Buccees there in Johnstown. A little over a month ago Bob got hired on at Buccees himself He seemed to enjoy the change. Things were doing well.

After about a week into it he became awful sick, couldn't eat or keep anything down and if he could it would go right through him, his legs, arms and stomach became real bloated.
Several trips to the doctor, blood tests, antibiotics for what was thought to be a stomach infection or intestines.
On Friday they took him into the ER as nothing was getting any better. They drained liquid from his abdomen gave him meds and actually got him to eat and keep it down. Lots of tests and by Saturday morning they discovered that he has a very aggressive form of cancer throughout his body. Nothing they can do other than keep him comfortable and let our Lord take him. Doctors are giving him days to at best a week.

So yesterday Bob decided he wants to be at home for the end, wants to spend time on his back patio. They have hospice set up for this morning at their home and then they'll transport him to his house. Me and my wife are going to see him one last time tomorrow. His family lives all over the states so they're all on the way there as I type.

So that's it. I am at a loss on this. We have lost soo many friends these past two years, wife lost her father recently, me I lost a lady who was more like a mom to me. Lost several high school friends, the list goes on.

Me I'm hurting like crazy over this whole ordeal. Have no idea as what to say to him or his kids I am just at a loss for words over this. Bob and Martha were always there for us during the early years as we were for them. One of the few folks we could actually depend on and call true friends!

I just don't get life at all........

[jsizemore]

Lost a good friend to pancreatic cancer with much the same symptoms. Easy going guy that didn't have a bad thing to say. His worse day he said he was doing fair. Really glad I had a chance to meet him. I found a way to laugh with him to the end.

[NSB]

I’m sorry my friend. I lost my best friend four years ago to aggressive pancreatic cancer. We were closer than I was to my own brother. We had over 45 years of hunting, fishing, sporting clays, and camping together. He came home to die under Hospice care and only lived a couple of weeks. The only thing you can tell them at this point is the truth…you love them and will “see them on the other side”. Five weeks ago I lost my wife to the same illness. From diagnosis to death was a quick seven weeks. Married 55 years. I feel your pain and I’ll say a prayer for you and your friend both. God bless.

[GhostHawk]

People come into your life, and they are good. They enrich it.

About all you can do is love them while they are here, telling them helps.

And miss them when they are gone.

I suggest that you have a last chance to go tell him exactly what he means to you. Tell him that you love him and his family. Read him what you said above. Tell him you are sorry to see him going, but you understand. That you will miss him. Tell him all, and let him tell you.

Love, and express that love. Tomorrow may be too late!

[Wag]

Have no idea as what to say to him or his kids I am just at a loss for words over this.

My heart goes out to you and yours and theirs. It's a tough thing. But don't hesitate to talk with him and listen. If he is still lucid, you can at least have those last few conversations, however short they may be. It's a difficult thing, but you'll value it later, I assure you.

Sit with the family and don't talk. Just listen. Even if you're just listening to silence.

When my late wife passed away nearly eight years ago, the people who helped me most were the ones who listened to me and accepted the stories I told. It was the best thing they could have done for me. Best I can describe it is that talking about her kept her alive in my heart and mind and in my soul. It was still painful but it eased by talking. It still hurts to this day. Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary and Monday was her birthday. It's still painful.

What I'm saying is, if his family wants to talk, you'll help them by listening, particularly if there are tears. If you talk, you'll help yourself. Let some tears fall.

Man, all I can say is that you'll power through. That's all you can do. As I get older, I see more and more of my friends and family passing away. It's still tough. Never gets any easier and I'm seeing it more and more now.

Beyond that, I just remember that death is a part of life.

--Wag--

[MrWolf]

Very sorry. Not much else can be said. Look back at all the great times and keep those in your heart. Always seems that the good ones are taken from us to early. Maybe He has a plan for them and needed them more than we do. We can ask when we meet up again. Again, very sorry.

[Rapier]

As you get older you see things in life that makes little sense. Best you can do is try to help the family as best you can, to come to grips with the loss. They can get so overwhelmed by grief it is difficult to make the simplest proper decision. Unfortunately people have different ways of dealing with grief, some decisions people are not well thought out during grief so are not very smart in those situations as they make day to day decisions and as such they get on a wrong path. You can be of immense help by trying to keep the family unit's boat on an even keel, during the grief process.
Just know when to walk away.

[greybuff]

I feel your pain as I lost mom on 12/10/23 and my little brother(66) on 5/6/24. He left 2 daughters,and a fiance behind( he was to marry the Fri. after he died). The advice to just be there and listen is probably the best advice. Tell him that you love him, hold his hand and be there for him. Once he is gone be there for his family fo as long as needed.

[Ithaca Gunner]

If he knows the Lord Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior, this is not the end, rather it is the beginning of life eternal.

We all have to face loss of loved ones, it never gets any easier. The only comfort I can offer are in the above words. I am pained and sorrowful for your loss, I pray there will be a glorious eternal reunion someday with Bob and yourself. You will find comfort in God's word, please read and share the Gospel of John.

[Electrod47]

Its tough to loose such a close friend, especially when they are still here. I lost a wife to pancreatic cancer Oct 2006 went through a blitz of treatment at Anderson's in Houston and was amazed to be in a city completely populated by doctors and cancer patients. The patients out numbered the doctors a thousand to one. From first discovery to Hospice 2 months...Hospice at home til the end 3 months. I know you don't want to get in the way of family visiting your pal...but his wife is going to need encouragement in the aftermath even more than now. Its friends that will help get her through more than family...even a close family. I know. It sounds like things are moving quickly and that can be a blessing.

[dverna]

Great advice and I cannot add anything. Praying for family and friends.

A bit off-topic, but I am going to more funerals lately. And not just older people are going home. It wears on me.

[bedbugbilly]

At some point in our lives, I think that many of us have, or will, experience what you are going through right now . . . audit hurts like hell. You, and your dear friend's family, were blessed with a friendship that goes far beyond what many will never have the opportunity to experience. It's shard to express in words, but, at this time, you have to show courage for the sake of your friend and his family, while you are at a loss of what to even say. The best thing that you can do IMHO, is to just "be there" for your friend and his family. Just as your friend has somehow found the courage to accept what no one can change and hopefully is at peace - and I suspect he is since he wanted to be taken hone to be with those he loves as the transition from this life to what our Saviour has promised for those who believe. I have been in your spot a umber of times and the best advice is for you and your family is to "just be there" for your friend and his funnily - both before his life on earth ends and after, when his wife and family will need your friendship and support more than ever. My prayers are with all of you and after time passes and you have grieved, your friend may be gone, but he will always be with you in the good memories you have of the good times that you shared.

After the loss of a dear friend - some 54 years ago - I received an envelope in the mail. it had no return address on it and no note inside. There was simply a small piece of paper with a typewritten quote on it by Hellen Keller. I never found out who sent it, but I always suspected the elderly former teacher that sat next to me at the funeral that I had known since I was a kid. She knew how much I cherished the friendship of the man who had passed. He was like a "surrogate grandfather" to me - I had never had any kind of relationship with either of my grandfathers. The quote is short and simple and yet I have never forgotten it, not the kindness of the unknown sender who had mailed it to me. I have that piece of paper glued to the inside of the front cover of my Bible and through the years, it always seemed to bring some comfort when i, or my wife and I, have lost dear friends. I have had to give Eulogies at quite a few times over the years at funerals, and I always include the quote in the celebration of the life of those lost.

“What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” Helen Keller

Our prayers are with all of you.

[alfadan]

Tell him thanks for being your friend and how proud you've been his friend.

[Remmy4477]

I want to thank all who commented with kind words and life experiences!

Me and my wife spent today at Bobs home, with his whole family and circle of friends.
I tell you, his home is just bulging with love!! Bob is at peace with his end of this world and is ready to go home. We have always known we were considered family to them. Bob confirmed this today as did his wife. Bob gave me instructions to help his kids when possible and to my wife to care and watch over his wife after he is gone.

I got some alone time with him, we talked mainly about our fun and a few funny hunting and fishing trips, his kids, my kids, LOL our wives, what were both going to miss after we're gone. And a little bit of BS just for fun!
We hugged and when our wives came back into the room he held my hand, crazy but it was calming for us both. We said our good byes just in case.

And the "just in case", his family has been giving him little goals to reach each day while here, small stuff like today he drinks one full margarita by a certain time, or read a page out of his favorite book. Small stuff like that. So today his wife and family gave him a very big goal, to make it till at the least Saturday evening.

I know, sounds crazy! Bob wants his family and friends to have a big get together Saturday whether he is here or gone. Basically a family BBQ in his honor. So his wife gave him that goal to reach, I hope he does.

If not I know he is at peace. It was a wonderful day considering.

In my life I have never experienced that much love and closeness in a family. We are proud to be apart of his life and his family!

Amen!

[FISH4BUGS]

I lost my mother a year and a half ago.
She made the same decision - live out her last days at home.
She was adamant - do not call the ambulance. Just let me go.....
She faced the end with bravery and spirit. I got to see here the day before she passed.
Hospice was the nicest group of people on the planet.

[alfadan]

I don't know how hospice people do it, evey day dealing with this stuff. Tough folks.

[Pb Burner]

Sorry about your friend. Sounds like he is one of those rare true friends. Good that you got to spend some time with him.
Prayers up

[Remmy4477]

Guys, it's been a rough week with Bob being sick.

We were able to spend Saturday evening with him and his family. We had a very nice bbq. Many friends showed up to give hime hugs and loves.

My youngest boy and his lady and our new grand child were able to come by and see Bob. They talked and hugged, Bob said the baby was beautiful.

Before we left I gave Bob a hug, told him I loved him and that it was an honor being his friend.

This morning at 9:10 am, surrounded by family and friends, Bob passed away!

Want to thank everyone for the prayers. Hitting me and my wife kind of hard.

Going to miss him dearly!

[imashooter2]

To die quickly at home with your mind intact... there are worse ways to go out. I am saddened to hear of your friend’s illness. I will keep everyone in my prayers.

[pworley1]

Sometimes in life there are just no words to be said. Just being there will mean a lot. Sorry for your loss.