Prayers and advice

[dverna]

A while back I asked for prayers for the family of my fiancés daughter. The husband’s cancer is untreatable and hospice was there yesterday. This was the family that lost their 4 year old daughter four years ago.

There is an 11 year old boy, and this much crap would be tough enough for an adult to deal with.

They cannot afford their house on her earnings and I have offered a safety net. They can come live with us for a period of time. She is smart but never advanced her education after high school. My hope is that with living expenses covered, she could attend a community college and find a career that will allow her to support herself down the road. She currently drives a bus for the school. I also believe the boy needs a father figure and I can help out.

Any advice will be very appreciated. This is not what I planned for retirement but I feel moved to help.

[cabezaverde]

No advice from me. Prayers for sure. You are a good man.

[Texas by God]

You stepped up like a good man does.
You and yours have our prayers.


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[Der Gebirgsjager]

It sounds like you don't really need any advice. You perceive a need and have a plan. I will pray for your situation.

DG

[exile]

Praying.

exile

[rancher1913]

my wife felt the same way about a couple that "just needed to get back on their feet" and we rented them our guest house, they took advantage of us big time until i put my foot down and evicted them, we just barely made it through that. you have a good hart and sometimes a person can make a difference in another's life but as harsh as this sounds, put everything in writing and protect your assets that you may need for your own needs down the road. sometimes the road to hell is paved with good intentions. this will really sound harsh but dont ever be alone with the mother or kid if you see or feel any red flags popping up, its real easy to cry rape and real hard to defend your honor against it. i truly wish you the best of luck and will keep you in my thoughts and payers.

[Finster101]

Please use caution Don. My experience lies more along the lines of rancher1913.

[dverna]

Good advice rancher and Finster.

I was going to charge her $50/mo to cover added power and heat for the area they will be using. I do not need the money, but wanted her to feel like she is contributing, and it is not all charity. But it might be better to tell her they are "house guests". If things go south, they need to leave when I say.

[greybuff]

Praying for wisdom and guidance. Be careful.

[GhostHawk]

Don you have a big heart brother.

Let me know if you need help.

[Murphy]

Prayers for Gods guidance and the best of outcomes.

Murphy

[tommag]

Good advice rancher and Finster.

I was going to charge her $50/mo to cover added power and heat for the area they will be using. I do not need the money, but wanted her to feel like she is contributing, and it is not all charity. But it might be better to tell her they are "house guests". If things go south, they need to leave when I say.

I don't know what it's like in Michigan but here in Washington more than 48 hours gives them resident status regardless of the particulars. It defies logic, but they have "renters rights" and have to be legally evicted if they don't want to go. Good luck. I applaud your efforts.

[rancher1913]

one other concern that occurred to me, what if the mother gets attached to a crackhead new boyfriend and moves him in with herself.

[HWooldridge]

It all depends on the woman's character - which none of us can know; you are the one closest to the situation and the people who are involved.

My second son's girlfriend was thrown out of her house by her divorced mom when she was 17. We had an extra bedroom at the time, so my wife and I thought long and hard about letting her move in with us (my son was already in his first year of college). We still had two teenaged boys at home and all sorts of scenarios went through our minds. She asked for $2000 to help buy a car for transport to school and work - I loaned it to her, interest free. Much to my surprise, she paid me back with interest inside of a year, finished high school then went to nursing school. Her parents went to the graduation ceremony and shook my hand after she received her diploma - of course, neither one of them had the gumption to help her when she needed it.

My son and Amanda eventually broke up and moved on to other relationships but today, at 37 years old, she is a successful wife, mother and well paid medical professional. Any number of other bad endings could have happened - but in the end, she had the drive to make it happen with a little help when she was struggling.

I think you can do a lot of good in this situation but keep your eyes open and watch everything as it develops.

[Rickf1985]

As much as I hate the Go-Fund me thing there are times when it actually works for the good, This seems to be one of those times. Amazing how many people will help out if the see a need.

[Markopolo]

I would say, follow your heart Don.

[dverna]

I knew I would get great advice and food for thought from you guys. You have not disappointed!!!

HW, my fiancé daughters name is also Amanda. What are the odds of that?

[Shuz]

Don, my prayers are with you in this situation.

[Shawlerbrook]

Don, it sounds like you have the situation under control, so I will just offer prayers from Central NYS.

[elmacgyver0]

Good luck Don, ditto to what Shawlerbrook said, only my prayers are from IA.

[Barry54]

Would it be possible to rent out their current house and have enough with her current income to rent a smaller (less expensive) place for themselves?

[Wheelgun]

Prayers to all. Especially the boy…

As to her vocation, nurses and teachers are always in high demand. The pay isn’t as great as some other things, the the job stability is. No one lays off nurses or teachers.

I don’t know about in your area but around here the Career Technology Centers (used to be VoTechs) offer adult classes. Most of these are able to work around adult schedules. Classes for LPN Nurses, truck drivers, welders and all sorts of other fields.

[Half Dog]

I’m not one to give sound advice but what I’ve learned through the years is not to offer anything you want back.
I loaned a friend money once. After 5 years I wrote it off as a bad investment. After 10: years he was able to pay me back with interest and a tear jerking story of how it helped. I’m glad I helped him and that I didn’t press the issue of repayment. We are really good friends again and I believe I came out ahead because I was able to smile saying I helped a friend in need then I got back more than I gave.

[Handloader109]

A million different senerios, some good some very bad. My daughter has a friend for a roommate, a similar situation, but no kids. So far so good. We've had 2 we've tried to help, my wife's niece and a couple's daughter who we've been friends with since HS. Both of these didn't turn out well at all.
I'd make her sign a rental agreement. Your $50 a month is fair. And puts some skin in the game for her. Write up no overnight guests, no one but he and son can stay there. And 30 day notice for eviction (unless your state wants more) protect yourself and it shows you are being responsible...
I do like votech or similar for a trade such as nursing. There are several options here at practically zero cost. Help her improve herself. Be a figure to the boy. But take your wife along if the lady is coming along.... always.

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[Hogtamer]

Don, take a look at Ephesians 2:10 and Galatians 6:2 for confirmation. Plus, you’ll need help with the firewood this summer!

[dverna]

Again, I want to thank you guys for your advice, and prayers.

I want to share part of a PM reply I made to a member who contacted me:

"Thanks for the message. It sounds hokey to say, "the Spirit is talking to me", but that is what I feel.

My fiancé was shocked that I suggested taking her daughter and grandson in. It is not like me. I do not like kids or having house guests for more than 5 days. Plus, I like my privacy and is one reason I decided to get a place in the middle of nowhere.

I have often wondered why I came to accept Jesus so late in life and what His plan was for me. Maybe this is part of it. Time will tell."

As to moving forward:

In a cursory review of Michigan law, a guest becomes a tenant when they have stayed for more than 28 consecutive days or more than 80 days intermittently within a 12-month period. There are other "triggers" like receiving mail, having a key to the house, etc. Once a person becomes a "tenant" making them leave can get complicated plus they have "rights" I am not prepared to give (boyfriends/parties/etc).

If Amanda and her son decide to come live with us for a while, I will have a contract drawn up by an attorney. I would not be doing this if it was not for the boy. His father spent most his time "gaming" and it shows.

[fivegunner]

Your a good man Don, you know what to do and when to do it. Prayers sent that this will work out well for both parties. ATB . Frank McClelland / Lowell Mi.

[rancher1913]

at least your eyes are wide open, that will make the thing work, and best of luck