Dating over 50.

[Idaho45guy]

I've been divorced for over 10 years now. I'm 54. I've had 2 serious girlfriends in that time period and both were a bit crazy and around 10 years younger than me.

I had finally come to terms with reality a few months ago and decided that being single was actually pretty darn good.

It seems that every woman over the age of 35 that is single has some serious issues, or comes with lots of "baggage", or is downright unattractive.

I came to the conclusion that dating over the age of 50 means serious compromise in terms of attractiveness, mental health, values, drama, compatibility, etc.

My last girlfriend was sweet, conservative, Christian, attractive, and amorous. But, she also still lived with her parents, was fiscally irresponsible, horrible credit, loved rap, and gained 45 lbs while we dated.

She actually broke up with me because I didn't approve of her fascination with urban culture and didn't enjoy travel to dangerous urban areas. Good riddance.

But, I dated her for 2.5 years despite knowing that she was seriously flawed.

I sadly think that this is normal for people dating past 50. I was willing to overlook all of the danger signs just to avoid being alone.

The girlfriend before her actually said to me that at my age, I needed to find someone that would take care of me in my old age and that I was running out of time. I was 48 at the time. She ended up getting fired from her job for refusing to stop trying to sell her pyramid scheme supplements to coworkers. Crazy.

Dating over 50 is pretty awful, from what I've seen.

Now, I did meet the woman God picked out for me a couple of months ago. 100% certain we will marry.

But I came pretty dang close to settling and am curious as to if other guys over 50 have settled, or have decided to stick to their guns and remain single, or met their miracle gal.

[trapper9260]

I am 62 and I met all types and they mainly did not live up to what I looking for. I seen they mainly will tell you what they think you want to hear just to see what they can get out of you then drop you . For what the OP stated on some they met .I drop them also. I stick to my guns and remain singe till if the miracle girl show up then I go from there. Also meeting someone your own age , they thinking they own you before they even get to know each other better. That is also a red flag to me. age dose not matter to me , it is in ones heart and mind that matters. Beside what as said .

[Nobade]

I have found that I am much happier working on projects - house, cars, motorcycles, guns, etc than chasing women. One day I realized that the only times I have ever been really unhappy in life was directly related to women so why would I do that again? Best to just stick to myself. 58 years old BTW.

[dale2242]

I am 81 years old and in good health. As far as I know.
After having lost my wife of 60 years 6 months ago, I am pretty happy being single so far.
Time will tell.
I am only lonely for her.

[Jedman]

I am fortunate that my wife and I are happy together now for 45 years. But I hunt, fish,& golf with a lot of guys who are single and they tell me the same horror stories of trying to find a women without all of the baggage mentioned.
I think the mature women that are out there that are single, don’t have issues with kids or family, have their own money and a comfortable income feel the same. They probably have a very hard time trying to find a guy that isn’t a bum with many issues.
My advice would be to do what hobbies you like , have a reason to get out of bed each morning with a purpose and be happy. There are good people out there looking for a mate but once your older, wiser you don’t need drama, unhappiness ect.

Jedman

[DougGuy]

I got divorced in 2001, started online dating in 2004, was lured to NC by a woman who was out to show her ex that YES! She can get married too! Plans were made, the move to NC was made (this was actually a good move for me, better hunting here than where I was) then he got his marriage annuled, had a heart attack, wound up in the hosp so she comes in and says "well, I'm just not sure I'm ready for the 24/7 thing yet."

That little voice said "Self, get self to a place of safety and do it NOW!" I found a great little house, I walked in and that voice said "Take this place, you'll be happy here" and I was, there were a goodly number of one niters, a few could have beens, one wish you woulda been, a few lies and deceits here and there, a lot of insincerity on their part, they THINK they want one thing, then a few months in, well this ain't what they wanted at all, they just THOUGHT they did.

Met one stayed with her 8yrs, lived in her house 6yrs, she got me through cancer in 2013, I truly believe God intended me to be in that house, she was a really good caregiver, never been married, never even lived with a man before me, she got a good taste of domestic partnership, and eventually tired of it so I moved on. We are still good friends. (NOT FWB..)

I went through a couple more, had some adventures, some road trips to Florida, Arizona, life toiled on, had cancer 2 more times, emerged from that, and after 16yrs of hit or miss with various women, learning to pull myself up by my bootstraps after getting kicked in teeth and soldier on, hehe I could share some stories yes indeed..

Finally in 2020 I met this Puerto Rican woman a few yrs older than me, raised in Brooklyn NY, and here is this tattooed southern boy ex biker ex musician, ex alky, ex a few other bad habits, well guess who out of nowhere hits it off and two opposite cultures find a way to blend like a striped ice cream cone, I would have never figured but that voice said "just go, meet her, don't worry about the 100mi between you," so I followed along.

We spent the next 3yrs together, got married in October last year, we both got a keeper, yessir!

Now, let me outline a few things about dating in the 60s, first off, over half of the women you will meet are widowed, most own and maintain their own house, pretty settled into their life, just looking for someone to be friends with and hopefully find love, and maybe marry some day. It's pretty likely that you each have your own home, and you have to find an arrangement that fits both partners, some commuting, one may have to move (IF there is enough room to move in together) but you figure out that the outcome will be worth whatever you have to do to make it work and you just do it.

My wife has family and friends near where she lives, about 100mi away, her house is too small for all my stuff, even if it was empty it wouldn't work, my house is too full of my hobbies and previous occupations/careers for her to move, neither household can absorb the other one so we go back and forth, she has enough of her things here to be happy, hates having to go back to her house for a few days, misses me like crazy, but we can do this. It's called dating in your 70s.

We have our scars, her two strokes, me cancer 3x, but we have somehow managed to nurture and carry the physical side of the relationship this far and the intimate time we share is very rewarding, off the chart at times. I know there will come a day where we may not be able to engage in such activity but until then? I'm in til the end.

I have learned I can find love, I can get sex, the hardest thing to find, is friendship. My good friend and brother by a different mother used to sit on the steps of this old black woman's house while she rocked on the porch and smoked her cigar, she was WISE. She was one to listen closely to, she told him one day saying "When you die your true friends will be by your side, you will count them on one hand."

[txbirdman]

A lot of truth in this thread. I’m 74 and last Friday would have been our 50th anniversary. Unfortunately she passed almost 11 years ago. Some good friends tried on various occasions to introduce me to other women but my heart wasn’t in it. Feel the same today although it would be nice to have a little companionship every once in awhile. Have several friends that I do things with occasionally but lost my main shooting buddy to cancer last year. I know this much, it’s better to not have a women than to have the wrong woman.

[Thumbcocker]

I truly hope things work out for you Idaho 45. A good woman beside you can make life worth living.

[Nazgul]

My wife of 24 years died of cancer in 2007. I was in my mid 50's, we have 3 daughters. The 2 youngest were still in High School, I put them thru college on a mechanics salary. Very rough time, had to be very frugal and work all the overtime I could handle. No TV service, no outside meals, no A/C, even turned the water heater off during the day. I survived by the grace of God and a few good friends.
Being alone caught me off guard. It was the hardest part of the whole process. So I set out to date ....WOW! You don't get to that age with out baggage. Went thru several short term relationships . Met and got serious with a 52 y.o. who ran marathons and did Iron Man comps. Wild ride for 9 months. She had never had children, was financially independent and said she wanted a family. She just couldn't commit to me and my girls. I broke it off and entered a deep depression.

Then met my current wife of 12 years. She has a son, lost her husband before he was born so I am his Dad. Daughter #2 is very smart, she had a full ride scholar ship in college at the time. It was sponsored by a large company in the state who gave out 1 per county every year. Very competitive, over 1,000 applications for each spot. Her son was at a major college on the same scholarship.

She is the most stable, amazing loving woman ever created. We are very involved in church. With my married daughters and grandchildren she went from her and her son to 12 of us. They are so in love with her, especially the grandkids. The kids think of each other as brother and sisters like they grew up together.

We have an RN in a major ICU married to an Electrical engineer, 2 IT people for large companies and a Chemical Engineer getting married this summer to a Masters of Music. Very smart, successful kids who are a blessing beyond belief to us.

They all make 4 -5 times what we ever did. All are very involved with their church.
So, it can work out. Choose carefully and stay the course.

Don

[dverna]

If the truth be told....I have my own set of "issues". So, at least for me, the "baggage" thing is not one sided.

I do not need the "companionship" of a women. They are wired differently and not in a good way. I have more fun with the guys. I need intimacy and sex from a woman.

Some men need a woman to "take care of them and the house". I really feel sorry for men like that. Seems like a silly "need" but we are all different.

[JonB_in_Glencoe]

I am almost 60. While I have never been married, I have a Daughter and a Granddaughter. I'm not gonna go into a whole 45 yr schpeel about my dating history, but I can say that in the last 20 yrs, all the available women I met carry enough red flags to supply the USC Trojan Marching Band. BUT, I suspect these same women have thought something similar when they met me.

[KenH]

If the truth be told....I have my own set of "issues". So, at least for me, the "baggage" thing is not one sided.
.............................................
Some men need a woman to "take care of them and the house". I really feel sorry for men like that. Seems like a silly "need" but we are all different.
Truer words were never spoken (written?). My Dad taught me from childhood a "real" man can cook & clean just fine. That's not what you want (not need) a woman for. Dad 'n Mom had over 60 yrs together before both passed within a month of each other.

[Electrod47]

I truly hope things work out for you Idaho 45. A good woman beside you can make life worth living.

Amen Brother, It took me 4 times at bat. No.4 was a wartime sweetheart she was 18 I was 19 we lost track of one in another in 1969. 50 years later out of the blue we connect by email. Her Husband died a year earlier and my last wife had passed from a rough case pf pancreatic cancer 5 years earlier. I was done with marriage. This gal though had done something to me when we were young. I had thought about her a lot over the years especially when comparing her to what ever nightmare woman I had married. Whenever I hugged this girl it was weird, I felt this radiating warmth that went right through me and I immediately felt a calming. Like a vibration or something. I never felt it with anyone else, EVER. 50 years later I travel half way across the country to see if I just imagined that. I pull up in front of her house, she's on the front porch on a rocking chair, I get out of my car and we hug in the front yard. INSTANTLY that calming vibration overwhelms me. I was home.
2 months later she fly's out to meet me in Arizona and we marry in Vegas. We both have grown children and grandkid's, property, strangers to both of us. And of course since we are old folks they want to run our lives. They were absolutely freaked out...both sides. We took up where we left off in 1969 and been married now 13 years, we both agree the last part of our lives has been the best.....only thing I can add for somebody looking for a life mate....you got to feel something from the person you can't explain, or your just fooling yourself.

[MrWolf]

I moved out here a lil over six years ago (time really flies now) after divorce of 30 years. About four and a half years ago I decided I was ready to start dating. I was 58 and wow did things change. My local Postmaster tried hooking me up twice. She means well. One was not my type and second one SEEMED great on the phone till she heard about my dog (Great Pyrenees at 160+lbs, sheds, and barks). Turns out her place is a showroom and she is neurotic about cleanliness, neatness, etc. Decided to try dating apps since I am pretty rural. I tried Eharmony. Met a nymph and tried that for about six weeks. Tried Our Time. Nut jobs. Decided to try FarmersOnly.com. I put in my add what I was looking for. NO BAGGAGE, yup really said that, dog owner, that I couldn't drive more than 45 minutes due to disability, etc. I was pleasantly surprised how many nice women I spoke with, even though our distances apart were to much. I was contacted by one who was outside of my considered area. She was willing to make the hour and a half plus drive. Divorced, kids all grown and grand kids. She is five and a half years younger than me. We spoke for ten days, every day, before we even met. She is a phenomenal woman. We spoke every day (except two - migraine and birth of her grandson) for two years with her coming out every weekend. She and her dog moved in two and a half years ago. She sings at church, works from home, and treats me great. Our dogs adopted each other. I will be 63 next month and feel like we will be together till the end. No marriage, been there done that, but she is protected in my will with the ability to stay here as long as she wants after my passing if I go first.
Biggest thing is don't settle. Not worth being somewhat miserable just for company but everyone is different. Good luck and have faith.
Ron

[farmbif]

a good mate can be not so easy to find. ive had the same girlfriend since 1996 wow had both been married before and never really wanted to get married again and in some regards we are opposites but maybe thats a good thing but in many aspects we share the same opinion. she likes pink camo and pink guns and uses work boots as a fashion statement but thats all ok with me. caring for the teenage grand daughters is a whole new thing since her daughter drank herself to death, just another thing to keep life interesting. the main things are I guess we work together for common goals and dont really keep secrets from one another. I think maybe that is one key to a good relationship is honesty.

[DougGuy]

None of us are going to survive life without some carry-on luggage, the secret is turning your checked baggage into HISTORY. You have to examine it in detail, work your way through it, find a resting place for it and stow it there. It's perfectly fine to teach from it from time to time or help others with your experience, but don't maintain an attachment to it. Don't let yesterdays disappointments take anything away from today or it could turn into tomorrow's regrets.

[Head Shot]

Hello:
Cant join the single old guys single group because i myself still married to the same gal 48 years later and still going strong.
We dont always agree so many times just agree to disagree.
But at 66 years of age now ive see all i need to see with the drama and issues that others had and if i had to deal with it then ill be honest with you all.
Ill do a lot more HUNTING and FISHING .
HEAD SHOT

[Misery-Whip]

Im not over 50, but willing to share what my grandfather shared with me.

My grandfather was widowed in his 50s by a freak accident. And lived into his 80s. He tried to date again, and he gave up. In those days there werent many divorcees, and the ones available he said were insain.

My last conversation with him before he passed included: if it Flies, F***s, or Floats its cheaper to rent! I was about 16. He also said to not spend life alone, there is too much to see and do, and to go have the best time, then to go home and have no one to share it with.

[Baltimoreed]

I’m 72 and was married to a wonderful school teacher for 42 years, she was a lot smarter than me. We loved to travel but her only real flaw was she wasn’t a shooter. I lost her 4 years ago. I like living alone [not really as my adult grandson is still with me but should be in the navy shortly]. I am involved with my son improving the 33 acre property I’ve bought that he is building on. Will build a 30x42 ft quonset hut this year there. I still shoot 2 matches a month, cas and 2 gun and 3 months ago started a 25 hr week job at my friendly neighborhood Food Lion in the produce dept. Found myself sitting around too much. I have enough drama in my life from the family I’ve got so I’m not looking for any more. I do correspond with a out of state hs classmate that recently lost her husband but I doubt that it will go any further and thats fine. I have my baby grand, my shop, my firearms and good health.

[lightman]

Hello:
Cant join the single old guys single group because i myself still married to the same gal 48 years later and still going strong.
We dont always agree so many times just agree to disagree.
But at 66 years of age now ive see all i need to see with the drama and issues that others had and if i had to deal with it then ill be honest with you all.
Ill do a lot more HUNTING and FISHING .
HEAD SHOT

Wow Headshot, it sounds like we could be twins! I'm 6 months younger than you and have been married 6 months less! We got married right out of high school when I was 18. We've been through a lot together. She is dealing with my MS and I have dealt with Her breast cancer and liver transplant and now some heart problems. I would be lost trying to start dating again. I hope I go first.

[Winger Ed.]

I came to the conclusion that dating over the age of 50 means serious compromise in terms of attractiveness, mental health, values, drama, compatibility, etc.

Ohh,,,, no, no, no. There is no reason to 'settle' for someone you're not truly happy to be with.
There is no reason why you need to put up with someone that has more red flags than a Chinese military parade.

If you have a decent job, can pass a drug test, don't have to keep appointments with a parole Officer, aren't always
getting hate mail from the IRS, don't constantly emit foul odors, and can carry on a intelligent conversation:
In our modern, enlightened society----YOU are the prize.

You don't have to 'settle' for someone that brings to the relationship a few bottles of mental/happy pill drugs, debt, drama,
alcoholism, dependents or kids that don't like you, doesn't approve of your life style, is demanding, expects you to change,
can't 'pair bond', and don't see your relationship as a 'us' or 'we' situation, or looks at you to be her retirement plan and ATM.

And as one guy told me a long time ago--
don't hook up with a woman that has bad teeth. You'll never quit spending money on them.:bigsmyl2:



Women tell each other-- you have to kiss a few frogs before you find a prince. The same principle applies to us.

After one marriage of 14 years, a couple long term relationships, and several 'test cases'-
Mrs. Winger is #11. We're both what I call 'used people'. When we got married, I was 45 and she was 37.
That was almost 23 years ago. And still,,,,, each day together seems better than the last.

[Electrod47]

I gota say. Its astounding the things we confess to one another on this forum. Dear Abbey eat your heart out. You young guys who tune in...please learn something.

[fixit]

At 61, I've been married for 38, I love my wife greatly, and she adores me, though I sometimes wonder why. With all of that, I really don't know how I would react to losing her. I tend to be an ambivert, that is, I'm equally comfortable in a group setting or spending days without human contact, so my wife has given directions to my kids to not let me become a hermit! I suspect for a while I would take time to do the things that were off the menu because we weren't both interested, but that would probably only last for a limited time. Dating?....that was scary 40 years ago, and it's only gotten worse!

[OS OK]

"Be happy...get a DOG!"


https://i.imgur.com/tFERwgPh.jpg

[dverna]

I gota say. Its astounding the things we confess to one another on this forum. Dear Abbey eat your heart out. You young guys who tune in...please learn something.

Having been young long long ago, there is a fact of nature that comes into play.

There is not enough blood in a man to achieve an errection an supply the brain at the same time.

Not many young guys will learn, or be able to apply the knowledge of we old timers.

[country gent]

A few years after my wife died I went on a few dates.Seemed like I was expected to bail them out from their troubles.
My wide and I dated thru her last couple high school years and a couple after that. Were were married 18 years when she was killed In reality none measured up to her.
But unlike a divorce I never had to hear I dont love you anymore.

Now with my issues health and mobility I wont saddle another with that

[gc45]

letting my Wife read this, she says most all women at this age bracket will be looking for money and security, not love and especially not sex! Oh there are the exceptions but hard to find them she says.

[almar]

I agree with the op. I noticed the same thing before I married. But I also noticed that I had an increasing amount of impatience for their crap. The last nutcase, I just walked away in the middlle of a movie and never answered her calls or texts again. She said something feminist and stupid I don't remember what but that was it for me. It wasn't the only thing but it was the last.

[jaysouth]

Cut all the drama and rent them by the half hour.

[OS OK]

"I think some of you Boys are forgetting...maybe don't realize the fact that us Men, especially us 'Old'Greybacks' have our share of baggage & BS also. After being married for 45 years this year, I've finally realized, some time ago I might add...that marriage is a heck of a lot more than a hot looking wife and sex. We both carry the bucket and when one is down the other carries two."

[Eddie Southgate]

I love my wife, been married to her since 1991 and wouldn't take nothing for her but if anything was to happen to her I would never own another one. From what I've seen of women lately they ought to put a bounty on them.

[john.k]

Friend of mine got married at 60 ,new wife accused him of being a bigamist ,cause one of her cronies saw him at another house ......turns out ,he never told the new wife he had a big gun collection,and had to buy another house to keep it all secret from her,because she hates guns.

[Alex_4x4]

I read your revelations, colleagues, and despite different life stories, there are no unfortunates among you.

It's nice to see that.

[Lloyd Smale]

like a few others i love my wife but she the last one. Ive been married twice. First was a flop. THis one has been ok but honestly not easy. Im pretty set in my ways and dont like socializing or going on trips or any bs like that. Add to that at 66 there is no more women that have never been married. If there is a few theres good reason. Every women your going to meet has been divorced and many for good reasons too. Ive found out through the years that about every women can put on a show for a year or two until they get that ring. For the 5k that ring would set me back i can buy quite a few new guns. Sex? I thank GOD the day came where women couldnt use that to twist me in circles. IF anything at my age i have the leverage with sex. Most of us guys loose or addiction and in women it seems there insecurity about getting old and looking old makes them crave it. Nope im fine alone. If i need companionship ill pet my dog.

[Idaho45guy]

Ohh,,,, no, no, no. There is no reason to 'settle' for someone you're not truly happy to be with.
There is no reason why you need to put up with someone that has more red flags than a Chinese military parade.

If you have a decent job, can pass a drug test, don't have to keep appointments with a parole Officer, aren't always
getting hate mail from the IRS, don't constantly emit foul odors, and can carry on a intelligent conversation:
In our modern, enlightened society----YOU are the prize.



Amen!

I read every single response and am amazed at some of the awesome testimonies of love and fortitude. Lots of wisdom in this thread.

I didn't want to brag on my new woman too much in the OP, since the purpose was just to find out other's dating and relationship experiences to see if they are similar to mine. Turns out they mostly are. So now I can brag on my woman without feeling too prideful...

My woman is someone I graduated with 35 years ago. She is intelligent, beautiful, Christian, conservative, and has a 12 yr old daughter.

She divorced her husband five years ago when he told her he wanted an open marriage. He is a Microsoft executive and an absolute leftist ***. He has dual citizenship in England and is a gun-hating control freak.

She moved from the Seattle area to my side of the state and has a nice home in a fancy neighborhood that is paid off. She went back to school after the divorce and got a job as a paralegal in the AG's office.

She is kind, intelligent, disciplined, and thinks I am a gift from God. We declared our love for each other on the second date.

We've known each other for 40 years and just now finally connected. It's been a whirlwind of a romance with many incidents of obvious supernatural influences.

Our official 3rd date is Saturday and I will be going up to Spokane to take her out to a comedy show. I predict we will be married within two years, if not much sooner.

After four decades of dating/marriage, I have learned to detect the danger signs. This woman has very few negatives, and none are deal breakers.

I thank God for her every night and am looking forward to spending the rest of my life with her.

[trapper9260]

There is some things that I check on a women before i go anywhere into a relationship with is how they feel and think about guns and hunting and trapping and fishing and killing animals . That is just for starters. If they do not pass that . they not worth it. Also if they ask for money then they gone. Too many think you are the bank and that is all they really want. Those that been married for a number of years are the ones that found the one that in todays life they are hard to find. Also too many will tell one anything they want to hear then see what they can get, then drop them after they can not get anymore. Age is not the thing , it is who the person is in their heart and mind. If you both have many things in common . It is not a give and take for who you looking for because you will loose in the end , I know I see it happened to a nephew and that is not a happy family. I rather be single then have someone that will not take me for me like I do with them and dose not mind what I do for hobbies and if they want to do them with me is a keeper.

[dverna]

It has been said that a woman marries a man hoping to change him, and he does not. A man marries a woman expecting she will not change, and she does.

I do not know if I have posted this before but there is a lot of truth to it:

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=mark+gungor+tale+of+two+brains&docid=603542677202159631&mid=77B1093CC0689AF1359D77B1093CC0689AF1359D&view=detail&FORM=VIRE

[Wag]

Most of you know my story. I was married to my soul mate for 27 years before she passed away from mesothelioma. She passed in 2016. If I could say anything good about it it was that we knew for several months that it was coming and we had time to talk. Deeply about everything under the sun. Things that all married people should talk about.

She told me to get into another relationship "right away." I'm sure she knew very well that I'm a hermit and would be by myself as a matter of choice. We also realized that even though we were soul mates, there is more than one soul mate for everyone. To believe that there is only one is absurd, given how many people there are in the world.

"Right away" turned into nearly four years. Then, as if a switch were flipped, I realized it was time. I started dating and realized, as may in this thread mentioned, that women in their 50's are pretty psychotic. I won't go into much detail but after six of them, I decided I simply wasn't interested any more.

Then a couple that I hang out with who knew my late wife set me up with one of their mutual friends. We hit it off right away, even during Covid. The "L" word started bouncing around within a couple of months, then a month or two later, the "M" word popped out and two months after that, we moved in together. Then we got married two years ago.

It's been going smashingly well. It's odd that it wasn't until I stopped looking completely that it finally happened. I'm glad it did.

--Wag--

[deces]

Meeting women on the internet is not for the faint of heart. When they give you their number, have a gander at background check site with it or do a google search on it. I have found a fair number of them also are listed on escort sites.

I think the best way to meet a normal person is in public, like at the grocery store or something like that.

[MrWolf]

Meeting women on the internet is not for the faint of heart. When they give you their number, have a gander at background check site with it or do a google search on it. I have found a fair number of them also are listed on escort sites.

I think the best way to meet a normal person is in public, like at the grocery store or something like that.

My gf's daughter did a check on me before the first time she actually came out here. Meeting women in public is not that easy when you are pretty rural. Closest town has a population of 500 and is known for drugs, etc. My shopping places are about 45 minutes away. I literally go out twice a month with possible one or two other times. The internet was really my only option to find what I was looking for. My comment about baggage was real. My gf knew exactly what I meant when I posted it. Major difference between what life gives ya and women who shop for the extra luggage. Like Wag said, it's when you are not looking and feel like you need to find someone that things can turn your way.
Ron

[Thumbcocker]

Anything a man needs to know about life is available on Cast Boolits.

[Winger Ed.]

There is some things that I check on a women before i go anywhere into a relationship with is how they feel and think about guns .


Oh yeah... That was a biggie for me too.
Early on, I asked Mrs. Winger about her feelings on guns.
Quick as a cat,,,,, she said, "I want my own".

I told her I thought we'd get along real well.

[Idaho45guy]

Meeting women in public is not that easy when you are pretty rural. Closest town has a population of 500 and is known for drugs, etc. My shopping places are about 45 minutes away. I literally go out twice a month with possible one or two other times. The internet was really my only option to find what I was looking for.

Yep! Unfortunately, the internet dating sites are barren of eligible women in my area as well. I would get literally maybe half a dozen results on Christian Mingle within 50 miles of my home with none remotely attractive. On OK Cupid, it was maybe twice that number and they were ALL liberal/crazy/fat.

After years of dismal results and sick of getting spam emails from them, I would delete my accounts, then create new ones every year or so to just check things out.

My GF had decided to start dating again New Years and created an account on Christian Mingle. She lives 75 miles from me and in a populated area and went on 4 dates in the first month. None were even remotely a match and a couple were laughably bad.

Somehow, my account popped up as a 99% match, despite me having deactivated it a couple of months prior. She instantly remembered me from school as always a kind and funny guy. She sent me a message and naturally I didn't get it.

After a week of no response, she found me on Facebook and sent me a friend request. I instantly remembered her as the cute little blond that was one of the nerds and had boundless energy. I accepted and we began chatting. Then calling, then met for our first date.

We quickly realized just how perfect of a match we were. We joked that we might be related since our likes and dislikes are so similar.

But, she loves Reuben sandwiches and I don't. Her 4Runner is maroon and mine is white, so some differences, ha!

I had finally accepted being single when she reached out to me. My father had suffered a stroke a couple of weeks prior, so I was busy dealing with his affairs.

She lost both of her parents a few years prior to dementia and was very knowledgeable about the processes and options. She has been invaluable as a sounding board and advisor these past couple of months. She's got a tween daughter that is frustrating, and I raised a frustrating daughter of my own. I truly believe God brought us together to help us both through life's storms.

[Winger Ed.]

On OK Cupid, it was maybe twice that number and they were ALL liberal/crazy/fat.

I wish you well.

That reminds me of one of the MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) sites/youtube channels.
One guy would post 'dating profiles of the day' on his show, then talk and compare men's profiles to them while trying not to laugh.
He'd also do screen shots of the responses they got.

Typical things would be:
Woman's requirements:
Must be over 6', earn 6 figures, be generous, athletic, like to travel & stay in nice resort hotels, and accept me the way I am.

Man's requirements: Don't be fat.
-----And they would get buried in hate mail, and called every thing but a good looking, hard working guy.

[HWooldridge]

I am also blessed to have a very good relationship with my wife for over 44 years. She was 18 and I was 20 when we met - the sparks were immediate (and remain to this day). We don't take it for granted and still express our feelings to each other daily. Several of our mutual friends from those early days are also still married - basically a group of boys who were friends paired off with a group of girls in a similar vein, then each couple married and carved out their own lives together.

We have discussed what the other should do when one passes away, and the answer may well depend on age. In our 60's, either one of us might well try to begin a new relationship - but not so much if it happens in our 80's. My mom buried two husbands then had a guy chasing her when she was 83 (he was 84) but she said it was too late - why would she try to take care of someone else when she couldn't take care of herself?

Of course, everyone is different. I have heard all sorts of horror stories surrounding both divorces and bad marriages so I'm not going to judge anyone else.

[Huskerguy]

Well, this is an interesting thread. I don't have the "stories" many of you have. I met my wife when I was a senior in HS, she was a Junior in two different towns. Got married when I was 19, she was 18. It will be 50 years next August. She has always been a beautiful person in appearance and her life. We both accepted Christ which completely changed our lives, she was 25, I was 26. Now almost 50 years later we kid each other about what the other will do when one is gone. I have two good friends who both lost wives and always kidder her that I wouldn't be gone a week before one of these guys would be calling. One has since remarried.

I am completely helpless around the house. I have never cooked and with the help of youtube I could probably do laundry. We have all other duties divided up and it just works. I could never even imagine talking to another person much less being intimate. We will be driving and just jokingly talk about what exploring the sexual interests of a different person is beyond foreign.

My wife has said that any guy coming around would have to meet her standards of being a Born Again Believer dedicated to the gospel, someone who can use all of my power tools properly, and have their own money. We laugh about it after we say yuck. I am retired from education and very active in our church, have been around a lot of females. I honestly can say I have never met anyone else I would ever consider marrying should something happen. Maybe I am not really looking and of course I have no needs right now.

So you guys are really scaring me but not surprising me. We have a son who is 43, married and divorced and said the dating game is about as many have described in this thread. Depressing.

[Finster101]

I did not get married till I was 36. I am still married to that wonderful woman. I tell my friends and my wife that I am on my first and only marriage. I have a very good thing with my wife and if something were to happen that I found myself single at 62 I don't see being able to find that again.

[Texas by God]

My Much Better Half and I met on June 13th 1987. We married on New Year’s Eve after six months of dating.
So far, so good!
God sent an angel to keep me in line and I’m smart enough to realize it. And I thank HIM daily for her.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[rockrat]

I was 37 when I got married to the wonderful woman that puts up with me. That was almost 32 years ago. We both had given up on finding anyone special and as George Strait sings "Then out of the blue clear sky" we got together. Can't imagine life without her.

[Ed K]

Married my wife in '88 and wouldn't change a thing so no wisdom to offer. Only reason for posting is to offer this is one of the better threads I've came across on Cast Boolits in the nearly 20 years I've been here. Interesting that without going through any later in life changes of circumstance, simply 35 years of marriage itself coupled with living life and watching others over the same timeframe validates just about everything posted here. So for those reasons I agree with an earlier comment that possibly a younger man could read the entire thread and be unable to benefit from it.

[popper]

Dating over 50 -- at the same time? If over 50 yrs old, is it still dating?

[Winger Ed.]

Dating over 50 -- at the same time? If over 50 yrs old, is it still dating?

Sure. I never really understood it,,,,, but I've heard 50 is the new 30.

Maybe it works like something my Dad said one time.
I think I was in my 40s and he mentioned he was having some new aches & pains.
He said he was thinking about going in and have his odometer rolled back 20-30 years.

[historicfirearms]

Imagine again how you felt when you were going through your divorce. I do that every time I think I need to start dating again. And decide that I really don’t want a woman in my life. Being single is very enjoyable for me.

[schutzen-jager]

sorry but i just can not comment on topic because i am 76 + married to the same lady for 57 years -

[Cosmic_Charlie]

Yeah, the women folk are not all they're cracked up to be often. I am happy enough though with mine after nearly 40 years of marriage. I have learned to enjoy making her happy.

[dale2242]

I recently found 2 women that are showing some interest in me.
They both would be my cougars.
One in 86 the other is 88.
I`m 81. :lol:

[Winger Ed.]

One in 86 the other is 88.
I`m 81. :lol:

Don't forget to check out their Mom's to see what they'll look like when they get older.

[Red River Rick]

Don't forget to check out their Mom's to see what they'll look like when they get older.

:killingpc

[Head Shot]

Hello:
Why date over 50 ?
Why not push yer luck and DATE UNDER 50 :-)
I didnt say that but sure typed it MY BAD
Im not a contender im still married to the first gal 48 yrs going strong.
You all just might get me killed with this line of thought :-)
Head Shot

[truckjohn]

Lesson 1 in real life: Everything is a compromise. Perfection is an idea - it doesn't exist on earth. You always "settle." Your car didn't have the perfect feature set, it wasn't reliable enough, or it was too expensive. Your favorite dog chewed holes in everything, had weird allergies, or slobbered water all over the floor every time he drank.

That's life. Everything is always a compromise. You have to decide what compromises you are willing to accept and which ones you are not. The corollary to that is that "somebody willing to put up with you" is an important piece of that compromise. "What hill do you die on?" is an important question for yourself. If the answer is "All of them." ... Well, I hope you are happy dying on that hill all alone.

The next reality is that "The good ones" don't stay on the market long.

I got married late. In the process of dealing with my own problems and failures, I realized that I got along a much better with somebody easy going. I also realized that I can't fix anybody or make them happy. Contentment comes from within. It's a decision we make, just like deciding whether or not that hill is worth dying on. With that knowledge of what specific things were non-negotiable, I was then able to make actual headway via flexibility on everything else. It worked. We've been married 20 years. It hasn't all been easy, but we started off with a good foundation.

[HWooldridge]

Lesson 1 in real life: Everything is a compromise. Perfection is an idea - it doesn't exist on earth. You always "settle." Your car didn't have the perfect feature set, it wasn't reliable enough, or it was too expensive. Your favorite dog chewed holes in everything, had weird allergies, or slobbered water all over the floor every time he drank.

That's life. Everything is always a compromise. You have to decide what compromises you are willing to accept and which ones you are not. The corollary to that is that "somebody willing to put up with you" is an important piece of that compromise. "What hill do you die on?" is an important question for yourself. If the answer is "All of them." ... Well, I hope you are happy dying on that hill all alone.

The next reality is that "The good ones" don't stay on the market long.

I got married late. In the process of dealing with my own problems and failures, I realized that I got along a much better with somebody easy going. I also realized that I can't fix anybody or make them happy. Contentment comes from within. It's a decision we make, just like deciding whether or not that hill is worth dying on. With that knowledge of what specific things were non-negotiable, I was then able to make actual headway via flexibility on everything else. It worked. We've been married 20 years. It hasn't all been easy, but we started off with a good foundation.

That about sums it up - case closed...

[trapper9260]

Lesson 1 in real life: Everything is a compromise. Perfection is an idea - it doesn't exist on earth. You always "settle." Your car didn't have the perfect feature set, it wasn't reliable enough, or it was too expensive. Your favorite dog chewed holes in everything, had weird allergies, or slobbered water all over the floor every time he drank.

That's life. Everything is always a compromise. You have to decide what compromises you are willing to accept and which ones you are not. The corollary to that is that "somebody willing to put up with you" is an important piece of that compromise. "What hill do you die on?" is an important question for yourself. If the answer is "All of them." ... Well, I hope you are happy dying on that hill all alone.

The next reality is that "The good ones" don't stay on the market long.

I got married late. In the process of dealing with my own problems and failures, I realized that I got along a much better with somebody easy going. I also realized that I can't fix anybody or make them happy. Contentment comes from within. It's a decision we make, just like deciding whether or not that hill is worth dying on. With that knowledge of what specific things were non-negotiable, I was then able to make actual headway via flexibility on everything else. It worked. We've been married 20 years. It hasn't all been easy, but we started off with a good foundation.

This sums it up. When you do find the one that looks to work out. If not a good foundation , then it will not last.

[WRideout]

I was introduced to my wife, Betsy, by a mutual friend who insisted we should get to know each other. Our first actual get-together was meeting at her church, sharing a hymnal, and then going out to lunch. At the time I wasn't seriously looking, but she won my heart. In 2004 we were married, and have lived through the ups and downs of married life. I was fifty-two at the time. I have learned a couple of things along the way. I most dislike those qualities in others that I have myself. If looks were important, no woman would have me. and finally, you can't be codependent all by yourself.

Even us older folks can fall in love, and it is a wonderful feeling. It just doesn't last forever. As that addlepated sense of being "in love" dissipates, it can be replaced by genuine intimacy, and a friendship that can't be had any other way.

Wayne

[TXTad]

...
I think the mature women that are out there that are single, don’t have issues with kids or family, have their own money and a comfortable income feel the same. They probably have a very hard time trying to find a guy that isn’t a bum with many issues.
...

I believe you are correct. When I got divorced and started dating again in 2015, it was a challenge and many women I met had the same issues with the men. Still, there are good people out there, they're just harder to find because I think the best ones quit looking.

[DougGuy]

I believe you are correct. When I got divorced and started dating again in 2015, it was a challenge and many women I met had the same issues with the men. Still, there are good people out there, they're just harder to find because I think the best ones quit looking.

You do know the first rule of dating right? All the good ones are TAKEN!

[TXTad]

You do know the first rule of dating right? All the good ones are TAKEN!

I disagree. There are good people who are getting out of bad relationships every day.

Good people are harder find we get older just because there are less of us, and many have just given up.

[Murphy]

I met my first wife on a honky tonk hardwood floor, I met my second wife in Alcoholics Anonymous.

In the past 15 years, two of my friends in their 50's had to get mail order brides, they both seem happy. But a lot of the time, people hate admitting failure of any kind.

I'm 69 now and the wife and I are doing fine. Heaven forbid anything happens to that woman, they may as well dig two holes. Let's face it, we all come with some form of baggage. The same can be said for most of the ladies out there over 50.

Good luck & best wishes for those of you out there who are 50+ looking for a spouse.


Murphy

[FISH4BUGS]

I've been divorced for over 10 years now. I'm 54. I've had 2 serious girlfriends in that time period and both were a bit crazy and around 10 years younger than me.

I had finally come to terms with reality a few months ago and decided that being single was actually pretty darn good.

It seems that every woman over the age of 35 that is single has some serious issues, or comes with lots of "baggage", or is downright unattractive.

I came to the conclusion that dating over the age of 50 means serious compromise in terms of attractiveness, mental health, values, drama, compatibility, etc.

My last girlfriend was sweet, conservative, Christian, attractive, and amorous. But, she also still lived with her parents, was fiscally irresponsible, horrible credit, loved rap, and gained 45 lbs while we dated.

She actually broke up with me because I didn't approve of her fascination with urban culture and didn't enjoy travel to dangerous urban areas. Good riddance.

But, I dated her for 2.5 years despite knowing that she was seriously flawed.

I sadly think that this is normal for people dating past 50. I was willing to overlook all of the danger signs just to avoid being alone.

The girlfriend before her actually said to me that at my age, I needed to find someone that would take care of me in my old age and that I was running out of time. I was 48 at the time. She ended up getting fired from her job for refusing to stop trying to sell her pyramid scheme supplements to coworkers. Crazy.

Dating over 50 is pretty awful, from what I've seen.

Now, I did meet the woman God picked out for me a couple of months ago. 100% certain we will marry.

But I came pretty dang close to settling and am curious as to if other guys over 50 have settled, or have decided to stick to their guns and remain single, or met their miracle gal.

Divorced at 50, never had a problem meeting/dating women, but after a while (actually three year's worth of therapy) I figured out I was not clear on what was important to me in a relationship.
I created a checklist when dating a new woman.
1) Working on, or competed working on her issues, if any, and not needy
2) Not taking any psychotropic medications
3) No kids at home
4) Didn't mind guns
5) Self sufficient
6) Willing to take a roll in the hay
As I got further and further into a relationship, it was like peeling an onion - one layer at a time. I knew what I needed and wanted. When I got to a place that didn't measure up to my needs, I could make an informed decision as to whether or not I would continue on.
It took some time, but 25 years later, we are not married, a committed partnership, and we own our home free and clear.
YMMV.

[fatelk]

This thread has been an interesting one to read. We all have our different perspectives and experiences in life.

I got married a little later than most. We were both about 30 when we met, married in four months. Neither of us had been in a relationship before, no baggage to speak of at all. We had been waiting and knew when we knew. We've been through tough times since then, but tough times that we face together: death of parents, job loss, medical issues, more medical issues, cancer, etc.. Now, two decades and four kids later, still going strong. I think the biggest problem in relationships is selfishness. Sure, she has her flaws and quirks, and I know full well that I have mine. I put up with hers, and she puts up with mine.

I had an aunt, gone now, who was single her whole life. My mom said that she was engaged a couple times when she was young, but always broke it off. She had this idea of perfection, and always found flaws in guys she was seeing. It got worse as she got older, as we all know it does. She ended up pretty lonely.

[Winger Ed.]

I think the biggest problem in relationships is selfishness.

In most classes or courses you'll ever take, there is usually one thing you take away, feel was most important, or remember from it.
Years ago a buddy went to the certification process to become a marriage counselor.

His take away from the course was:
All the problems you'll ever have with any person, is because they didn't live up to your expectations of them.

Along those lines--
I've found that if you don't expect much from someone-- you won't ever be disappointed in them either.

[HWooldridge]

People are complex - and each one of us is blessed and fortunate if we can find someone to spend our lives with.

I knew a little gal in college who was a pure doll - but she liked crazy guys and always wanted to "fix them". She had a full ride on daddy's dime but she dropped out of school to marry a guy who was Satan's little helper; he was into drug dealing and all sorts of nefarious activity. I lost track of her but seriously suspect they were not a lifelong match...:mrgreen:

[Winger Ed.]

I lost track of her but seriously suspect they were not a lifelong match...:mrgreen:

Sounds like one of those deals where he thought she was perfect, and hoped she'd never change.
She thought he was a little rough around the edges, but figured she could change him.

A little farther down the road- it became apparent that she changed, and he never would.

[DougGuy]

Good post Ed, keyword = expectations.

When you go to meet someone new for the first time, go with NO expectations. Let the meeting steer it's own course instead of failing to meet up with your pre conceived notions of how it should go.

You can have the BEST emails and phone conversations, and it's VERY easy to get expectations, and you think WOW this one just HAS to turn out good, but as much as you talk and message with this person, until you actually meet in real life the first time, neither one of you can predict whether you will or will not find chemistry or attraction right off the bat. Sometimes it's instant, many times you need to not push the questions in your own mind, wait and think about things later, often you will realize that at first you didn't feel any connection, but later you feel differently and want to meet again. Or not.

This was one of the more eye opening things about meeting new women for me, so I learned NO expectations for first meeting, and don't be surprised if you just don't feel an attraction (when you both were enjoying the communication SO much).

[FISH4BUGS]

Good post Ed, keyword = expectations..
Better key word: compromise

[abunaitoo]

At first I thought "this guy has a lots of guts, dating 50 women at once."
I can't even find one to talk to me.
I wondered what his secret was.
But then I read more.

[Winger Ed.]

At first I thought "this guy has a lots of guts, dating 50 women at once."
I can't even find one to talk to me. I wondered what his secret was.

Don't give up. Even if you're uglier than a mule's butt--- there's someone out there for ya.:bigsmyl2:

[fatelk]

Good post Ed, keyword = expectations.

When you go to meet someone new for the first time, go with NO expectations. Let the meeting steer it's own course instead of failing to meet up with your pre conceived notions of how it should go.

You can have the BEST emails and phone conversations, and it's VERY easy to get expectations, and you think WOW this one just HAS to turn out good, but as much as you talk and message with this person, until you actually meet in real life the first time, neither one of you can predict whether you will or will not find chemistry or attraction right off the bat. Sometimes it's instant, many times you need to not push the questions in your own mind, wait and think about things later, often you will realize that at first you didn't feel any connection, but later you feel differently and want to meet again. Or not.

This was one of the more eye opening things about meeting new women for me, so I learned NO expectations for first meeting, and don't be surprised if you just don't feel an attraction (when you both were enjoying the communication SO much).

I met my wife online, twenty years ago. We communicated online before we talked, then we talked on the phone a LOT before I drove the 350 miles to meet her.

I remember very well the first time I met her. I was disappointed that there wasn't that instant attraction or chemistry. I was actually more physically attracted to a girl I had hung out with for a while before meeting my wife. I never pursued that one, though; she pretty, sweet, kind, but I also knew she was nuts. I dodged a bullet there, glad I never laid a hand on her.

I was disappointed at the lack of spark when I met my wife, but we got a long so well and were compatible on so many levels that we kept talking and seeing each other. The attraction and feelings developed pretty quick. I'm glad we got to know each other very well before meeting in person, or it might never have been.

[georgerkahn]

BEST wishes! I recall Anna Nicole Smith (age 26) married the one and only true love of her life -- to an 89 year old fellow -- J. Howard Marshall. Sad was the devastating effect it had upon her... believed by many to be the decline..when he predeceased her. Hey -- if "magic is in the air" between ANY two people -- go for it! Life's tooooo short to be in that Nursing Home wheel-chair REGRETTING not have so done!
geo

[Fcb]

BEST wishes! I recall Anna Nicole Smith (age 26) married the one and only true love of her life -- to an 89 year old fellow -- J. Howard Marshall. Sad was the devastating effect it had upon her... believed by many to be the decline..when he predeceased her. Hey -- if "magic is in the air" between ANY two people -- go for it! Life's tooooo short to be in that Nursing Home wheel-chair REGRETTING not have so done!
geo

Yeah - that's what happened. Great analysis and summation.

[snowwolfe]

When you date anyone, the first couple of dates you are meeting the person they want to represent. After a month or so you peel off the layers and see who they really are.

[john.k]

A guy I knew from the 70s and did a lot of deals with was a narcissist and a pathological liar.....he had four wives that I knew of ,and was always cheating when he was married.....he also had a great aversion to paying his debts........never the less ,he had the gift of the gab ,and made a lot of money at times .......when I retired ,I let everyone go that owed me money,anyhoo,he paid me up to within $700 ,which meant I couldnt bankrupt him........then when he found Id written everything off,he wanted his money back.

[trapper9260]

When you date anyone, the first couple of you are meeting the person they want to represent. After a month or so you peel off the layers and see who they really are.

This so true, you need to push their buttons to see who they are really. Because of at first you both want to impress each other and then the true self comes out for who each is. One can not keep up try to impress the other in time they let their guard down. I seen it with many I talk with on line.

[Buzz Krumhunger]

Lots of good insight here. I’m 65 and I lost my wife of 33 years last November, to a brain tumor. I’m not actively looking for someone but the opinions you guys have posted are very interesting to read.