Old Geezer

[abunaitoo]

How old do you have to be to become an Old Geezer????

[BLAHUT]

That is in my rear-view mirror.............

[rancher1913]

you qualified a long time ago [smilie=s:












sarcasum

[square butte]

If you reside in Geezer Valley - You are there.

[Bad Ass Wallace]

I got my 'first' grey hairs at 16, and went down hill from there! There is also a good reason behind my avatar.

https://i.imgur.com/ukkmH8rm.jpg

[Winger Ed.]

When you have socks and under wear older than your co-workers.

[pworley1]

My son has been calling me one since I turned 50.

[WRideout]

With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy:

You might be a Geezer

You might be a Geezer if:

1. When you see an attractive teen-age girl, it reminds you of your daughter.
2. Cutting the grass has become a consuming passion for you.
3. You really believe you look good in purple and white.
4. All the artwork in your home is in plastic frames.
5. You show people family pictures more than once a day.
6. Your favorite waitress automatically gives you decaf.
7. You think of Led Zeppelin as traditional music.
8. You write letters to the editor in the hopes it will change someone’s mind about something.
9. You really believe there hasn’t been a good American car built since 1970.
10. You can’t remember why jogging used to be fun.
11. When you meet friends, the main topic of discussion is the most recent surgery one of you had.
12. You have a favorite chair.
13. You stay to talk to your barber, after your hair is cut.
14. You own a poodle (or Pekinese, or Chihuahua.)
15. Your main social activities involve church or bingo.
16. You wear a sweater when the temperature gets below 70 degrees.
17. All the varieties of cereal in your pantry have bran in them.
18. Your art collection consists of old calendar pictures.

[Finster101]

It's more a state of mind than an age. I crossed over a long time ago. Most of the time old geezer fits me, but I can become a grumpy old man pretty quick.

[Hick]

....about the time you realize where the expression "old fart" came from

[1I-Jack]

....when you lose the belt and start wearing suspenders.

[hoodat]

When your kids start looking old. jd

[BLAHUT]

It's more a state of mind than an age. I crossed over a long time ago. Most of the time old geezer fits me, but I can become a grumpy old man pretty quick.

YES; Grumpa; Just like a regular grandpa only grumpier.

[samari46]

I'm 76 so I guess I qualify as an old geezer. Frank

[Dio]

How big is your pill box? ( or how many pills do you take daily? )..........

[BrassMagnet]

When you have socks and under wear older than your co-workers.

I have dumped co-workers two times because of that!

[Lifeshort]

How old do you have to be to become an Old Geezer????
When you figure the last shoes you bought are probably the last pair you ever are going to need and wonder if you will be around long enough to justify buying green bananas

[elk hunter]

At least ten years older than I am. I'm currently 25 but have 52 years experience at being 25. I don't plan on growing up or old.

[JoeJames]

Went by Walmart about a year ago with a long list from my wife. I also had picked up a 4 pack of Guinness, and 6 bottles of Yuengling Black and Tan as my personal reward for doing the shopping.

Anyhow, fixing to go through checkout, got there at the same time as a black feller in a ARDOT vest (Arkansas Department of Transportation), looked to be in his 30's, told me to go ahead, I thanked him, told him the beer was my reward for doing the shopping, then proceeded through checkout. Other Delta folks around.

Then another black feller behind me asked the checker, “Ain’t you going to card him”?

I responded, “What for? ... “for being too old?”

They all busted out laughing. They were all still laughing when I wheeled the cart on down towards the exit.

[Texas by God]

When I get carded- I state that I'm working on turning 21- for the 4th time.....

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[jonp]

When you see a beautiful young lady in a halter top and shorts and your first thought os " man, she must be cold"

[blackthorn]

When you tell your kid you "helped an old guy that looked like he was going to collapse", and the kid says, "define old". OR---when your kid says, "I am planning to retire in 5 years when I turn 67"!!!!

[HollandNut]

I always figger 15 older than me . I told some one several years ago on my birthday when they asked how old I was , that when I hit 50 , I started counting backwards and with some luck I would get to before I was borned . So on my current math system I am 35 .

[Winger Ed.]

that when I hit 50 , I started counting backwards . So on my current math system I am 35 .

That's about the time I decided to put my birthdays on the Metric system everyone is so crazy about.

But I have a couple of issues:
Is there 10 days in a week? 10 weeks/100 days in a month? Is there 100 days in a year, or 1,000?
How many months in a year-- 10, or 100?

Being on the Metric system, when someone asks how old I am, since nobody understands it anyway,
so I can tell them anything. I might be 30, or 976---- nobody knows for sure.

[Winger Ed.]

I have dumped co-workers two times because of that!

I always liked working with the kids.
A few thought they'd cross swords with me from time to time. It never ended well for them.

Most of us in the shop usually brought our Lunch.
One kid thought it would be funny to hide my Lunch one day.
It wasn't. A few days later--- He got real upset when I put a rat trap in his.

I thought his reaction was real funny. Him, not so much. I told him I'd been playing "Payback is a MEDEVAC"*
when his parents were still in elementary school, and over the years, I had gotten real good at it.

*
We did that some in the Service:
That's a game where when someone plays a practical joke on you--
you have to play a better or more dangerous one on them. And so on and so on......
The game doesn't end until someone gives up, or has to go to the Emergency Room.

[facetious]

Last time I got my hair cut the gal doing it gave me a complementary eye brow trim.

You know your getting old when they trim your eye brows to get the hair out of your eyes.

[imashooter2]

When work started hiring college graduates that hadn’t been born when I started at the company, it started to dawn on me.

[dale2242]

I haven`t been called Geezer yet.
I have been called "Old Fart" a lot.
I know that I have become an Old Fart when my barber had to cut the hair out of my ears so that my hearing aids would stay in place.
I am 80 years old.

[Good Cheer]

When women start holding the door open for you.

[WRideout]

When you see a beautiful young lady in a halter top and shorts and your first thought os " man, she must be cold"

I once saw a young lady bending over to reveal her thong underwear, and thought "Must be a plumber."

Wayne

[littlejack]

Just had my 73rd on the 10th. I'm not old, but getting older. I tell young'ns not to call me sir, it makes me feel old.
I'm not an Old Geezer. "YET"

[Hickok]

I have dumped co-workers two times because of that!Brass magnet, check your PM's, as they are full![smilie=s:

[Smoke4320]

when your ear hair needs trimming

[kerplode]

"Old Geezer" is more of an attitude than a number on the calendar...

[gwpercle]

You talk to the TV

Your mouth filter no longer works ...

You start doing things your Dad did ... turning out lights , closing cabinet doors .

The high point to your week is going grocery shopping .

Your wife won't leave you unsupervised for more than 24 hours .

You try to show the sales clerk your I.D. card when buying beer .

When all you got left is nothing but faded memories ... then you is Old & Geezered !

All we can do is Keep On Keeping On ...
Gary

[Eddie Southgate]

My wife say's I have always been one as long as she's known me . I was in my early 30's when we got married. She said I had a 34 year old body with a 90 year old thought process. I can live with that.

[MUSTANG]

When women start holding the door open for you.

:groner:

Happened to me last week.

[rintinglen]

When you get up in the morning and it sounds like you stepped in a pile of dried leaves.

When you won't stoop down for any coin smaller than a quarter.

When a second cup of coffee is your definition of risk taking.

When you notice that half your graduating class is already passed on.

Friend, you're a geezer.

[super6]

How big is your pill box? ( or how many pills do you take daily? )..........

Now that there is a qualifier!

[1hole]

I have been called "Old Fart" a lot.

I am not "old." Yet ... maybe next year? But, I think we all may rightly be called Geezers when we reach a maturity where childish people's prophan tantrums don't mean anything at all to us.

I'm a born and raised southern boy, now living in the mountains of North Carolina. I grew up being taught to be polite and not to insult or humiliate others, especially old folks and women, if it can be avoided. I still try to live that way.

Like - I did a little grocery shopping for the wife yesterday. Some tender "young" (overweight and quite self-important 60ish) Karen with an irritating NYC accent walked up to me to vent her temper about something I did that she didn't like. When she finally slowed enough to gasp for breath I quietly asked her what part of the North she came from. She realized what I meant and that REALLY made her unhappy! I moved along but was amused and grinning the whole time, politely trying not to speak harshly or laff in her face. Even so, she became truly enraged when she finally realized she could neither offend me or make me angry because I clearly didn't care one way or the other about her childish public display and ill tempered frothing at the mouth.

Does that attitude make me a "mean old geezer" or am I still just an old phart? :)

[Winger Ed.]

I am not "old." I grew up being taught to be polite and not to insult or humiliate others, especially old folks and women, if it can be avoided. I still try to live that way.

Years ago, there was a thing going around giving advice to all the refugees coming from 'Up Nawth" to the Southern states.

One I remember was telling the new immigrants:
"You better be nice to the silver haired, little old ladies here. Or they'll slap some manners into your ass, just like they did ours"

[1hole]

Years ago, there was a thing going around giving advice to all the refugees coming from 'Up Nawth" to the Southern states.

It's not a "north/south" thing at all. Some of the nicest people I know are "nawtheners." And even they despise pushy, arrogant, obnoxious, loud and foul-mouthed damp yankees.

[compass will]

I know a cure. I moved into a 55-plus neighborhood where all my neighbors are more than 20 years my senior. I am young :)

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[1hole]

I know a cure. I moved into a 55-plus neighborhood where all my neighbors are more than 20 years my senior. I am young :)

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Sadly, there ain't no cure. Like Covid 19, they're everywhere.

I'm a native of northwest Florida. I gave my home state to the rising masses of arrogant Damp Yankees (hereinafter, the D.Y.s) in 1968 but they have increasingly followed me to the sunny side of the Blue Ridge Parkway in southwestern N.C.

Thankfully, the D.Y.'s haven't (yet) totally inundated our small mountain town. But they are coming, ho' boy they are coming! And here, just as in Florida, as they become an observably larger portion of the public, the jerks among them feel freer to express their native obnoxiousness. Most northerners are fine and helpful folk but domineering D.Y. jerks are hard-core social and political progressive idiots determined to make things worse everywhere they go. And I know off no cures that don't involve hard objects, such as baseball bats.

D.Y.s seem compelled to tell us how great things were "back home". Well, some of you may understand that we southern dummies wonder if their "back home" was/is so great, why in the world did they come down here seeking to make us copies of what they were in such a hurry to leave?

This isn't about hate, please understand that I hate no one. Personally, I love every one of them ... but I have to admit I don't like them all! So, as you may guess, I really would love to see the D.Y's just leave here and go back up north to Miami where so many of them came from! And they should take their burning desire for ever tighter gov. control of the public at large, their massively inflated housing prices AND their astonishing love of constantly higher taxes with them.

As a tired and retired, broken up and worn-out (adopted) Tarheel of 50+ years now I say let's get them out of here and let Florida continue to deal with surplus D.Y.s. Florida's recent election results suggest that the lock grip Deemorcrats have held on FL's throat since Reconstruction is finally being torn loose, one bloody baby finger at a time. That means a lot of good ol' honest, helpful, kind, polite, freedom loving and hardworking Florida rednecks plus a pile of really good Hispanics are finally learning how to effectively push the nawth's nasty, pushy Karens back. And it seems to be driving the dims - I mean, the Dems - nuts! (I like that.) ;)

[725]

1hole. -- Being smarter doesn't make you a mean old geezer or an old phart, it just makes you the winner! Well played. My hat's off to you.

[Winger Ed.]

I know a cure. I moved into a 55-plus neighborhood where all my neighbors are more than 20 years my senior. I am young :)

Years ago there was a story about a guy who was about 65 and moved into one of those senior communities.
In a few months, he moved back out.

Every time some little something needed doing---- everybody else there said, "Get the kid to do it".

[gwpercle]

Sadly, there ain't no cure. Like Covid 19, they're everywhere.

I'm a native of northwest Florida. I gave my home state to the rising masses of arrogant Damp Yankees (hereinafter, the D.Y.s) in 1968 but they have increasingly followed me to the sunny side of the Blue Ridge Parkway in southwestern N.C.

Thankfully, the D.Y.'s haven't (yet) totally inundated our small mountain town. But they are coming, ho' boy they are coming! And here, just as in Florida, as they become an observably larger portion of the public, the jerks among them feel freer to express their native obnoxiousness. Most northerners are fine and helpful folk but domineering D.Y. jerks are hard-core social and political progressive idiots determined to make things worse everywhere they go. And I know off no cures that don't involve hard objects, such as baseball bats.

D.Y.s seem compelled to tell us how great things were "back home". Well, some of you may understand that we southern dummies wonder if their "back home" was/is so great, why in the world did they come down here seeking to make us copies of what they were in such a hurry to leave?

This isn't about hate, please understand that I hate no one. Personally, I love every one of them ... but I have to admit I don't like them all! So, as you may guess, I really would love to see the D.Y's just leave here and go back up north to Miami where so many of them came from! And they should take their burning desire for ever tighter gov. control of the public at large, their massively inflated housing prices AND their astonishing love of constantly higher taxes with them.

As a tired and retired, broken up and worn-out (adopted) Tarheel of 50+ years now I say let's get them out of here and let Florida continue to deal with surplus D.Y.s. Florida's recent election results suggest that the lock grip Deemorcrats have held on FL's throat since Reconstruction is finally being torn loose, one bloody baby finger at a time. That means a lot of good ol' honest, helpful, kind, polite, freedom loving and hardworking Florida rednecks plus a pile of really good Hispanics are finally learning how to effectively push the nawth's nasty, pushy Karens back. And it seems to be driving the dims - I mean, the Dems - nuts! (I like that.) ;)

:goodpost:
The South Shall Rise Again !

Damp Yankees ...:-D

[Winger Ed.]

:goodpost:
The South Shall Rise Again

Back in my performance boat/hydroplane days,
I hung with a bunch of river racers and assorted crazy guys from down around the New Orleans neighborhood.

To give an idea of their level of crazy:
A couple of them scrounged up an old junk Alum. pontoon boat and restored it.
To get it up and over 110 miles an hour on flat water-- they hung a pair of 225 horse Mercury outboards on it.
Another fun thing was to water ski at about 100 miles per hour.

Some of them would tell ya straight up--- anybody living North of Interstate 10 is a Yankee.

[compass will]

:goodpost:
The South Shall Rise Again !

Damp Yankees ...:-D

I lost family on both sides of the Civil war, and one around Fort Kenny TX (Roundrock) before the war.
My wife is from Macon GA, so I felt like i was allowed to move south.

[1hole]

I lost family on both sides of the Civil war, and one around Fort Kenny TX (Roundrock) before the war.

The 1861-65 sectional fight wasn't a "civil" war (but our 1776 Revolution against England was). Civil wars are when a mixture of a country's citizens seek to seize control of a country's central government and push the others out. Revolutions are when parts of a country declare themselves an independent country. Our sectional fight was the latter because there was never any southern desire to conquer or control our brothers in the north and they knew it. The South simply fought invaders to push them out of our new nation. World wide, we'll find that most people will still do that.

Let's be honest about the South's failed war of independence; it was indeed a revolution. Everyone knows the South never wanted anything to do with a northern occupation nor control of the government of the United States. So, the North (Lincoln) created a war of conquest of a newly independent country, meaning it was NOT a "civil war." Most Southerners' remain quite proud of our forefathers' resistance to invasion. Therefore we tend to object to ignorant northerners' frequently sneering insults about those tuff and brave men's accomplishments in the field.

NOTE: It's worth mentioning at this point that America's war of independence from the British was mostly fought in the north but it was won in the south! Ditto the War of 1812.

From 1861 to 1864, the North fought long and died hard to regain control of a good place for their great-great-grandkids to retire without a passport. And that's basically all the North's armed forces got for their sacrifices. But the bloody merchants of four years of war got filthy rich(er), as usual.

In the event, the North invaded the South and finally defeated a hurredly formed a nearly untrained and poorly supplied amature army about one quarter of its size, in "only" four years. After 1865, the Union military ground the south's starving population in the dirt for more years, as if the CSA was an evil foreign county who threatened the North's survival. (The South did greatly resent those long years of the North's oppressive political and economic "carpet bagger" domineering over a diminished people on their knees.)

At the end, the winners always get to control the public record. Calling our southern independence fight a "civil" war sounds much better than calling it what it was. Exactly like today's Russia vs. Ukraine fight, our so called "civil war" was a politically trumped-up war to sustain a weak union by invasion and conquest by a vastly stronger neighborhood bully nation.

Pink panty historians can call the war of Northern Aggression whatever they wish but saying it was a "civil war" is no more honest than males declaring themselves women so they can oggle neccked little girls in (Democrat controlled) school locker rooms and compete against the girls in sports.

But all those facts don't matter now, after all, it was some 150 years ago! The only ones in either camp still wanting to mouth fight about it are the Damp Yankees.[/quote]


My wife is from Macon GA, so I felt like i was allowed to move south.

Macon is a good place.

You'll be allowed and even welcomed in the South IF you prove you're not just another Damp Yankee. (Fact is, we really don't give a damp how anyone does anything up nawth!) So, come on down, you'll usually be taken at face value unless/until you prove to be just another D.Y. Then having a wife from Macon won't obtain anything but pity and prayers for enlightenment.

:)

[compass will]

I remember meeting her grandmother. She said, "he seems alright for being a yankee." :)

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[alamogunr]

This thread called to mind something that was attributed to a local doctor, now long deceased. He told a nurse, a repatriated northerner: "Yankees were like hemoroids: A pain in the *** and wouldn't stay up there where they belonged".

I don't know what she did to incur his ire.

[JoeJames]

The 1861-65 sectional fight wasn't a "civil" war (but our 1776 Revolution against England was). Civil wars are when a mixture of a country's citizens seek to seize control of a country's central government and push the others out. Revolutions are when parts of a country declare themselves an independent country. Our sectional fight was the latter because there was never any southern desire to conquer or control our brothers in the north and they knew it. The South simply fought invaders to push them out of our new nation. World wide, we'll find that most people will still do that.

Let's be honest about the South's failed war of independence; it was indeed a revolution. Everyone knows the South never wanted anything to do with a northern occupation nor control of the government of the United States. So, the North (Lincoln) created a war of conquest of a newly independent country, meaning it was NOT a "civil war." Most Southerners' remain quite proud of our forefathers' resistance to invasion. Therefore we tend to object to ignorant northerners' frequently sneering insults about those tuff and brave men's accomplishments in the field.

NOTE: It's worth mentioning at this point that America's war of independence from the British was mostly fought in the north but it was won in the south! Ditto the War of 1812.

From 1861 to 1864, the North fought long and died hard to regain control of a good place for their great-great-grandkids to retire without a passport. And that's basically all the North's armed forces got for their sacrifices. But the bloody merchants of four years of war got filthy rich(er), as usual.

In the event, the North invaded the South and finally defeated a hurredly formed a nearly untrained and poorly supplied amature army about one quarter of its size, in "only" four years. After 1865, the Union military ground the south's starving population in the dirt for more years, as if the CSA was an evil foreign county who threatened the North's survival. (The South did greatly resent those long years of the North's oppressive political and economic "carpet bagger" domineering over a diminished people on their knees.)

At the end, the winners always get to control the public record. Calling our southern independence fight a "civil" war sounds much better than calling it what it was. Exactly like today's Russia vs. Ukraine fight, our so called "civil war" was a politically trumped-up war to sustain a weak union by invasion and conquest by a vastly stronger neighborhood bully nation.

Pink panty historians can call the war of Northern Aggression whatever they wish but saying it was a "civil war" is no more honest than males declaring themselves women so they can oggle neccked little girls in (Democrat controlled) school locker rooms and compete against the girls in sports.

But all those facts don't matter now, after all, it was some 150 years ago! The only ones in either camp still wanting to mouth fight about it are the Damp Yankees.



Macon is a good place.

You'll be allowed and even welcomed in the South IF you prove you're not just another Damp Yankee. (Fact is, we really don't give a damp how anyone does anything up nawth!) So, come on down, you'll usually be taken at face value unless/until you prove to be just another D.Y. Then having a wife from Macon won't obtain anything but pity and prayers for enlightenment.

:)[/QUOTE]

All very well put! BTW when I was in High School in Louisiana in the mid 60's, the Louisiana history textbook called the Civil War "The War of Northern Aggression". I still have kinfolks in Walker County, GA - Chickamauga area. My branch left for Arkansas at war's end - too many burnt farmsteads.

[Wayne Smith]

Does that attitude make me a "mean old geezer" or am I still just an old phart? :)

Neither it makes you a gentleman which is even rarer.

[1hole]

Thank you Wayne, I didn't expect anything like that.

[abunaitoo]

Would I be a yankee????
I'm as far west a possible, and we are the "upper" 48.
I'm hate to be a yankee.

[Forty Rod Ray]

Gentlemen, I believe that being a “geezer” is not a statement of age, it’s a state of mind, an attitude…

[Winger Ed.]

Would I be a yankee????
I'm as far west a possible, and we are the "upper" 48.
I'm hate to be a yankee.

You're definitely from the far western unexplored regions of 'Not Texas'.

[1hole]

You're definitely from the far western unexplored regions of 'Not Texas'.

Where we are born is in God's hands. Thus, being "from" anywhere except South America is an unfortunant event that falls on most of humanity. Individually, it simply can't be helped but it need not be a serious handicap in anyone's life.

However, being an unpleasant Damp Yankee is a conscious personal choice; a crude and offensive choice for the rest of the world. It may be influenced by inherited defects in the DNA but it's not uncontrollable. D.Y.s occur everywhere humans set foot but observed evidence shows they most commonly spring from the populations of the northeastern regions of the United States.

Unpleasant people are unhappy people. Unhappy people take satisfaction by spraying their unhappiness on their world; D.Y.s habitually take satisfaction by making people around them unhappy and even angry. That's sad for both the people they insult AND for themselves.

I'm a happy man, I live a happy life. I don't like everyone I see but I hate no one at all so I can happily refuse to partake in D.Y.s poisoned spittle fights; they aren't used to that and it drives them nuts! :)

[Kosh75287]

I recently read a thing on the subject that I rather liked:

"Too old to fight, too slow to run, STILL young enough to shoot DAMN good & ruin your day!"

[Winger Ed.]

"Too old to fight, too slow to run, STILL young enough to shoot DAMN good & ruin your day!"

I used to work with a guy that was one of those body builder muscle heads.
He would have been a great bully if anyone let him.

I met him about my second day on the job, and he tried all that 'puff up and look bad' with me.
I told him, "Dude, you're too big to whup. I hope I don't have to shoot you".

We got along great after that and traded insults & 'zingers' for the 11 years I was there.

[JoeJames]

There was a fellow in Lions Club who used to tease the fire out of another member - he'd put a shot of Tabasco in his ice tea and crap like - not terrible but ... Once I asked him why he didn't pick on me like that. He replied "James, I know you are about half crazy, I figured I'd be wearing that glass of tea if I did that to you". He was right actually, as I had already decided that would be the proper response.