People are hurting for friendship:

[Traffer]

I posted this on my MeWe page but I don't think anyone will actually see it. sigh So I am also posting it here for the consideration of you folks. All comments are appreciated:

I was brought to realize something recently. Reading comments on a Youtube video on "How to get free stuff" (from your friends) By Jeremy Feilding, one person posted "First you have to have friends 😢. "
I thought it was a joke and commented that it made me laugh.
That prompted quite a few replies on the fact that many people out there in internet land REALLY do not have friends.
Some even rebuked me for taking it lightly.
Let me say here right now. I HAD NO IDEA.
I am 68 years old and NEVER had a problem finding or making or having friends.
On the contrary, I have lamented more than once that friends were a burden that often wore me out. And half jokingly said "I need to get rid of some of my friends".
But here I am now actually shocked by the state of our society that so many people struggle with sadness over not having friends.
In fact I was just praying for them.
It actually breaks my heart to think of.
I can and will be praying but thinking of what else I can do, came up with several ideas:
One obviously is to make more friends to try to cheer people up. Comfort people. Show grace and mercy to them. All things I needed to consider anyway as a disciple of Jesus Christ. He did, after all, say "do unto others as you would have them do unto you". Okay I will repent..
Another idea:
Teach people how to make friends. Yes, I can do that. But it must done with the utmost consideration.
People who don't have friends generally do not like to be taught either. (just part of the new society that has been spawned since the absence of Christian charity.
Yes Christian charity is the key. "Love one another" is a practically defunct directive in our youth. It has been for quite some time.
I dare say few people know what phileo is anymore. (philéō -from phílos, "affectionate friendship" – properly, to show warm affection in intimate friendship, characterized by tender, heartfelt consideration and kinship. )
So how to you instruct a person to gain a practical knowledge of this concept?
I guess baby steps?
We all have a desire to be loved.
We all have a desire to be accepted.
How does one get someone to accept them?
Actually even before the desire to be accepted I guess would come being interested enough in someone else to even desire to be accepted.
I dare say many folks have acquiesced to the point of not having any interest in other people. (comes from prolonged discouragement).
When I was a youngster (10 or 12 yrs old?) My dad was concerned for me because I had lost interest in making friends.
I will never forget his admonition: "Boy, take an interest in people".
I have come to realize, looking back at my life, if there is one quality I have that has helped me in life it is the fact that I have been doing just that. I guess I made a habit of it.
I believe it is the KEY to making friends...
Simply
"TAKE AN INTEREST IN PEOPLE"
Many years later I found the same directive in the Bible...Philippians 2:4 "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others".
End of lesson #1

[abunaitoo]

Speaking of friends.
One just stopped by today.
Dropped off bags of empty cans and bottles and..............
a big box of ammo.
Haven't had a chance to go through it, but it's good to have friends.

[MrWolf]

Lot of folks today confuse their jobs with having a life or just expect for friends, dates, etc. to just show up at their door with no effort. See it first hand with my son. To much anonymous time spent with computers and games.

[dverna]

IMHO women are the worst. They complain about not having friends. They resent their man having fun with his friends. Most women can not have a disagreement and move on...they let it fester and poison relationships.

Agree with Wolf....too many people spend too much time on computers and worse of all “smart” phones. Go to a restaurant and see how many are sitting with others and texting or checking email, facebook, Twitter, or whatever the latest craze is.

[dangitgriff]

It is no coincidence that the atomization via secularization of the Western World’s population and the centralization of government power are parallel phenomena. Adherence to religious dogma incorporates a deference to a government authority that the global population is rejecting thus far in the 21st century. Government and religion have failed the people rebelling in the streets.
On the other side of this conversation, Tolkien’s vision of the One Ring and Orwell’s fear of the omnipresent government are warnings that have gone largely unheeded. Continued rejection of the canon of Christianity will only lead us further into ruin. A prompt and timely return to the status quo ante of the last century would be a good first step to re-evaluate what we desire our future to become. I fear it may be too late and friendships will continue to decline as the polarization of society as a whole through the politicization of every aspect of daily life continues at its current relentless pace. Friendships free of politics are becoming rarer by the year.
R/Griff

[gnappi]

I'm in the "I don't care to have friends" camp. My Mom used to say "If you acquire ONE life long friend during your life, consider yourself fortunate".

My experiences with "friends" over my life has been a drift in and out affair. I was lucky to have one life long friend who passed away too young at 61 in 2014, as well as others long gone also.

Dverna's observation:

"Most women can not have a disagreement and move on...they let it fester and poison relationships"

I find this true of men also.

[Land Owner]

Everyone has a camera looking for a victim. It is an era of "social justice" in the court of public opinion with a media inspired high dose of get rich quick. Having a "following" on social media is more important than developing real people skills. Take for example (a real bad example) the girl that LET her sister DIE after a car accident so that the surviving sister could get "good video" for her Twitter "following" rather than provide her injured sister with life sustaining first aid. How "friendly" was that - blood?

In this communication age, reminiscent of WWII, with text abbreviations for everything, there is no personality in anything anymore. Too many let their TV tell them in what to be afraid - and in madness they listen. Few are willing to take a hard stand. Fewer still actually THINK for themselves. Education is squandered and lacking.

There are too many Sheeple willing to go along to get along rather than GET A LIFE. Who wants to befriend someone that is High Maintenance? You have to be a friend with some semblance of a personality and social skills in order to meet people, make friends, and keep a relationship.

What is the cliché, meet her in a bar - lose her in a bar? Another is akin to "break a girl from her pack" in order to foster a relationship. It is NATURAL and in our GENES to want the attention of others, particularly the attention of the opposite sex (now condemned to pronouns and not knowing in which bathroom to go). The rise of LGBTQ is a breakdown in social norms. Sodom and Gomorrah days are looming - again.

It is TOUGH to start a relationship. It takes intestinal fortitude to suffer rejection and to keep trying. Those that succeed advance society. Those that fail leave this life having marked nothing of value.

[Parson]

Proverbs 18:24

[GhostHawk]

How can you possibly have a real friend when you have your nose buried in your phone all the time?

Friendship takes 1 on 1 attention, 110% attention. When they call, you drop everything and go.

You have to be ready to forgive one unforgivable fault right off the start.
They are going to believe in something you do not, or they are going to have some kind of personal habit that if left alone would drive you around the bend. You have to be ready to forgive that. Put it totally out of mind.

I had a hunting friend for years that was married, had 3 kids. He was always 15 to 25 minutes late. So I just started adding a half hour. If I wanted to roll at 4:30 I told him 4. And I made sure I was 15 minutes early just in case.

It can't be all one way, it has to be give and take.
My wife has been complaining about a new friend of mine. When he showed up with a nice Finn M39 Mosin I gave him 20 rounds of soft point ammo on stripper clips. She complained about it. Today he showed up, just to talk, found me struggling trying to figure out how to get a drain pain under a new main floor washing machine. 10 minutes later between the 2 of us it was done.
Bit of my know how, bit of his strength.

Friends are like seeds, they have to be cultivated, watered, encouraged, loved.

And if you are lucky enough to have 3-5 real friends through your life, consider yourself lucky.
I mean the kind that will drive 50 miles to tow you home. Or who will show up at 3am to bail you out of jail.

And it is always a 2 way street. Both sides have to get something out of it.

[cp1969]

A good friend will help you move.

A REALLY good friend will help you move a body.

[BigAlofPa.]

Friends come and go. I have a few true friends. They are my family and pets. My neighbor and i are good friends. Were always doing things for each other. Free stuff i do not look to get. I like to earn it. Even something as simple as gathering brass,berry's wild garlic. A fresh rabbit ,pheasant deer. Those items we work for. Via time put in. Gas to feed the vehicle to get to those items.

[MrWolf]

Think a lot of folks are just scared of being alone. Tried explaining that you really need to be happy with yourself first. I happen to like being left alone. Luckily found a woman who agrees (well two of us alone). Life is to short. Not happy with how it is, change it.

[RU shooter]

I'm in the only have a few friends camp , I was raised in middle of no where all my life and learned to be happy being alone still that way for the most part but the few friends I have now I treasure as I know if I would need one in the middle of the night they would be by my side in minutes . My wife is the polar opposite a true social butterfly and enjoys meeting new people and socializing

[Bazoo]

Hurting for friendship describes how I feel. I have a few friends, and while some are decent enough, it's mostly one sided. Most of them don't come to my home. One friend comes down to use my range. Other than that, folks mostly don't come down.

I been lonely all my life.

Started by being an only child. Dad died when I was 5. Grew up poor. There was no money for me to join scouts or play sports. I didn't have any friends from school that came over, nor that I visited.

When I was 13 we moved next to a cousin. We played a lot for a few years. But we grew apart because we couldn't get along. He wanted to boss me, rarely play my games. Playing video games with him consisted of me watching him play. And he was a perv, I wasn't.

When I got a job, I made friends, 1 I still have. But most didn't last past their employment.

The friends I have, 3 I consider good friends, none of which I can count on. I could count on them if they could fit me in their schedules, probably.

One friend I go to the gun store with occasionally. He uses my range. He is unsafe and has had a negligent discharge in my house. Thankfully no one was hurt. He's my only friend that has interest in guns, and is a nice enough person. We have fun going to gun stores together though I'm embarrassed when he looks at a gun without checking it for loaded. I check even if the clerk checks first.

Another friend, he's an okay friend but his wife is snooty, which has rubbed off on him, and since I'm a little rough, we don't spend much time together. They keep a real nice house. We live in a house that ain't real nice. Those don't mix well, they don't visit much. Not to mention their kids are savages. I can't count on him, though if he has time he will help me. We been friends 20 years nearly. He likes guns, but only as a hunting tool.

I remember a time that those two friends went to the machinegun shoot and didn't offer to take me. I said why didn't you mention it. The latter told me, well you always decline to go other places. The other places they had went were laser tag in the middle of the night, concerts, things I have no interest in. They knew I'd like to go to the machinegun shoot but left me out.

The other person I consider a friend is a flibbertigibbet. She's nice enough but tells you all of everyone else's business. So we can only assume she tells everyone else all of our business. She's our neighbor a few miles up the road, and she'll help us when she can. Example, our vaccum cleaner is on the fritz, she loaned us hers. Our car is on the fritz, she will take my wife to town.

Might as well tell you the story of how I got a wife, since I ain't a socially successful person. We met online on MySpace. So we decided it was gods will for us to be together. I drove from KY to NC and picked her up. Her folks were on vacation, and she moved back with me the first time she layed eyes on me. We got married a week later. She was 18, so even though her folks called the law on us there was no recourse. Been married 12 years.

She's the best friend I have.

[farmbif]

live long enough and get like me all my friends dying off.

[poppy42]

I just have a couple things to say in response. First off I have very few friends. I have a lot acquaintances but very few true friends. Second off, the Friends that I have didn’t become friends because they read some post I made on some social media or Internet whatever. I don’t do Facebook, Twitter, or any other so-called social media Internet site. And no I do not consider this forum to be social media. I consider it a place where like-minded individuals can teach and be taught various aspects of reloading.
All my friends have become my friends over time. They did not become my friends because they liked some particular photo or statement that I posted someplace. They are my friends because I respect them, I enjoy communicating with them, I trust them, and I value their opinions as they value mine. And it doesn’t matter whether I agree with their opinions or not. That’s just a few of the criteria it takes for me to consider someone my friend. And no I don’t desire to be loved or liked. As a matter fact I have quite often said dogs are like people not so much. I’m sorry if that seems arrogant to some it’s not meant to be it’s just the way I am.

[megasupermagnum]

It was probably just a guy venting. Kinda hard to make friends this year when you can be legally fined for socializing.

[Winger Ed.]

A good friend will help you move.
A REALLY good friend will help you move a body.

A friend will come bail you out of jail at 3:00 AM.

A good friend will be sitting on the bench next to you and ask, "How did we end up in here"

[Winger Ed.]

Something I learned a long time ago:

If you want to have a good friend,,,,,,, first you have to be one.

[dtknowles]

To have friends you have to want them. You have to earn them. You must care for them and nourish them.

Tim

[Elroy]

I have always had friends, but when you get married,and get a good job your priorities change, and when you start having kids you can no longer have the same kind of fun that a single guy can. I ran with the same bunch of friends before we could even legally drive ,and they were like brothers to me. Most grew up,but one is still rowdy, and still gets in trouble. I am still friends with them all,but it is not the same. It's running into them in town, and kinda catching up on things. Family, and in-laws are about the only company we ever have, but I am very content with life.

[1hole]

Seems so few people ever have a true friend that they really don't even understand the word. Many people go through life thinking anyone they know and have a casual "friendly" relationship with must be a friend; that's rarely so.

I'm 80 now and have had friendly relations with hundreds of good people at work, church, play, etc., but only about twenty of them have been true friends in the strongest sense of the word. Several are now dead and a couple go back to high school days but the best camping, fishing, hunting, SCUBA diving friend I've ever had has been my wife for 61 years. Far too many couples are "in love" without ever being true friends; that's sad!

My wife told me that when I was in a coma some thirty five days in 2008 (and wasn't expected to live) a few of the men who visited me had tears; I'm still much surprised and humbled by that; very grateful too. (And, there may be a message about being a friend somewhere in there. ??)

I'm old, busted up, worn out and, by the world's standard, we live financially poor, but we're both still standing and looking straight at tomorrow with great expectations for more good things to come.

I believe our lives are largely in our own hands. As a child, I grew up in an emotionally abusive home; as a man, I can't find the words to properly express it but I consider myself an extremely lucky and God blessed man. Good friends have had a lot to do with that!

[gbrown]

I've had lots of friends in my life, but few I would really trust. Only 1 fit that category, but sadly he passed in 2009. He and I could trust and confide our deepest secrets or thoughts. I have few acquaintances today I would call true for friends. Doesn't bother me, I am not a social person, for various reasons that I recognize. Comes from my early childhood and situations I recognize. That's just who I am. I am really OK with it. Networking within your hobbies and profession is a positive and good thing. I never did it, and know it held me back, but I have no regrets.

[leadeye]

My wife is my best friend, has been for 42 years.

[Winger Ed.]

IMHO women are the worst. They complain about not having friends.

I was talking about that with a buddy about that once.
He made the observation: Most women don't have friends, they only have competitors.

[Cosmic_Charlie]

Well, we have aquiantences and we have friends. As we get older we learn to tell the difference between the two. Friends I count on one hand. Aquiantences are not worth counting.

[Elroy]

My wife is my best friend, has been for 42 years.

My Wife was my best friend for 2 ,or 3 years, BUT we have been married for 32 .LOL.

[buckwheatpaul]

What a great post....I have read that suicides are way up due to the isolation.....Friends are necessary and today got a email to write some letters to others as it is good for your health and the one that receives the letter....it makes them feel needed and worthwhile.....thanks again for the post .....IT IS SPOT ON AND A GODLY THING TO DO!

[Stephen Cohen]

I don't consider myself an overly religious person but do believe in 9 of the 10 Commandments. I have never had a lot of friends but those I do have a upright people as I am very selective, this does not mean I am not civil and respectful of those I don't consider friends. There are some really good posts here and I am some what sad that both Wolf , dverna and Winger Ed may well have solved the mystery. Regards Stephen

[tankgunner59]

I too have a lot of good friends, from work, church, people I've met through other social functions. But only a small number of great friends and a select few best friends. It doesn't make me sad. I have brothers who live within a mile or two of me and one within 15, and I don't get to see them very often at all. It's the old adage "life gets in the way", but I think that's our own faults cause we allow it to happen. My family, wife and son are my best friends and the only people I know for sure I can count on.
This is as much my fault as anyone else.
I will say I really appreciate the friends I have here. You folks are the only friends I can talk to about my hobby and that is a massive lift of spirit many times. Had a good visit with a father figure from my childhood, my big brother. He is now retired and he wants to spend more time together, hope it happens.

[.429&H110]

South of Tucson, here in the retirement village, we are glad to see you. We have fun, walk the dogs, go to church, hang out by the pool, I just picked a bowl of bush beans, cut some roses. Pima county range is good times. Geezers with guns. Everyone is getting their guns out again. I am a chauffeur to anyone. My car or yours, where are we going. Oh,no,not Costco again. Have taken people to free covid testing away up at first and grant, 22 miles of free-for-all traffic. My wife took 72 trips to TMC, 26 miles. Tucson people drive like they're drunk or blind or have a stupid deathwish. Like Boston but flat out. Tucson averages a dead pedestrian a day. Nice place to visit but I wouldn't want to drive there or try to cross the street.
When we go to eye surgery, or anywhere, I am out in the parking lot. Not allowed in, so a dozen people hang out in the parking lot. Tailgate picnic. Bring lawnchairs.
Once you are in the "Care Home" I cannot visit you.
I could bring Doris a bag of Burger King and leave it on the mat. Then she died at 102. Didn't die of BK or wuflu either.
Pastor cannot get in.
So you die. Alone.
This is wrong.
America has never been like this.
And we voted for more.
We are all we got.

[samari46]

I was in my eye surgeon's office after getting cataract surgery last year.Wearing masks and social distancing. struck up a conversation with an older retired oil field worker. Then he asks what did I do. I'm the end user. You pump it out of the ground,put it in rail cars,barges and tankers. So whet do you do with it in NY. Told him oil goes in storage tanks, heated up and either burned to make electricity or steam to run the generators. Whole conversation lasted about a half hour. What I think is that people have or are loosing the ability to communicate with each other. Subject matter is unimportant just get out there and talk. Frank

[Winger Ed.]

I have never had a lot of friends but those I do have a upright people as I am very selective, this does not mean I am not civil and respectful of those I don't consider friends.

That's where I'm at.
I see other folks talk about all their friends, and that's fine, and I'm happy for them;
but I often wonder if they're a little too generous with that word.

Over the years, I've crossed paths with a bunch of folks.
Most are acquaintances, a few are buddies that I know, have known, get along well with, and some I even trust to a degree.

But for me:
'Friend' is one of those magic words like 'honor', 'loyalty', 'duty', and a few others I'm real selective on how & when I use them.
I figure, if you have 5 true friends come in and out of your life-- you're truly rich.
For myself, I've got 4.
And I already feel that I'm richer than any amount of money would ever make me.

[rondog]

Ain't had no real friends in many years. Still have my old friends in my hometown, but not here where I live in CO.

[dangitgriff]

Several of you have commented about counting real friends on one hand...my own father told me exactly that, once, after I had asked him where all his buddies he used to run around with had disappeared to. He was one of those men that led a mostly solitary life after his tour in Korea, killing Chinese and North Koreans. He sort of withdrew from humanity a bit, if you can imagine. Nearly all of his peers had passed away by the time he did in 2003, and those that were left are now all gone, save one or two.
There’s a lesson in there for me, I just know it.
—Griff

[bedbugbilly]

I think of lot of us here are "older" and so I have to speak that way.

For the most part, we were all brought up that "To get respect, you have to earn it and show it". Friendship is no different. To have a friend, you have to be a friend.

If you look at how things are today . . .I'm talking in general . . . most people's lives revolve around their work . . and yes . . . you can establish friendships at work but you also need to establish friendships out in the world as well. But years ago, and I was brought up in a small town, you went to church on Sunday, you were involved in civic organizations like Kiwanis, Lions, the Mason Lodge, etc. and all of those were where you created many fine friendships. A lot of people just are not involved like that anymore . . . their lives are "too busy". I look at the young people today and their noses are stuck to their smart phones - they know how to text and all of that carp - but they don't know how to have manful one on one relationships/friendships. Older folks have always suffered at times from lack of friendships - it makes sense especially when long time friends pass away.

The "gift" that the Communist Chinese decided to give the world brings the problem to an even higher level. People . . . even those who have family, spouses, etc. are sick and tired of being cooped up. Why? Because God designed humans to need each other . . . and we all have the need for love, recognition and a feeling of "worth". Everyone needs social interaction with others.

I was brought up that "It is better to give than to receive". A lot of us were. Being a friend is taking the good with the bad at times but then it can be a two way street as well. We all have disagreements with others at times but forgive and forget and don't let it ruin a friendship.

There are so many lonely people in this world . . . especially older folks but it is not limited to them. My mother-in-law was in Assisted Living for three years before she passed. Both my wife and I would stop in to see her during the week. On Sundays, we took our two small dogs so she could see them as she loved them dearly. It wasn't long and when we left from our visit with her, we started stopping in other rooms so the residents could see them. Many had infrequent visitors and every week we made it a point to stop in and let them see and pet the dogs and we would visit. We became friends with them all and the smile other faces when we walked in was worth it each and every time. After my mother-in-law passed away, we continued to go and visit with them often - because everyone one needs friends to talk to.

There are a lot of folks out there - of all ages - who have been isolated by all of this pandemic and quarantine. Even if you don't know someone that well . . it might be a neighbor, someone you are acquainted with from work, church or in a club you belong to - a phone call can make the difference between them feeling lonely, lost or depressed. A call to say hi and ask how they are doing takes very little time and is a good way to make a new friend.

I have been very fortunate in my life to have many friends. Some I have known a lifetime and some perhaps only a short time. In the last month and a half, I have lost two good friends to illness. I know that I will be losing another one in just a few weeks from illness. Some friends "come and go" but we are all better for having known each other.

For those that are "pet people" - you can probably relate to this. My wife and I never had children - she taught school her entire career and her kids were "our kids" - many of whom we still have contact with. During our almost 49 years of marriage, we have had a number of dogs who were "our kids". I now have a little 10 pound poodle - she was a rescue dog. She was abused and mistreated before I got her but it didn't take her long to realize that she had a good, loving and secure home. I joke that it didn't take her long to "train" me. We always hear that "dog" is "god" spelled backwards and I try believe that there is a lesson there. She is fully devoted to me and I am to her. It makes no difference to her if I am having a bad day, am tired or whatever . . . she accepts me for me and is there to sit on my lap, give me a lick on the cheek and demanding that I pet her. In turn, I know how lucky I am to have her. When she has a bad day, is feeling punky or rarely has an accident in the house - I am there for her. When I had surgery this last April and was recovering for a period of over twenty weeks, she was right next to me all day and all night. Sometimes we all get in such a hurry or tied up with life that we fail to take the time to stop and think about the important things in life. We have so much we can learn if we just take the time to watch nature and our pets and learn the lessons that they can teach us about true friendship and then transfer that to ourselves and reach out to help another person's life better. Everybody needs friends.

[MrWolf]

Speaking of dogs and knowing when we are hurting, Ruger (in my avatar) kept pushing on me as I was laying on the floor (bad back) with a migraine. Told him I was hurting to leave me alone. Minute later he was back again pushing on my shoulder. He had brought me his toy and left it there for me and he went and layer down on the couch. They understand a lot more than folks give them credit for.

[largom]

Have had a lot of friends in the past, as long as I could do things for them. Best friend I have today is my little dog.

[jonp]

Member here saw my thread about lack of primers and stopped out of the blue and gave me a box. You know who you and thanks again

[Slugster]

"Social Distance" has been my lifestyle since I turned 11 years old. Have been fortunate to have 4 good friends in my life. 3 have died. The one friend that I have left is a great guy, and If I needed something he would be on my front porch in 20 minutes. Same goes for me.

[MT Gianni]

When your mother won't let you play in the yard unsupervised, when you can't ride a bicycle without helmets, pads and a tracker device, when competitive sports are thought of as bad, you wonder why young adults today can't make friends?

[dangitgriff]

Charles Bukowski on being alone:

https://youtu.be/JcTxK9htfQM

[samari46]

I know talking to people can help some folks when they face situations not of their making. I was in Lowes and in the paint dept. Woman was looking for spare blades for a brand name of what we call a box cutter utility knife. So I suggested we go to tool world and see what they have. 50 blade pack and 100 blade pack. She say's are you sure they will fit properly. Opened one pack took her tool apart took out the old blade and put a brand new one and here you are. Storeguy walks by and asks what's going on. Told him about the stanley utility knive blades made by stanley will fit just about any utility knife. He assured the lady that I was right and she could use those blades in her more expensive utility knive.I normally have about a half dozen utility knives around and buy my blades in the 100 pack. She seemed happy and it wasn't an expensive purchase.Guy came over and said I've never saw one person so worked up getting utility knive blades so worked up like that. Frank

[RogerDat]

Something I learned a long time ago:

If you want to have a good friend,,,,,,, first you have to be one.

This is it 100% with a good dose of be willing for your friend to be different than you are. Or see some things differently. I think to some extent that is why so many lifelong friendships are made when we are kids or young adults. Our lives and our horizons are smaller, our concerns are the same as most other kids, we are considerably less set and polarized in our thinking and view.

We tend to do more of the same activities as the other kids our age, and as young adults we are full of vinegar and more inclined to burning our candle at both ends and having a good time with our friends who are often still doing the same activities as we are.

Drinking with your friends on the bowling team then shooting pool and drinking after while chasing whatever is available provides for shared experiences and connections with people. These become much harder to maintain as we grow older, are raising a family, have more responsibility at work etc. Time to cultivate friendships becomes an item competing for a precious resource. Time.

Those friends from back when are precious because we shared our lives with them growing up. I could spend more time with a buddy in a summer when I was a kid or teenager than I get to spend with my wife in 6 months when working and being gone. Or buddies from work where we spent 8 hrs. a day around each other, then went out to have a good time together after work. Lot of chances there to be part of each others lives in big and little ways.

We also lack the robust and active groups that used to bring us together with strangers. Optimists, Masons, Kiwanis these groups like church are as much about social connections. And it is probably worth noting they tended to cross neighborhood, professional, and social lines. People who were blue and white collar, Democrat and Republican, from different parts of the community or society. These were a place that friendships were created and maintained as the time to attend these club events kept people in touch. It also probably provided a reduction in polarization. Harder to hate or dismiss the opposing groups if you know members from attending club picnics and fund raiser that despite some differences they are good folks who are always willing to lend a hand.

If you take that 70 some million voted for Biden and 70 some million voted for Trump you have a fairly close 50/50 split of almost 150 million people that in many cases can't even talk to each other let alone be friends. That represents almost half the US population. Even larger percentage of the adult US population.

One thing I figured out while not going into work due to corona. I see my co-workers more than my close friends, I talk with them about what is going on with me or them, what is going on in the world more frequently too. Absent seeing them it is more lonely. I keep in touch with some friends, touch base with co-workers, say a howdy to the neighbors but those casual friendships provide a lot of human contact and social support which is greatly reduced right now. It gives one something to think about if retirement is approaching.

That said I'm not a big fan of groups, I like people but large groups less so. About the number that will fit around a campfire is right number. Although sometimes a pretty big fire is nice too.

[quilbilly]

A good friend will help you move.

A REALLY good friend will help you move a body.
A really, really good friend will bring the backhoe

[Mongrelcat]

I have been fortunate to have several great friends. The kind where you are happy when good comes to the other and concerned and empathetic when evil lurks. I lost one of this dear friends this afternoon. Most folks say my friend, but they are just passing acquaintances. I been truly blessed in the friend regard..I lost a good one this afternoon. He met me as I started digging in my driveway 35 yrs ago. He was helpful with my migration into the local families and small farmers in the community and the in's and outs of our small town. He was always there to help or just for a good chat. He will be sorely missed here.
Rest in Peace my friend, I'm sure you are dancing with Betty Faye tonight.

[blackthorn]

I was an only child and the nearest other kids were at least a half mile away from our house so, I was forced to find ways to amuse myself most of the time. Being alone does not bother me much. When I started to read this thread, my initial reaction was along the lines of “suck it up princess”, but on reflection I came to the conclusion that we are all different and we all require different things in order to be content.

As we go through life, we make friends at different stages and under different circumstances. If, over the course of our lifetime, we make 10 real friends we are fortunate indeed. As our life choices change our circumstances, so change our priorities and activities, all of which contribute to both a reduction and an increase in our circle of acquaintances (some of whom become friends) (maybe). As our lives change, we lose contact with old friends and/or our interests grow in different directions. We keep in contact for awhile but slowly drift apart. Life goes on for each of us. My Dad grew up in a small town, married, and together they raised me, and he (and Mother) lived by the Golden Rule. When he passed (in his 70’s) there was no room for all the people who attended his service and some had to stand outside the church, but while I put the majority of those mourners in the acquaintance category, I can only recall him having one true friend for whom he would have done anything and the reverse was true as well. I have tried to live my life as he did, and, on reflection, I find there are likely only five people I would call real friends. While I find these restricted times inconvenient (sometimes excessively so), I am not devastated to any extent, I just try to accept things are what they are and move along as best I can. I find it very sad that people appear to be devastated because they are forced to isolate during these trying times.