Marriage Advice for Us Young Bucks

[Bantou]

Piggybacking off of another thread, I have a question for the more "senior" membership that I thought would be fun to discuss: What advice would you give yourself if you could go back in time to the day before your wedding? My wife and I have been married for going on six years and are just now starting to figure out what it really means to be married.

[Winger Ed.]

Being able to see & understand someone else's point of view, and keeping to the golden rule will serve you well.

[Zingger]

Winger Ed. -That is some excellent advice. It will be just 12 years for us this year, communication is a key. And friendship to one another, not just as a spouse.

[rockrat]

compete in your marriage, to see who can love the other one more. Coming up on 29 years for us. We still tease each other with "love you more"!!. She ends up with that she loved me first and I reply how can a pint jar hold more than a quart jar!!! (I am about 14" taller than she is!!) and on it goes:)

[Preacher Jim]

Honor your mate. Sit down and talk every day, do every decision together.
Do these things and she will support your hobby as you support hers. Last attend church together because with the Lord in the marriage you can survive anything.

[Battis]

41 yrs last month. The secret? Hands down - two couches (sofas). One for me, one for Da Momma. Same bed, though.

[redhawk0]

As a husband...LISTEN. I'm not saying always agree with her...but LISTEN. She has opinions, likes, dislikes, favorite things...etc.... Occasionally, give her some space...a weekend away with the girlfriends. She'll do the same for you (guy friends though...hahaha) Respect her, be kind to her ALWAYS...but above all LOVE HER...ONLY HER. Been married for 31 years now. Not saying there aren't some rough spots at times...but if you LOVE HER and ONLY HER....you will get through those rough spots.

Now...that said.
Yes, Dear
I'm Sorry, Dear
It will never happen again, Dear.

These three phrases will get you out of a lot of jams.

hahahahahaha

redhawk

[DCP]

Learn to practice forgiveness and no quitters. Last put Christ 1st in your life.

[dannyd]

41 years, Two rooms now one for her and one me. We had kids the first 26 years, so we were to busy to care what we thought of each other. But it will be the second hardest job you have risen kids is first.

[Larry Gibson]

I would offer....

Marriage is a special relationship...…. one in which one person is always right......the other is the husband...….

[Larry Gibson]

I would offer....

Marriage is a special relationship...…. one in which one person is always right......the other is the husband...….

[Finster101]

Don't

[trails4u]

My best friend since high school....his father's advice to us when we were youngins.

'You're right, I'm wrong, I'm sorry, I love you.' ….and repeat, often. ;)

But more seriously....share EVERYTHING, including your finances, completely. Listen more and talk less. Don't expect more, in any way, out of her than you do yourself.

[Loudenboomer]

My wife and I have been Married 38 years as of last week. For us the most Important thing has been our walk with the Lord and being grounded in a good Bible teaching church. We got off to a wild start and waisted time learning this lesson. Draw a circle and put Christ in the middle and you and the wife any where in the circle. If you find your self at odds and can't get together meet at Christ.

[country gent]

I would offer this get to know each other first before marriage. My wife and I were married for 18 yeas she was taken in march 2002 in car accident so would have been 36 years. And we dated for 5 before getting married. Do everything you can together. Your not just marrying a wife but a best friend and confidant. Be there to support each other.

[fixit]

Do your best to NOT go to bed angry with one another.... even if it means staying up until the wee hours of the night resolving it.

[bayjoe]

Redhawk is a prophet!!!!

[JWFilips]

Marry your soul mate! Give her the first choice in anything unless you feel it is wrong then talk it through...you are life partners so never screw that up!
After 43 years: my wife is the most beautiful woman I know & that will never change!

[Wayne Smith]

Do your best to NOT go to bed angry with one another.... even if it means staying up until the wee hours of the night resolving it.

HA! The Bible says "Don't let the sun go down on your anger" - that gives you until bedtime to make up and understand one another.

Couple of things from years of being a marital therapist. All said above is important, and more. Yes, a relationship centered on Christ is necessary, if it is centered on me or on the kids you will fail. Kids grow up and move away and hopefully bring back grandchildren, you and I are still stuck together! Work on that relationship consciously throughout - when you have kids nothing is spontaneous any more, you have to plan time to talk privately together. Have dates and take vacations without the kids, especially when they are young. Grandparents are useful for this! When they are old enough to begin collecting memories take them along and use your vacation time to introduce them to what you love. They may or may not follow in loving the same things, but give them the example.

God made us different - men and women. At least five major differences physically in the brain between the sexes - and we are intended to come together, complementing one another and filling one another's holes until we truly are one person. Respect for one another's differences is fundamental to teaching the kids respect. Again modeling, not do what I say, not what I do. Your kids will follow your example, if you don't like what the kids are doing change what you are modeling.

Learn from each other - we each have our skills and training and knowledge - some inherent from our parents and others from training, but build on what each of you knows. E.G. any woman can walk into a room and see five or six things that need to be done and every man is oblivious to them. On the other hand LOML wants me to clean the kitchen because I do it sanitarily better than she does. This has been true for 45 years now.

This is just a tithe of what I've taught over the years.

[Bantou]

This is all great advise and stuff I wish I had, had access to years ago (although being honest I probably did and was just too stubborn to listen). So many of these lessons I have had to learn the hard way and a vast majority of them I am a long way from mastering. We started out wild and then had a rapid series of events, all within less than two years, that did serious damage to our relationship. No infidelity mercifully, though we both thought about it at one point or another. That was almost 4 years ago and it has been a hard fight to repair the damage done but we are finally making headway.


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[Carrier]

After 36 years of marriage my advice would be its cheaper to rent them:bigsmyl2:

[dannyd]

After 36 years of marriage my advice would be its cheaper to rent them:bigsmyl2:


I would offer....

Marriage is a special relationship...…. one in which one person is always right......the other is the husband...….


Don't

[QUOTE=Bantou;4925665]This is all great advise and stuff I wish I had, had access to years ago (although being honest I probably did and was just too stubborn to listen). So many of these lessons I have had to learn the hard way and a vast majority of them I am a long way from mastering. We started out wild and then had a rapid series of events, all within less than two years, that did serious damage to our relationship. No infidelity mercifully, though we both thought about it at one point or another. That was almost 4 years ago and it has been a hard fight to repair the damage done but we are finally making headway.



Don't know how old you are, but both our kids have been married 17 years. What I told them was if life was fun you all would live at Disney and You have to like someone to live with them, so make sure you like them.

[GhostHawk]

I make it my job to tell as well as show my wife at least 3 times a day how much I love her. And that means saying it, out loud.

"If momma ain't happy, nobody's happy. If Momma's unhappy long enough your going to be unhappy with only half your stuff." Because she will divorce you and take it. So it is your job to keep her happy, whatever that takes. If you are going to do it, be sure, and commit fully. I mean all you got plus another 20%. Dig deep, make her happiness more important than yours.

And when you fight, and you will, you'll think you were in the right. But man up, be the first to say your sorry. And mean it.
Its all about teamwork, learning to work together, learning to give a little to get a lot done and be happy.

[Bantou]

[QUOTE=Bantou;4925665]This is all great advise and stuff I wish I had, had access to years ago (although being honest I probably did and was just too stubborn to listen). So many of these lessons I have had to learn the hard way and a vast majority of them I am a long way from mastering. We started out wild and then had a rapid series of events, all within less than two years, that did serious damage to our relationship. No infidelity mercifully, though we both thought about it at one point or another. That was almost 4 years ago and it has been a hard fight to repair the damage done but we are finally making headway.



Don't know how old you are, but both our kids have been married 17 years. What I told them was if life was fun you all would live at Disney and You have to like someone to live with them, so make sure you like them.

Let me amend my statement, most of what’s in here is good advice.

I’m knocking on 31 she is knocking on 29. We’ve known each other since we were 17 and 14 respectively.


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[Bantou]

I didn’t start this thread because my marriage is failing. Quite the opposite in fact, we are doing better now than we have in a long time. I was mostly curious what advice more experienced minds would give to somebody just starting out and maybe gain a few nuggets to help us keep improving along the way.


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[Scrounge]

Piggybacking off of another thread, I have a question for the more "senior" membership that I thought would be fun to discuss: What advice would you give yourself if you could go back in time to the day before your wedding? My wife and I have been married for going on six years and are just now starting to figure out what it really means to be married.

Don't. Not yet anyway. Wait a year or four. Among other things, my wife had a full-ride scholarship to Harvard-Radcliffe that she passed up to marry me. When I found out about it, I freaked! Told her if I was worth a darn, I'd still be available when she finished her degree, and if I wasn't, I wouldn't have been worth a darn. Not quite how I phrased it, but don't want another warning. ;)

Oh, and remember the rules:

Rule # 1. If Mama is happy, everybody is happy.

Rule # 2. If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

38 years mid-August.

263772

Neither of us look like that anymore.

[Thundarstick]

Advice? Boy, the ones you struck out are valid advice as well! You see, every relationship is a life unto itself. I've known couples that married after dating for 10 years that were divorced and done in 5, on the other hand, I know a couple that knew each other a week, married, and have 35 years under there belt. My advice, don't sweat the small stuff, and know when to quit! O, and if it ain't easy before the rings, it's gonna get real bad after the rings!

I think we make a huge mistake in America by not treating marriage as a contract with clear expectations laid out in advance. No, love won't get you through everything!

[Bantou]

I think we make a huge mistake in America by not treating marriage as a contract with clear expectations laid out in advance. No, love won't get you through everything!

I would have to disagree with you there. I think the reason the divorce rate has climbed to what it is, is because too many people treat marriage like a contract. If my wife and I had treated our marriage as a contract we would have divorced a long time ago. It’s no understatement to say that our marriage has been through hell. Cliff notes version: We had a miscarriage, I witnessed a violent fatality incident at work (electrocution), got pregnant again (pregnancy hormones plus severe depression on her part), I quit work and we moved in with her mom so I could go back to school to be a pastor, had a baby and she stacked postpartum depression onto her regular depression, quit school and went back to work because the stress was too much, and added depression for me; all of that in less than two years. The fights during that time were legendary and did lasting damage. If our marriage had been a contract we never would have survived.

I will admit that you are partially right about love though. Love the emotion will not see you through everything. Love can be a choice though. You have to choose to love them even if you can’t stand to look at them. It is not an easy thing to do and we both failed more than succeeded. There were times that the only thing holding me in our marriage was the vow I made before God “for better or worse.” Where one of us failed the other succeeded though so we made it through.

I’m a firm believer that, that phrase is in wedding vows for a reason. If you go into a marriage expecting it to always be easy and and that your spouse is going to carry their “half”, you are dooming it from the start. I have had to learn the hard way that marriage is 110% for both parties. If you aren’t willing to step in and help because it is “their responsibility,” you both wind up resenting each other over unfulfilled expectation.


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[Ozark mike]

Take up a hobby building model airplains and casting boolits instead

[fatelk]

Don't be selfish

[richhodg66]

Don't be selfish

This is probably the best advice out of all of this. Long story short, family has to be first and sometimes we all have to take one for the team.

I always read this stuff where guys say, "Just learn to say Yes, dear" a lot and do everything for her. If you approach it like that, you will soon have a spoiled brat for a spouse and you will be resentful and bitter. You shouldn't make every waking hour making someone else happy anymore than you should expect her to do that for you. Have your own things that you like to do and encourage her to do the same. Mutual respect.

And yeah, I'm still on my first marriage for 32 years now.

[JoeG52]

Learn to practice forgiveness and no quitters. Last put Christ 1st in your life.

47 years for us. Put Christ 1st in your life!

[Bantou]

Take up a hobby building model airplains and casting boolits instead

There are times I think about all the cool toys I could have if I hadn’t gotten married and had a kid. Then my daughter grins at me or my wife does something to make me smile and I forget all about it.


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[JoeG52]

There are times I think about all the cool toys I could have if I hadn’t gotten married and had a kid. Then my daughter grins at me or my wife does something to make me smile and I forget all about it.


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Just wait until your grandchildren come running to you with big smiles!

[10x]

Coming up to 48 years.
I have no idea why it lasted so long, It has survived three children, two of whom were difficult to raise but seem to have good values now they have their self made disasters dealt with.

Never take your spouse for granted, consider their feelings and their needs. Ask yourself if you would put up with the bull feces you want to hand to your spouse when you are angry or unhappy?
Never let challenges outside your marriage that anger you to spill over towards your spouse or children. Your spouse is there to support you, not for you to rip a strip because of frustration with work, or frustration with other people.
Learn to recognize when your spouse is angry - and learn to recognize when you have generated that anger.


On a lighter note, my wife hasn't spoken to me in over five years. I have thought about divorce but after discussing this with my lawyer his advice was "stay married, women like that are hard to find...."

[lightman]

I guess first you have to have respect for each other. Try to treat Her like a Queen. Never let Her forget that you love her.

You need to agree on a few things. And if agreeing does not happen naturally you need to find some common ground and meet in the middle. Things like finances, raising children, ect. You need to be on the same team.

You are in a demanding profession and there are or will be times that your work interferes with your social life. I know!!! Its important for Her to support and understand this. After being a Lineman for nearly 35 years I can't even begin to count the times that I have missed family events or Holidays due to work.

It can be a cold hard world out there. Its not as cold or as hard if you are facing it together.

We have #45 coming up soon. I still pat her on the backside sometimes when She is standing in the kitchen in her house coat and She still giggles!

[Hardcast]

There is some excellent advise in this thread. We have a unique marriage. In 43 years of marriage, my wife and I have yet to have our first fight. Sure, we have been irritated at one another, but we never fight. Some thoughts from experience: when couples stand at the alter and vow "in sickness and health, richer or poorer, for better or worse", they have no idea how bad "worse" can get. 3 and a half years ago, I was diagnosed with advanced stage 4 cancer. It's a miracle that I am still here, but I surely would not be if it were not for the love and care provided by my wife. We are still best friends and have raised 3 amazing children. We have laughed together and cried together. Marriage is sharing your lives together, a man and a woman becoming one couple, partners in the game of life.

[William Yanda]

My Mom advised me that it isn't a 50/50 proposition, I should expect to give 100% effort if it were going to work. Boy was she right!

[dannyd]

[QUOTE=Bantou;4925697][QUOTE=dannyd;4925688]

Let me amend my statement, most of what’s in here is good advice.

I’m knocking on 31 she is knocking on 29. We’ve known each other since we were 17 and 14 respectively.


It all depends on the people knew my wife 6 months before we married 41 years ago.

[elk hunter]

I am fortunate enough to be married to my best friend. After 51 years we're still going strong. The only advice I'd give is to LISTEN CAREFULLY and to marry the one person you can't live without, not just one you think you can live with. Too many people marry a sex partner not a life partner.

[Thundarstick]

I would have to disagree with you there. I think the reason the divorce rate has climbed to what it is, is because too many people treat marriage like a contract. If my wife and I had treated our marriage as a contract we would have divorced a long time ago. It’s no understatement to say that our marriage has been through hell. Cliff notes version: We had a miscarriage, I witnessed a violent fatality incident at work (electrocution), got pregnant again (pregnancy hormones plus severe depression on her part), I quit work and we moved in with her mom so I could go back to school to be a pastor, had a baby and she stacked postpartum depression onto her regular depression, quit school and went back to work because the stress was too much, and added depression for me; all of that in less than two years. The fights during that time were legendary and did lasting damage. If our marriage had been a contract we never would have survived.

I will admit that you are partially right about love though. Love the emotion will not see you through everything. Love can be a choice though. You have to choose to love them even if you can’t stand to look at them. It is not an easy thing to do and we both failed more than succeeded. There were times that the only thing holding me in our marriage was the vow I made before God “for better or worse.” Where one of us failed the other succeeded though so we made it through.

I’m a firm believer that, that phrase is in wedding vows for a reason. If you go into a marriage expecting it to always be easy and and that your spouse is going to carry their “half”, you are dooming it from the start. I have had to learn the hard way that marriage is 110% for both parties. If you aren’t willing to step in and help because it is “their responsibility,” you both wind up resenting each other over unfulfilled expectation.


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Sounds like you got it all figured out already. May God bless your marriage and build a hedge around you. Please remember as you go forward in life please remember and be careful how you judge others unless you truly have walked in their shoes.

[Bantou]

Sounds like you got it all figured out already. May God bless your marriage and build a hedge around you. Please remember as you go forward in life please remember and be careful how you judge others unless you truly have walked in their shoes.

No judgment intended. There are some very legitimate reasons for divorce. I have just seen too many of my generations give up when things got tough instead of putting in the work.


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[MrWolf]

Was with mine for 30 years till I got hurt and told her she needed to get a full time job as kids were grown. She wanted a divorce. You never know till times are tough. My advice is talk about EVERYTHING, no matter what. My girlfriend and I both feel the same way in that a relationship is 100/100% not 50/50%. I'm now 60 and not getting married again but my girlfriend and I plan on spending the rest of our days together. Did I mention TALK, not at each other but understand each other? Good luck to both of you.

[Markopolo]

this is all you need to know...." Yes Dear " and happy wife makes for a happy life. Smile lots.. be patient, slow to anger, quick to encourage.

the apostle Paul had a lot to say about Love in Corinthians.... might also wanna check the Manual.

marko

[bedbugbilly]

Always put your spouse first . . . if both the husband and wife remember this, they will always treat the other with love, respect and most of all, lasting friendship.

Never go to bed mad . . . . . if you have a disagreement, talk it out in a respective manner and when you are wrong, admit it and move on.

Tell your spouse every day that you love them and how much they mean to you . . . and when you go off for the day, never part on a cross word . .

Communication is the most important of a relationship . . . regardless of what it is about. More marriages fail because of a lack of communication than any other reason.

Never take yourself so seriously . . . . remember that a marriage is plural . . . there are two individuals that are a part of it . . . . each are unique individuals . . . . fill you home with love and laughter and not discordances and disagreement . . . . .

Marriage is probably the most important "job" you will ever have . . . it is something that effort has to be put into everyday . . . . . communicate with your spouse and like a team of horses, pull in the same direction . . . . two horses pulling in opposite directions never moved a wagon. Every day of a marriage can present an issue . . . . bills . . . a sick child . . . . a death. Be ever mindful of the needs of each member of your family and put their needs first . . . . . if it means giving up something you want . . . those things will come at some point but a marriage is like a house on stilts . . . it takes all the posts to support the house and keep it standing . . . remove one and the house will fall. Too many marriages fail because those involved will not work at it and if need be, change their ways rather than trying to change the ways of their partner.

In August, my wife and I will celebrate 48 years of marriage. I was blessed with a wonderful woman and while we all cannot stop the years, we can make the very best out of each one together. For those "young ones" who are going to be married . . . . it will be the greatest adventure of your life so pull together and enjoy each day together that you are blessed with.

[marlin39a]

Don’t ever get married. It’s not worth it.

[JoeJames]

I would offer....

Marriage is a special relationship...…. one in which one person is always right......the other is the husband...….Agreed. Also in hand with that just remember you cannot win any argument; so don't argue. If you are determined to argue, and it is beginning to get heated - then run!

[Hickory]

Marriage is the collision of opposites, that results in a fine and pleasant misery.
Enjoy the fine and pleasant, endure the misery.

[daloper]

We have been married 40 years. My best advice is to not speak while angry. Words that you say while angry can never be unspoken or unheard.

[white eagle]

What are you thinking man !!!!

[dverna]

It can be little things that matter.

I always open the car door for my fiancé. She loves it. My buddies hate it when they catch crap from their wives.

It is important to handle conflict because it will happen.

They go bat crazy during menopause....gives men-pause. Be ready for it and do not try to understand it. My buddy is going through it with his wife and it is awful.

Depending on your ages and/or respective assets get a pre-nuptial agreement. 50% of first marriages do not last....65% end in divorce.

[.429&H110]

Just celebrated 40th year married. One has to work at marriage.
Here is how:
Ravi Zacharias just passed and left a jewel of a small book
"I Isaac, Take Thee Rebecca"
Seems like a woman has to water a lot of camels first...
Every teen should read it.

My test of a future wife taught to me by my Dad
(worked out for both of us)
is take her for a canoe ride, and roll the canoe.
If she thinks that's fun, she is a keeper.
Marriage is like a canoe ride...sometimes it's fun.
Go fishing, shoot ducks, skinny dipping
or whitewater wind rain cold wet.
Ya gotta paddle on both ends.
Marry a Swede, if you want to see a great bowstroke.
It's as if they're made for a longboat with a lugsail...

[facetious]

My dad told me don't get married till your 60. Buy then you should know better.

If you do get married stick with orphan's. No inlaws!

Or the only child of extremely rich parent's who are both orphan's.

Did I listen , NO .

And if you are the only one with a steady job can you guess who will be living in your basement "just" till thy can find a job and a place to stay. Yup Inlaw's.

[merlin101]

Learn to keep your mouth shut when your mad! Later after cooling down then and only then talk about it.
What helped us thru the first 20 years was the agreement that whoever left first had to take the boy with them!

[cp1969]

49 years tomorrow.

Act like you're interested.

It helps if you really are.

[Bantou]

49 years tomorrow.

Act like you're interested.

It helps if you really are.

That’s solid advise. I have 0 interest in making bead jewelry, my wife loves designing it but can’t string it due to an autoimmune disease. FYI, tying a clasp on a full necklace has a steep learning curve lol


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[Winger Ed.]

Marriage is a special relationship...…. one in which one person is always right......the other is the husband...….

I used to know a old retired USMC Colonel who was asked the secret to staying married over 60 years.

His response was,
"If you get in a argument, and know you're wrong-- admit it and move on. If you know you're right---- keep your mouth shut".

[Scrounge]

Take up a hobby building model airplains and casting boolits instead

both are much cheaper to get out of, for sure! ;)

There are times when it's easier, and times when it's harder. I'm not really easy to get riled up, but when I do it can be volcanic! Her whole family is fairly easy to get riled up, and they've never met a grudge they wouldn't hold and stroke and love forever. NOT easy to deal with . Either of us. She had a 4-hour asthma attack in the middle of the night last night, and I woke up a serious grouch. Didn't help anything. OTH, I needed someone to rub Voltarin on my back this morning, and she did it despite my grouchiness. I'm in the middle of a tear-the-kitchen-apart project for her. The back pain has surely slowed it down. A three day project has taken 3 weeks so far. Had her put the Voltarin on yesterday, and got a lot more done with a lot fewer long breaks. And both of us are chronic pain patients. That doesn't help anything either. You deal with life and what it hands you about the same way you eat an elephant. One bite at a time. And keep on keeping on.

[Huskerguy]

Not sure you want advice, opinions or some laughs. I tend to be more on the serious side of things. I have seen too many marriages come and go. Been married since I was 19, started dating my current wife when I was 17 and a senior in HS, she was a junior. We are approaching year 47. Fights, if you could even call them that have been very rare and frankly I can't remember any but as humans we always find a way to offend someone, especially those we love and are around the most.

First, we were not Born Again Believers when we married but later both accepted Christ after the birth of our first child at ages 25 and 26. This made a huge difference for us. If you believe you were created by a loving God then you have to know He gave us instructions on how to live our lives to please Him and have harmony in our lives. My wife is a very godly woman and believes the man should be a man in the biblical perspective. There is an order to it all, the Bible is clear.

Some quick hits you have probably already heard.
Remember she is a beautiful woman and doesn't think like you and doesn't look at things the same way you do. She likes to be hugged, kissed and caressed. Women are relational beings. Not all women are alike, mine is very unique and I love her very much. She is smart and we make all decisions together after praying about them. We also do everything together. I just took a rare "guys only" two day fishing trip and she never goes on a woman only trip. We try our best to put the other first in everything. What do you want to do? Where do you want to go? We have no envy or jealousies. Learn how to reflect on things and say you are sorry when you really are and not to just make up and have sex. :-o My wife had a tremendous childhood, I did not and she sees many things in the way I am coming from that upbringing. It helps her understand me. She is not a needy person so I don't have to wait on her hand and foot and she NEVER nags on me about getting something done. She knows I will get around to it and it will be done right. She will also be right there helping me do it although she can no longer carry 4x12 sheet rock, we had to go down to 4x8. :bigsmyl2: She trusts me and I trust her 100% - we have never given each other a reason not to. Tell her often how much you love her and yes, don't be afraid to physically show that affection, the kids will go ewwhh but they will get over it. My wife just turned 65 and I still tell her she is "hot" and she really is. She was beautiful when I met her and she still is. We have kept the flame going over these 47 years during some good and difficult times because we wanted to. Don't even think about or allow the words divorce to enter into a conversation. God says He "hates divorce" so take that for what it means. Make the commitment and stick to it. I admit my wife is a gem, a one in a million. I have worked in schools for 36 years and around a lot of females and never once did I meet any of them that I even remotely was interested in. All they did was reinforce what a wonderful lady she is and is made just for me. Learn to talk about what is bugging each of you. You might be surprised by where the conversation goes. Have some shared goals, things you want to do TOGETHER and plan for them. Discover each others strengths and spread the responsibilities out - my wife handles all of our financials - bookkeeping for our rentals, pays our bills, banking, etc - I handle all of the investing, retirement accounts, etc. My wife doesn't want me in the kitchen and I couldn't do a load of laundry if my life depended on it but I can fix almost anything except a broken heart. Take inventory of what you each bring to the marriage and build on it. Ask what you can do to be a better husband, don't make promises but try. She will reward you for that. Be completely honest with everyone - wives don't want to see husbands one way during the week and another way on Sundays.

Finally, this whole love thing is completely screwed up in our society today. We use the word love so many ways - we love our dog, we love ice cream, we love sex, we love money, we love our new car, we love our job, and then we say we love our spouse. What does that even mean? My biblical definition of love is this - "dedication to the well-being of another." Now ask yourself - are you dedicated to the well being of your spouse? 100% and all of the time EVEN if she isn't always doing the same? Blessings

[popper]

Trust. 50 here, be trustable and trust spouse.

[jimlj]

40 years for my wife and I.
I've learned two things that I believe are mandatory,
Love Christ more than you love your wife.
Love your wife more than you love yourself.
If you do these two things I doubt you will have any problem you and your wife can't overcome.
A third bit of advise that is optional but highly recommended...
Spend the extra money and hire a qualified contractor to do the kitchen remodel rather than doing it yourself. (I've not taken my own advise twice now, there won't be a third time)

[tinsnips]

42 years for me an the queen. I always get the last word it is yes dear!

[Nazgul]

When I thought about asking my wife to marry me I was scared she would say no and terrified that she would say yes!!!

Don

[Doughty]

We have a great system. In the morning, she does whatever she wants to do. In the afternoon, I do whatever she wants to do.

[jsizemore]

Don't fight about anything important.

[BrutalAB]

Dont.

Or if you dont want to take that advice:

Seriously ask ask yourself, what am I gaining by doing this? What am I risking? Is risking half of everything I have worked for and will work for worth whatever I have to gain? Do I really want to do this and create an incentive for her to end this relationship (or worse)?


If you ignore this, and decide to do it anyways:

Dont forget to watch out for number one and never let her see you struggle with anything, cause when it really matters, she will dump everything and do everything in her power to make it harder for you. Women hate someone struggling and will do everything they can to get away from even reasonable struggle. Never ever think you can count on her to help you the way you help her. You will be sadly mistaken.

[26Charlie]

Coming up on 56 years July 4th. Recognize her value - she really did wait 19 months for me while I was overseas in the beginning. She bore 3 fine children. She moved. All over the country with me. When I had the cancer, the heart surgery, and now the replacement hip two days before the 4th, she arranged and kept track of it all. I helped the same way with her breast cancer, broken hip, replacement knee. Don’t forget birthdays, until she tells you she doesn’t want any more birthdays. Don’t forget anniversary - not so hard in my case.
It is the nature of life that you will meet other attractive women - about two a year, in my case. They can never be more than good friends, so balance off the worth of the wife you have with the attractiveness of the other, and thank God for who you have. Resolve to stay straight. Worked for me.

[redriverhunter]

Never start a habit you don't want to keep

[WinchesterM1]

I’ve only been married 8 years and I’m 34 years old, so not a lot of experience. However I have 3 kids.

My advice would be this. Wake up every day thinking how can I make her(his) life happier and easier. Marriage is not 50/50 as people say it’s 100/100 each partner has to be in it 100% all day everyday some times you will have a bad day and so will she. But you go in and lift her up and make her feel like a the beautiful queen she is.

Also... the old saying a happy wife happy life is also true... because if she is happy she leaves you alone!! Lol

[fatelk]

There are times I think about all the cool toys I could have if I hadn’t gotten married and had a kid. Then my daughter grins at me or my wife does something to make me smile and I forget all about it.

I understand. I could have all kinds of nice toys, new cars, money in the bank, etc., if I was single, or if we didn't have kids and my wife had continued her career without health trouble. We struggle as it is, raising four kids on one income, with doctor bills and health troubles. Would I change it if I could? Heck no! My wife and kids are what make life worth living. I wouldn't trade what we have for literally all the money in the world.

[Ozark mike]

I lost all trust in em when i gave mine every thing i had plus some and it still wasnt enough she walked away like it was nothin. That said if you can find one that is really interested in making it work cherish it because i have yet to witness it its kind of like bigfoot people say its real but i haven't seen it yet.

Ps every time people talk about getting married i think of jerry reed because he put it the best way i have ever heard

[Bantou]

I understand. I could have all kinds of nice toys, new cars, money in the bank, etc., if I was single, or if we didn't have kids and my wife had continued her career without health trouble. We struggle as it is, raising four kids on one income, with doctor bills and health troubles. Would I change it if I could? Heck no! My wife and kids are what make life worth living. I wouldn't trade what we have for literally all the money in the world.

That is exactly where we are minus 3 kids. It’s rough with one, I can only imagine what it is like raising 4. I started selling lead on here just to help make ends meet and hopefully have a little extra for emergencies.


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[fatelk]

Well, they don't get any cheaper. :) My oldest has her learner's permit and is now driving a car. It seems like yesterday that we were first bringing her home from the hospital (in the same car, btw). We've gone through some tough times, and it hasn't been easy. We got through them together though. We've gone without a lot of the nice things in life, but we've also stayed debt-free (other than the house).

Every single day I tell my wife how much I appreciate her, even when we're both grouchy and irritated with each other. I rarely ever walk by her without touching her; a 2-minute shoulder massage when she's at the stove cooking dinner makes a very positive impact.

I never let a day go by without giving each of my kids a hug, and telling them how I'm the luckiest dad in the world, to have such awesome kids. I really try to listen as they're telling me all about whatever thing they're currently enthralled with. It really doesn't get any better than this.

The years have gone by so fast since my oldest was a baby, and now she's practically a grown up woman. Where has the time gone? Enjoy every day. Make good memories with your kids. Spend time with them and be interested in what they are (even if you're not). If you want them to stay close when they're grown, keep that relationship.

I get stressed out about money, and worry about making ends meet, so much so that it's a constant irritation to my wife. We don't let our irritations build up though. I was 30 when we met, married 4 months later. I don't regret it for an instant.

[jimlj]

There are times I think about all the cool toys I could have if I hadn’t gotten married and had a kid. Then my daughter grins at me or my wife does something to make me smile and I forget all about it.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

All the cool toys break or wear out. True happiness never will.

[Wag]

Remember, whatever you're mad about doesn't matter enough to be mad about. I think about the kinds of things I used to get mad about and now, many years later, it's a mystery why I thought it was so important.

Yesterday would have been our 31st anniversary. As I've mentioned before, she passed 3 1/2 years ago and I still miss her fiercely.

--Wag--

[jonp]

Run
Run Far, Run Long
Run Silent, Run Deep
Run, Just Run

Al Bundy

[hanleyfan]

you get on your knees to ask her to marry you and than she slaps a nose ring in you nose like bull cow and than controls you the rest of your life, i have been married 41 years and if I had to do it all over again I would not get married period. they say its a 50/50 but from my experience its more like 100/0 , with the wife getting the 100% if she gets her way everything is fine if she don't there is hell to be paid.

[Bantou]

you get on your knees to ask her to marry you and than she slaps a nose ring in you nose like bull cow and than controls you the rest of your life, i have been married 41 years and if I had to do it all over again I would not get married period. they say its a 50/50 but from my experience its more like 100/0 , with the wife getting the 100% if she gets her way everything is fine if she don't there is hell to be paid.

Man I hate to hear that. Mine tried that crap not long after we got married. She learned pretty quick that the harder she pushed the harder I resisted. I learned real quick to pick my battles. She still gets what she wants most of the time but I no longer get put through hell when I say no.


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[fatelk]

Like anything else, we all have had our own experiences, based on different circumstances, personalities, and attitudes.

It like reloading: if you asked a dozen gun guys at the range you'll get different answers. Some will tell you how great it is and how it saves you money, because they have time and enjoy the process. Others will tell you it's a waste of time, because they don't have spare time and time is money. Still others will tell you Run Away! Don't do it! They had a buddy who did it wrong and blew up his gun, lost fingers and an eye- oh the horrors...

What this thread has done for me is to reinforce in my mind the importance of teaching my kids about these things as they grow up. Choosing a spouse is about the most important practical decision you can make in you life. So many young people choose poorly. The typical male thought process goes something like "Wow, she's hot! I want her!". The typical female thought is "Oh, he loves me!" -*butterflies*- "Let's get married!"

I want to teach my kids how wisely and carefully choosing a spouse will make a life-altering difference for the rest of your life. Find the right one, and treat her right, and life will be good.

[fatelk]

Man I hate to hear that. Mine tried that crap not long after we got married. She learned pretty quick that the harder she pushed the harder I resisted. I learned real quick to pick my battles. She still gets what she wants most of the time but I no longer get put through hell when I say no.


Well said. "Choose your battles" is very good advice. I expect she chooses her battles carefully now as well. :) It's a partnership- works best with plenty of give and take. If one side is all take and the other is all give- that's a recipe for disaster in any type of partnership.

[richhodg66]

you get on your knees to ask her to marry you and than she slaps a nose ring in you nose like bull cow and than controls you the rest of your life, i have been married 41 years and if I had to do it all over again I would not get married period. they say its a 50/50 but from my experience its more like 100/0 , with the wife getting the 100% if she gets her way everything is fine if she don't there is hell to be paid.

You know, if you really are as miserable as you say, and you're still there after 41 years, it doesn't say much about your intelligence. Life is too short to stay at something you hate.

[bangerjim]

Remember:

It takes 6 men to carry a guy to his grave...............and only 1 woman to put him there!

and.................

Husbands usually die before their wives............... because they generally want to!

Been 46 years for us.

I help around the house:

I pick my feet up when she is vacuuming.
I eat the food off the plate so she can wash it easier
Marriage is give and take..............she gives and I take.
Never let the sun go down on an argument.........keep running WEST.....fast!


Good luck on your venture of a lifetime.

banger

[jimlj]

There have been several posts on this thread where I want to respond "sucks to be you", but I believe it best to let each figure out who needs it.

[gwpercle]

Wife and I have been married 47 years .
She's still my best friend and she says I still make her laugh .
Be faithful , honest , loyal and loving . Never do or say anything to hurt her .

A good wife is a Blessing from Heaven ... a Bad wife is a Curse from Hell (from what I see and hear).

Have two TV sets and two remotes ... TV's aren't that expensive ... cheaper than Divorce .

If asked ... does this make my butt look big ....it's OK to lie and say NO .

Gary

[Ozark mike]

Solomon said its better to live in a corner on the roof than in a house with a mad woman

[Scrounge]

...If asked ... does this make my butt look big ....it's OK to lie and say NO .

Gary

On that subject, best remember than by the time y'all rack up some of those higher 2-digit numbers, odds are real good your butt isn't gonna be as small as it was, either. Or much of anything else above your waistline. I can still look down and see my feet without craning my neck, but it's getting harder to tie my shoes every day. Take a little care for your appearance, because she don't want to be seen with no slob. If you don't shave, keep the beard & mustache combed and trimmed. If you do, do a good job of it so she knows you don't want her seen going out with a slob. And you might want to pet her butt every now and again, and let her know you still like it.

[facetious]

264049

264050

[gwpercle]

If you are young and thinking about getting married ... take her home and let her meet your Mom and Dad . After they get to know her... ask mom what she thinks of her ...then take Mom's advice .
Dad usually likes all the girls you bring home ... he's not much help .
If both Mom and Dad say ... not this one son ... drop her like a bad habit and keep looking .
Gary

[FLYCUTTER]

The women now a days want to see you portfolio and what is your net worth before the want to know your name. I'm not say'in they are all bad but the good ones are all taken. Beware young men ,hold on to your wallet because "your wallet is your best friend"

[Wayne Smith]

If either of you are more interested in the financial aspects of the relationship than you are in each other you have a business, not a marriage.

[Maven]

"...when you're wrong admit it; when you're right shut up." ...Ogden Nash

[jonp]

you get on your knees to ask her to marry you and than she slaps a nose ring in you nose like bull cow and than controls you the rest of your life, i have been married 41 years and if I had to do it all over again I would not get married period. they say its a 50/50 but from my experience its more like 100/0 , with the wife getting the 100% if she gets her way everything is fine if she don't there is hell to be paid.

Wow, I was kidding with my post. I can't imagine being married to someone that long that I disliked and had no respect for. Been with mine 13yrs I think with no problems. I feel bad for you staying angry and bitter like that for so long

[Frosty Boolit]

Christ is necessary for a lasting marriage?

[Bantou]

Christ is necessary for a lasting marriage?

Necessary, no. There are enough long non- Christian marriages to prove that point. Helpful, absolutely. I would compare it to taking a gravel road instead of the black top. Both can get you there but the black top is smoother and easier. That isn’t to say that there won’t be bumps and pot holes along the way, there is just liable to be fewer of them.


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[Thundarstick]

There are PLENTY of failed Christian marriages! Being a Christian does not make a marriage easier! Every marriage is a puzzle unto itself.

[Cosmic_Charlie]

36 yrs. Show your wife you care by taking care with little things. Most women seem to like conversation so don't neglect that. Support her hobbies, show interest and give encouragement. If she wants to see a play go with her. Flowers for no reason at all. Be patient at the in laws. Help with household chores. Ask her often if there is anything you can do for her.
Picking a farm girl helps.

[Traffer]

Your marital relationship is completely dependent upon your closeness to God.

[Wag]

Your marital relationship is completely dependent upon your closeness to God.

Plenty of good people out there in abusive, hateful marriages who are "close to god."

When my late wife and I booted religion out of our lives and out of our marriage, our relationship improved so dramatically it is indescribable.

--Wag--

[Traffer]

Plenty of good people out there in abusive, hateful marriages who are "close to god."

When my late wife and I booted religion out of our lives and out of our marriage, our relationship improved so dramatically it is indescribable.

--Wag--
WOW that is quite a statement. What does being close to God mean to you? Apparently it is a hateful state of being.

[fatelk]

36 yrs. Show your wife you care by taking care with little things. Most women seem to like conversation so don't neglect that. Support her hobbies, show interest and give encouragement. If she wants to see a play go with her. Flowers for no reason at all. Be patient at the in laws. Help with household chores. Ask her often if there is anything you can do for her.
Picking a farm girl helps.
I love it!



When my late wife and I booted religion out of our lives and out of our marriage, our relationship improved so dramatically it is indescribable.

--Wag--
No offense intended, but you must have had some pretty terrible "religion". :(

I've often heard over the years from "churchy" folks how you must be "close to God" to have a good marriage. While I see a grain of truth there, it's demonstrably untrue. For example, I have a coworker who is literally a "God-hater". He claims to be agnostic/atheist, but on the rare occasion he says anything about it, I realize that nobody could possible have that much hate for someone they don't believe in (he lost children). He and his wife appear to have a very strong marriage, very close and caring, do anything for each other.

The grain of truth I mentioned is this: I believe the key to success is following what I consider "Christian principles" on the subject, primarily faithfulness, selflessness, kindness, unconditional love. Call them "universal principles" if the word "Christian" offends you, or whatever, but they are principles promoted in the Bible. There are many, many Christian couples who don't live this way, who fail in their relationships, and their are plenty of non-Christian couple who do live this way and succeed.

I've seen far too many "super-Christian" couples crash and burn, and nice, church-going families implode, to buy into the idea that merely putting a label on yourself and sitting in a pew every week will save your marriage. You've got to live it.

[Traffer]

I love it!


No offense intended, but you must have had some pretty terrible "religion". :(

I've often heard over the years from "churchy" folks how you must be "close to God" to have a good marriage. While I see a grain of truth there, it's demonstrably untrue. For example, I have a coworker who is literally a "God-hater". He claims to be agnostic/atheist, but on the rare occasion he says anything about it, I realize that nobody could possible have that much hate for someone they don't believe in (he lost children). He and his wife appear to have a very strong marriage, very close and caring, do anything for each other.

The grain of truth I mentioned is this: I believe the key to success is following what I consider "Christian principles" on the subject, primarily faithfulness, selflessness, kindness, unconditional love. Call them "universal principles" if the word "Christian" offends you, or whatever, but they are principles promoted in the Bible. There are many, many Christian couples who don't live this way, who fail in their relationships, and their are plenty of non-Christian couple who do live this way and succeed.

I've seen far too many "super-Christian" couples crash and burn, and nice, church-going families implode, to buy into the idea that merely putting a label on yourself and sitting in a pew every week will save your marriage. You've got to live it.

Again I would ask, "How would you define 'being close to God'"?
When I say that, What I mean is actually being close to God. Not someone who says or thinks they are close to God. Seriously, What does it mean to TRULY be close to God?
How does this affect you... "But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God".

[Thundarstick]

Only works if BOTH in the relationship believe and act that way.

[Wag]

I love it!


No offense intended, but you must have had some pretty terrible "religion". :(

I've often heard over the years from "churchy" folks how you must be "close to God" to have a good marriage. While I see a grain of truth there, it's demonstrably untrue. For example, I have a coworker who is literally a "God-hater". He claims to be agnostic/atheist, but on the rare occasion he says anything about it, I realize that nobody could possible have that much hate for someone they don't believe in (he lost children). He and his wife appear to have a very strong marriage, very close and caring, do anything for each other.

The grain of truth I mentioned is this: I believe the key to success is following what I consider "Christian principles" on the subject, primarily faithfulness, selflessness, kindness, unconditional love. Call them "universal principles" if the word "Christian" offends you, or whatever, but they are principles promoted in the Bible. There are many, many Christian couples who don't live this way, who fail in their relationships, and their are plenty of non-Christian couple who do live this way and succeed.

I've seen far too many "super-Christian" couples crash and burn, and nice, church-going families implode, to buy into the idea that merely putting a label on yourself and sitting in a pew every week will save your marriage. You've got to live it.

I didn't mean to derail this thread. I agree, 100%, that good relationships are built on practices and principles essential to all good relationships. I didn't mean to imply and I didn't say that a religion creates a bad relationship.

What I will say, though, is that religion itself is not a guarantee of a good relationship. It's not a guarantee of anything, actually but I digress slightly.

Look, I don't hate god. I don't believe there is a god so, as you say, how could I hate such a being?

Back to the OP, though, good relationships rely on a lot of qualities that have to be present together in order to succeed. A good marriage requires love. That love should inspire both in the marriage to be willing to do whatever it takes to ensure the success of the partner. That willingness will drive the desire to learn how to communicate better, to give up personal selfishness and to claim the need for one's own success as well. You can give a 100% to the relationship but you also have to be willing to accept the 100% that your mate offers you.

It can be tricky in the details, but that's a start....

Anyhoo, I was married to my first and only wife for 27 years and it was the best time of my life. What makes me truly happy, though, is that I'm 100% confident that it was the best time of her life as well. She was my best friend and my favorite friend. My true love in every way, just as I was hers.

--Wag--

[Traffer]

I should have stated my post differently.
To just throw out there that being close to God secures a good marriage is not really encouraging. What I should have said it this:
My wife is greatly encouraged by the fact that she sees me on my knees submitting to God in prayer on a regular basis. This practice helps me to stay humble before God and she appreciates that. Here are some of it's features:
Submitting myself to God in prayer helps me to see what an incredible blessing my wife. It gives her a big sense of security to know her man is attempting to live according to God's will. It creates in her a confidence in me as well as a general sense of security in life.
As I am willing to submit to God's will, she is more likely to willingly submit to my leadership.
These are just a few things it does for Her.
What it does for me is ...well...it gives me the ability to maintain a changed life. A life not spent for selfish pursuits but for the Glory of God...(I certainly am not really good at this but without a commitment to God on my knees it would be impossible...out of the question...)
So these are just some of the ways it produces the correct environment for our marriage to succeed. It provides the foundation to build on the practices and principals that create a loving successful marriage relationship. I used to tell my friends "If you want your wife to respect you, let her see you on your knees before God every morning..."

[Texas by God]

June 13th 1987 I went dancing with my sister's secretary. That's the last thing I remember......
Just kidding. December 31 1987 we married. Still bobbing and weaving and loving it. She is the best person I know; we still have "IT". My advice is to treat her better than you treat yourself and good life follows.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk

[jonp]

Sweetheart and I never talk in the phone, never a serious argument and have each other's backs. Took me over 40yrs to find the right one but she is mine and not letting her go for any money

[Walks]

It was 38yrs for Us last month.

Marriage is a COMPROMISE between two people who LOVE EACH OTHER.

NEVER, EVER CALL EACH OTHER NAMES. Even many years down the road it will still be in the back of your mind.

Say "I Love You" every day. When She comes home from anywhere, get up off your butt and Kiss & Hug Her.

Many more things, Most Important: RESPECT Each Other, and show it.

[Thundarstick]

Walks, that's some good advice!

One other thing, never, never, never, ever air out your dirty laundry to coworkers etc. My wife and I are appalled at how so many of our coworkers disrespect and down their spouses to others in public. If you want your marriage to fail and fail quick, keep doing this, instead of being a better spouse.

[dangitgriff]

Don’t ever get married. It’s not worth it.

Relationships (with the opposite sex) aren’t for everyone, that’s for sure. Women today sure as hell don’t make it easier, or even appealing, after fighting for two centuries in this country to break out of their role in society that was a hundred thousand years in the making. Now they have everything they wanted and surprise, surprise...neither man nor woman is happy in the USA—and the man still gets the blame for it all.
Can’t we at least give credit to the women who still realize their value as wives, mothers and homemakers? A reversion to the more traditional roles for men and women seems like a damn fine good first step to rebuilding relationships between the sexes.
Here’s a video (18:37 long) on how women hold the power to destroy societies, culture & nations:
https://youtu.be/mFTSt-A2Cls
R/Griff

[Frosty Boolit]

You need jobs that can support a family with a single income before a woman can be a homemaker. Oops, we sent all of those to foreign countries.

[Frosty Boolit]

I've been thinking about this one for a few days... This may be simply stated but sometimes simple is best. I've been married since I was 21, for a little over 16 years. I think that knowing when to lead and knowing when to follow is what has made my marriage so strong. I'm not sure how I knew which way to go but I guess I've just trusted my gut.

[fatelk]

You need jobs that can support a family with a single income before a woman can be a homemaker. Oops, we sent all of those to foreign countries.

Some women are career-driven, but I think more often than not there is a natural maternal desire to stay home and raise a family. My wife put her career on hold 15 years ago when our oldest came along, and we've been raising four kids on a single income. It is NOT easy, and we pinch pennies pretty tight. We'd have money coming out our ears if we never had kids, but I wouldn't trade my kids for all the money in the world.

All men are different, and all women are different. Generalizations about what they want or what they respect are just that, generalizations.

For example, I have two different friends, both of whom went through marital trouble in recent years. They're about the same age, similar background and income level, both church-going Christians, both family men with kids, both named Bob. (Until I wrote this I never realized how similar they are)

Bob#1- his wife left him and took the kids. He put very little effort into reconciliation. He told me it was her problem, and she just needed to get over it. He said she was mad because he had told her she needed to get a real job and start contributing to the family income, instead of just raising the kids. They divorced and he found another one last I heard. I felt terrible for his kids.

Bob#2- his wife left him and took the kids. He was distraught and went to the ends of the earth to get her back. She put him through hell, expecting him to walk away, and giving him every chance to. He did whatever it took and everything is good now, better than ever. In her defense, it was mostly his fault, which he readily admits. I've known her for her whole life; she was almost like a sister to me. She was well worth fighting for.

As much as I hate divorce, I do realize that not all relationships can be salvaged. I have a sister-in-law who really should have divorced her ex long before she did. She put in years of effort, and all she got in return was ridicule and abuse.

Traffer- I really didn't mean to knock your advice. I try to live much like you do, and agree with you more than not.

[Dukeconnor]

Personally I would have married someone I really liked as a person.
Not just a smokin hottie.

I don't care what the woman looks like. You will get sick of her if she isn't a good person.

A good job also helps.

My first was a women that would give men wiplash as they spin around to look at her.
My second was beautiful on the outside and inside. The inside part is more important and it doesn't hurt that she had a good career.

My third will probably be a Labrador.

[Bantou]

My third will probably be a Labrador.
I’ve told my wife if something happens to her, I’m not getting remarried. We have been training each other for nearly 15 years (we started dating on and off in high school and then again in college). I have 0 interest in starting over training or being trained.


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[Thundarstick]

I’ve told my wife if something happens to her, I’m not getting remarried. We have been training each other for nearly 15 years (we started dating on and off in high school and then again in college). I have 0 interest in starting over training or being trained.


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I wish I had a dollar for every time I've heard this story, and then their married inside of three years![smilie=l:

[BrutalAB]

You need jobs that can support a family with a single income before a woman can be a homemaker. Oops, we sent all of those to foreign countries.

Not just shipped to foreign countries, but also the wages of those that stayed here got split into fake jobs with no real responsibilites or duties with certainly inflated wages so that the women can have jobs.

[Good Cheer]

Our love of Jesus Christ, how He has taken care of us, how He has acted upon our prayers, intervened in our lives, where we live, how we live; His presence has been blessings to our lives and of course to our marriage. The knowledge that He is real is foundational to our world and therefore to our marriage. Over the years we've become convinced that He had a hand in us being brought together.

OK, I understand that a lot of people can't go there. Not a problem. What we've experienced is ours and what anyone else has experienced is theirs. Part of the experiences of our life together has included seeing interventions. After a while you get a big grin and stop being just totally gobsmack shocked.

We've had a pretty good run and yet we still don't like it when we aren't together whether it's shopping, shooting, fishing, whatever. It's FDR monthly happy cash time, getting back a smidgen of what was stole from us. We're entering that time of life we've seen others go through, the preps for being ready to go home. When she goes I think her brother Ronnie just might be there for her. Lost him in a chopper off a Vietnamese beach but he's dropped by a couple of times since. As for me, knowing that the reason we came to this world was to leave it, that's foundational to the values of my love for her and our marriage.

OK, now for the really heavy stuff. Marital advice. Already covered that part about how good it is to be "equally yoked" to keep the furrows straight. So yeah, the advice...

Womens is like cats. If you wasn't gonna spoil 'em why would you have one?

[CoRifleman]

Walks, that's some good advice!

One other thing, never, never, never, ever air out your dirty laundry to coworkers etc. My wife and I are appalled at how so many of our coworkers disrespect and down their spouses to others in public. If you want your marriage to fail and fail quick, keep doing this, instead of being a better spouse.

Thundar - Spot on. SAME TEAM. Keep it IN HOUSE. And remember that when it's bad outside - or maybe even inside - she's/he's the ONE person you CHOSE to have your back. Don't forget that, and find a partner that also won't forget that.

[Geezer in NH]

Don't
Answered in post #12 Best in all answers.

Note I will be married 50 years in March 2021

[Scrounge]

Womens is like cats. If you wasn't gonna spoil 'em why would you have one?

Way I heard it was "Women and cats." Translated for you guys who don't realize you're half female, on your mother's side, "Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs might as well relax to it."

[JerryCan]

I had a pretty bad temper for years. I wouldn't yell at my wife, but my temper was stressful for her. Add in how bad it is for me to lose my cool I taught myself to always stop and think.
I'd ask myself, "will I be upset about this s year from today?".
If I'm not going to be mad a year from it, why waste my time? I almost never get mad and haven't in years. Anger is a useless emotion. It damaged you physically. And those around you are mentally abused.

Another big mistake I made, I skipped the little things. All the people I know that stayed married, made a point of doing little things for each other. My first marriage ended after 9 years. I took a hard look at myself. Fixed what I could, and met the woman I was .want to be with. We love each other more now than when newlyweds. I always tell people to wait as long as they can to marry. I was 30 before I really knew what I wanted in a marriage.

[fatelk]

I thought I'd add one last thing, that may or may not be entirely germane to this discussion. Many times in these types of threads I read advice for those who aren't married yet, things like finding a woman who's in shape, and like to hike and camp, or has a career and her own money, or is strong and healthy, etc..

That's all well and good, and it is important to keep in mind what's important to you. For my wife and I, what was most important was shared faith, values, and goals in life. Even before we were married, we talked about how, for us, "til death do us part" and "for better or worse" meant what they say. Getting married is the best thing I ever did, and I haven't regretted it for a moment.

My wife is not in shape to hike and camp, and she's had some chronic health issues. We've been through numerous surgeries in 18 years (mostly on her foot, nothing scary serious) and are preparing right now for another one in less than two weeks. It's going to be a long recovery this summer, and we're not looking forward to it. It's all been non- life threatening stuff, but it's never-ending. Recently it's been chronic migraines on top of everything else. In sickness and in health...

She was working in the medical field when we met, but quit when kids came along, and then the health issues... She was never terribly good with her money, and had some debt we had to pay off. It's been tough raising a family and paying medical bills all on one blue-collar income. For better or worse...

But we've got each other, and life is pretty good, all in all. Do I sometimes get feeling sorry for myself about how things are? Sure, can't help but feel that way a bit sometimes, but I still wouldn't trade what we do have for all the things we don't have.

My point is only that if your important criteria in choosing a spouse are things like money, looks, and health, then you're most likely headed for hard times and divorce, because things change. They always do. Making the important things your priority will help weather those changes.

[Big Tom]

30 years here... don't expect it to be easy. there will be times when you are not right. at the end it will be worth it (I guess, as I have no comparison).

[edp2k]

50% of marriages end in divorce, and the other 50% end in death, neither is appealing, just don't do it :)

[Scrounge]

50% of marriages end in divorce, and the other 50% end in death, neither is appealing, just don't do it :)

EVERYTHING ends in death. Why die without having lived? Dum vivimus, vivamus!

[blackthorn]

My theory is that we usually wind up with the type of mate we are exposed to in our everyday environment. Hang out in bars---marry a bar fly--Spend a lot of time around church---marry a person who does the same---etc. Both Gail and I are on our second marriage. Her first lasted 25 years and mine lasted 32. NOW we are happy with each other! Our marriage is based on love, respect for each other and willingness to recognize each other's need for personal space on occasion. We have been together 28 years. Best 28 years of my life.

[edp2k]

EVERYTHING ends in death. Why die without having lived? Dum vivimus, vivamus!

Wow, you just got the joke! :)

And note, there is a difference between living happily, and living a life of living hell. Choose wisely.

[Scrounge]

I've been married twice. First one lasted 8 years because I'm stubborn. Middle of next month it will be 38 years for the second one. That's lasted this long because both of us are stubborn. ;)

[robg]

just agree with her .been together 38years .how she put up with me in the early days god knows.

[wv109323]

I would offer....

Marriage is a special relationship...…. one in which one person is always right......the other is the husband...….
My wife agreed with this statement.

[gwpercle]

I've been married for 48 years ...to the same girl ... I still love her , I still want to be with her and she's my best friend. The other day she said " After all these years , You still make me laugh...and I love you !"
All I can say is both my Mom and Dad liked her when I brought her home to meet them , right off the bat they knew she was a "good " girl and approved ! ...
So if you're not sure ...bring the girl home and let Mom and Dad meet her...then take their advice !
My parents sure had it right ... I must admit I did bring home a few girls that didn't make the cut and I'm so glad now I didn't marry any of them .
Gary