Friend is passing

[Daver7]

He was one of the managers in my area. CAS shooter was alway a good guy to talk with.
He's in his late 50s was always healthy and now he's come down with cancer
He probably won't make it to the end of the year and I really need to call and talk to him.
I don't know what to say.
I need to know how to start the conversation.

HELP

[Pine Baron]

Daver7, Just call him, most of the time the best support is just listening.
I pray that your friend finds peace with our Heavenly Father.
My prayer for you is that you seek the Holy Spirit and God's will.
In Jesus' name, amen.

[RedlegEd]

Hi Daver7,
I’m sorry to hear of your friend’s illness. Having been in your situation with both friends and family, I think it’s always best to be right up front and start the conversation with a simple “hi, I heard you’re sick and I wanted to see how you’re doing.” Let the conversation go from there and if he wants to talk, shut up and listen. It’s ok to tell him you think a lot of him, and it sucks that he’s sick. I hope you make the call and spend some time with him. It time you can’t get back once he’s gone.
Ed

[Markopolo]

well sir, call him... tell him what you just said. tell him you weren't sure what to say but wanted to hear his voice... tell him that his example made a difference to your life. tell him that he was always a great guy to talk to... people facing death NEED to hear this sort of thing if it is truthful and honest... its a moment where you need to strip away your own pride, or thought of what is right and what guys are suppose to be like and lay your emotions on the table... be brave. for some this is the ultimate test of bravery, and faith. grab a hold of your socks, pull them up tight and dial the number... never put off this sort of thing. you will regret it if you do... your talking to somebody that does. and that was over 40 years ago and I still mourn it. NEVER leave anything unsaid!

marko

[Wayne Smith]

And let him know that you have appreciated knowing him specifically, the things you have remembered that he said, the influence he has had on you.

[Boaz]

All good comments . As Pine Baron said...to listen . To provide encouragement and letting them know they are not alone . Let them guide the conversation . To be sympathetic , understanding and letting them know GOD will be with them and you . It's never easy and each is a different situation .

[lightman]

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I would just call him and talk for a minute and then just tell him that you heard about his news and ease into a conservation about it.

[Blackwater]

Wow. Losing a friend is almost as hard as passing over ourselves. But you've been given some good advice. Most folks don't speak honestly with those who know they're dying, and many, if not most of those who receive this sort of "artificial" treatment, often come to resent it. REAL friends talk straight and face to face, albeit respectfully and with great concern. And don't be morose, PLEASE! Yes, it's hard to have a friend in this situation, but what HE needs is more important than how YOU feel. In this "modern world," we seem to have become used to others expecting to be told what they want to hear, but in this situation, it's most important that the situation be dealt with honestly and caringly. That's really all anyone can tell you. The rest needs to come from your heart, and from your memory.

And FWIW, I have a friend who could go at any time. He's in the last phases of diabetes, and he knows he brought it on himself, largely by using his insulin to eat like he'd always been used to eating, and in amounts that were way beyond what he needed. We talk by phone almost every day, but today, he was too sick to talk, so I just cut the conversation short and said I'd call again tomorrow to check on him. After we cover the intros for that day, I always ask him something about shooting, hunting, loading, or past joys we've both known afield and on the waters. This always perks him up as best as can be expected, and helps him rest more easily. Something like that may help your friend. I and my friend have hunted and fished together for 40 years or more, and we each have many stories that I doubt we'll ever exhaust. As old men, our memories aren't what they used to be, so repetition of some stories is fully as enjoyable as the first time we heard them.

My SIL got cancer, and the idiot doc who found it and had to tell her was about as brutal as he could be. She went off the deep end for a while, but after a bit, decided that she was going to LIVE however many days God gave her, and leave the rest up to Him. She was given 6 months, but got 6 years, and I can't help but believe that her attitude had a lot to do with it. I could tell her laughter, when appropriate, came from deep within her, which was not quite so true when she was "healthy." It's amazing what we go through in this life, and how things we dread can actually make us better and more honest, straight-forward and balanced people than if we'd always had it "easy." Too many folks seem to think this world is supposed to be some sort of 2nd Garden of Eden, where all goes paches and cream. But it isn't. It's a testing and proving ground for us, to see who will wind up being fit for Heaven, and who will not. To do that, we all have to go through a certain number of trials and challenges. How else could our real inner selves be revealed??? And death, even, is not permanent. It's like a butterfly emerging from its crysalis. We even get wings, so so it's reported.

Us moderns seem to talk a lot about "love," but we don't seem very adept at actually doing it. But we can learn, and sometimes, we can learn quickly.

[Daver7]

thanks for all the advice. Nothing I didn't know. I did need a kick in the butt and thats what you gave me THANKS.
he talked for awhile and then said "thanks for the call, see ya on the other side" asked to save me a spot.

[GhostHawk]

Sounds like you got the advice you needed. Keep calling.

[USMC87]

We are placing your friend on our prayer list, May God give you the words to say.

[dverna]

well sir, call him... tell him what you just said. tell him you weren't sure what to say but wanted to hear his voice... tell him that his example made a difference to your life. tell him that he was always a great guy to talk to... people facing death NEED to hear this sort of thing if it is truthful and honest... its a moment where you need to strip away your own pride, or thought of what is right and what guys are suppose to be like and lay your emotions on the table... be brave. for some this is the ultimate test of bravery, and faith. grab a hold of your socks, pull them up tight and dial the number... never put off this sort of thing. you will regret it if you do... your talking to somebody that does. and that was over 40 years ago and I still mourn it. NEVER leave anything unsaid!

marko

Perfect advice.

Just do it!