Need some guidance.

[Rcmaveric]

Have some issues.... kind of hard to talk about and keep a straight face. I feel like my mind is cracking trying cope. It seems pety but here goes. I know I need to accept it.

I am 33 year old active duty. I have always known I will die. But I never really thought of it. Never even wondered what death felt like. I have been deployed 4 times, two were combat zones with live fires and two were cushy deployments but North Korea launched missiles at us. I never once thought I would die, I only thought about how much that would hurt. Last deployment I had a medical emergency while over seas. I ran 4 miles and could barely hold consciousness. I lost my hearing and my eye sight was like static on the TV. I was barely hanging on to consciousness. My only thought was not hear or now. I became dehydrated and my body shut down. I blacked out 6 times. I learned what death feels like. It scared me, but I only had trouble sleeping.

I came home. And was having problems sleeping. It downed on me, I was afraid of sleeping because to me that's what death feels like. As soon as I made that connection a deep well of black feer welled in me and knew I found my problem. I haven't dreamed in years and a dream is a treasure to me that happens rarely. Most time when I sleep it's down the well of black nothing, I sit there for a few minutes. Then it feels like a giant hand rips me out of oblivion so I can put my uniform on and go back to work.

I learned that I am afraid to die. I see death behind ever door now and its eating me. Its sucked the happiness out of me but has giving me much more respect and love and compassion that I never even knew I was lacking. I have been living my life as a monster and never saw it until now. I was so selfish and mean that I can't even begin to fathom how to make a mends to those I have hurt. I held my wife's hand now and yesterday she stopped and looked at me, she said you hardly ever hold my hand. I told her it was because she loved it and I wanted to make her happy. She cried tears of joy. I never realized how selfish I was. An hour ago i was crying because my wife has medical problems and who is going to take care of her when I die.

I can't say or write I am afraid of death with out be racked with fear and dread and un controlled tears.

So I turned to my religion that has been heavily neglected. My grandmother and grandfather passed while I was deployed a year apart. I always thought they went to heaven and were watching over me and were with me. I am a Christian, or thought I was, said I was. I started reading and researching. What it is to die and what happens next. I never knew how wrong I was about it. Jesus says we go to sleep. The dead are unaware and cannot see or think or feel. There we rest until Jesus resurrects us. Well, so we don't go to heaven...

Thessalonians is one of the few books of the Bible I have read. All of it makes since now and made it harder now to take pleasure in life, because I know it's all pointless and all will be lost in the generations forgotten.

Reading about how the body returns to the dust it came from. The breath of life returns to God who gave it. That fills me with more dread. I always thought we had immortal souls, but I was wrong. I have been such a horrible man. I know to get forgiveness for sins you have to stop sinning. I am divorced but remarried, so what do I do? I also need to get baptized, oddly I am the only person in my Catholic family, not baptized (my mom says she was a single working mom raising two boys and she just never got to it, I am not mad at her and I understand).

I haven't reloaded or shot in 2 weeks because it just didn't give me joy like it used to. I am tired all the time and am having panic attacks and unreasonable fears and anxiety. I am tired all the time and afraid to sleep.

Yes, I talked to a doctor. He gave me a script, I haven't taken it. I read the side effects and those triggered my fears. I feel we have to face life and learn to cope on our own. Doctor is a good friend of mine. My other friend is counselor and we had a long talk. I have been talking to friends and co workers so I am not suffering alone. I do plan on scheduling an appointment with the Chaplain.

I need to get through this so I can get back to enjoying life.

I believe. I love my God and Jesus. I also know when I grieve they grieve with me. When I am weakest is when they carry me. They fill me with hope, love and dread all at the same time. I can't sleep peacefully without reciting the Lords Prayer and reading Psalms 23.

I have been surrounded by loss and death my whole life. My selfishness never allowed me to truly grieve for them or understand what the departed went through. All men are made equal in death.

My wife's and I desire to live a long healthy life is leading us to work out and quit tobacco. We have to die, but no need to suffer more than necessary.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk

[Hogtamer]

Rc, this from Romans 8:
"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels or principalities, nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is Christ Jesus our Lord." Rest your mind in that if you can.

And this from Phillipians 4:
" Be anxious for NOTHING, but in EVERYTHING by prayer and supplication with THANKSGIVING, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your heart and mind through Jesus Christ. Finally brethren, whatever thing are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just; whatever things are pure, lovely and of good report; if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things"

Stand on the promises of God friend.

[Der Gebirgsjager]

I understand and sympathize with you, brother. I've been through much of what you have, maybe not exactly the same way. It seems that in a relatively short time you have learned a great deal, and even have reached an understanding that many professing Christians have not reached.

You are correct about death. When we die, we are dead. It is like turning off a light switch and we know no more until one glorious day in the future when the switch is again turned on.

There is no one, no one at all, who is more deserving of your love and attention than your wife. You will receive back the affection and effort you expend to nourish your marriage many times over. When you ask yourself, if she isn't my best friend and companion, who is, you will come to the conclusion that no one else is as close.

I am not a Catholic, and must take a little issue with you on baptism. Yes, the Bible says to confess Christ as your Savior and to be baptized, but the example we are given is not christening. It is full immersion.

You do well to quit tobacco. I started smoking in the Army because I was nervous and needed something to do. I smoked for 20 years, averaging about a pack a day. Others smoked 2 or 3 packs per day. The anti-tobacco movement has said for a long time that 10 minutes after quitting your health begins to improve. Perhaps, in some ways, but some damage has been done that will not reverse. But one is much better to quit than not. I quit 35 years ago, but tomorrow am going in for an operation to stent an aneurysm in my aortic artery. The surgeon tells me that artery walls weaken from smoking, and the damage does not repair itself. Hopefully I'll be back, and if you'd like to talk please feel free to PM me for my phone number.

May God bless and heal your body, mind, and spirit.

DG

[rancher1913]

the best thing about this site is the christian aspect of it and the fact that we have the chapel to go to for help when we need it from like minded people. I'm not much of a theologian but there are several others here that are and I hazard a guess you will get a few pm's from them.

[Wayne Smith]

My absolute assurance is that my (and your) salvation was established (in God's mind and thus in fact) prior to the foundations of the earth. This is scripture. This means that salvation is all of God and none of me, for He loved me when I hated (ignored) Him. My growing awareness of my salvation involved me agreeing to it gladly when He showed me, but nothing more. He is acting in me to make me more like Him (Rom. 8:28-29) and even uses my sin to accomplish this. I'm not concerned what will happen to me when I die because I'll be in His hands and I know He loves me with a love I cannot understand, a perfect and complete love. I cannot imagine a more complete happiness and joy than being completely in His hands.

I believe from scripture that we will have perfected bodies in heaven and will be recognizible, just as Jesus was recognized post resurrection. When that happens after my death I don't know but I know I will be fulfilled being with God in the process.

[txbirdman]

When we die the soul goes to heaven to be with the Lord in heaven. Remember Jesus told the thief on the cross. “ Today you will be with me in paradise”. The body will “sleep” until the resurrection at which time we who are in Christ will be raised with new eternal bodies that are reunited with our souls to forever exist in the presence of God. To me death is the gateway to the new eternal life the glory of which we can’t even imagine. We will be the children/ heirs of Almighty God. Praise God!

[txbirdman]

I sense that God is working in your life and that you have reached the first critical step to salvation which is recognizing your sinfulness. Romans 3:23 says all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. I suggest that you read the Gospel of John and then the book of Romans. But before you do this pray that God will provide the insight in order that His Word speaks directly to you. I’ll be praying for you and your family.

[MrHarmless]

Hey dude, I absolutely advise you keep talking to your chaplain and/or get some professional counseling/therapy. Tricare will cover that. Your leadership will absolutely support it. If they don't, PM me get me their info, and I'll talk to them. Mental issues, PTSD, depression, or anything similar to your brain up and being a royal jerk to you are the results of experiences that conditioned it and chemical imbalances that can't be alleviated or fixed in a "one and done" session. It takes time and effort, like reloading, exercising, or any other part of being a person.

One of the best parts about living in the modern age is that we've developed treatments, technologies, techniques, and all sorts of support systems that can and will help you. Don't give up. The big hump is the personal one, and it seems like you've breached it.

I lost a mentor of mine to a combination of untreated mental conditions that precipitated from PTSD from his experiences overseas, due to a lack of push to get help. He was, by and large, a total a**hole, but he was a mentor to me and no one deserves to have their own thoughts taken from their control. You deserve better than that.

[Boaz]

Just as a general reply I'd say GOD is working in your life through the realizations you have come to . It's shocking when we at last realize our weakness and fears . But that's also the beginning of understanding .

I have seen so many that have went through this . To have apprehension of the unknown is a normal response for us in many situations . It doesn't condemn you , it brings you to work it out . You are far less lost than you think by the revelations you are experiencing . Understanding failings , weakness begins with that understanding and how to right them through building on your relationship with GOD .


Begin with talking to GOD . If you can do it with your wife or those you respect their council is even better . Hogtamer gave some good verse , The book of John is a great place to begin studying . Building your relationship with GOD is a lifelong event , we all start down that path during some point in our life . Be patient with yourself .

I'll be praying for you as I'm sure many others here will also .

[USMC87]

I am praying for you and know that we are here for this exact reason, We are to hold each other up in prayer always and to build the body of Christ.

[Pine Baron]

"Begin with talking to GOD." That right there.
You will get all your questions answered, all you anxieties lifted. Be patient and don't stop praying.
I'll be praying for you, my brother.

[GhostHawk]

All who are born into this world will die, some early, some late, yes even Jesus. WE ALL DIE.

The secret is to not worry so much about this world. Accumulate your treasure in heaven by doing good works in the Lords name.

I would say you have finally grown up. You are seeing it is not all about you, it is about those who love you. Well done! Many never make it that far.

Cleanse your heart, go threw that little room in the back of our heads where we box up and put away that which causes us pain.
Clear it out. Take each memory out in the cold hard light of day and maturity and look at it. Forgive those who caused that pain as Jesus would.
Cry a little, and let it go. Clean all that crap out. Left alone it turns into toxic sludge and will poison you. But tears and forgiveness will wash it all away.

Once your heart it pure, no longer harbors any ill will towards anyone. That is the time to hit your knees and repent.
Repent each sin you remember and those you don't remember. Ask the Lord to send the Holy Spirit to live in you, to help show you the way.

Be thankful for all you have been given. Be thankful every morning for one more day on the green side of the grass. And thank the Lord for that day at night before you sleep.

Faith, Hope, and love. These three abide, they last the test of time. But the greatest of these is love. So LOVE.

If you can do all this, you may discover that along with the repentance and the forgiveness comes peace which surpasses all understanding. Peace like a river flowing down onto you. And the better you follow his will, his path, the better you do at being a good Christian the more that peace flows.

I'm here if I can help. I had a lot of help to get where I am. No one gets all the way on their own.
And I am still a sinner, still stumble, fail and fall daily. But I'm working on it, getting better.

God BLESS and keep you, keep you safe in his loving hands till you can get this sorted.

Ghosth
aka Bill in Fargo ND

[Rcmaveric]

Thanks everyone. I saw Chaplain today and it helped. Praying with my mouth was pretty hard. Chaps told me to pray for forgiveness and salvation and it was hard to find the words of what to say. As long as I believed Jesus was my savior.

I also went to the clinic. They offered me medication I filled the script and now I am on the hinge of taking it. Never been one for medicine. I have always thought it was mind over matter and the soul rules all kind of life. That is until I learned differently. Medications scare me. I did consult my Flight Surgeon, and she heavily recommended the medication and counseling with chaps.

Everyone told me it was natural and everyone goes through it. I was pretty much ordered to take leave and rest. I feel like my brain is tense.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk

[Wayne Smith]

What meds did they prescribe and what were you told about them? Please PM me if you don't want to post here.

Praying out loud is sometimes hard, especially when we are not used to it. Talking to God is the ultimate in transparency so you need to be around those you trust when you do it in the beginning of your travel with God. Eventually you realize that God is the one caring for you, that you can trust Him implicitly, and you have no problem being transparent in public - but this takes the process of building or growing faith.

When I refer a client to one of our prescribers I tell them "Be aware that, unless you have an identical twin, your physiology is unique in the universe. We have good medicines but they all have multiple effects. The doctor has some idea how these medications work in most people but he has no idea what is going on in your body until you tell him. You need to be an active participant in your medical treatment, educating your doctor about your physiology."

Frankly, if your doctor isn't willing to listen to you and be educated - get a different doctor!

[rl69]

There is so much I would love to say but none of it will bring comfort... I could tell you things I'm going through and have been through but it wouldn't help... I hurt as I reed this but at the same time I rejoice.... becuse I see the lord working in you... Look and study on Ephesians 2:8 ...read Colossians... pull from that what Paul is telling the church... A greater understanding of God will give you peace in your fear of death.... ( experience speaking) But as mrharmless said it will be a long slow process.

Go back and read txbirdman and mrharmless post .. a lot of great advice. Get your nose in the word of God...and see what it says for yourself....Please pm if you need to talk..I'll give you my number ... I don't have any words of wisdom...but I have good hearing...and maby I can point you in the right deriction in the word.... Becuse it's him him you will find peace and joy... Not in man

Again you need to find out what the word says...not what other say it says.... Talk with your Chaplin talk with your pastor talk with everyone who will listen.... But Read and prayin find out for yourself God's healing power threw the word

Second Timothy 2:15
Paul taught Timothy ..but in this verse he is telling him..you seek out your understanding

I don't have a copy of the lambs book of life..but in the word it tells us how to tell the saved from the unsaved..and as I said in the beginning..there is reason for me to rejoice in your post..

Ronnie Landry

[rl69]

[VIDEO]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rx8iYnmo_lE[/VIDEO

This is a great message take the time. Any one point he brings up acts 12:6
Now when Herod was about to bring him out, on that very night, Peter was sleeping between two soldiers, bound with two chains, and sentries before the door were guarding the prison.

On the night before Peter was to be put to death he slept CHANGED to two soldiers. The only way he me anyone could do this is with a solid understanding of God. We can have God in our heart and still have fear. But the more we know and understand the more pece we will have. Just my two cents... Little sister sent me this this morning and it defeanetly lifted my spirit I pray it lifts your also

[rl69]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rx8iYnmo_lE

[JonB_in_Glencoe]

your post touched me. Among other things, I have experienced some fairly severe dehydration...that can really change a person's thinking on how fragile life is.
I will pray that you receive the continued support with Chaps and Drs.

[Rcmaveric]

That was a good video. It's really inspiring.

I appreciate all the caring and words of wisdoms. It means a lot.

[rl69]

I have a sister I adopted.. she sent me that.. Her and her husband are the right door for me acts 12:12 but it important to find that one who you can compleatly open up to..and that constantly is praying for you. I have a brother here... That like that also.
Ronnie

[cwlongshot]

You made a big step. Discovering and admitting and then talking is the progression. No one knows how anyone will handle things you have seen and done. Coping and rationalizing and categorizing these things will help you. But the biggest help will be god and the strength and power of your faith.

Just a simple little phrase for you the remember.

KNOW GO, KNOW LOVE. NO GOD, NO LOVE.

You don’t need to hear these words, you need to believe these words. Understand what death is. BELIEVE in the awesome power and love that is god. Death is a door way. It’s a new chapter but with out faith it’s the blinding unknown. That unknown can be powerful it can be over welling.

Absolutely turn to god. Find a man of the cloth you like. Visit Churches listen to the spoken words. Then choose a place and ask for help.

Fear is real. Fear is a killer. But know and believe in gods word and you will learn the power the love and that nothing, nothing at all can hurt you.

May god bless

CW

[Hogtamer]

Psalm 46: " God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, even though the earth be moved and the mountains carried into the midst of the sea; Though it's waters roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with its swelling."

[Wayne Smith]

For those who are praying. He was given 10 day leave and is planning to go camping. I told him to take his Bible and ask God to open it for him. It is quite likely he will be out of touch for a while. Keep up your prayers.

[Rcmaveric]

I leave 11th of November after work for a camping trip till the 22nd.

I was just sleeping all day today. My wife and I are going to church tomorrow. Then to the gym afterwards.



Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk

[Blackwater]

Knowing and accepting what the problem is is over half the battle. What you're experiencing is the results of overexceeding your body's limits. This can affect your literal nerves (not "nerve" in the sense of bravery or courage). Battle leaves scars, and they're not all exterior physical ones. Our nervous system has limits just like the rest of our bodies do, and you've gone beyond the edge of those limits. But you've survived, and in that, you may well be very lucky.

A 2nd thing that may be operating here, is a skewed concept of who and what God really is, and what He does for us. Many like to think of God as a "Big Sugardaddy in the Sky," but that's not at all what He's about. He does not sit there and take orders from us like a waiter in a restaurant. He created this world as a testing and proving ground, so He'll be able to separate those worthy of Heaven, from those who are unworthy. If he let one person into Heaven who wasn't worthy, Heaven wouldn't be Heaven any more. It would be polluted, and since Heaven is perfect, that simply can't happen. So God ALLOWS (not "causes") things to befall us that we don't like, and that sometimes hurt us in various ways. But they're all due to the CHOICES we make. He lets us have our heads, and make our own decisions for our own reasons in our own time. But He doesn't protect us (always) from the consequences of our decisions. It's how we learn. As the old saying goes, "Good judgment is learned through experiencing the results of bad judgment." God wants us to know Him, and to learn about Him, but many just accept the sing-songy nursery rhyme "usual story" that gets told and retold because it makes us feel good somehow.

Walking with God means having a very real relationship with Him - thinking about Him as a matter of course all through the day, and about reading the Bible and studying it, and reading good theology. A lot of preachers, etc. like to keep things simple, but if you want or need to understand Him in any depth, you have to plunge more deeply into the Bible and thrology than many have the time and/or will to go. But it's worth it if you do.

In short, you're experiencing PTSD, and don't EVER be ashamed of that! Not one bit EVER! It's not your fault. It's literally a physical overextension of your body's mechanisms, both emotional and physical. I'd advise seeing a GOOD medical counselor, if you can find one. If not, and there's a chance of that, try to seek out a priest or preacher with training in this area, and just pour your heart out to him. He will also be able to deal with the theological aspects of your problems.

Whatever you do, do NOT blame yourself, or feel inadequate in any way, whatsoever. You're just human, and you've overburdened your body, ming and spirit. But you will heal if you give it some time. It's been said that time is our greatest healer. I think our greatest healer is Christ, but time surely helps, and even He chooses to use it many times.

God be with you, and support you, and heal you, my friend. And thanks for being there when I couldn't be. You're a genuine hero, sir! And that is NOT just blowin' smoke! God bless you.

[Rcmaveric]

Each of you gives golden nuggets of advice and hope. I surely appreciate and sincerely thank each and everyone of you.

I am no hero, you guys are. It's just a job and work doesn't make us a hero. Its acts of kindness and love that make us heroes. You all are who guys like me really want to be like.

I am doing good now. The meds have calmed down and relaxed my brain. The past few weeks now feel like a dream that's hard to really remember. I have a Psychiatrist I am talking to. Doc at work didn't have very good things to say about our mental health clinic, but she said she was there for me if I ever need to talk. She had me fill out this questionnaire and her jaw dropped. She chided me for not going to her first and sooner. I told her I was kind of afraid of talking to work. Chaps helped a lot. Wife picked out a church for us to go tomorrow. We will see if the Priest offer counseling.

Confessing my sins to God and asking for forgiveness has really lifted a heavy burden off me. Now to walk without reindulging in sin. I think it all started when I realized I wasn't bullet proof and death could happen at any moment. Then thinking about the life I was living I realized I didn't have Salvation. Salvation and God's plan how I dealt with stress and life. I lost my stress reliever and then I over loaded. I have super high stress job and a super high stress home life. I don't think life is supposed to be this stressful as modern life makes it.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk

[cwlongshot]

Know, REALLY KNOW AND BELIEVE. YOU ARE NOT ALLONE!

Many many many of us have been to a similar place. God will never give us something we cannot contour thru him. The road may not be easy it may seem your alone no one understands or agrees or could possibly understand. Know that god was there with you every second. Others have seen the same. Some others too have seen worse.

Glad your doing better. God works thru all of us here he will work thru every one you speak with. If you look you will see and believe this too.

May god bless,

CW

[Wayne Smith]

Let me redefine your understanding of sin.

The most complete definition of sin in the Bible is "For all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God" - meditate on that a bit. Fallen short of the Glory of God - My very best falls desperately short of the Glory of God! My very righteousness - my doing the right thing - is described in the Old Testament as 'filthy rags'. In short it is impossible for me to 'not sin' as you stated. It is for me to understand my 'helpless estate' and be eternally thankful and grateful that God saved me from it. My salvation is all of God, I just joyfully agreed with what He has already done.

I John 1:8-9 says "If you say you have no sin the truth is not in you. If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." We recognize our sinfulness, confess, and God not only forgives us, he cleanses us from that sin!

The more I try to not sin the greater a failure I am and the worse I feel. I am trying to do the impossible. Giving up and accepting God's grace is the more appropriate process.

[GhostHawk]

Even those of us that you look up to know in our hearts that we are sinners. Every day we slip, stumble, fail and fall. And every morning when we wake we thank the Lord for a chance to try to do better.

Only the Lords sacrifice, the son of GOD, he who was without sin. Who gave himself up to torture, and shame and death so that he could save all of us by his grace. Only that makes us worthy to share heaven with God the Almighty, his son our Lord Jesus the Christ, and the Holy Spirit.

We all sin, we are born in sin. We are covered in it. But his grace and blood can wash those sins away.

So leave your sin's at the cross, pick up his yoke for it is light. Leave your burdens there at his feet. Let him deal with them.

Take the time to wrap your head around all of this. You will be the better for it. Your wife and family will thank you for it.

Open your heart to the Lord, he knows you better than you know yourself. And he will give you what you need. Not always what you want or what you ask for. But what you need. He and his love are balm for the soul. And I think you need that most of all.

God LOVES you. Truly. Believe.

[yeahbub]

Rcmaveric, you are being awakened and called out to. You have a leg up on this issue because you're willing to face it and take it on, rather than so many who respond by looking for increasingly powerful distractions to keep from having to think about it. It seems you're paying attention and taking your insights seriously. There are no coincidences, just occurrences in which God prefers to remain anonymous. It is not without reason or purpose that you have survived thus far and have arrived at your current realizations. God wills that all men should be saved, but this also pre-supposes each person's willingness to learn and cooperate with the process as you note in your first post. It's good you're talking to your chaplain. You mentioned that you are nominally Catholic, but have not received the sacrament of Baptism or probably any others? If not, you have gone for years without their benefit and are mostly unaware of the loss. If I may offer a suggestion, look into attending RCIA on base or at your local parish. You were right, you DO have an immortal soul, awake and alive, the disposition of which is yours to see to, though I get the impression that, like many of us, you have had little guidance. Yes, your past (and everyone else's) has deficits, but if you seek reconciliation, there can be forgiveness and amends made. No offense is greater than God's mercy, which is infinite for those who seek it, ask for it and abide in it. As you note, past lessons learned are invaluable in guiding and shaping today's attitudes and behavior. As for making amends, the first order of business is, as much as you are capable today, to cease to offend. Striving to be aware and know how is a life-long endeavor and you'll improve. God said, "I desire mercy, not sacrifice." Pray, silently or out loud - it doesn't matter where or when, God knows your heart. Ask Him to reveal Himself to you as He would have you know Him. If you have little faith, ask for more. Faithless is hopeless, which leads to despair. Reaching out for help makes slipping back into it less and less likely. Many are praying and pulling for you. If you wish, PM me for more info and discussion. I'll be glad to talk to you.

As for the prescribed meds, only you can decide. I decided not to go that route. I was only just then learning to be in touch with what I was feeling and thinking and the nature of what I had gone through. I needed to be clear-headed and aware. I had seen others who were fogged out on psych meds and they seemed less able to deal with their issues and I didn't want to go there. I was oppressed enough and sick and tired of my situation and wanted answers and solutions, not what looked like more of it. I went the 12-step route which led to learning a far better way to live, which continues today. It works if you work it. Bring the body, the mind will follow.

[WRideout]

RCMaverick, I am also a veteran, and have put in my twenty years, albeit most of that in the reserve component. In my experience, military people have a rather unique set of circumstances. For those who have been in combat, holding back one's feelings is a requirement for survival. For everyone else, it is an acquired skill based on realistically imagining horrific events. It sounds like perhaps you have, in your near death experience, had feelings that are very difficult to deal with. Unfortunately, the only way to get rid of troublesome feelings is to feel them. Talking about it out loud helps to take the power out of those feelings. I have myself struggled with depression, but the good news is that it does not have to last forever. You and your wife will be in my prayers. God will see you through this.

Wayne

[Rcmaveric]

I got baptized today.https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20191110/d595907837140a8f5e6ba38224804c11.jpghttps://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20191110/2dd1d10cb8818d2b8f428d881aa57ac8.jpghttps://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20191110/0a35a9a6eb00c36db837c661298f52df.jpg

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk

[Der Gebirgsjager]

Congratulations, Rcmaveric, and welcome to the Family of God!! You can only continue to grow now, and find some peace in your life. God will always be there for you to share your needs and thoughts with. He listens, believe me...

[GhostHawk]

AWESOME!

Great first step. Stick with it brother.

[super6]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFGs7HP15d4&list=PLxDK1ljLuw8RfJRBQdfXDbs7T5m-ohCIF

[txbirdman]

Great news! That’s the first act of obedience after putting your faith in Jesus. This is the beginning of your journey of faith in which Jesus is Lord of your life. But you don’t have to live this out on your own. The Holy Spirit is now in direct contact with your spirit and will enable and assist you in living according to the Father’s will. The Spirit will also assist in your understanding of God’s Holy Scriptures. Praise God for his saving grace through Jesus and sustaining and revealing power through the Holy Spirit. Romans 8:30

[Wayne Smith]

Let me warn you of a mistake many American Christians make - and it's related to the 23rd Psalm. In part it says 'yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death (that deep, dark, terrifying valley) I shall fear no evil, for Thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff they comfort me...'.

Americans don't want to walk through the valley, we want to drive by in our air conditioned SUV's and point it out. By avoiding this experience they miss the comfort that God offers and wonder why their relationship with Him is hindered. God will never lead you where his grace will not cover you and protect you.

Your life is no longer about you, its all about God. Your marriage is not about you - either of you, it's about God. Your parenting is not about you or the kids, it's about God. Your work is no longer about you but about God. The better you keep this perspective the better your human relationships will be.

[popper]

#1 nobody gets out of here alive. (there is a caviot of the Second coming)
#2 99% are going to hurt when dying.
#3 a lot of life is pain, hurting and suffering. This age in the US we are not accustomed to it (aka, we got it pretty easy). 50 yr old ex Marine (Desert Storm 1) neighbor just passed, 4 yr battle with very painful colon cancer.
#4 meds can take away some of the anxiety for a while but are definitely NOT a permanent solution. Nothing wrong with taking them as needed.
#5 Thanks Lord for another Christian Warrior.

Thank you for your service - and it is just starting now. You are forgiven!

[Blackwater]

Congratulations, RCM, and kudos to you for your handling of all this. Confronting our essential humanity is NOT a pleasant task. After all, we're weak, easily influenced and led, and we have appetites that lead us astray sometimes, too. And also, one little tidbit of advice: Do NOT expect to become an angel and removed from all temptation just because you got baptized! The difference is that now, you have Christ to walk alongside you as you tread your way through your life. And Christ never promised us an easy time. On the contrary, he told us that as Christians, we'd sometimes be mocked and cursed and even killed for our faith. Here in the USA, we aren't very likely to be killed for our faith, but there are many, perhaps now more than ever, who constantly throw a barage of disparagements, insults and curses at us. So be it. We don't deserve it as well as we have it here in the USA, and it's made an awful lot of people become drunk with our ease and excesses. Some think that "lifing a great life" means taking all we can, when the happiest and most satisfied life really happens when we GIVE rather than take. It is a great privilege for us to give to others who have less than we do. And it keeps our perspective, too. When we help a person who can't walk, it makes us appreciate the gift of our own ability to walk. It's not a guarantee.

We all are given SO many gifts in this life, that we easily become inurred, and come to EXPECT that things always rock along like we want them to. It's really only when we're striving that we learn and appreciate what we have. God go with you, my friend. You're a good man in a bad situation, but together, you and the Lord can find the way out, even if it takes a while to get there. You have my great respect, and that's not something I give away very often or very freely!

[Rcmaveric]

You guys are amazingly supportive and full of positive advice. Thank you for allowing me to lean on you for a bit. For the most part I am doing much better.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk

[Hogtamer]

Amen!

[WRideout]

Peace be with you, Brother.

Wayne

[Thundarstick]

Praise God almighty! A stray sheep has been found! Rejoice, Rejoice Rejoice!

You see the rejoicing? We are told that even the angels in heaven rejoice!

Your part of the family now. No family is perfect, some push, some pull, some seem indifferent because this is an imperfect family, but love, love, in spite of our imperfections. God's love is perfect, and the family will be someday.

[MistyConner]

Well all I want to say is thanks for being there for him. He really needed it. Now since my husband doesn't like to say certain things, than I will. Now my husband been getting these horrible headaches. I asked him to go to the doc to get it checked. If he has a glass or 2 of wine it helps. Anything to push up his heart beating and blood pressure. So what do y'all think it's from. Now Rcmaveric might yell at me for this later but you guys have been doing amazing in supporting him.

Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk

[Der Gebirgsjager]

Hi, Misty. Better get your hubby to the doctor ASAP. Back about 9 years ago my Mrs. was complaining of severe headaches, but refused to go to the doctor for a couple of weeks. Finally she agreed on a Friday to go seek assistance on Monday, but Saturday morning she had a brain aneurysm that burst and almost died. She has been left with some lifelong disabilities as a result. If that is what his problem is, they can put a stent in his brain that bridges the aneurysm and he'll be as good as new. But once it bursts the victim/patient almost always dies -- so get it checked out. Best wishes.

[MistyConner]

See he saw a doc already that said it was a stress headache it still really worries me. Ryan said it feels like a watermelon with all the rubber bands around it and it's about to burst. To be honest, I am worried about it. We did both quit smoking/dipping. Some of his stress could be with my back and everything else.

Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk

[Pine Baron]

Misty, did they do a blood work up? Sounds like electrolytes. Of course it could all be stress related, not to mention nicotine withdrawal. Regardless, prayers for divine healing.

[bmortell]

honestly if someone is already dealing with a lot quitting nicotine on top might be worse for you, more so if its not smoking, I don't think nicotine in itself is that much a health concern. but quitting can wreck your brain pretty bad, nicotine is one of the most addictive chemicals on earth.

but going back to the beginning, what gives me the most hope for peoples mental health is all the new research on stuff in the psychedelics category. mental health treatment was lacking behind physical health treatment for so long because everything that we could of been researching is blanket banned. things like mdma for ptsd, or shrooms for depression, addiction, fear of death ect. have some of the best results gotten in any mental health related trials. and unlike other meds they work via single dosage then you have lasting improvements while sober everyday. don't know how long till treatments are available to the public. think there in some stage of clinical trials and they went from a couple universities studying it to like 40 groups in a few years.

[Rcmaveric]

I am doing good. Just an anxiety head ache. That comes and goes. It's not bad. It feels like the grey matter is tense and cramping. Every day is a little better. It takes a day for the mind short circuit and break. It feels like it takes months to heal.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk

[Wayne Smith]

A 'stress headache' without identified stressors? A headache that feels like bands squeezing is not a stress headache. A stress headache starts in the shoulders/neck and works up the back of the head. There is no such thing, in my knowledge, as an 'anxiety headache'.
I'm not an MD but I would recommend you see a neurologist, if necessary at the ER - they will have one on call. An MRI can tell a lot and is not invasive or difficult - been there and done that three times.

There is a lot we don't know about the brain but pain in the head is a warning that something is wrong. It's worth finding out what.

[Bzcraig]

Brother you have received great counsel. The one thing I would add is under no circumstances is it good to isolate. Find someone you can talk to who can keep you accountable and who is completely trustworthy