Girlfriend ignored my advice.

[Idaho45guy]

Known this woman for about 3 years. Started dating about a month ago and found her to be an incredibly laid back, low maintenance, funny, conservative, beautiful woman. Couldn't ask for a better woman.

Until today.

She has a 2016 Nissan SUV that still has the original tires. What's left of them. Of course she didn't rotate them, so one pair is bald while the other pair are to the wear bars. She had it in for service a month ago and they told her they shouldn't let her drive it like that and warned her to replace them ASAP or else she would get a ticket or in a wreck.

So she mentioned to me about her tires a week ago and that she was going to go to a local chain store for new ones. I told her not to. Said she could order a set online for nearly half what the local tire thieves would charge and get just as good of a tire. I even went online and found her a set of good tires for $300, and sent her the link. Told her to order them and have them sent to her house and I would take them and her car and have them mounted.

Today, she calls me from the local tire thief store and said she is having tires put on and wants to meet for lunch.

I asked her what tires they are putting on and how much. Nokian something or other and it's $710. What?!

I look up the tire and it gets awful reviews for winter performance. She lives in North Idaho...

I look up some other tires this chain carries and convince her to have them install a different type that is rated much higher for winter driving.

She calls me back and said they had to order the ones I recommended so it will take a week for them to come in.

Had she just taken my advice in the first place, she would have gotten tires for half the price in the same amount of time. But, we've only been dating a short time and it's not my place to tell her what to do. Just disappointed that she chose to ignore my advice and waste money.

Women.

[725]

Sometimes, they can't understand normal thinking.

[RogerDat]

Get used to it. At least 1/2 the time in the last 20 some years of marriage I have been ignored, presumed wrong, or my favorite "ok but it wouldn't hurt to ask the guy at home depot what kind of..... to use". My answer has become ok but if you are going to ask him what paint, plumbing fixture, or what have you I should use then I get to interview him first to find out if he knows anything. That has sort of slowed that one down. There are some fellows there that know their stuff but a whole lot that I have to explain what I want, and what it is for before they can even point me to approx. the correct aisle. Being of "mature" years does tend to have offered opportunities to learn some stuff, but being as it's a husband saying it confirmation is generally desirable by the fair side of the partnership.

I'm lucky though, I got her into a legally binding marriage contract. It gives me at least 33% voting rights. :-)

[crankycalico]

A woman dating a licensed plumber or electrician will trust and do what the minimum wage 17 year old part time employee at Home Depot or Lowes says to do in regards to plumbing or electrical work before asking her boy friend

[redneck1]

This is just me but a month into a relationship I might make a suggestion on something like tires ,.. but beyond that I can't say I'd much give a darn what she did .

[lavenatti]

My bet is that she is so used to making decisions on her own, that she is more comfortable "doing her own thing" by herself, than she is taking advice from you. I am sure it was not meant as a "dig" on you, but just that she likely has been an "independent"/ self reliant person for a while & is just used to doing as she thinks is right. Even if she only learns after the fact that there was better way than what she did.

My experience has been they don't learn...

[Thundarstick]

I've found it in MY best interest to NEVER give advice unless specifically asked! Then if specifically asked, I always parse it with, "that's what I'd do, but you do what you think is best". This goes for anyone, with a double dose when it comes to my wife!

[Hickory]

Advice, is like passing out $20 bills to the blind.
They don't know what they are getting.

[Petrol & Powder]

I'd focus on this part,"Known this woman for about 3 years. Started dating about a month ago and found her to be an incredibly laid back, low maintenance, funny, conservative, beautiful woman. Couldn't ask for a better woman."

[farmerjim]

This does not happen to me. My wife takes my advice on things that I know well, and I take her advice on things she knows well. But I know what you are talking about and see it all the time.

[rl69]

Sometimes, they can't understand normal thinking.

Lol I see what you did there

[Wayne Smith]

I think, after 43 years married to the same woman, I have a little credibility. She actually asks my opinion sometimes before she has formed her own!

[Porterhouse]

Nokian makes great winter tires though.

[sniper]

Preview of Future occurrences!:cry:

[WebMonkey]

at least she won't expect YOU to "make it right" when those bad tires go south on her.

;)

[rockrat]

^^^^Wanna bet on that?????!!!

[dk17hmr]

So...... You have been dating her for a month. You aren't in charge of her money or decisions.

[pmer]

So...... You have been dating her for a month. You aren't in charge of her money or decisions.

Yep, it's not the end of the world that she got a set of tires on her own. If she's a keeper don't make this into something bigger than it needs to be.

[MUSTANG]

Women will ALLWAYS taketh advice of an EXPERT over a boyfriend or husband. Of course an EXPERT is always someone who lives 50 Miles or more from where I live.

[Wag]

This does not happen to me. My wife takes my advice on things that I know well, and I take her advice on things she knows well. But I know what you are talking about and see it all the time.

This. It's the kind of thing that makes a relationship work.

In a brand new relationship where trust is still developing, neither of you will do what the other expects, just because. And it's never worth shutting down the relationship. Probably not even worth discussing.

As always, though, acceptance means taking her as is, regardless. Focus on the good things about her and don't worry about fixing things for her so much.

--Wag--

[bbs70]

Son-in-law wanted to knock out a support beam in their living room to make it a bigger room.
2 story house.

Daughter called me over to look it over and see what I thought before demolition.
It was a long span and I told her to get a carpenter to look it over since I'm not an authority on that kind of project.
I told SIL (42yrs old) the wooden beam he got didn't look strong enough to hold the weight, but he said "But Bill the engineer at Lowe's said it would work"

[MrWolf]

Just ended a short relationship. First month and a half were phenomenal. She has her own business for last couple of years. She asked me to look at financials. Retired now but used to be a C.P.A.. Said you really want my opinion because I will tell you the truth? Said yes and I told her. She stated since then I am not allowed an opinion and to only support her. Said works for me. Month later she is having more problems with business, I gave her suggestions and was told I don't know her business. 30 years CPA and running companies but what do I know. Bring her lunch and see one of my ideas being implemented. Got tired of moods and broke it off. Good news is after four years of seperation both parties have signed and my divorce will be final this year. Sorry got side tracked there but good luck. People are different when you go from friends to a relationship. All those lil things that were hidden become visible.

[Arkansas Paul]

Don't sweat the small stuff.
And this is definitely small stuff.

[SteveK]

In my house I've learned that speaking my mind often results in a pain in my butt.

[beezah]

Too funny, but I am with farmer Jim on this one, my wife is great to work with...33 Years later[emoji2]

Sent from my VS995 using Tapatalk

[IllinoisCoyoteHunter]

I offer suggestions to my wife. I never tell her what to do.

[popper]

Laid back or 'pinching pennies' is too much work? 50 yrs and she still asks advice from others. Decide who is 'in charge' before it gets more serious.

[Winger Ed.]

Be glad you weren't sent out to get the tires replaced.

[Tackleberry41]

Women do not ask questions, they seek validation of what they already think.

[sureYnot]

Women do not ask questions, they seek validation of what they already think.Nailed it. Lol

Sent from my XT1710-02 using Tapatalk

[Hannibal]

Women do not ask questions, they seek validation of what they already think.

I agree, but I have noted that this behavior is not exclusive to females.

[atr]

The bottom line....it is just a learning experience: She learns about tires (hopefully) and you learn (hopefully) about how the opposite sex thinks.
I've been with the same lady for 47 years and it is still a learning experience; oft times frustrating but never boring.

Have fun with your relationship.
atr

[sureYnot]

I agree, but I have noted that this behavior is not exclusive to females.You ruined the fun with your truth.

Sent from my XT1710-02 using Tapatalk

[Walks]

My Wife & I have a Unique Partnership, She listens to me and I listen to her.
Been 36+yrs, We are Stronger then ever.
Stronger together.

I'm sorry for those of you who aren't fortunate enough to find a Real Gem, like I did.

[Tactical Lever]

A woman dating a licensed plumber or electrician will trust and do what the minimum wage 17 year old part time employee at Home Depot or Lowes says to do in regards to plumbing or electrical work before asking her boy friend

I think it's some kinda law that states, that any contrary opinion to the significant other must be taken as gospel. Even though I might have read about it, saw it, done it, or otherwise researched the **** out of it!

[Walkingwolf]

Give her too much advice you might as well kiss her goodbye.

[Idaho45guy]

Give her too much advice you might as well kiss her goodbye.

Oh, I rarely give advice. I'm a tire junkie and if I won the lottery, I would open my own tire store for fun.

I'm an awesome boyfriend. I spoil her, compliment her often, give her space, offer support when needed, and am always polite and respectful. She adores me, as do her parents.

I just really, really like tires and local overpriced shops are a pet peeve of mine, lol.

[jsizemore]

The real test is to see if you remind her how you were right and she wasn't. I would make sure she doesn't see this thread....that's if you want to keep her.

[BigboreShooter]

I've been married almost 43 years to the same woman!What I tell her " If I tell you something you don't like,or makes you mad. It doesn't mean it isn't true!!!!

BigBoreShooter

[Idaho45guy]

I was married for 20 years to a red-headed only child princess... I'm used to being ignored. I'll get over this slight, lol. In fact, I'm already over it. Just interesting to see how women can be so different yet still the same.

[GregLaROCHE]

Is it just me or is it true, that when women reach forty, they begin to think they know everything. Kind of like a teenager does.

[richhodg66]

Don't sweat the small stuff.
And this is definitely small stuff.

Best reply to this whole thread.

[Hannibal]

Is it just me or is it true, that when women reach forty, they begin to think they know everything. Kind of like a teenager does.

Hmmmm . . . . I believe that is traditionally referred to as a 'mid-life crisis'. Once again I have observed it is not gender specific.

[BigMagShooter]

The lesson learned is, YOU get and have the tires put on the cars from now on.

She can pay you back, somehow....

[jmort]

So...... You have been dating her for a month. You aren't in charge of her money or decisions.

Pretty much

[MrHarmless]

Is it just me or is it true, that when women reach forty, they begin to think they know everything. Kind of like a teenager does.

How do I hold all this generalizing... lol

[T_McD]

So...... You have been dating her for a month. You aren't in charge of her money or decisions.

How does one hit the like button here?

[T_McD]

Dear lord how did I link that other one?

[Hannibal]

You can edit or delete the post if you wish.

[Traffer]

Get used to it. At least 1/2 the time in the last 20 some years of marriage I have been ignored, presumed wrong, or my favorite "ok but it wouldn't hurt to ask the guy at home depot what kind of..... to use". My answer has become ok but if you are going to ask him what paint, plumbing fixture, or what have you I should use then I get to interview him first to find out if he knows anything. That has sort of slowed that one down. There are some fellows there that know their stuff but a whole lot that I have to explain what I want, and what it is for before they can even point me to approx. the correct aisle. Being of "mature" years does tend to have offered opportunities to learn some stuff, but being as it's a husband saying it confirmation is generally desirable by the fair side of the partnership.

I'm lucky though, I got her into a legally binding marriage contract. It gives me at least 33% voting rights. :-)
Two things:
I have an incredibly supportive wife. She will always take my advise IF SHE UNDERSTANDS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. She has a tendency of saying yes yes yes when she has no idea what I am talking about. Hahahahah. I love that woman.
The other thing is...what took so long to have someone do this? All my life, including until today people ignore my advise. it would seem that I look like an idiot and people just have a hard time taking me seriously. It p o's me a lot. Especially with computers. I am a dang certified computer technician and people will take their neighbors developmentally disabled kids advise before taking mine....don't get me going here.

[dverna]

Some women have a need to make decisions on what would normally and traditionally have been the items the man of the house would do. It makes them feel superior.

In your case, it is apparent she has an extreme case. You did all the leg work to find a good solution at half the cost and she ignored it. She is extremely insecure or nuts or, and it is not uncommon,....both.

Stuff like this may not bother you in the infatuation stage of a relationship but if it is a trend, you will be in trouble down the road.

[Hannibal]

This is common in all professions.

Take your car to a garage and tell the mechanic what YOU think is wrong with it or question the advise of your physician and see what reaction you get.

I drive the car 7 days a week. You test drove it for 10 minutes.
I live in this body 24/7/365. You examine it for 15 minutes every 6 months.

I just *MIGHT* have a bit of relavent information.

[osteodoc08]

To me it seems:

She was being independent even if financially expensive.
Valued your opinion enough at the end of the day to have them order the tires you suggested.
Arguing over this will ensure a short relationship.

[nicholst55]

I think, after 43 years married to the same woman, I have a little credibility. She actually asks my opinion sometimes before she has formed her own!

And if she's anything like my wife of 43 years, she then does whatever she wants to, regardless of your advice.

[bikerbeans]

I avoid giving my wife or any woman advice about any subject. I don't want to be in the line of fire when things don't go their way.

BB

[Stephen Cohen]

at least she won't expect YOU to "make it right" when those bad tires go south on her.

;)

Sadly my friend she will rant and rave about how a real man would have talked her out of a bad choice. As I tell my sons, if trees could kiss and cuddle we would throw stones at women. Just kidding but women are a law unto themselves. Regards Stephen

[woodbutcher]

[smilie=s: It`s what you learn after you know it all that counts.This little gem has been credited to Harry S.Truman.
Good luck.have fun.Be safe.
Leo

[JonB_in_Glencoe]

About 3 decades ago, I gave a girlfriend some automotive tire advice...As in, 'you need tires, your tires are shot'
She then proceeded to borrow $800 from me to buy the tires. Six months later we broke up, I haven't heard from her since. I never received any of that $800 back.

What did I learn?
Always leave a sleeping dog lie.

[GL49]

I'm lucky though, I got her into a legally binding marriage contract. It gives me at least 33% voting rights. :-)

I love a success story! 33%! That's incredible!

[edp2k]

Some women have a need to make decisions on what would normally and traditionally have been the items the man of the house would do. It makes them feel superior.

In your case, it is apparent she has an extreme case. You did all the leg work to find a good solution at half the cost and she ignored it. She is extremely insecure or nuts or, and it is not uncommon,....both.

Stuff like this may not bother you in the infatuation stage of a relationship but if it is a trend, you will be in trouble down the road.

winner winner chicken dinner!

And remember, this is the "honeymoon" stage of the relationship.
Do you think it gets better with time?

[244]

I've enjoyed reading the comments! For some unknown reason, I was reminded of a video that I think many of you will enjoy too. Like all comedy, the kernel of truth is key! Stay with it until the end for icing on the cake.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwbKYcBdVyk

[WheelgunConvert]

My wife always takes my advice on major issues. None have come up in 33 years

[RogerDat]

It is true that it is "her" money and her decision to make. No doubt about that. Which matters to the degree you consider this a potential long term committed relationship.

Lot of couples work from a basis of "your" money, "my" money, and "our" money. Not uncommon when both come to the relationship from being independent in their financial decisions and with their own incomes and/or accumulated wealth.

On the other hand many couples work from a basis of shared financial well being requiring shared financial decisions in their relationship. They tend to pool their income and purchases tend to be joint decisions. So one partner deciding to blow 2x as much money on tires to the tune of a few hundred dollars would be a real problem in that sort of relationship unless literally the money didn't matter. Which judging from the OP it would be viewed as "wasted" and a problem to at least one person in this sort of relationship and cause some friction.

Long term if the relationship progresses to joint decisions, cohabitation, marriage etc. the framework for finances is a critical piece. If one uses the yours, mine, ours approach she would be blowing the money she earned or has at her discretion and could have spent on a spa day. Not the money your earned and want to spend on a new mold or two. Her taking your advice will be at her discretion and knowing that one may find it easier to not be bothered if said good advice is ignored. If however you find yourselves using a more collaborative way to handle finances this issue will crop up and is just something that you have to work out. Will be easier to work out in general than around a specific purchase. I mean a plan for how to handle this sort of thing in advance will avoid arguing about it or anger as cases arise.

My parents had two checkbooks for one account. They had to discuss purchases and did. If they hadn't the chance for both to spend the same money would have been a constant problem. My wife and I set aside a certain amount for each as personal discretionary funds in individual accounts that also have our monthly "budget" for gas, lunches, and small incidentals that we buy every month. We have to talk over major purchases because the $350 I might want to spend on a C&B pistol comes out of the same pot that will pay for replacing living room furniture or eventually the carpet.

My next set of tires is going to come out of the general fund if you will and it will be discussed. I think she will be about when it fits in budget more than where I purchase, she already knows I'm going to a reputable store we have done business with for years and am a frugal consumer of auto maintenance. Price out the door from shop is only a few $ off of ordering online and paying for installation. And he sells me WW's so.... Of course all this takes place in the existing financial framework, not as some one off decision.

OP and women lack that, or any framework, which this early in relationship is normal. Something that may or may not become important later but only if things progress to that point.

Myself I'm still working on the you pick the color of paint and let me worry about type and brand, as well as what equipment is needed to apply the paint. I will get there as god as my witness I WILL get there. Just not this month I'm pretty sure....

[Don Purcell]

$800 for tires 30 years ago? What the hell was she driving a Rolls Royce?

[JonB_in_Glencoe]

$800 for tires 30 years ago? What the hell was she driving a Rolls Royce?
Even though I do recall the dollar amount and it was a 1 ton passenger Van, I don't recall all the other details? maybe she had the brakes done too?

[Kippiis]

Sometimes this happens :(

[Chainsaw.]

I’ve only been married 5 years but have had enough relationships plus Im a keen observer, what Ive learned is get someone else to give the woman you are with the advise and she’ll take it.

[Sig556r]

Hope my wife won't read this...
234061

[wv109323]

Let her buy whatever brand tires she wants with her money. But I would reserve the right to demand the brand of firearm I wanted in the future even if it is more expensive than she likes.

[Big Tom]

Welcome to the world of married men...

[jonp]

your not paying for the tires. let her buy want she wants. trust me on this

[Kimber1911]

your not paying for the tires. let her buy want she wants. trust me on this

Absolutely!!!!

[Don Purcell]

Past behavior is a good indicator of future behavior. Granted, this time it was HER money, very likely in the future it will be YOUR money wasted. Beware.

[edp2k]

The Nail.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg

"All my sweaters are snagged..."
:) :) :)

[Thundarstick]

Yep, been there, done that!

[.45Cole]

Been covered before, but from her perspective she wanted to go out to lunch with you while SOMEBODY was taking care of THE PROBLEM that was pointed out to her by a SOMEONE working on her CAR and the focus shifted to what was being done to the car rather than lunch/time with HER. In all likelihood she doesn't care about exactly what happens, just that something happens to correct what some other person told her and she gets to see you.

"Man, I sure like Blizzaks for snow tires. Where are you takin' me for lunch, we should go to your favorite place"

[chuckbuster]

I'm in late on this one and have not read all the comments but maybe you should tell her to buy that H&R, not the Browning,,,, (Fill in your preferred brands as needed)

Kevin

[jonp]

The Nail.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg

"All my sweaters are snagged..."
:) :) :)

bwahahahahahahahaha..tell me every guy has not been right there. Man that was funny

[jsizemore]

Let her buy Michelin's and you buy Michelob's.

[Texas by God]

My uncle gave this book to me upon my marriage 31 yrs ago.
I still consult it.https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190120/342d10ceed60af710d2a94956345a887.jpghttps://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190120/891c9b2f9d590593c4069e68ef4ca867.jpg

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk

[mold maker]

Not only what's written there, but most of what men know about women is WRONG!!!!!
Most women only ask men for agreement, not opinion. The correct opinion is "Yes Dear". It took me less than 3 months before marriage, to learn (accept the wisdom), and its now worked for 55 years.

[Winger Ed.]

Used to know a retired Marine Colonel who served in WWII and into the 70's.
He was still married to his High School sweetheart. Someone asked him what the secret to that was.
He said, "Everybody argues and disagrees, that's normal. When you know you're wrong, just admit it and go on.
When you know you're right, keep your mouth shut".

[Idaho45guy]

She got her new tires in and mounted and she said the tire guy told her she was right to follow my advice and get the more winter friendly tires.

Yesterday I was at her place and she mentioned that she wished she could enjoy her gas fireplace. I discovered that she had never used it in the year that she lived there since the landlord never told her how to turn it on. Little 700 sq ft townhome that she was using the electric wall heaters to heat. Horrible monthly bills in the winter.

Took me 5 minutes to turn on the gas valve, light the pilot, and get it going. Turns out the thermostat is tied directly to it and it was intended to be the primary heat source for the place. Can't believe the landlord never gave her instructions and actually had the valve shut off.

She was extremely grateful for me getting it going...

[lightman]

I have refrained from making any comments on this up to now. I've typed a few then canceled them. Just not much on making comments on ones personal relationships or for offering advice.

But having an electrical background I will say that electric resistance heat is about as expensive as heat can get. You done good getting her gas heat going. Even a small portable electric heated can spin the meter!

[JonB_in_Glencoe]

SNIP... Can't believe the landlord never gave her instructions and actually had the valve shut off.
Glad you were able to help her with those instructions...and yes, the landlord should have done that.
BUT, just a heads up, I have a similar gas heater that is the main heat source for the upper level of my house, I also shut off the gas Valve during the summer so the pilot light isn't burning.

[Rick R]

What makes a relationship work is taking all those “I told you so!” moments and choosing to remain silent.

[dverna]

She got her new tires in and mounted and she said the tire guy told her she was right to follow my advice and get the more winter friendly tires.

Yesterday I was at her place and she mentioned that she wished she could enjoy her gas fireplace. I discovered that she had never used it in the year that she lived there since the landlord never told her how to turn it on. Little 700 sq ft townhome that she was using the electric wall heaters to heat. Horrible monthly bills in the winter.

Took me 5 minutes to turn on the gas valve, light the pilot, and get it going. Turns out the thermostat is tied directly to it and it was intended to be the primary heat source for the place. Can't believe the landlord never gave her instructions and actually had the valve shut off.

She was extremely grateful for me getting it going...

So she had a thermostat that controlled the fireplace and did not know it. Most people see a thermostat and think...hey. this must do something! So she must have twiddled it a bit and given up when nothing happened. She may be intelligent and not have any common sense.

But if she is good at being "extremely grateful", that may not be a bad thing. LOL

Will enjoy reading the next story....and I suspect there will be some doozies.

BTW, if her heater is ventless make sure she has a Carbon Monoxide monitor in the apartment that works. Good thing to have even if it the gas appliance is vented, but absolutely necessary for the ventless ones.