A lost child.

[Remmy4477]

Had to report my son as a runaway a week ago friday.

I been divorced from his mother for 12 years now, he is 16. I took him for visits every weekend or every other weekend depending on schedules. Got to watch him grow up.
Good kid, very smart, almost too smart for his age. Youngest of three.

He ran away from his moms back in mid march, he was gone for a week. She found him while they were hanging wanted posters, in fact when they spotted him he took off running, my son in law jumped out of the van and chased him down and caught him.
The ex-wife had enough and brought him to live with me that night. (this is a story in its own). He arrived at our house, cold, tired and hungry. Not to mention drugged up on something, no idea! We fed him and let him sleep for a day and a half.
Fixed him up his own room, got him in school and he has been doing decent since moving in. Decent grades, C's a one D and an F in math. Gave him an allowance regulated by a chore list, got him a computer, airsoft stuff and a year pass to an airsoft field, a phone, maybe I spoiled him??? I know his mom did not do much for him.

Our trouble started the week of Halloween, Halloween night gave him a curfew, he blew it by an hour and a half, I thought not that big of a deal, we stayed out late when we were kids on that night. Next night he wanted to go to a friends house after school, gave him a curfew and he blew that by 2 hours, we even checked the freinds house that night and he was not there! Ugh! That was a long night after he got home, went to bed thinking we had it under control.
Friday night he texted the wife saying he missed the bus at school and would take the late bus home. Sounded odd but ok. I went to meet the late bus and he never got off the bus, he wasn't even on it. Called, texted and even messaged him on FB and no answer, another long night and he never came home.
We reported him as a runaway Saturday afternoon.

I had a gunshow Saturday and Sunday (vender) only did half the show Saturday way too tired.
Sunday morning I got in my car to go to the show and my son contacted me saying he was ok, told him the door was open and he needed to come home, that was it no responce. Got to the show and the wife called said the boy texted her and said he wanted to come home and was stranded at wal mart, another town 6 miles away, she told him she would come get him,, she did but he was not there, she texted him and he said he was inside looking around, so she went in looking for him, no luck. She texted him again and he replied he was in the bathroom and would be a bit. She called me right away and the bells went off in my head, I told her to get home he's there and to call the police and tell them whats going on. 20 minutes later wife gets home finds front door unlocked, fridge door wide open and back door wide open. The kid grapped his winter clothes, coat,phone charger, 2 peices of fried chicken and his sneakers and bailed out the back door. The boy played us good!

During this past week I've been sending him messages just to let him know the doors open, some times he replys some times not, when he dose its always short responces.
Least I know he is ok I guess.

Yesterday about noon my wife came home from doing errands and was welcomed home by a small fleet of local cops and 2 from the next town over and one police detective. They wanted to know the wereabouts of my boy, wifes a firecracker so she told the local PD, you know $&@? well he is a runaway and that we have been hounding you about finding him all week. The out of town pd and detective did not know this for some reason?? Anyway the non local pd and detective told my wife that my boy has been running with another kid thats 16 and is wanted for armed robbery and wanted to know if they or him was hiding here. My wife went into panic mode. I came home from work and talked with the pd and asked lots of questions and just got "this kids a minor and we cannot divuldge that info" speel. Yet they gave us that boys name but would not tell us what our boys involment might be???

So now were totally dumbfounded!!! Lost!! worried and at the edge of our seats with this. Been trying to live a somewhat normal life all week but it's been aweful hard for us.

Guess I just venting or babbling? Kind of on our own with this as his siblings have ther own familys and busy lives. His mother told me yesterday she's concerned but cannot be troubled with it so good luck. (like I said another story here)
Me and the wife are all alone with this, really no family left between us other than the kids. Been a hard week and now with this new info, what you do???
Still trying to live, still trying to smile, just soo hard.
Been lucky I guess, five kids and three grandchildren and so far so good, till now.

Sorry its soo long! Talking (writing) helps some.

Trying to keep our heads up in Colo!

[Eamonn]

It's a difficult situation, I hope he finds his way home soon.

Skickat från min SM-G930F via Tapatalk

[DocSavage]

My mother went thru the same with my 3 sisters at different times, she spent many a night pacing the floor,no sleep and chain smoking. I hope they find your son before he digs himself a hole he can't climb out of.

[DCP]

The DRUGs are winning. He is already wanted for Armed Robbery.

All your weapons must be secured.

Anything is possible unless he goes and gets the help he needs. You are not safe

Tough love is one of hardest things a man must do.

PM your Phone # if you want to talk.

[lefty o]

best thing for him at this point is for the cops to catch him, and lock his sorry immature butt up.

[JBinMN]

Very sad to hear. Prayers from here.
:(

If you have not already, would make sure your home(as well as your valuables/firearms,etc..) is secure. It may not be him, but the other kid who covets what you might have & decide to take your stuff for his own uses. Also, if you & your missus do not CC, you should at least do so when entering your home & around your home for at least the reason of his "associates" maybe deciding to come to visit "uninvited".

I hope this works out well in the end for all of you... Be safe & it is good to talk about these things when your heart hurts like I imagine it does... Do not feel bad about talking about things that trouble ya. I talk to my Lord when issues trouble me. Maybe that is an option for you as well if you have not done so already.

Best wishes that your troubles end soon in a good way.

[CraigOK]

I don't know what to say that will make you feel any better, but I'll pray for you and your family. Stick by his side when you do find him and hopefully they/you can get him the help he needs

[ShooterAZ]

We are going through the very same thing with my wife's youngest daughter (from a previous marriage). She's on the streets of Seattle now, doing drugs and constantly being arrested. We check on her from time to time through the court reports. We fully expect to get that call sooner or later, that she is dead. It's Meth, and sadly there is seldom a happy outcome from that one. They will either hit rock bottom and get sober, or die. This has been going on for years now, so we expect the latter. Your son is still quite young, so hopefully he will straighten up and fly right. There's still hope! People make their own choices in life, and when it's drugs the family is the ones who suffer the most pain it seems. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. We know exactly how you feel, it really stinks.

[Adam20]

Phone might be trackable to find him, hopefully you get to him before he to deep.
Stay strong

[Walks]

I will Pray for you and yours.
My Little Brother was trouble from day one. Our Parents divorced when we were 10yrs & 11yrs respectfully. We lost our big house, pool & Dogs. We had to move to an apartment in another city. My 2nd Brother turned 18yrs old and was drafted into the army. Straight to Vietnam.

He died in Vietnam a year later, our Eldest Brother a year after that. Then I went.
My Little Brother was doing drugs and missing school, my DAD tried to deal with on weekends. Fishing, Hunting & Camping. My Mother was a mess, She had moved again to take care of her ill Father just before I left for the NAVY. My Sister had just Married, It was just Mom, her Dad & my little Brother. He and I had destroyed bedroom & living room furniture, trying to control him. He ran away from home, the PD dragged him back, He ran away from the Military School my DAD put him in, more drugs, petty theft.
Then My Grandfather died while I was overseas, My Mother Telegraphed her Congressman, they dragged me out of 'Nam so fast I was spinning for a week. (My Grandfather was Head of Household) They let my little Brother out of the Youth Authority for the Funeral. We had our usual fight after the Funeral. He took off, went up to our DAD'S House. Busted into His Garage, stole My motorcycle & killed himself on it.
My Mother went into a Rest Home for six months.

The NAVY was pretty good about it. Gave me extra leave and Stationed me close to my Mom.

I will Pray very hard for you. I understand how hard this is. Hold him as close as you can, Love Him and PRAY HARD. SO VERY HARD.

Sorry, when I see others Pain, mine kinda just wells up inside me and pours hard.

I will Pray very hard for you. GOD BE WITH YOU.

[Remmy4477]

Thanks for all the kind words and prayers everyone.
I know the drug road, Lost a half brother to them and he was in a drug rehab center when he overdosed. My full younger brother is hooked on meth and thats not looking good.

It's just my son is so smart and has some great talents, still cannot figure out the why when we were treating him so well?? Lost on that one.

To answer a few questions. Yes we changed the locks on the house, he can still get into one room but thats our enclosed patio and I am ok with that, just encase he comes home in the middle of the night or ?? at least he can get out of the weather.

The guns have been in the safe since day one, regretfully only one key but thats on me all the time.
Trying to stay busy to keep the stress down.

We did learn this morning through the Brighton PD our son is not wanted on charges or anything, they were just hoping they could ask him questions about the other boy.
So in a way thats good news for what it worth.

[rl69]

You are in our prayers.
I found my way home,it can be done, only time will tell. He will have to go threw this alone. ( I was lucky I knew Christ )

Keep loving and praying for him. Do not trust him.

Ronnie Landry

[Wheelguns 1961]

Don’t blame yourself. It has nothing to do with the way you were treating him. Good or bad. These are decisions he must make on his own. I hope it all works out for the best, and will keep your family in my prayers.

[bayjoe]

I don't have any advice to help you but we will keep you and your family in our prayers.

[WRideout]

If you don't mind giving your son's first name, I would like to pray for him. God be with you and your family.

Wayne

[xs11jack]

I will pray too.
Ole Jack

[jonp]

Change your locks, get a safe if you don't have one already and make sure your valuables are in it. Not so much for your son but whoever he is running with and he/they don't sound too hot.

Sorry to hear of your troubles. My oldest sister was the same. Run away, drugs, theft etc...finally killed herself on drugs. Tough stuff but you sounded like you did the best you can do. Don't blame yourself, sometimes no matter what you do it is not enough.

[Remmy4477]

Thanks everyone.
My boys name is Dalton.
Been a long week! Today was a killer with a quiet house!
Praying!!

[CLAYPOOL]

METH When you ask why they keep doing it they say , "Trying to get HIGHER than that first time. The only "HIGHER ' than that one is death...

[Texas by God]

Until he WANTS to straighten up, he won't. Prayers are sent for Dalton. May life kick his *** so hard it reaches his brain.
That's my story.

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[ol skool]

Been there. Draw some hard lines, never back down. Be open and ready to help but by your standards, the ones he grew up with. Since he chooses the hard life then he has to be free enough to finally lick the bottom of the systems boot. Eventually all his lying, thieving friends and cheating women will let him down and he'll figure it out. Probably while sitting in a jail cell.

Learn how to use your city and county online jail intake records, how to deposit a few bucks for phone calls, emails and how to visit. They listen real good when wearing a striped suit. The third time seems to really wake a fellow up. Mug shots and arrest records showing up when he google's his name usually has an impact too. Have a scrap book I made for him. He hates it. Yeah the nightmare is over - finally.

[Thundarstick]

I sat my youngest son down on the steps when he was 16 and told him, "I can protect you from many things in life, but I can't protect you from yourself! ". That was 11 years of lying, steeling, drug use, rehabilitation, fines, a multitude of jobs, courts, heart break, and incarceration hell ago! Today he sits in a county jail waiting to go into the state prison system. Advice, find a support group! Really learn the difference between "helping" and enabling. AL-Anon has saved my sanity and probably my marriage and life!

[missionary5155]

I will also pray for Dalton...

[georgerkahn]

Thank you for venting/sharing; you indeed have several major challenges. You and your son are now in my prayers, and I wish him, and you, a good resolve. While being ignorant of your paradigm, from what you indicated the "friend" of your son is the one I'd be most concerned with. Your son is at a very impressionable age, and this fellow may be his "role model" -- whereas the lad may in fact be totally using your son for his own agenda.
Again..... BEST!
geo

[Stephen Cohen]

I know how it feels to be in your situation as I have been there wit one of my sons, I agree with Thundarstick get some help for yourself by joining a group of like minded parents. I hope and pray it all works out for you but I feel that kids in that situation rarely come good before a major learning experience, I am more worried about you Sir, you will be no help to him or yourself if you allow this to run you down to the point your health suffers. Regards Stephen

[Hickory]

Change your locks, get a safe if you don't have one already and make sure your valuables are in it. Not so much for your son but whoever he is running with and he/they don't sound too hot.

Sorry to hear of your troubles. My oldest sister was the same. Run away, drugs, theft etc...finally killed herself on drugs. Tough stuff but you sounded like you did the best you can do. Don't blame yourself, sometimes no matter what you do it is not enough.

I would do as you discribed, jonp. It appears he has chosen his path, let him go. Don't bring hardship and misery upon yourself over his actions.
Don't coddle him or bail him out of whatever he has gotten himself into.
It will be easier for him to see the light when his life is the darkest.
If he was involved with the robbery he should pay the full price for his actions.

[osteodoc08]

Prayers for Dalton. This is a long tough road and usually doesn’t end up how we’d want it to. Stay strong brother.

[Houndog]

I'm prayin hard for both of you! My family is going through the same thing with a nephew and it ain't lookin too good. I hope and pray your outcome turns out better.

[1911sw45]

Definitely change all the locks to your house. It's time for tough love. Please don't bail him out. He needs to learn life's hard lessons. I know you want to do everything for your boy. I been there. There is not good outcome if you try to help. He's going to continue to lie to you. I am sorry and your in my prayers.

1911sw45
Adam

[bedbugbilly]

I may get slammed for this and I really don't mean to be harsh - I do sympathize with your situation - but . . .

You and his mother divorced 12 years ago and now he's 16 . . so he was 4 and certainly old enough to hear many things while you two were "separating". He comes to live with you - he takes off - and you still go to do a gun show? How many times in the past have you gone to do things you wanted instead of maybe spending time with him?

The kid is 16 - some of you say that he's chosen his own path? He hasn't closed his path . . he's taken a path because he's lost and most likely has been for a long time trying to figure out what his place is between his two parents. Just curious . . . how many times have you and your ex-wife recognize that he was having issues . . . maybe grades going down or other crys for attention from you two? How many times di you and your ex-wife go to get some joint counseling with your son to try and work together as a team in raising him so he knew he had a loving home with each of you? You say his mother can;t deal with it anymore . . . that's a great attitude for a mother to have in regards to her son.

He may be 16 but he's still is a kid. Has he made mistakes? Certainly. But that's no reason to give up on him by either his mother or you. He just didn't all of a sudden "end up this way" . . . it's been simmering for probably the whole 12 years that you and his mother have been apart.

I've seen this in my own family with my brother-in-law. Of course, he's only been married 3 times - had two sets of kids and when he divorced the first wife, the kids got divorced as well from him - the same with the second wife and two kids. Now they are grown up and repeating the whole thing over again by divorces and leaving kids behind and focusing on new wife and new kids.

I'm not saying that you are entirely at fault for what is happening - you aren't. But until you and your ex-wife grow up and accept some of the responsibility . . . and get help together along with your son that you share . . . it isn't going away. There's a lot going on with your son and until you all wake up and recognize that you all have a part in it . . . he may just continue on to the road of destruction.

Sometimes tough love is needed when it comes to kids . . and sometimes tough love is needed when it comes to parents as well. He's not a "bad seed" . . . he's a kid who has been back and forth with is mother and father like a ping pong ball . . . and that isn't his fault. More than likely, he has felt like he was part of the reason why you two split up and has a lot of insecurity about that and wondering if he is really loved. Buy a kid a phone, airlift stuff and all the rest is no substitute for s pending time with a parent and feeling like he is loved and wanted.

It's still not too late . . . if he's made some bad decisions . . . that's human and your job as his parents is to step in and all get some help and try to make things right . . . even if it's probably twelve years of hime simmering over what he perceives as his problems . . . which some may be and some may be "your problems" (you and your ex) that have been put on him through no fault of his own.

I certainly hope that you and your ex-wife don't "write him off" . . . the kid needs help or when it comes time for him to have a family of his own . . . he'll repeat the same mistakes that he has been taught by his family. If he has siblings . . . not every kid is the same and maybe they are more able to cope with everything that they've seen and had to put up with . . . or maybe not. Until someone breaks the "chain", generations are bound to repeat themselves.

Good luck and I hope he comes home and all of you can get yourselves straightened out so he can lead a productive life.

[Remmy4477]

I may get slammed for this and I really don't mean to be harsh - I do sympathize with your situation - but . . .

You and his mother divorced 12 years ago and now he's 16 . . so he was 4 and certainly old enough to hear many things while you two were "separating". He comes to live with you - he takes off - and you still go to do a gun show? How many times in the past have you gone to do things you wanted instead of maybe spending time with him?

The kid is 16 - some of you say that he's chosen his own path? He hasn't closed his path . . he's taken a path because he's lost and most likely has been for a long time trying to figure out what his place is between his two parents. Just curious . . . how many times have you and your ex-wife recognize that he was having issues . . . maybe grades going down or other crys for attention from you two? How many times di you and your ex-wife go to get some joint counseling with your son to try and work together as a team in raising him so he knew he had a loving home with each of you? You say his mother can;t deal with it anymore . . . that's a great attitude for a mother to have in regards to her son.

He may be 16 but he's still is a kid. Has he made mistakes? Certainly. But that's no reason to give up on him by either his mother or you. He just didn't all of a sudden "end up this way" . . . it's been simmering for probably the whole 12 years that you and his mother have been apart.

I've seen this in my own family with my brother-in-law. Of course, he's only been married 3 times - had two sets of kids and when he divorced the first wife, the kids got divorced as well from him - the same with the second wife and two kids. Now they are grown up and repeating the whole thing over again by divorces and leaving kids behind and focusing on new wife and new kids.

I'm not saying that you are entirely at fault for what is happening - you aren't. But until you and your ex-wife grow up and accept some of the responsibility . . . and get help together along with your son that you share . . . it isn't going away. There's a lot going on with your son and until you all wake up and recognize that you all have a part in it . . . he may just continue on to the road of destruction.

Sometimes tough love is needed when it comes to kids . . and sometimes tough love is needed when it comes to parents as well. He's not a "bad seed" . . . he's a kid who has been back and forth with is mother and father like a ping pong ball . . . and that isn't his fault. More than likely, he has felt like he was part of the reason why you two split up and has a lot of insecurity about that and wondering if he is really loved. Buy a kid a phone, airlift stuff and all the rest is no substitute for s pending time with a parent and feeling like he is loved and wanted.

It's still not too late . . . if he's made some bad decisions . . . that's human and your job as his parents is to step in and all get some help and try to make things right . . . even if it's probably twelve years of hime simmering over what he perceives as his problems . . . which some may be and some may be "your problems" (you and your ex) that have been put on him through no fault of his own.

I certainly hope that you and your ex-wife don't "write him off" . . . the kid needs help or when it comes time for him to have a family of his own . . . he'll repeat the same mistakes that he has been taught by his family. If he has siblings . . . not every kid is the same and maybe they are more able to cope with everything that they've seen and had to put up with . . . or maybe not. Until someone breaks the "chain", generations are bound to repeat themselves.

Good luck and I hope he comes home and all of you can get yourselves straightened out so he can lead a productive life.

Far from out of line! I hear you and understand what your saying.
Honestly I did not know he was having problems when he lived with his mom. I'd talk with my son during the week to plan our weekend. His mother never told me she was having problems with him till he ran away from her place. She has always had an 'I don't care' attitude when it came to the kids, in fact everything in general.

Already looking into some counseling for him and me if nothing else and see if we can get a handle on whats going on if and when he is found or comes home of his own free will.
Rewards, he earned what he was givin through chores, grades and extra work around the house.
I'm not perfect in this and I know that.
I learn stuff everyday.
And I tell you this has been a learning experience!

[owejia]

Some people only learn the hard way. My oldest son would not believe anything you told him when he was little. Remember one time the stove eye was red hot, told him it was hot and would burn if he touched it, turned my back and he put his hand on it. Been that way all of his life. Only calls when he is in trouble, last time I told him could not help him, that he is on his own. Every one has live their life even with all the good and bad.

[Handloader109]

I'm praying for you and your wife, and your son. I've only one daughter who couldn't have been better. But, my BIL went through this 30 yrs ago after his parents divorced when he was 12. Tough without father figure. Boys need fathers, no matter what the liberals say. More than mothers.. women can't make men out of boys.
But be safe, hes been playing you guys. Just look at the communication you posted. Lies to your face and phone.

If he comes back, and he probably will, no phone, no money, nothing but food and a place to sleep. Hes only 16, you do have a bit of time, if he wants to change. No contact with anyone but family and school of they will take him back.

But you two must be safe, or he and his so called friends will steal and even hurt both of you.

Trust NOTHING THAT HE SAYS. Pay no bails, no lawyers, no nothing to get him out or reduced sentence if it comes to that. I have a niece that bled my brother for almost a decade till he wised up. He'll do it too.
Praying for you.

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[wv109323]

I have little advice to offer in this situation as there is little absolute right and wrong The Bible tells of the prodigal son. The son hit rock bottom and the turnaround happened when "the son came to himself". I believe this is a necessary step and no help should be offered till the son wants to change. At that point you need to be there for him.

[slim1836]

There are a world of parents just like you and I'm one of those with the exception of being still married. Like others have said, you have done all you can and it's up to the child to want to get help. Mine is no longer a minor and out of our hands, it's all on him. We can only do so much, and the Lord knows we have.

Do not blame yourself.

Slim

[Remmy4477]

Well thought you all deserve an update on our missing son.

Have been in contact with him on Facebook since the middle of last week. I message him every night saying I love and miss you. He always responds back with the same.

Well last night I received a message from him telling me he wants to be emancipated. Wants to do stuff on his own with no outside help. Floored me and his mother. In colorado it used to be easy to emancipate a child, my parents did that to a renagade sister of mine back in the 80's.
The laws have since changed and it is no easy task, looked it up and thats what I told him. Not much of a responce on that one.

Then he tells me I must drop the runaway report on him then he will talk with me. I told him no, not till he comes home and explains himself to us. He says it's not going to happen. I said the same about the report! Not till he comes home and at the least explains himself. He is adamant about me dropping the runaway report. I have no intentions of doing so. Seems it is making it hard on him to move around and in my eyes thats a good thing. Lord willing I have the time to wait him out!

A lot of info about him has came in from friends, from FB and from complete strangers in town who have seen or talked with him.
All info leads to drugs and a woman. So I sadly believe he is caught up in a world of hurt?

Women, well I am as guilty as the next man. I have had quite a few in my life, some good some bad, some I wish I had never lost! But that is part of life, I've settled down with the best woman I have ever had and am content. This is something you learn on your own!

My son knows the evil of drugs, he has seen his uncle and aunt on my side and an uncle on his side destroy there lives with drugs. He knows of my half brother who died from a drug overdose in a state run home for addiction. So I am at a loss on what I have been hearing.

I cannot do anything else for him for the time being other than wait and see what happens, life goes on with or without him.
I am here for him when he hits bottom, I have thrown him a life preserver so now he must make up his own mind what to do.

Want to say thanks for all the kind comments, advice and what not! Great group here!
Thanks for the prayers and kind words!

[lightman]

I'm really sorry to hear this. Hoping for a good outcome. Please continue to keep your home secure and stay vigilant for your and your Wife's safety. My Wife has a large family and we have a few Neices and Nephews like your Son. Drugs, theft, seedy looking friends, ect. Thankfully we are not too close with them. Some of them even have kids, drug babies that will never be right. Really sad. Anyway, that gives me a little idea of what you are going through. You have my prayers.

[rockrat]

I suspect that if you drop the "runaway" report, it might leave you liable for a lot of things that you might not be, with the report. I too would leave it in place.

[Remmy4477]

I suspect that if you drop the "runaway" report, it might leave you liable for a lot of things that you might not be, with the report. I too would leave it in place.

No doubt! It's staying till either he comes home or he turns 18. Hate to say that or even think that. But kind of out of options at this moment.

[Don Purcell]

Keep it in place, he hasn't earned any leniency and he's trying to call the shots.

[Hogtamer]

Remmy, prayers for Dalton, especially you and your wife. Always remember he is not the enemy, the drugs have captured him. But there is always Hope for deliverance through Jesus our merciful God and Savior. Continue firm in your resolve to do what you know is right.

[slim1836]

It is good that the 2 of you are communicating at the least. Do not give up hope, there is good in all, it just takes time to draw it out. I'm still waiting for that to happen having done all I could.

Prayers going out to you and all those affected.

Slim

[ascast]

I would change all the door locks etc. to prevent unauthorized access. If you go to gun shows, you do not need somebody shopping in your house while your out. No telling what kind of mess you could get pulled into. You need to protect your self first, and do it now.
The rest will sort itself out in time, for better or worse.
best wishes

[Remmy4477]

Keep it in place, he hasn't earned any leniency and he's trying to call the shots.

Yes sir he thinks he is!

[Handloader109]

Don't forget that dates for most shows are easily found on the internet. He can obtain and show when you are not at home. I'll not accuse him if breaking in, but he now seems to have accomplices who would think nothing of it. Don't leave them an easy way in. Keep up the pressure, he might cave if it gets too uncomfortable. Still praying.

[RogerDat]

As a parent you have certain rights with a minor. Such as not allowing him to be questioned without you present if you wish to be there. I mention this because they police saying they can't tell you anything reminded me that they generally don't want to tell you anything. No upside for law enforcement to have an adult involved when dealing with a 16 year old suspect. You may be able to insist that your son not be questioned without a lawyer present on his behalf. I just don't know, you should probably consult with an attorney both regarding your parental rights and there may also be legal responsibilities associated with his actions that you may want to address now.

I'm all for people taking responsibility for their actions but I'm also convinced that a teenager on drugs gains nothing from jail unless and until the drug issue is dealt with. If the goal is reform then it is entirely reasonable to think sentencing to in-patient drug program and supervised probation is a better outcome than just charging for armed robbery as an adult. The courts are an adversarial process. You son will need someone in court to represent his best interests or he can get steam rolled pretty badly. This being the child's first experience being charged with armed robbery and certainly not the first time the prosecutor or police have dealt with it. They know what they are doing he will likely not.

I would not beat yourself up over how you raised him. Parents don't get it all perfect but kids at some point start to make own choices. Sixteen is young and stupid, throw in drugs or alcohol and not only does it impair their judgment at the time it also prevents them developing better judgment by learning from mistakes. You have to process life to learn from life. Stoned provides no clear memory of decision making or event to process and impairs ability to process and internalize the basics of "that didn't work well" and "why that didn't work".

+1 on secure your firearms and valuables, especially if you have a spare car key someplace he knows. He sounds like he is trying to avoid direct conflict with you and didn't steal your stuff when he went after his clothes, his friends are another matter. If his situation gets bad enough with drugs he may not care how he gets the money. I had an experience with withdrawal after surgery, I quit too fast and it was pretty bad. I had treatment available but can see where someone would go pretty far to stop feeling like that. On the spare key thing, wanting to get out of town and not knowing how to steal a car.... your spare key and vehicle might become the "logical" choice in the flawed thinking being engaged in.

[Remmy4477]

UPDATE: Son is safe!

A lot went on yesterday. My son talked with me all through the day on fb messanger. Then his mother called me then his cousin messaged me throughout the day.

Dalton was done running. Wanted to come home.
His cousin picked him up from where he was staying and brought him up to town, we all met at the local pd to notify them he was home. The officers were great. They talked to to him firmly and did there best to give him the scared straight business, I don't know if any of it took? The kid was clearly high and very tired. Looks like he's lost about 20lbs, skinny as a rail!

So now the hard work begins, counceling, schooling and building up trust.
He will probably sleep for a day or two and then we will take it one step at a time.

Want to give out our thanks to everyone, the wishes the prayers and all the advice! The homefront has changed and only time and lots of love will tell?

[Thundarstick]

May God be with you!

[Handloader109]

Those prayers were answered. Please, don't leave him alone for a second. Best if no phone, computer access for a long while. Separation from his so called friends is needed.
I could go on, but just good luck and prayers remain.

Sent from my SM-G892A using Tapatalk

[lightman]

That sounds like good news but please continue to be vigilant. He's not out of the woods yet and you don't need to let your guard down. Hoping this works out for the best for the both of you.

[nun2kute]

This makes my Soul ache. I was that boy, now I am you. But the only advice I can give you is You cant force help onto someone who does not want it. Courts and Rehab does nothing for someone unable or unwilling to admit to having problem. Didn't for me anyway. If you get a chance, Introduce him to Narcotics Anonymous. For You, ALANON.

[RED BEAR]

prayers go out to you. hardest thing i ever had to do was set with my son and see him sentenced to jail. told him to go in and plead guilty because he did it. others said don't do it they can't prove the charge. told him if he told truth i would stand with him no matter what. if he went into court and lied he was on his own. spent 10 days in jail and has never been in any trouble sence. that was over 20 years ago . he is now experiencing the same type of things. unfortunately going to jail has not helped his daughter one bit i think it just introduced her to the last people she needed to meat. i hope everything works out for you a lot of times if kids can get through the hard times they turn out ok.

[justashooter]

my kid's mom went walkabout, then openly hostile when they were grade school. eventually, she hit enuf brick walls to get humble.i did what i could, but a whacked out mom is a hard wall for any kid to climb. the oldest won't talk to either of us now. the other two, thank God, are good to me, and tolerate their mom. kids take wounds deep. stability and patience is all you've got. live an honorable life, knowing that they will judge you when they have standing. brick walls tend to teach lessons more effectively than "love".

[JBinMN]

I wish you the "Best!", once again!

Hoping & praying that ya'll work things out in a way that keeps everyone in a good situation!
:)

[slim1836]

One step at a time, don't overpower him at the beginning. It's a long process, hopefully, the two of you will both win out.

Slim

[leeggen]

I have read this whole thread and it has brought back many memories good and bad. You and your wife need to get into Alanon. It is for the members of the family not on the drugs or drinking. It will let you know you are not alone in this. Also it will help guide you through the rough waters. Went through this with 2 sons and their half brother. Finally had to just turn them over to God and me step back and see I was not the leader. It took 10 years for one to get clean and his brother saw the change in the others life and now has followed too. He was out there for 15 years. God be with you and yours. You can contact me day or night, I'll send you my phone number if you like.
CD