Dementia

[Hickory]

Most of us are at an age where the thoughs of dementia in our life and those we know can be a reality.
I know a fellow hunter, shooter and reloader with some form of dementia. His wife had his guns removed from the house for his and her protection. They are at their sons house.

He has called the sheriff's office several times to report them stolen, the sheriff knows the situation and pretends to play along with the search for the missing guns.

It's a sad situation, and I feel for him and his wife in another month I think she will have him committed because she can barely take care of him even now.

It is sad to see this and know it could happen to others I know.
Guess, I just wanted to get off my chest and share this with someone else.

[phonejack]

My father, who has since passed away, had Alzheimer's. I eventually had to put him in a facility.its very difficult for the caregiver. When the parent becomes the child and the child becomes the parent.

[abunaitoo]

My father had it. Was getting bad before he passed.
My friends father has it. He's in a care home now.
A guy in our club is getting bad.
Getting old sucks.
More for some than others.

[Wayne Smith]

Family care givers try to do too much. For the past 30+ years John Hopkins has re-issued the same book updated each year. It is on handling the demented patient. The title of the book is The 36 Hour Day. The point being, of course, that there is no such thing as a 36 hour day. The major point of the book is that it takes a team approach to adequately care for these patients. Doesn't mean they can't stay home, but it does mean you can't do it yourself. The book is invaluable in understanding how to put together a team.

[beemer]

I started a post but deleted it. If you are dealing with someone get some information on dementia and terminal restlessness. At least you will be armed with some knowledge. Please understand that the patient cannot help it or understand what is going on, that is how I dealt with it.

Dave

[bedbugbilly]

My wife and I were the caregivers for both our sets of parents. My wife's father, who could be difficult on his best days, was developing it but he passed before it got too bad. I have had old family friends who have gone through it - either with their spouse or themselves, so am familiar on how it goes.

It isn't easy when it's a child and a parent, and it isn't easy when it's a spouse. You live with a spouse for your entire adult life and then something like this comes along - you took a vow "through sickness and health" . . . but I've seen too many in that situation who try to take care of the individual by themselves. Usually it ends up a 24/7 job and it can quickly take its toll on the caregiver. I know the "guilt" of having to get to the point of having to put a parent in a care facility of some type and I also know the toll it takes on the caregivers when you try to do it all. My wife and I took care of sick parents over a 22 year period - then, as we aged, problems start to show up for us.

I had a very dear friend who was like my second father - a WWII Pacific Marine - though as nails - his wife had dementia and I would go out each morning to check on the both for several years. She would get up at night, turn the water on in a bathroom sink, close the drain and leave and lock the door behind her - things like that - and it wasn't her fault, it was something she would never do before she was sick. My friend was trying to "handle it all" - and he was up all night long every night doing it as she would get up and "wander" - sometimes trying to cook on the stove, etc. I finally convinced him that he needed to put her in a facility that she would have 24 hour supervision and care - it about killed him, but he agreed to it. She received excellent care. I would still go see him every morning to check on him - have a cup of coffee and visit with him and then go on to get my work done. I can't tell you the number o f times that I found him each morning,, sitting at the kitchen table waiting for me to get there but he would be crying - out of guilt for having to put his wife where she could get care. I finally asked him what good it would do for her, if he kept trying to care for her 24 hours a day and he ended up dead form the stress - what would happen to her. It's a hard decision to make, bu tit's a decision based on love and what it best for them. And no spouse, friend or SO, in their right mind would ever want to put their partner through having to care for them if they should have those issues.

If you know someone going through this - a short visit, bringing them a cup of coffee and a doughnut and doing a visit, or just being a "listening ear" to them will mean everything in the world to them - often, the caregiver , when it gets to a certain point, will be afraid to leave them alone for fear of what they might do. Some "respite" to,e for them is a godsend at times and a visit from a friend can do wonders for them - as can a warm meal delivered once in a while. My heart goes out to anyone dealing with such a situation.

[MrWolf]

My Mom had early onset of Altzheimers. We first noticed it at 55. Never really got along with my Father but I will give him credit for caring for her. Will never know if out of guilt or love, but he took good care of her. She only spent four days in a facility before she passed. It is a horrible disease. I even had a study done on me to establish a baseline. I started taking DHA almost ten years ago after seeing a PBS special and will say it has done wonders for my mental thinking.

[justashooter]

least you will be armed with some knowledge.

Dave

perhaps it is better for each of us to take responsibility for our own end while we are still better armed.

[35isit]

My mother has dementia. It takes more love to take them to a facility than it does to keep them at home. They will get better care there than at home.

[KenH]

My mother has dementia. It takes more love to take them to a facility than it does to keep them at home. They will get better care there than at home.

Amen!!!! There have been several good posts in this thread, but that one is the best and most honest..... and difficult.

[rockrat]

My Sister has it. I could tell something was going on, but she refused to even talk about it for a long time. Told her she should get checked out. She finally went, but refused to take any medicines for it. She then had a few car accidents (we were worried she would kill someone) but she got to the point where the authorities were called and took her to the hospital, where she was diagnosed with it by the hospital and we were able to get her in a care center.

Go to see her lose her memory, from recent times, then regressing. She couldn't remember last week, but could remember things she did in the 60's, but thats all gone now. Every now and then, the old her will show up for a few minutes but it doesn't last. She remembers me most of the time, but not always.
She usually doesn't remember her Daughter, but will remember her dog!!

Its a nasty disease

[Love Life]

My friend’s dad committed suicide over it. Dementia is not something I would wish on anyone.

[abunaitoo]

From what I've been told, Dementia and Alzheimer are different.
With Dementia, it's a gradual on-going thing. They almost never have normal thinking.
Kind of like in a fog all the time.
Sometimes their mind goes back in time.
They start reliving a time in the past.
With Alzheimer, it comes and goes. They would be normal, and then not remember what had happened.
It would happen more often as it progressed.
Until they just cannot remember anything.
With both, they end up in the same place.
That's what I've been told anyway.

Friends Mother in law had Alzheimer.
She knew she had it.
She go so depressed, she just stopped eating.
It was harder on the family, than for her.
The Husband never really got over it.
He became depressed and kind of just gave up.
With all our modern medicine, I wonder why more is not being done.

I just hope it never happens to me.

[JWT]

My father just went into a memory care facility Thursday. A combination of alzheimers and severe sleep apnea (refused to use a CPAP) landed him in full time care at 73 years old.

[Wayne Smith]

Dementia is the broadest category. Alzheimers is one type of dementia, there are about four or five others. Alzheimers is most common and we have an known physical cause. TIA's or mini strokes is another type of dementia, and MS causes plaques on the brain which eventually lead to dementia.

[jmort]

There are varients of Alzheimer's
Regardless, it is all sad, sad, sad
So many ways satan has devised to destroy us
So many diseases that it boggles my mind
My mom has significant short term memory problems. Doctors say not Alzheimer's but not a good thing
Regardless
One of the worst ways to go and ultrahard on the caretakers as noted.

[lightload]

Three days ago I buried my brother who had early onset dementia. The same malady also destroyed our mother at an early age. It is a terrible affliction requiring specialized care.

[mold maker]

Helping daily care for my Daughters MIL in my home now. Several times she has silently walked out the door. It takes several people to keep and maintain someone with either disease.
My neighbor couldn't even take a shower after his wife was asleep. She would dress, or not, and wander off without a sound. We once found her in mid-Winter, in an abonded car, waiting to ride to church, nude.
These are undoubtedly the cruelest forms of all diseases.

[shooterg]

My Pops was a WWII Marine, 93 now. The last couple years got worse, finally in full time facility a few months back. Had some good days, lots of bad nights. A UTI a couple months ago has pretty much finished him. May be 3-4 months left as he continues to fade away. Not a good way to check out.

[gwpercle]

My Dad , WWII Navy Vet , had it for 10 years before his passing. He never complained about his circumstances .

Years ago when I was a teenager and complaining about something trivial , he told me

"Boy let me tell you exactly how it is...life's not easy and life's not fair...life's a *****....then you die."

That generation sure turned out some tough men... If I'm just 1/2 the man he was...I'll be proud.

Gary

[Parson]

My Mom had early onset of Altzheimers. We first noticed it at 55. Never really got along with my Father but I will give him credit for caring for her. Will never know if out of guilt or love, but he took good care of her. She only spent four days in a facility before she passed. It is a horrible disease. I even had a study done on me to establish a baseline. I started taking DHA almost ten years ago after seeing a PBS special and will say it has done wonders for my mental thinking.

What’s DHA ?

[Mr_Sheesh]

Parson - Docosahexaenoic Acid

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Docosahexaenoic_acid

[LUBEDUDE]

I have an Uncle and MIL with Dementia. It’s so stressful for all involved. I pray that I don’t get it, for my kids sake.

[tinsnips]

My mother law has it, could write a book about all the stuff my wife had to go threw before she was put in a home.We lived 200 feet from her ,the rest of the family lives did not help not fun.

[MrWolf]

Thanks for answering Mr_Sheesh. I take the Jarrows brand and get mine from Amazon. Like I said it works for me but everyone is different.

[birdadly]

Hickory, thanks for posting. Getting something like this off our chests is important so I’m glad you did. I’m going to take advantage and do the same...

My dad (now 84) is 2 years into his dementia diagnosis. We kept him at home with mom (75) for awhile but it didn’t take long to realize we couldn’t trust him to be safe, mostly for himself so we moved him into an Assisted Living Home.

This past July he fell out of bed and broke his hip. My mom and I had to decide whether or not to have surgery. He was a very active man (no wars yet a Marine Vet) and we knew he would want the better chance of walking again so went with the surgery. They told us 50% of people in his situation don’t live past 6 months after a hip break, surgery or not. When we were told that, I had had to leave the room shortly after because my mom was looking strong and i didn’t want her to see how i was about to take it.

He’s still kicking, but now in a Nursing Home, with a roommate and still in a wheel chair. Like someone else described his loved one, my dad forgets day to day but when i visit I try getting him to tell me stories of his past because he seems to remember those easier. My mom visits every day and I every weekend (both of them separately). He was 40 when i was born so I’m still learning things about him from these stories that i never knew before! I love it, it makes me sad yet very happy.

I’m sorry for ranting. I don’t share this stuff with my RL friends, although i probably should rather than keeping it all inside. Thanks for letting me get this out. -Brad

[Walks]

My "Uncle" Joe had it. A good man, WW2 NAVY vet, ARMY Reservist/Green Beret, LAPD Homicide Detective. He went down the tubes fast. I went to see him once after he was committed.
BIG MISTAKE.
He kept confusing me with my DAD, who died 20yrs earlier. Now when I think of him that picture overlays all the good memories.

[blackthorn]

Some iteration of dementia seems to run in my ex-wife’s family. Unfortunately, it does not manifest until later in life which means there has been no ability to make any kind of informed decision as to whether or not to bring offspring into this world. Her Mother’s dementia occurred in her early/mid seventies. Now, as her brothers and sisters age symptoms began to show up in all but one, and in my opinion she has been weird from the outset. My ex left in 1991 to go to England to marry her first cousin! Eventually they moved to Canada (BC) when he retired. She (81 years) has had multiple mini-strokes over the last few years and this summer he (84 years) had to have a pacemaker installed. My boys told me he also was mentally deteriorating. They were both evaluated and found to be incompetent to continue to live independently, so they were placed in an assisted living situation. The day they moved in, he died of heart failure and she followed him within a week. I am concerned for my 2 boys, my Granddaughter and my Great-Grandson.

[iomskp]

I was in a bad head on car accident just over 3 years ago, my wife has noticed changes as I have so off I go to the doctors and then to a psychiatrist, she eluded towards some sort of brain damage caused by the accident, it is getting worse you can't fight it you just have to deal with it.