Can you be to nice and trusting????

[abunaitoo]

I seem to come out on the short end of many deals.
I feel people should treat others as you would want to be treated.
I tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
Give them a chance.
Yesterday I went to look at a motor.
I wanted to see it run before buying it.
Even had to help the guy get it going.
Ran good and gave him half as a deposit.
He was going to have it out by today.
I called three times, and left a message.
Sent three emails.
Nothing
I'm wonder if I was scammed again.
I hate being a nice guy.

[Wayne Smith]

If you had posted this in the Chapel I would have a completely different answer - but Yes, you can be too trusting. Generally people are selfish, and specifically only Christ was perfect, thus everyone else will fail you in some way. Knowing them well enough to know where and when they will fail you and either being prepared for that or knowing it won't bother you is one of the essentials of a good relationship. Being willing to know yourself and where and when you will fail someone else and allowing them to control that aspect of the relationship is another key to a good relationship.

[osteodoc08]

Depending on this unique situation, which I don’t have all the details. It may just be a matter of timing or a scam. I’m guessing you bought a motor off a guy and wanted to see it run before putting down some cash. If you called within and hours time and sent an email and didn’t get a response in an hour, well, perhaps not enough time. If it was done over a weeks time, I’d be more worried. You know where this guy is as you saw the motor, why not stop on by if it was a legitimate shop. If it seemed shady, well, tread lightly.

To answer your question, yes, you (anyone really) can be too trusting and nice. People lie, cheat, steal etc when they don’t have a true north moral compass.

[GhostHawk]

Nice guys finish last. I do try to be nice where I can, but not where it will cost me anything.

When it comes to deals, money changing hands, I aim for honest. I give good value, I don't cheat, lie, scam.

I expect others to try to do that to me, and I am watching like a hawk for it.
If the deal is too good to be true, chances are your best bet is to walk away.

Buyer beware! Know the goods, the ins and outs, know what they are worth in theory, and what you are willing to pay. A truly good deal both sides walk away with a smile.

[JSH]

Plain and simple YES.
A lot of people think they are entitled or deserving of things.

I set a person up in some older but serviceable reloading stuff. I had shown him a fair bit and he understood what he was doing. Forward a bit. He calls and wanted me to load him some rifle ammo. I told him I would loan him the dies and he could do it. Takes a while but he finally told me he sold all of it!
He could have or should have given it back the way I see it.

I though maybe this was a one time thing.
Young fellow was looking for some brass. I found some for cheap and just figured it was investment of the future of shooting sports. Saw him a few months later and asked if he had it all loaded up. Nope, he had sold all of it for a pretty penny.

I am pretty much done being nice. I don't make money on friends or family(the ones I trust anyway). When I sell stuff I try to make it a bargain,but the darn shipping has become so expensive.

[marek313]

I feel the same way. Must be that "glass is half empty" mentality but that doesnt bother me. I'm always the suspicious, careful, doubtful type as well. Too many people these days look for a free handout or a free ride and I'm the last person that will hand out money to "poor" on the street.

I work at a hospital and you wouldnt believe the scams people try to pull. I was smoking outside one day and I had this crack head kid walk up to me and try to sell me some sad story how he needed $5 for his cancer medicine while he can barely stand straight without falling over. I told him to go to ER and get some help for his real problem but hes not getting any money from me so he moved on but not towards ER of course. Quite a few hover around hospital looking for a way to score since ER already knows them they move on to others looking for a $1 here or there.

As i get older I'm starting to realize that there are more and more people these days lacking common sense and fall victims to some sort of a scam. I'm always on a lookout for that. My wife on the other hand is complete opposite and would follow anyone to a dark van if you told her there was a puppy in there. [smilie=b:

[Dieselhorses]

I did that once 7 years ago with a huge Ford 4x4 I purchased. I test drove it for a few miles, looked at motor, underneath with it's 10" suspension lift and body lift- it handled great considering. Drove it home (about 100 miles) and behold it started tapping. OMG. Then the starter, then alternator, then battery. After a fly by night mechanic took 500.00 from me as a deposit for another engine, and 2 months later "disappearing", I just sold it for half of what I paid for it. Never again.

[JonB_in_Glencoe]

Ran good and gave him half as a deposit.
Did he ask for half?
While I would have gave him nothing as a deposit, if he was adamit about a deposit, I would have offered a $20...or whatever amount you are comfortable losing. $20 just happens to be my magic number, now I don't like losing money, but for me, $20 is surely easy compared to losing $100.

BUT, maybe something came up? maybe this person had an emergency where he can't reply to your calls/emails?
There is nothing to do now, but wait.
Good Luck.

[Dieselhorses]

Did he ask for half?
While I would have gave him nothing as a deposit, if he was adamit about a deposit, I would have offered a $20...or whatever amount you are comfortable losing. $20 just happens to be my magic number, now I don't like losing money, but for me, $20 is surely easy compared to losing $100.

BUT, maybe something came up? maybe this person had an emergency where he can't reply to your calls/emails?
There is nothing to do now, but wait.
Good Luck.Had to send a wrecker to his house. He had no shop, hardly any tools and hadn't done a thing to it. I still have his number to this day but gave up on calling. Karma is a ~*<#&

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G870A using Tapatalk

[Traffer]

I have been trying to find a small pickup (ranger or toyota etc) for the past 15 years that was in my budget. Had several deals fall through on me. Last year I saw one on Craigslist and thought "God is having mercy on me" I went out to get it right away. The guy and his wife seemed nice. I asked if he had the title..."yup, right here" as he held it up. I got my money out and paid him. On my way home to get a friend to help me drive it back, I looked and found the title was filled out and signed 3 YEARS earlier by some person on the other side of the state.
With our laws in Wisconsin, this title was practically worthless. The truck could not be legally registered. I politely asked the guy that I bought it from if he would help me by contacting the previous owner that he purchased it from. If I could get a bill of sale or written statement from these two people to each other it was possible to register. The guy I bought it from literally laughed at me.
The was the last time I have even allowed myself to consider buying a pickup truck. It wiped out much of our savings.

[RogerDat]

Like so much in life it depends on the circumstances or the individual as to what is too nice or too trusting. Business deals with cash changing hands a receipt that specifies amount of deposit, purchase price, identifies the item as specifically as possible VIN or serial numbers are nice. Model number can also help make clear the item being purchased. In many cases delivery date or conditions for the deposit or balance payment are a good idea.

A document that clearly and simply defines the transaction for both parties can help keep everyone on the same page. Can also discourage a "semi" scammer. That would be someone that is not setting out to be a crook but very casual about holding up their end of the deal. An out and out crook will just be running off with your cash no matter what. BUT one can go to small claims court and/or file a police report if one has documentation of money being taken under false pretenses or failure to deliver.

I'm sorry I don't think one is scammed if they "give" reloading equipment or components to someone that later decides to sell them. It might be nice if they were to return them if they didn't have an interest or need for them anymore but hard to say it is what they should do. You gave it, they own it, maybe they needed the cash more than they needed the item so they sold it. We often see items offered in S&S forum from people who say "I don't use this anymore so I'm selling it." Reminds me of some good advice I got. Don't loan it to family or friends if you can't afford to lose it or they can't afford to replace it. If the item is money then make it a gift and be happily surprised if you get it back.

Lot of things I won't loan out because I can't afford to say "don't worry about it". If I can't afford to replace it I have to think pretty hard about borrowing it. Never would borrow my sisters camper and truck. Nice rig but expensive if anything breaks, $2,000 deductible in an accident. Fine if they scrape trees and have to have stuff fixed, I don't want to be obligated to do so.

So yes some folks you can trust very much, some less so, some really not much at all, and some are only in it to take advantage. Trust your instincts, something makes you feel it is somehow "off" a bit then it is. You may not be able to say why but your mind picked up on something without you being conscious of it. Deer don't speculate on if that is really wolf they smell, they leave promptly because something merely seems off. Or at least the ones that survive do.

[JimB..]

I try to do what I think is right, even generous at times. I suppose the real question is how much disappointment can you take before you become a cranky old man?

Did give a car to a family member in need one time. They sold it and I later found out that they had accumulated a few vehicles during their time of need. Don’t let it bother me, but not rushing to help her out again either.

Every gun that I’ve purchased from the S&W forum and the Marlin forum has been misrepresented in some way to my detriment, again it is what it is and I just stopped buying after a few guns.

[Wag]

I'm just the opposite. I simply don't trust anyone any more and never really did to begin with. My late wife, however, was like you, abunaitoo. Way too trusting. Between the two of us, we were able to get things done and didn't get scammed, that I recall.

At some point, you have to find your balance point and learn to "just say no." One of the things we always did was any time we had more than a couple hundred bucks on the line, we'd postpone. We never bought anything at first sight. Sometimes, we'd come back the next day, sometimes, a week later. Most times, we realized it was either something we didn't need or we figured out the scam, or the overly high price, or some other issue that made us sit back and rethink and often, not buy. Cars, especially.

Emotion is a tricky thing. It can be your worst enemy or your best friend but it has to be used when it's appropriate to do so. And always with the brain engaged. That's the reason for the day or multi-day break between seeing something and buying it.

And you know what? There were a few times when we went back and the item was gone. We probably lost a few good deals but we never ever regretted any of those times. Either we realized that it didn't really need it or want it (or the payment or reduction in savigs) or we found another, similar or even better item later on. It always worked out for us in the end.

So, that's my recommendation. Never ever buy anything on first sight. Come back a day or a few days later and in the meantime, rethink it. You'll be better able to determine that you're buying on emotion. And if you miss a few good deals, never backtrack and second-guess your decisions. In this country, there are too many alternatives out there and you'll almost always run into one. Or you'll never truly miss out.

--Wag--

[nagantguy]

Yes one can be to nice and trusting; but on little things who cares? Big things i operat on CYA.

I am the fellow people call at 4 am for help; when they are in trouble or have a project go sideways. And I show up and help to the best of my tools and ability.

I’ve always been overwhelmed and humbled by the kindness and generosity of the people here, surely and truly I am!

My favorite relative and her husband are constantly helping people; above and beyond; lending money buy cars letting folks live with them ; finding people jobs of hiring them. And I can’t believe how many times they come out on the losing side. I’ve watched them get fleeced and taken advantage of time and again; even a long time “friend” who they had helped for years burgled their home while they were in Hawaii. They are to nice and trusting and I’m afraid it will put them in danger.

[Dieselhorses]

Have to be thorough, get things in writing, evaluate the future scenarios and do all this with a pleasant attitude. You can protect yourself without being paranoid and seeming to be anyway. Things just aren't the way they were back in the day (I wish they were!) Kudos to all the good advice/experiences folks shared in here!

[osteodoc08]

Reminded me of my wife’s aunt and uncle. Always begging and my wife was furious I kept telling them no. One time they asked for &3k before they lost their house. Nope. Her brother gave him the money and sold him a $10k truck for $1. They still lost their house, sold the truck and came begging again. Wife finally understood. She has no common sense and once asked me to go check on a homeless guy with an infected wound that lived behind Wally World. I told her to leave him alone as he was a known paranoid schizophrenic and if he truly wanted help would go to the ER where I worked. She still doesn’t get it. She lacks common sense.

[RED BEAR]

i am going to disagree with most. i do not think you can be to nice. i would rather be taken advantage of on ocassion than to go through life thinking everyone was out to rip me off. and yes i have been taken advantage of at times i don't like it but if this is the price of being able to think people are generally honest and good thats ok. i don't think i could stand going around feeling everyone was out to get over on me.

[Dieselhorses]

There is a fine line when it comes to helping people and RB, you have a good point. You really never know "who" that homeless person is when you give 5.00 to them. May be someone God sent your way to see if you would help or not, OR they may turn around and buy crack with it-you never know. I don't want to be the one who deprived someone of a value meal if they really hungry! On another note, like OsteoDoc08 mentioned- my wife is a little TOO over compassionate when it comes to her daughter (who is 24 now and still jobless). She's been paying her car insurance for the last 3 years- getting "drips and drabs" along the way from her. At the end of her rope now and putting vehicle in daughter's name! (I could write a book on it but I won't!)

[Texas by God]

Be nice, trust till you don't, be charitable but carry a knife.
Folks are good & bad and always have been.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk

[fatelk]

Reminded me of my wife’s aunt and uncle. Always begging and my wife was furious I kept telling them no. One time they asked for &3k before they lost their house. Nope. Her brother gave him the money and sold him a $10k truck for $1. They still lost their house, sold the truck and came begging again. Wife finally understood. She has no common sense and once asked me to go check on a homeless guy with an infected wound that lived behind Wally World. I told her to leave him alone as he was a known paranoid schizophrenic and if he truly wanted help would go to the ER where I worked. She still doesn’t get it. She lacks common sense.

It's great to have compassion and want to help people, but it can sure be a serious exercise in frustration trying to help people that aren't willing to help themselves. I've heard many stories just like that. My grandfather lent $30k to a cousin to save their house from foreclosure. You guessed it; foreclosed anyhow, and he never saw a dime of his money back. My other grandfather threw away $60k buying some property from a friend. It turned out to have extensive back taxes and leaking underground fuel tanks.

I like to think of myself as trusting but have sure learned to "trust but verify". I'm very detail oriented by nature, so I generally don't fall for scams. I have been taken a couple times on smaller stuff, because I want to be a nice guy and not offend someone by being untrusting. I once bought a big box full of loose ammo at a gun show once. It was a good price if the quantity was correct. The guy swore it was so I didn't bother counting. When I got home I counted and found only about 2/3 of what he said, and it was too far to bother going back.

[Catshooter]

Too nice? Absolutely not.

Too trusting? Oh heck yes.


Cat

[Traffer]

i am going to disagree with most. i do not think you can be to nice. i would rather be taken advantage of on ocassion than to go through life thinking everyone was out to rip me off. and yes i have been taken advantage of at times i don't like it but if this is the price of being able to think people are generally honest and good thats ok. i don't think i could stand going around feeling everyone was out to get over on me.

Thank you, Red Bear, for the reminder,
I was raised in a dysfunctional environment and did not learn some very important things that help with life.Many of those things involve dealing with other people. But I became a Christian when I was older and started learning a different experience. Still wasn't easy but by keeping in regular prayer and Bible study, my perspective has changed. I have had to learn what you stated. And I can attest that it is so very true. Life is so much better with the proper outlook or whatever you call it. I tend to get cynical and my emotions tend to misguide me. So I have to consciously practice trusting and accepting people. Yes I get burned sometimes but even that is not so bad when you don't hold a grudge.
And I am supremely fortunate to have married a woman who is the ultimate truster. She keeps me humble and I like to think that I help keep her from getting taken advantage of. I was late becoming a Christian and late to get married but better late than never.

[john.k]

I had a guy was going to build a fence for me,needed it in a bit of a hurry,due to problems with the council......anyhoo,his price was avergage ,and he could start right away......he turns up,I says "ill pay cash the moment you finish".....nope he says....I need $2k for the materials .......I say .."I aint givin $2k to someone I just met."....net result.....I have to build my own fence,paid $2k for the steel,but its a nightmare with arthritic joints...and I still aint started.Expecting a letter from the council.....Maybe I should have trusted him?

[clum553946]

I hope it works out for you and the lack of response was just circumstances.

[JBinMN]

I hope it works out for you and the lack of response was just circumstances.

Ditto!
:)

[Ed K]

My tactic for handling the homeless, panhandlers, etc. has changed a bit over the years. In my younger days I would always refuse. Lately when approached outside a donut shop I offer to buy a cup of coffee. When approached outside my wife's bank (employee - not owner ;) ), I have asked if I can help to find a job. Done this hundreds of times and after a decade I think I've only bought one Coca cola, didn't mind one bit and generally feel good after the encounter even though being refused 99.9% of the time.

No I'm not going to spot them a $20 no matter how sad the story...

[Wag]

There's a huge difference between being generous and being gullible. Always help people when you can. Be trusting when the circumstances allow it.

But by the same token, if you're too trusting and you don't do due diligence on your day to day business dealings, you enable criminals or other ne'er do wells. We're responsible for our livelihoods and the assets of our families. We must be good stewards of our earthly bounty because we have to take care of our families. We have a more difficult time doing so if we're getting taken to the cleaners too often.

Bear in mind, too, that when you give overly much in suspicious circumstances, you're not helping as much as you may think. It's easy to give someone cash. It's not so easy to take a stinky vagabond into a restaurant and buy him lunch. Or take him to a truck stop or halfway house so he can have a shower and possibly some cleaner clothes. THAT takes work and generosity.

But giving money to someone? Usually just enables whatever problem caused them to need it in the first place. And yes, family is the worst.

--Wag--

[Don Purcell]

Yes, I have been too trusting. I can think back on the times I've gotten the financial short end of the stick and it has been because of professing "Christians". Now, whenever someone makes a big deal about their walk with God I tend to give them a wide berth if money is involved.

[Hickok]

Mathew 10, verse 16.

[wv109323]

There are two types of people. Those you can trust and those you can not trust.
I have learned never to give cash to someone. If they are hungry I will buy them a sandwich. I they ask for gasoline I will buy them gasoline. This stops 90% of this type of panhandling. Houses are not lost to the bank over night. Medical treatment can not be refused.
I worked at a food bank for several years. My guess is that 70% of the people were undeserving. Many were to lazy to work and had the attitude they were entitled to the handout. Many complained about pety items, such as the brand of peanut butter. We experienced theft many times. You must dwell one the minority you were truly helping.
As to the advance of cash on a job,a valid contractor should have a line of credit,where they don't pay for materials for 30 days. They get the materials, get the job done, you pay them,they pay for the materials. If you want to help out the small guy,you buy the materials and have them delivered to the job site. Then pay the worker for his labor after the job is done.
As for the motor, the seller knew he would need to pull the motor in order to sell it. I understand him leaving it in the car so the buyer could hear it run. But once contracted to buy it, I would give very little earnest money to pull it out.

[Don Purcell]

wv109323, I also helped at a food bank for several months. I would have been happy with only 70% undeserving. From what I saw it was much higher. People coming in covered with tattoos and or reeking of cigarette smoke. Seems they had money for those. Lazy husbands or boyfriends setting on their fat ***** in the vehicle while the wife or girlfriend came inside to pick up the food while I also helped carry it out to the vehicle while said deadbeat played on his I-Pad. There were **** few that I didn't mind helping but after several months I called it quits.

[jimlj]

Did you go back to the guys house/business?
I had a guy paint my Mustang a few years ago. Several calls and voice mails got no response. A 40 mile trip to his place of business made all the difference. He wasn't trying to scam me, but just kept pushing my project back as other jobs came in.

[waksupi]

Yes, I have been too trusting. I can think back on the times I've gotten the financial short end of the stick and it has been because of professing "Christians". Now, whenever someone makes a big deal about their walk with God I tend to give them a wide berth if money is involved.

I've had the same experience. When a business advertises as Christian owned and operated, I've learned to not do business there, because sure as shooting, they will try to screw the customer.

[JSH]

Well gents, I thought maybe I was coming across as a bit harsh. Glad to see I am not the only one that "sees" things.

I honestly think one can be to nice. I have had a few instances when I come across some one at my GC going outside the lines so to speak. I will inform them of the issue. Most will heed it,at least while I am there or in sight. Others, well let's just say I had to repeat myself and I tended to do it in another language and loud enough that I didn't have to tell them a third time.

No means NO.

Panhandling, just saw a thing on the noon news this past week. Woman dressed like she was down on her luck. Yet they caught her on camera walking a few blocks to her very new car.

I have heard and seen first hand people refusing a job because it didn't pay enough. Then in the next breath, ask for money.

[fatelk]

I've had the same experience. When a business advertises as Christian owned and operated, I've learned to not do business there, because sure as shooting, they will try to screw the customer.

As my wife says, if you have to tell people that you're honest, something's wrong. There was a big car lot that opened up many years ago in the town I grew up near; the sign said "Integrity Cars" and had a big, prominent Christian fish symbol. They advertised heavily on the local Christian radio station. I was leery about them from the start. It turned out that they were just another sleazy used car lot. They didn't last long.

If you're "Christian" and honest in your business practices, then prove it. Be fair and honest in your dealings and word will get around. I also learned a long time ago to be just as cautious doing business with people you know from church. Just because they go to church and call themselves Christian, doesn't make them honest and trustworthy; and the more they brag about their honesty and religious piety, the more cautious you need to be in business dealings with them.

Sincerely Christian people shouldn't need to tell you how honest they are.

[funnyjim014]

FYI u paid for half a engine...I would grab a cutting torch and take what's mine

[Walks]

In the past 20yrs since I got busted up and can't do upgrades and simple maintenance on my house. I've been screwed one way or another by every one I've ever hired to work on my home.
The Last folks were from the GOVERNMENT. The "free" solar panels. SAVE MONEY ON YOUR ELECTRIC BILL.

It's a scam. SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA EDISON COMPANY installs Solar Panels on MY ROOF that feeds into THEIR POWER GRID. So they don't have to build new power plants. I still have to pay EDISON the same State Fees & Taxes and send a monthly check to Company in Texass. So far I'm paying about 6% more a month. And they damaged my house. And installed a new control panel. Everything was labeled and set for special circuits, 11 different circuits, now down to 8. And they follow no pattern at all.
"We're from the Gov't, We're here to help.

The most chilling words in the AMERICAN Language.

And I have a dozen more.

[EDG]

I have a hard to find set of dies for the 6.5X53R Dutch Mannlicher.
I have offered sample cases, offered to form cases for free and described how to use 3 different other die sets to load their ammo.
Not a one of the guys made any effort to try one of the alternate methods.
I have even suggested they get a set of new dies from CH. They all complain about the excessive cost as if they just want my dies for cheap.
I know the alternate methods work because I used one for several years.

[toallmy]

My hart has harden over time , I freely share kindness but that's about it . It's a learned behavior ! Probably 10 years ago a young man that lives in the area I operate a small businesses in approached me asking if a had any old pallets he could have to build a wheelchair ramp at a rental house his family just moved into , I know his family had previously lost their home do to foreclosure - so being our slow season at the shop the crew and myself decided we would build a nice ramp at this young fellas home . We went and purchased some treated timber , and set up a nice ramp with a sturdy handrail we were all feeling pretty good about our good deed for the day when someone mentioned - you don't think someone will slip and fall and sue you do you ? My happiness slipped out of me at that very moment and turned to concern .

[bob208]

yes 20 years ago when I was trying to get my business off the ground. I gave every one a "break" ok pay me on Friday when you get paid. or can you wait till my taxes come back. well Friday never came and those taxes are still out there floating around in the mail.

[3leggedturtle]

Too nice? Absolutely not.

Too trusting? Oh heck yes.


Cat

Exactly, I’ve helped lots of people (used to volunteer at shelter) I only trust people as much as I can afford to lose... The really good con artists and axe murderers are so smooth and nice, you wouldn’t even think to question them!! Todd/3leg

P.S. I also would rather lose a good deal,,, Than gain a bad one....

[trapper9260]

You can be nice ,but let who ever earn to be trusted. T rust very few people and they had earn that. There is so call friends ,there is very few true friends. Hope you understand what I mean.

[fatelk]

On the other hand, I can think of quite a number of people, mostly long-time friends and family, who I would trust with my life, or at least my wallet.

As frustrating as the jerks, scammers, and deadbeats are in this world, there are still plenty of people around with some ethics and strong principles.

[KCSO]

All I can say is I have NEVER had any problem with anyone here. I swap and sell fairly often and have had nothing but good results. Nowdays if somebody wants something small I just ship it out and wit for the check. Never had a bad one never got shorted.

Deal here these are the cream of the crop!

[Char-Gar]

You can never be too nice. Nice is always good. Trust is also good, but when you are doing business, then put on your business hat. Caveat Emptor, the old Latin saw means let the buyer beware. "A fool and his money are soon parted" is an old Texas saw. There are sharks in them there waters!

[marlin39a]

Abunaitoo, it's been 3 days. How did you make out?

[starbits]

he says....I need $2k for the materials .......I say .."I aint givin $2k to someone I just met."....net result.....I have to build my own fence,paid $2k for the steel,but its a nightmare with arthritic joints...and I still aint started.Expecting a letter from the council.....Maybe I should have trusted him?

A number of years ago I had a guy ask for a $500 down payment for buying materials, payed him and never saw him again. Changed the way I have done business ever since. You need materials, you buy them, down load them on my property and I will immediately pay you what the receipt says. Some have been unwilling to buy the material and some didn't want to offload on my property (probably because they were going to use some of the material on another job), but most understood and the jobs got done.

[Walks]

Every contractor I've used in the past 20yrs has cheated me, stole from me, did sub standard work. The only person I trust is my Gardener.
When he bought the business from the old Gardener, He brought over his Framed U.S. Citizenship Certificate, his Business License, His Insurance Certificate. Showed me his CA DL & Car insurance, Letter from the old Gardener. Then asked me to call him from the PH# I had in my Rolodex, to verify the change of ownership. He's kept the same rate in the 6yrs He's done my yard.

And he brings me a doz. Tamales at XMAS. I don't know know how many his wife makes but it must by A LOT.

He is one of only five people that I make a very Special Recipe PINEAPPLE UPSIDE DOWN CAKE For XMAS. A Family Recipe that I'm the only person Left on the Planet that can make. My Surviving Daughter has no interest in learning.

[RED BEAR]

i will admit i will only lend what i can afford to give if it comes back then thats ok if not thats ok to. me and the misses are on social security so we don't have a lot but i have family that has it tougher than me so i try to help all i can. family and friends are far more important than money.

[abunaitoo]

So I finally got a hold of him on Friday morning.
Said he had some other things he had to do. Emergency.
He said he sent me text telling me what was going on.
Never got any of them.
But he said he had no excuse.
Said to come by at 10:00. He'd have it out by then.
Got there at 9:30.
He's still working on getting it out.
Had his wife helping him.
With my help, we finally got it out.
I kind of felt a little sorry for him and his wife.
We got it loaded, I paid him the rest.
My stupid good angel got a hold of me. Hate when she shows up.[smilie=b:
I offered to take them to lunch.
We had a nice time.
Talked a lot about little nothings.
Anyway I got the engine.
Being to nice and trusting has cost me again.
Will I ever learn:groner:

[abunaitoo]

All I can say is I have NEVER had any problem with anyone here. I swap and sell fairly often and have had nothing but good results. Nowdays if somebody wants something small I just ship it out and wit for the check. Never had a bad one never got shorted.

Deal here these are the cream of the crop!

I've had problem with two buyers here.
One wanted a better deal, because he had given me a good deal on a press.
I never got a press from him. Never even bought anything from him.
I ended it and didn't sell to him.
Another said what he got wasn't what he thought it would be.
Wanted me to send him back half.
Told him to just send it back.
He said I would owe him double for the work he did to it.
Cut him off to.
Have both of them on a short list of "No reply/No sell"
I've been known to send things out, before getting payment.
Never been burned. Hope I never do.
Yes. Majority of the members here are Good People.
But as this place get more popular, I fear it may attract scammers.

[Handloader109]

Lot of good stuff here, and a lot of heartache. I've had my share, I only give money, (rarely) and is always a gift. Been on receiving end a few times, once took us a while, but money was paid back. I have borrowed, broken item and replaced. That pretty much stopped me from borrowing. Rather buy and its mine.

Never hand anyone on the street money. They are working you. Every one of them.
Now contractors. I've only used a few, no issues, but they were all established, gave references and I had seen their work. Paid minimal deposit and rest at end. Be very careful if they are small guys and materials are major portion of their work. You can have them buy against You, in some locals and then not pay, and. The suppliers can come and bill you for them and do mechanics lien against you. So you pay for materials a second time.

What gets me is the food banks around here. Government provides food via numerous agencies, wic, food stamps, etc. Why food banks?yeah, I know, a lot of folks don't qualify for government services. But do they really deserve free food from a bank? No, most don't. Sorry, tangent to original question. Be honest, be real, give where you think it will actually help usually, not who you think. Circular logic? No, reality. And yes, if it is too good to be true, it probably is...

And I've had good experience with everyone here. And I think I have been honest in my sales. If anyone ever has a complaint, let me know and I'll make it as right as I can.....

[osteodoc08]

Glad it worked out for you. Hope that motor runs like a top and never gives you a moments trouble. Sounds like he took on more work than he could handle at the moment. Glad it ended well.

[abunaitoo]

I volunteered at the food bank ONCE.
Never again.
Only people that came were all fat, had kids they couldn't control, drove newer cars than I did.
Also all non locals. Not to old. Maybe between 25 and 35.
Mostly women with gold bracelets, most time more than one, big SUV.,
We check their DEBT card, then give them the box for their card.
A few of them started yelling at me for checking their card.
They said they come all the time, "why you checking my card"
A few of them looked inside the box, took what they wanted, and left the rest.
At the end of the day, I asked the boss if it was always like this.
Giving food to people who don't need, or deserve it.
She told me they have no choice. If they have a card, they get a box.
I think she knew how I felt.
I'm sure there are people who really need the food, but I didn't see any that day.
They were all probably working.
Gave me some surplus corned beef, cheese, spam, and cookies.
Dropped them off at the care home by my house.

[RED BEAR]

never let others bad behavior affect your behavior. if you volunteer for something like a food bank don't let the people that are taking advantage of it get to you ( i admit its not always easy ) just realize that there are people who need help. and if your helping even some of them then thats a good thing. others bad behavior should not affect your good behavior.

[RogerDat]

I think the point that one can be nice without being a pushover or too trusting. Being a bit harsh if taken advantage of or ripped off makes sense but I can decline without being mean.

Food bank workers always seem to speak of the signs of undeserving recipients of aid. I prefer to think I don't know who will be helped or how. Who is truly deserving and who is not. If I'm helping out by giving my time I'm giving it. Not expecting good value in return and in the case of food donations I don't know is helped in the end. Might be the child of the most undeserving parent, the parent spends money on themselves and the kid has food from the charity of strangers. I can live with that. Aid programs that move beyond county or fairly local won't really know the recipients personal stories. It is one of the problems with programs administered too remotely. Oddly enough when we made aid for mothers and children depend on a man not being in the home we did more to make marriage a poor choice than the pill, abortion, and all the hippies combined. Married stops aid then people won't get married.

I mostly ignore panhandlers. Did call out one girl panhandling in Toronto on her "being hungry" story by pointing out those sneakers she had on cost more than groceries for a week or my work boots. On the other hand had an older fellow flat out tell me he was trying to get the scratch for a small bit of something to get him through the night. He told me what he was short and I gave him between 50 cents and a buck to cover it. Decided not my obligation to "cure" his drinking problem and he was honest enough about it. I could afford the change, it made him happy.

When it comes to helping and financial stuff family is the toughest, friends after that, but sometimes it is the kindness that allows us to trust enough in the "big picture" to help someone else out who may well not handle it any better than they handled their life before. None of that by the way applies to contractors. I'm paying for a job or job and materials that is business. Very little tolerance for a business cheat and if they won't agree to reasonable terms or want too much up front I'm with the folks that move on and find someone else.

[abunaitoo]

I always see post on craigs list asking for money help.
Most of the time it's "just until payday"
Also see......homeless single mother of four(?) needs help.
I'm all for helping those that work and have had a setback.
But those who have made poor choices, and now have no hope.
Sorry.
I'm poor to.
But I do what I have to, to make myself comfortable.
I wanted to do the Meals-on-Wheels thing, but gas is so expensive here.
Unlike most people here, I don't help to get noticed, I do it to help.
It burns me up when I see people asking for volunteers, or donations, while their being paid big bucks themselves.

[toallmy]

I'm selfish I guess I do kind things because it makes me feel like a better person .

[jimlj]

If the worse mistake we make in life is giving to those that may not really deserve or need the help, I don't think we will have too much to fear when we meet our maker.

[am44mag]

I'm nice, but I'm not very trusting. You have to earn my trust. If you lose it, it's not coming back. The whole needy person act is one that pisses me off. I don't give those people the time of day anymore unless I know for a fact they're living in a tent under an overpass.

[mattw]

I think one can be to trusting now days. I am almost 53 and times are different than when I was a kid. When I buy things here, every once in a while someone will ship before payment is sent. This has kinda set me back a couple of times, and I always offer to wait like I should. This forum and the established members have seemed to me to be more honest and more trustworthy than any other forum I visit. I am always leary of a good deal, when I do not know someone. I will often pass them up, and I do not mess with places like craigslist... just will not do it. I do not want to support a drug habit by buying hot camera gear or tools.

Ok, rant turned on! GoFundMe? I cannot imagine having a set big enough to post a beg site! No accountability, no control... may as well just burn the cash and smoke the ashes! Todays mentality drives me completely nuts! Why are you entitled to internationally ask for my money?

[owejia]

Seems the more I trust people the more I get taken advantage of. Was raised that a verbal agreement was a contract, now days not many believe that, with the exception of most of the good folks here. Karma is usually a hard slap to the head for non believers.