What is the answer?

[Mohawk Daddy]

I'm probably the wrong kind of guy to ask a question or start a thread here but here goes: my son who is 33 called me today to tell me that the wife of his best friend (also 33; they've known each other since they were seven) has passed away suddenly leaving 3 children behind, the youngest being only an infant. What do you say to someone in this situation? I felt completely inadequate, even though I had known this young woman myself. Her oldest child is the same age as my oldest grandchild. I don't even know how to answer my son; I don't dare try to contact his friend who I have known since he was a child. What do you say? What is the answer?

[sureYnot]

"I'm here for you."

Sent from my XT1710-02 using Tapatalk

[Rcmaveric]

Some times you cant relate or know what to do since we our selves have never experienced that situation.

All you can do is tell them dont give up and dont give in. Stay strong and if you need anything ask.

Sent from my SM-G925T using Tapatalk

[Hogtamer]

Being there says more than words.

[leeggen]

You done for your son perfectly -------- YOU LISTENED!!!! Now call the other guy and let him know your ear is ready if he needs to talk.
CD

[Boaz]

Being there is good is all you can do .

[GhostHawk]

God is in charge, but people have free will, actions and decisions have consequences, sometimes unseen until years down the road.

I agree with sureYnot. I'm here for you, call me if you need anything. Just BE there.

There is no easy answer.

A neighbor I grew up to had 5 young children. Her man managed to go and get himself killed in a war.
Yes it was hard, she knuckled down, worked many jobs, before long the oldest boys were contributing.

To the best of my knowledge, none of her kids was ever in serious trouble. All grew into pillars of the community. And by the time I was a teenager, I was shoveling her walk and mowing her lawn for free. Just cause. Mom would say "It would be a "good" thing if Lena's walk got shoveled" as I am dressing to go shovel ours. I never accepted a dime. But Lena had her ways. Fresh plates of cookies, the best lefse in the county.

And later when I was looking for jobs, someone would talk to one of her boys. "Well any boy who will go shovel 8 inches of snow off ma's sidewalk can't be all bad"

Amazing how little things can make a big difference.

Thanks Mom.

Lena, miss ya. You knew every Ole and Lena joke ever told, clean and dirty. And you did not mind sharing.

[buckwheatpaul]

I have had the responsibility to make way too many death notifications in 35 years of L.E. I can only say that what all have said is the only way to go. Being there means so much especially when the burial is over and the need for friends and family dramatically increases....a cup of coffee, listening because they generally dont really want an answer they just have to talk it out. Good luck brother and we are there for you......Paul

[rl69]

I struggle with this myself. The bible teaches us to morn with those who are morning. And laugh with those who are joyous. Open your heart let, them know you share in their pain, and how you look forward to the day y'all can rejoice in laughter.

[rl69]

As the others have said there is no answer. ( right now!!! God is the answer, when they are ready) right now just be there. I offer this pasage for you may it give you peace

Psalm 55:22 New Living Translation (NLT)

22 Give your burdens to the Lord,
and he will take care of you.
He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.

[WRideout]

Grieving is a process, and your son will have to go through all of it before he reaches acceptance of the situation. Feelings are tricky things, especially in our society where men are taught that there are only certain acceptable feelings. If you give him some time and space to tell you about his feelings and emotions, it can help. As long as things are kept inside they have great power. Letting it out by talking to someone else makes it lose that power.

Wayne

[Ickisrulz]

Sometimes this is the best you can do:

"And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great." Job 2:13

[USMC87]

We often want to do more than what we need to, I can only say that prayer and being there for them is the best a man can do.

[Pine Baron]

Well everybody has already given you the definitive advice and I'll agree, just being there and being available, is the best you can do. You'll be surprised how much that will help.

[Mohawk Daddy]

Thanks to all who have replied to this thread. Sometimes there just aren't any words, and my son and I didn't exchange a lot of talk about this yesterday. I told him that we don't always get the answers to all our questions, at least not here. But he knows I'm here for him and for everyone else involved too. Having to face the deceased young woman's husband will be the hard part, but I feel better equipped to do that when the time comes now that I've had the benefit of your comments. Thanks to everyone.

[DocSavage]

Friend-s mother died Monday 96 years old gave him my condolences and any thing he might need call. This is one of few occasions where there are no words in the english language to cover the loss of loved one or the grief of loss