Thoughts about life

[fatelk]

I went to a funeral today. I'd known the guy for many years. I didn't know him real well, but I wish I had. He was well loved and respected, an amazing guy. He went too young (cancer) and left a grieving family.

I'm at the point in life where things like this affect me much more than they used to. As I see and hear the story of this man's life, I realize that will be me someday, hopefully later than sooner, but nobody knows. I realize just how short and fleeting life really is. Our days really are like a blade of grass. It really makes me want to hug my kids and make the most of every day.

It makes me want to really try to worry less about the minor stresses of life. I get worked up about things my employer has done and how I'm going to make ends meet, how I'm going to save for retirement or help my kids with college. Those things are important, but all I can really do is hang in there and do my best to figure it out; no point in killing myself with stress over it. There's especially no point in adding to my stress with silly arguments with family, coworkers, or anonymous people online. I have family who will likely never talk to each other ever again, over stupid disagreements and hurt feelings!

It makes me want to get rid of half or more of all my guns and reloading stuff (I've actually been working on that one). Nothing wrong with having guns, or a nice collection, but there are times when I think I spend too much time on my hobby, and I want to spend every minute with my wife, and my kids while they're still young, make some great memories and influence them to become good men and women in the years to come. Those years fly by all too fast. My own dad focused and stressed too much on his day to day work and building his business, and has said he doesn't remember a lot about me and my sisters growing up. I won't make that same mistake.

Thank you for bearing with my personal thoughts and ramblings.

[goodolejim]

fatelk you have your priorities right. When it is all said and done all we have is our loved ones. Three months ago I quit work to sit home holding my wife's hand and talking with her. Good times and very enjoyable. Ten hours from now I will see her for the last time and bury her. Our time married of 31 years was far too short.

[GhostHawk]

No argument from me, seems like your heads in the right place.

[FISH4BUGS]

I just had my 70th birthday. I must say that my 20th, 30th, 40th, 50th, and 60th......just another day. This one gave me pause to reflect.
Great little farm house with a barn, a great woman sharing all that, my casting and reloading shed, plenty of moulds (then why did I just buy another H&G 4 cavity?), plenty of lead and components, plenty of guns (yeah, right), weekly visits to the range sometimes with my son, great garden starting to put out (will do pickles today), beautiful yard, wonderful, loyal and entertaining cats, financially sound, still working for myself after 35 years (though down to part time - 45 hours a week :) ), excellent health, and generally I am a very happy man right now.
But 70......THAT got my attention. Not worried, just aware.
70 is the new 40, right?

[bedbugbilly]

fatelk - you've got your priorities right and I think you say what a lot of men have discovered over time in their life . . . or will.

goodolejim - my sincere condolences to you and family - you'll be in my prayers. No words can adequately describe what you are going through right now - just know you're being thought of by many.

A kind word, a kind gesture, a kind thought expressed to those you love each day costs nothing yet it reminds them of just how important they are in your life. For those of us on the downhill side of life, you start to reflect about such things and what is important. I never saw a hearse with a luggage rack and what we accumulate in life is just that - an accumulations. What is more important is the time we spend with those we love - and to let them know how dear they are to us. There's lots of things I'd like to get accomplished each day . . . but they can wait until later. A second cup of coffee with my wife in the morning, going with her somewhere that she wants to go, doing something around the house so she doesn't have to or just sitting on the porch with her and the dogs is really what it's all about - the reloading, hobby stuff? . . . is it really going to make a difference if I cast or reload another hundred rounds . . . nope. But it will sure make a difference, the minutes or hours that we have together now later on when the time comes that one or the other of us leaves this world behind.

[MrWolf]

I didn't get back into shooting until my kids were older but I did try and spend as much time with my son shooting. Was actually thinking about the fact that my kids have been told every day of their lives that I love them. In person they are also kissed and hugged. Goes for my son as well as daughter. My kids are 26 and 24. Even though we all live in different states, takes only a few seconds to even text them. We do our daily luv ya miss ya just to stay connected at a minimum.

goodolejim I am very sorry. I am glad you were able to spend the time with her. She sounds like a wonderful lady. Prayers sent.

[Love Life]

Very good thread. A year or so back there was another thread similar to this one and a member said (Paraphrasing here) "My dad had plans to do many things when he retired, but he died at 55."

That really shook me, and changed my perspective. I have very little free time these days, and most of that time is spent sleeping. The precious waking free time I have I spend with my wife and kids. The guns, presses, powder, bullets, etc all collect dust now. All they are at this time are expensive weights holding my gun safe down.

I plan to sell a bunch of them off when I do start getting more free time, as I believe I've experienced a fundamental shift in priorities. The hour I spend cranking out ammo could be an hour talking to my daughter while she oil paints, or being a different dinosaur for my son, or just sitting with the wife and listening to her talk.

I enjoy my hobbies, but they now take a back seat to everything else.


Great post fatelk.

[mold maker]

70 might be the new 40 or what ever, but the slide gets steeper as each BD looms on the not so distant horizon. Make sure you have spent the time to really get to know the loved ones. I became an elder much too soon and lost many of the things I took for granted. I suddenly have grandchildren in collage and it was only last week that I held their parents on my knee. Life waits on no-one, and time misspent can't be reclaimed. If there are others you harbor ill feelings for, make every effort to renew a friendly relationship. Your family may appreciate another pall barer, or your services may be needed.
There will come a time when the memories yet made will be the ones important to you and others. Make sure they are happy ones.
I have quiet a few relatives that lived well past a century and the history they experienced spanned an extremely eventful period. While we don't realize it at the time our memories and feelings, written down, will be of great interest to the next generation. Note my signature line.

[rockrat]

Makes me think of the song "Cats in the cradle". Best friend was like that, lived to work and farm. Told him one day that I was going to tell his two boys that farmwork was not fun, it was work, and that they needed to learn to enjoy life. He got upset with me and told me I better not. He just couldn't sit still. Took chances , but always came out ok(boy, I could tell some stories on him!!) till the last one he did. Didn't survive that one. He had just retired a year and a half earlier.

I have tried to do the opposite. Show my family how much I love them and spend time with them. figure when I am gone, no one will remember me for how much I worked, but for how much i cared for them.

goodolejim---you did the right thing, good for you. Sorry for your loss though. I have only been married a short 27 years, can't imagine life without her.

[Handloader109]

If you've got kids at home, spend all the time you can with them. If you have a wife at home, do the same. Life is really too short. And time really does fly. Lost a friend 3 months ago. Hadn't seen him in over a decade, as he'd dropped of the map after a divorce and life fot in the way. Was planning to go see him only 500 miles. But he left the world early in my opinion. I've been in reality out of work for 2 years now. I'll hit 60 in 2 months (uh, less than that, see time flies) and it's been tough trying to find a good position and so far been surviving on small business I started and retirement money. I hare dipping into that stash, but as my wife's health is not really very good, I've pretty much made up my mind to keep at what I'm doing in order to be here with her. Good Lord may take me tomorrow, but I will be happy having this time with her. Yes I have a lot of stuff, would like that new gun, or something else, but it is just another thing. Make some memories with your loved ones. For yourself and for them.

[Murphy]

I recall attending several funerals in one week about a year ago. Some of them much older than I, and some younger. That next week I found myself out on my back deck with a cup of coffee and just thinking about life. After a few hours, I came to the conclusion that the only thing that truly matters in my life, are my family and friends. Everything else is just 'stuff' we accumulated along the way. I celebrated 34 years on the same job yesterday. I've kept the bills paid and have a pretty much everything I need. I figured out the difference between my wants vs my needs long ago.

While I'm not a pup anymore, I'm not a spring chicken either at the age of 64. I work as a lineman for the local water department. Last week we saw serious heat here in Oklahoma. I have to admit to being a bit jealous of a few of my best friends who are retired now. Then it hit me, how they retired. Health, all of them. So, I'll keep plugging along until that great day arrives I no longer have to sit an alarm clock to get up to go to work.

While I said I have no children, I do have step children. They're all in the early 50's as I married an older woman. I have done my best to be there for them, and their children. My grand children I have had their entire lives as I was waiting outside the delivery room doors when they arrived. A wonderful gift to me from God above. I have done my best to an example to them of what 'old school' men are like. We say what we mean and we keep our word.

As for my plans after retirement (Lord willing), will be to go back to where I was before all this serious business of 'life' got in the way. I've picked and sang good ole' country music for decades on a flat top guitar, it's a passion of mine. That, and guns. I too have accumulated much more than I ever truly dreamed I would have. Sadly, currently I have no range to use and haven't in over a decade. It's just sad sometimes when I walk into my reloading room. I have yearned for several years now for God to put that one young guy in my life that truly wants to learn about casting and shooting. Just maybe I'll get lucky, my two stepsons never were interested in it that much.

Family and friends folks. In the end, they are all that truly matter to me anymore.

Murphy

[Murphy]

I recall attending several funerals in one week about a year ago. Some of them much older than I, and some younger. That next week I found myself out on my back deck with a cup of coffee and just thinking about life. After a few hours, I came to the conclusion that the only thing that truly matters in my life, are my family and friends. Everything else is just 'stuff' we accumulated along the way. I celebrated 34 years on the same job yesterday. I've kept the bills paid and have pretty much everything I need. I figured out the difference between my wants vs my needs long ago.

While I'm not a pup anymore, I'm not a spring chicken either at the age of 64. I work as a lineman for the local water department. Last week we saw serious heat here in Oklahoma. I have to admit to being a bit jealous of a few of my best friends who are retired now. Then it hit me, how they retired. Health, all of them. So, I'll keep plugging along until that great day arrives I no longer have to sit an alarm clock to get up to go to work.

While I said I have no children, I do have step children. They're all in the early 50's as I married an older woman. I have done my best to be there for them, and their children. My grand children I have had their entire lives as I was waiting outside the delivery room doors when they arrived. A wonderful gift to me from God above. I have done my best to an example to them of what 'old school' men are like. We say what we mean and we keep our word.

As for my plans after retirement (Lord willing), will be to go back to where I was before all this serious business of 'life' got in the way. I've picked and sang good ole' country music for decades on a flat top guitar, it's a passion of mine. That, and guns. I too have accumulated much more than I ever truly dreamed I would have. Sadly, currently I have no range to use and haven't in over a decade. It's just sad sometimes when I walk into my reloading room. I have yearned for several years now for God to put that one young guy in my life that truly wants to learn about casting and shooting. Just maybe I'll get lucky, my two stepsons never were interested in it that much.

Family and friends folks. In the end, they are all that truly matter to me anymore.

Murphy

[Murphy]

fatelk you have your priorities right. When it is all said and done all we have is our loved ones. Three months ago I quit work to sit home holding my wife's hand and talking with her. Good times and very enjoyable. Ten hours from now I will see her for the last time and bury her. Our time married of 31 years was far too short.

Jim, my deepest condolences to you and your family. I can't imagine life without my spouse. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers friend.

Murphy

[Der Gebirgsjager]

I guess it's pretty much been said already. Jim, I offer you my sincere sympathy and condolences during this rough time in your life, and will pray that God comforts and helps you to cope with your loss.

Fatelk, I think many of us arrive at and have been where you are. Kind of a part of the maturing process that comes a little later in life. And, I believe that the conclusions you have reached are the correct ones. But since so far I seem to be the oldest person in the conversation (76) I'd just like to point out that as far as your family divisions go, and in as much as they might directly involve you, a person can always say, "I'm sorry for what I said. Can we try again?" If it doesn't directly involve you, then you can try to remain friendly with everyone. Also, we'll have to wait and see about the hereafter, but in this life we only go around once and it's important for your mental and physical wellbeing to take some time for yourself.
There's nothing wrong with having and pursuing a hobby, just so it's not to the extent of excluding other important things. But it isn't wise to just quit following an interest that you like because it's your life, and you need to save some of it for yourself. You don't want your last words to be, "I wish I would have....."

[fatelk]

Goodoljim, I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing. We'll be praying for you.

Thank you everyone. I know my thoughts are common for many if not most people at some point in life, but when such a profound realization sinks in, I imagine it must always feel unique and personal.


I'd just like to point out that as far as your family divisions go, and in as much as they might directly involve you, a person can always say, "I'm sorry for what I said. Can we try again?" If it doesn't directly involve you, then you can try to remain friendly with everyone.

You're absolutely right, and that's what I've done. It hasn't involved me directly, and I've gone to great lengths to stay in touch with everyone, but I have siblings with some very deep hurts and anger towards each other (and my parents). It's sad to see. For several years now I've felt a strong pull to help patch things up, and improve my own relationship with my dad. We've never had a good relationship but he's in his mid 70's now and really starting to slow down. Given his family longevity he could easily be around another 30 years, but it just feels to me that time is running out.

It seems so common. Has it always been this way? My wife's family is the same: siblings who bicker and fight, hold onto past hurts and cut each other off. Just about anyone I've ever talked to about this kind of thing has the same in their family.

[Shawlerbrook]

Another fitting song !

https://www.google.com/search?source=hp&ei=wrdUW8P1Hqq3jwSq1aP4Dw&q=don%27t+blink&gs_ssp=eJzj4tFP1zcsNjAtrjQrMDBgBAAfEAPY&oq=&gs_l=mobile-gws-wiz-hp.1.0.46i39j35i39l4.0.0..1954...1.0...0.0.......0 ...........5.IfzkdiRWwAQ

[MrWolf]

I promised my Mother before she passed that I would talk to my Father. We don't really see eye to eye. So every two weeks I call him and talk about nothing for a few minutes until he gets a call he has to take. He will turn 80 this year. Some things just are. Some you can change. Reached out to someone I went to high school with just to connect. Felt really good after the phone conversation.

[Der Gebirgsjager]

Family disputes are usually more bitter than those with strangers, because emotions and common history are involved. But, when you take the initiative (good for you, fatelk!) then the conscience is eased, and the ball is in the other party's court. You've done what you could do. Someone once said, "Blessed are the peace makers..."

As for being in your mid-70s and slowing down, I can attest to that. My father passed away at age 81, and his last year wasn't too enjoyable. Myself, I take each day one at a time and a nap as needed. :-D I enjoy this forum immensely, and once in a while I still pull a trigger. I think everyone who lives long enough reaches a point where they re-evaluate and reshuffle. But, I think my point is that even after resorting one's priorities it's still important to "stop and smell the roses."

[FISH4BUGS]

70 might be the new 40 or what ever, but the slide gets steeper as each BD looms on the not so distant horizon.
My mother, who is now 92 and still living in her own house, says that at her age, ":....I don't even buy ripe bananas any more".
If you think about that it is kind of funny.....

[popper]

Talking - reminds me of that song I heard, 'you talk too much'. Talk with people, not to them, show them youo know they have value. Conversation has many uses, interrogating people, relating to them, orders, showing your importance, chit chat, mostly gossip. If you have a family, your responsibility to take care of them, roof, clothes, education, etc. Sports, other than physical training and competitiveness, has little real value. Can be fun though, except for those kids who aren't sporty - they need another way of realizing their value and potential. I put off hobby's while providing, life still gets in the way. Mom's going on 99, in a nursing home, I try to visit weekly, mostly to joke with her and keep up her spirits. She says she rather talk to men vs women who just want to talk about kids and grand kids (their life's work). Didn't get to visit Dad much as I was still working but he understood. Talking to spouse is sometimes difficult as our jobs differ (as a lot of mine was classified) so it's mostly griping about co-workers, customers. Sometimes it's difficult to re-connect after retirement - but worth the effort.

[Reverend Al]

Yes, with the passing years and "ticking off" the date on the calendar of each progressing birthday I think we all get to this stage in our lives. I turned 65 this past February and have now passed my older brother's age who died of a heart attack 3 months after his 65th birthday 4 1/2 years ago. I've inherited our family's typical heart issues too and will be looking at some high risk heart surgery at some point in the not too distant future. Over the past 6 months or so I've been weeding down some of my many project guns and little used guns so that I can buy a much smaller number of higher quality guns that are really of far more interest to me (mostly turn of the century single shot black powder cartridge rifles). I've drafted an Excel file on my computer listing the guns I have in my current collection and their approximate market values so that if something did happen to me unexpectedly my wife would have some idea of what to actually sell them for without being "taken" and that way she wouldn't sell them to someone at far less than their true values. Just a little bit of planning goes a long, long way. The end of this life is inevitable and you can't simply ignore that fact, especially as you get older. It'll catch up to you at some point, but you can do a bit of sensible planning, and you can make an effort to truly enjoy your current days with family and friends and spend some quality shooting days at the range or out in the field hunting. You just have to make a point of enjoying the time you have ...

(Now I'm going to go down to my shop and sort out some more "surplus" guns to put on my sale table at the Gun Show this coming weekend ... I need to raise some extra funds to buy an 1873 Maynard single shot rifle that I'm buying next week ...)

:smile:

[dverna]

Jim.

Sorry for your great loss. She will be waiting for you and you have an eternity together but the hurt now is painful.

To the OP, I made terrible mistakes. Focused on career and "making it". Wound up divorced after a dumb affair with a lady at work. But I cannot change things, only repent and do better. My ex and I are still friends and I am building a better relationship with my kids. I found God and Jesus and that has helped me a lot.

You are smart to think about the important things in life. Most are not.