My son blew his brains out on Feb 28

[docone31]

As my second son was placing 4th in the Olympics, my first son, Is now gone. I got the call yesterday.
I had spent my entire life keeping myself ready to take him in. I am a master jeweler, I wanted to teach him casting, engraving, waxing, faceting, stone cutting, repairing, and silver New Pawn.
I am just sitting here wondering why, and how do I replace 42yrs of fighting against the odds.
I had at one point literally walking across the Northern Hemisphere. My heart was so broken. 4.5 yrs of solitary walking. I almost got killed, and his memory kept me walking as I wanted him to know it was not his fault.
I feel so broken, my life right now is devoid of almost any feeling. My sister even told me, his taking his life was Trump's fault!
I am surrounded by idiots. Our president had nothing to do with anything about my son. He was my son, and my sister is an Idiot Californian.
I hurt. I have folks in my life, but I feel like I am on another planet.
I ask myself, why me? I keep hearing, why not you? What makes you so special. I am a pastor, I guess it will make my sermons more indepth, more connected to people who also suffer like I never thought I would.
Tomorrow is another day, it will be here whether I am here or not.
Might just as well hang on and see what is next.
Maybe I can do some good.

[square butte]

You are in my prayers Sir

[sawinredneck]

I’m so sorry. I sincerely hope he found the peace he so desperately sought.

[Hannibal]

I've not the words. Very sorry for what has happened.

[poppy42]

You have my heartfelt sympathy for your loss.

[Smoke4320]

The words are not in me to express. I hope and pray you can find peace quickly ..

[Der Gebirgsjager]

Keep your oldest son in your heart and memory, but concentrate now on those remaining in your family and draw closer to them.

[starnbar]

There are no words to ease this pain
2 people close to me very close did the same do not blame yourself you don't have the power to stop this only the good Lord can answer this I cannot tell you any thing that you do not all ready know or feel but it is not your fault there is nothing you could do to prevent it I will pray for you and hope that God will come to you and let you know that you did all you could and there is a reason for what happened God be with you.

[rl69]

No words
Keep posting we will keep listening

[Boaz]

[QUOTE=Der Gebirgsjager;4307500]Keep your oldest son in your heart and memory, but concentrate now on those remaining in your family and draw closer to them.[/QUOTE

Der Gebirgsjager gave good advice .

Sir I am so sorry to hear this , it is heartbreaking . I understand that no words can console you but many here care . My most heartfelt condolences and prayers for your loss . Lean on our Lord in this time of tragedy , many will be praying for you and your family .

[Steppapajon]

Docone 31,
First of all I am very sorry for you loss. No Father should have to endure what you are going through. I am walking in very similar shoes and I will share what I have learned. Seek out people that have a shared experience. Reach out to your local Hospice and Palliative care association. There is help out there if you desire it. My son was an only child and even though I share common issues with surviving parents of all types, I find that there are issues that only another father of an only son can understand. Be ready for people to say the wrong thing, not because they are cruel, but because they have no idea what to say and they don't realize nothing would be a better choice.
I know I am a stranger to you but if you ever need an ear to listen or shoulder to lean on PM me and I will respond. Hang in there brother and hold strong to your faith. You are in my prayers.
SPJ

[starmac]

I never know what to say in any situation like this , except that I can not imagine the pain and mixed emotions you are going through. I will pray for you to be able to hold life together, and that you remember the good memories and times that you did have together.

[sparkyv]

No words
Keep posting we will keep listening

No words. You and your family are in my prayers, Pastor. God be with you.

[daniel lawecki]

I'm lost for words Prayers Sent.

[Beagle333]

You have my condolences and my prayers for peace. I cannot even imagine your loss.

[nannyhammer]

No words are adequate in these situations. Condolences to your family. We are on a similar path after losing our daughter eleven months ago today to a truck driver who was under the influence. All we know is to get up each morning and press forward. Seeking out others with the same type experience may help.

[Triggerfinger]

You don't know me, but I'll send prayers for you. What happened is not your fault or anyone else's. Mental illness is a disease that sometimes is beyond our help. Honor his memory with thoughts when times were good.

[jcren]

Just prayers. All I can do. God comfort you and yours in this time of despair.

[elmacgyver0]

I am sorry for your loss.

[JBinMN]

Very sad. Condolences to you , your family, & friends.
:(

[Handloader109]

My condolences also. We live in a cruel world. I can't imagine losing my daughter. But you cannot feel responsible, it was at his hand, not yours. Keep looking to your friends and close family. It will get better one day a time.

[Wayne Smith]

No words can express my feelings and sorrow for you. With two living sons I cannot understand. I will be praying for you and your family as you try to live and love through this.

[dverna]

Prayers

[lead-1]

Prayers sent! <><

[xbeeman412]

Our Prayers are for Your peace and comfort. Keep looking Up to Him as He has the answers.

[MrWolf]

I am so sorry. Prayers sent. No words to help.

[RedlegEd]

You have my prayers and deep condolences. No parent should ever have to endure the pain that you and yours are now suffering. May God grant you all the strength to get through this and begin to heal. Ed

[JackQuest]

Very sorry for your loss. Words on a screen are so empty - and the rest have been deleted.

[HollowPoint]

When you are up to your eyeballs in situations like this it can seem like you are the only one in the world who has suffered or is suffering like this.

My youngest brother died the same way. He was living with my mother at the time. She came home to find pieces of him on the living room walls and ceiling. It wasn't the just the loss of a loved family member but the sorrow of a parent piled on top of it all. It was the wondering what could have been done if only we had known that he was in this state of mind.

It's true that time heals all things but time just seems to drag when our minds are focused on the time from the birth of our loved ones to the time of their loss. The time that it takes to heal from this hurt seems non-existent right now but it will come. Something good will come of this bad. It's just impossible to see right now because our focus is elsewhere. All I can say is hang in there. God is still God and he still answers prayer.

HollowPoint

[JimB..]

Prayers for you and your family.

[LUCKYDAWG13]

I'm so sorry for your loss

[Tom W.]

Prayers from Lori and myself.....

[bangerjim]

A parent should not have to bury their child. God watch over you and your family.

Celebrate his life. Morn his passing. But you and yours must move on. We here on this mortal coil must forge on in this life and know we will all meet again.

[Bzcraig]

I will mourn with you pastor, please keep us informed.

[Rcmaveric]

I will pray for you. I cant imagine loosing a child that way. My little brother committed suicide while i was deployed during 2016 and one of my good friends in the military committed suicide this Christmas. Don't loose your self seeking answer we don't understand to questions we barely know how to ask. Keep your head up and we are here for you.

[Pine Baron]

Prayers just prayers.

[44Blam]

So sorry to hear this! I feel for you and want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

[sledgehammer001]

May our Heavenly Father send His peace to you. May He lift your pain, and give you His strength.
My prayers go up for you and yours.

[Thundarstick]

My heart aches for you as old wounds are opened for me. May God's love carry you through the dark days. In love, in love, find peace.

[kbstenberg]

Words can not say enough. But I am sorry for your loss

[USMC87]

We are here for you and know you and your family are on our prayer list.

[slim1836]

Prayers to you, your family, and all those affected. Stay strong during these troubling times, you have a community of friends here grieving with you.

Slim

[sniper]

My heart goes out to this gentleman. Went through a similar situation with my son years ago, but his Mother and I were able to intervene.

Sir; Death is not final! The Great Judge of us all will take more into his assessment than we can imagine, and will judge with perfect knowledge, love and compassion!

1 Corinthians 15:22; For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ Shall all be made alive.

[JonB_in_Glencoe]

This is such a sad situation, My prayers go out to your family.

many years ago, my 16 yr old cousin took his own life, no one knew why? It was a terrible burden on his parents and brothers.

[waksupi]

My sympathies.

[Hickok]

Docone, in my heart I am so sorry to hear of this tragedy. I lost my son to the same circumstances two years ago on March 10, which is coming up in a few days.

I too have tried to serve my Lord's call as I have been a Lay preacher for nearly 20 years. I asked myself all the questions as you are asking yourself now.

Let me tell you this in love and compassion, you will never get over this, but with God's help, and the family of believers, you will get through it.

I repeat, you will never get over it, but you will get through it. The Lord will be with you, as will the brothers and sisters here and in your life who are praying for you and your family.

Give me a pm if you need a brother to share with.

[Preacher Jim]

Docone no words as I have nothing, but the Lord's grace will carry you through this and ease your pain of loss and why. As you see the cast boolits family is praying with and for you.
I have placed you on my church prayer list and we will pray every day for you.

[popper]

Unjustified guilt is a heavy burden to bear. Prayers for you and family.

[jdfoxinc]

I can not imagine your pain. My brother i cry with you. May the holy spirit comfort you.

[John Taylor]

So sorry for your loss.

[EMC45]

I'm sorry. Very sorry for the loss of your boy.

[max it]

my condolences.

[KenH]

Keep your oldest son in your heart and memory, but concentrate now on those remaining in your family and draw closer to them.

That is for sure the correct advice. Take care of the living - the dead done took care of themself. My youngest daughter committed suicide at 17 yr old (1997), so I can understand some of where you're coming from. She doused herself with lighter fluid, lit it, took two months to die in Memphis, TN burn center. Words can not express my feelings for your loss.

edit: Maybe I come across too angry or unsympathetic to the "victim", but with life and the number of times I've lived thru "almost" suicide (ex-wife) and then daughter, I tend to think of the victims as the family that's left wondering "why". There is no good answer as to "why"...... Wait, let me close.

[rockrat]

I too am sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine, nor want to, what this is doing to you but I will say a prayer for you.

[osteodoc08]

As a father, I can only imagine the grief and agony your experiencing. My sympathy and prayers for you and your family.

[jmort]

Praying for you and for all concerned

[buckwheatpaul]

docone31 what you are enduring is unbelievable and there is nothing we can say that will take away the pain. Only God and time can heal. With that said there are a lot of us that have lost a child and I truly know your pain. I am praying for comfort and healing for you and your family....

God please be with docone31 and his family as they deal with the pain associated with the death of their son. We all want to know why this happens but only You know why. Father, carry this family and wrap Your loving arms around them. Heal them and comfort them and help them to dwell on the good times they shared. AMEN

[rintinglen]

Do not think that this is your fault, nor Trump's fault, nor really anyone's fault. Sometimes no matter who does what, the raw part that hurts can not be assuaged and the afflicted one can see no end that grants release of pain other than death. I earnestly hope you find peace. Bless you.

[Thumbcocker]

Our only child suicided in 2013. The pain will always be with you but gets bearable. Don't think long term just now. Moment by moment for the next few weeks. Don't make any serious plans or decisions. It takes a few weeks for your thinking to get back to normal. People close to you will be there for you. Take the help that is offered and lean on the shoulders that are there. Good people here and other places in my world helped more than I can repay.

[bayjoe]

So sorry for your lose.
You will be in our prayers.

[RoyEllis]

I offer you this, and my sincere prayers for comfort and peace from the Lord.

"I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not.

I've lost a wife, a child, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, dad, mom, relatives, mentors, neighbors, and a host of other folks. But here's my two cents...

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. But I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it.

Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.

As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too.

If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks."

BTW, I am not the author of this nor do I claim any credit in its creation, merely offered to comfort you as it has me thru burying almost every member of my family.

[wv109323]

My thoughts and prayers are with you.
The Bible uses the words of "sting of death". The closer we are to the person the greater the sting and the longer it hurts. Jesus also said that if he went away He would sent THE COMFORTER. My simple logic is that comfort must come through the Comforter. This is a time you must lean heavily on His promises and on Him.
Now as a depression sufferer, it is a disease that is unexplainable. Just what was a common motion or logical thought ,is now impossible to accomplish. At times I could not raise my head to look at a clock. My thoughts were scattered and could not be organized. An example would be a piece of paper made into confetti. How can the confetti be made into a sheet of paper again? That was the difficulty of my thought process. The natural human reaction to these conditions is fear and wanting to escape ( or get well). With time and fear we get desperate to escape.
I ask that God fills the void left in your life with His love,mercy and peace.

[xs11jack]

The wife and I will hold you up in our prayers.
Ole Jack

[castalott]

Sincere Prayers for Faith, Hope, Mercy, Love, Redemption, Healing, and Wisdom.. Dale

[kaiser]

Although my words cannot express my grief for you.; I can only offer my prayers for God's strength. Surround yourself with God's people and immerse yourself with their love and support.

[jamneg]

So Sorry. You and your family are added to my prayer list.

[lightload]

I too have experienced this tragedy in my family, a favorite uncle and then a cousin. We must not think of these terrible events in terms of someone's fault--yours or anybody else's. That's an easy way out. Of course, you know this. God will give you strength. He did me.

[clum553946]

My condolences, we have you in our thoughts and prayers...

[ron orcutt]

In my prayers. Sorry for your loss

[TXBRILL]

My sincere condolences, I wish you only the best for the future.

[yeahbub]

Docone, I ache for what has happened to you and yours. I also have experienced the inexpressible sorrow with so sudden and inexplicable a loss, and the sense that somehow I should have seen some sign of trouble and prevented it. It took a long time to come to acceptance that I have such little power, as do others. It was not for me to long ponder "if only" to no avail - it was for me to do what was placed before me to do, to pray for the mercy of God on those who make so grievous an error, that He may freely pardon their faults and admit them to His Presence. He sees not as we see, He knows the heart like we can never know it. Let us commend him to God's mercy, and let us pray for knowledge of His Will for us, and the power to carry it out.

As for your sister, in her grief she may be grasping for an explanation to soften the blow.

[RED BEAR]

I am so sorry to hear this I know there is nothing I can say but I truly hope that the lord will help with your grief and I will keep you in my prayers.

[firewhenready7]

I am sorry for your loss. I have no idea why people do that. I have had several in my family take their life and I still don't understand it.

[RED333]

O Lord please look after his good man, as he needs your hand to help him through this hard time in his life. Thank you Lord.

[rosewood]

Praying for you.

Maybe this trial is so you can help the next person that has to go through it.

Rosewood

[Hickok]

Father Almighty, hear these prayers of the family of Christ offered up to you as one plea for help, comfort, care and grace for our brother and friend Docone and his family. We lift up our brother to you in full faith of Your love and compassion. We pray in the Holy Name of Christ Jesus, amen!

[brassrat]

Sorry for this pain Sir. Glad you have fine folks here for comfort. I will pray for your peace also.

[WRideout]

Your loss is heartbreaking. I pray that God will hold you close at this time.

Wayne

[Murphy]

May God comfort you during this hardest of times. I can't begin to fathom what it must be like, I have no children. Just know I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Murphy

[Knightflyer]

May his Memory be a Blessing. That's what Jews traditionally say when someone passes away. How that loved one passed doesn't play into that sentence; their memory is still a blessing. Picnics, road trips, holidays...
The memories are a blessing.

Shalom,
Knightflyer (Dave)

[244]

My condolences to you and your son's family and loved ones. Part of my job is responding to these situations and their final action rarely makes sense to anyone else. I will not pretend to have any great insight or extra knowledge of the reasons. These moments test our faith in the Lord. I will pray for all affected and wish you peace.

[Arkansas Paul]

I don't know you friend, but I saw someone refer to you as "pastor".
I mention this because often times people in such a position are expected to always be there for others in these situations, but when the tables are turned no one is there for them.

I encourage you to reach out and get whatever help you need to cope and deal with this tragedy.
Don't try to tough it out.
It's okay to not be okay.

[Nit Wit]

Sometime there are no answers. We go on shuffling along and then walking again. We can't go back we can only go forward. Sorry that you are going through this. The pain will lessen in time but you will always wonder why and think you could have prevented it. I had a good friend who did the same thing in 1972. We have to move on and live the lives they can't and do good things when we can.
Hoping you can heal soon
Nit Wit

[Texas Tinker]

"Let go and Let God"

He is the only one with the master plan. Meanwhile my prayers are with you as well in your time of pain.

[Eddie Southgate]

I have two sons and can't imagine having to live without one of them , very sorry for your loss and will keep you in my prayers .

Eddie