Kids,Addicts,Lies,and Momma

[Thundarstick]

The title pretty much sums it up. The youngest son seems to have fallen back into substance abuse again. Along with that comes the lying and before long legal problems, guilt trips and baseless accusations. I know God will see me through no matter the ultimate outcome and I have a support system. His mother, on the other hand, is taking it extremely hard, and doesn't want to ever talk to him again. She's lost so much in the last few years, both her parents, her life long best friend, she thinks her son, and her spiritual life is bleak. He very well may spend more jail time as choices have consequences.
In light of some of the other prayer request this may be trivial, but pray for my wife and son to be healed. Pray for his other brother and sisters not to be taken in by his lying games, and pray he turns around. Pray for God to guide me day to day in this situation.

Thanking you ahead of time!

[leeggen]

Thundarstick sometimes tuff love is the best choice. I had 2 sons that turned to drugs. At first you look the otherway then soon you realise that isn't working and when push comes to shove you choice tuff love. In my case they are both clean, one has 2 yrs and the other just 2 months, as for me last month I turned 25 yrs clean. It can work, drugs are the hardest to beat. prayers with your familly.
CD

[jcren]

Prayers sent.

[Pine Baron]

Tough spot to be in brother. You're wise to be taking it day by day. My prayers for you and the family.

[nagantguy]

Prayers sent,it's a tough thing to battle a drug but you lose for sure when you give on them.

[USMC87]

Added to our prayer list, Our family has went through the same thing.

[Preacher Jim]

My prayers are for you and your wife as you are victims of the abuser.
Lord give thunderstick and his wife the grace to make it through this tragedy of a child in drugs. You are the only source of strength they have to hold them up and help them ride out this storm as you deal with their child to set them free of drugs.
In Jesus name we pray

[buckwheatpaul]

Father, I would like to pray for emotional and spiritual healing for Thundarstick's wife. She has had her life turned upside down for the last several years with the loss of her parents, her best friend, and no her son falling into the abyss of drugs. She needs the special attention and healing that only You can provide. Please lead her down the path to emotional and spiritual healing. In regards to their son please allow him see the error of his ways. He is destroying his life and the life of his mother. Please open his eyes and encourage him to seek help. AMEN

[Thundarstick]

His momma has been screaming and crying all day long, please continue to pray for her!

[Pine Baron]

Praying right now.

[Boaz]

`I am praying for all your family . I Pray your son will recover . Almost every family has been affected by drugs .

[JimB..]

Prayer of course, but also some unsolicited advise. Look for counseling for you and your wife. Talk openly with your other children about the situation, you know that if he keeps down this path he’ll soon start trying to drive wedges between family members to get what he wants. Hold the rest of the family together first, you aren’t giving up on him, you’re making sure that there is something for him to come back to.

[Thundarstick]

Thank you JimB that's already been taken care of with the other children, but his mom is very vulnerable to being manipulated. Keeping my ears open for what God wants me to do, or not do.

Thank all for the prayers, God's working!

[castalott]

Dear Lord... Sincere Prayers for Faith, Hope, Healing,Love, Mercy, Strength, and Understanding... May this family pull together..not apart.. Amen

[GhostHawk]

Trouble in the family is never trivial. Ever.

Support Momma the best you can.

Send the tough love message to the young one.

Clean up, straighten up, grow up for good, or get out, get out of this part of the country.
Your choice.

No excuses.

Its hard, I was the black sheep in our family. Was not so bad for me, only a DUI, one night in jail, 3 driving under suspension. Sheriff caught me walking from my last court appearance just as I climbed into my truck. Threw me in cuffs, hauled me into the judges chambers.

Told the judge everyone I know works at the mill, they are all working. It was either drive, or fail to appear. I felt that driving was the lessor of 2 evils. Judge stared at me. Said I'm going to let you go. But if I ever see your face in my courtroom again your doing all those suspended sentances. And some more added on.

I grew up, quit drinking, became a model citizen.

But you have to come to that point.

I'll be praying for you and your family.

[Thundarstick]

One more time thank you all.

Here's the low down, short version. He lives about 3 hours away from us, not so far or to close. There is a wonderful Christ centered recovery there where he attended and graduated a 10 month program. He worked during the last half and continued to work but started neglecting meetings and his recovery contracts. Then got a DUI admitted it and said he had it under control and not to tell his mom. As anyone who is an addict or loves an addict knows there is no control! About last April he moves in one of his old "dealer" friends. When I expressed concern he assured me this guy was now straight and don't worry. I'm sure you see where this is going by now? Next comes a drug charge, now another, and now he's wanting us to pony up (bail him out) with $6000 in legal fees. He's admitted to using and dealing and is probably heading to jail lawyer or not.
I was wrong in keeping it from his mom, I know, but was trying to protect her. Needless to say, she is devastated. She is a recovering alcoholic that doesn't attend meetings and won't get help otherwise for depression. She is no fool, she knows he's using, and like any mother wants to protect her child from hurting, but this is beyond our capabilities to fix. Even if we had the money I know it would be far from fixed! I may as well take out a loan, cash it into $100 dollar bills and start a bond fire with them.

Me, I've been in Al-Anon for 11 years (started with mom and stayed in),I don't take guilt trips, know the difference between helping and enabling, have a grounded support group, and a strong faith in God's wisdom and love for each of us. I've informed him that we can't swing lawyer money, but when he's ready to go back to the Hope Center and get real help I'm in.

Keep praying for us, especially strength for mom and surrender for him.

[AK4570]

Prayers lifted for hope, healing, and the restoration that only our Lord can bring.

John

[Boaz]

One more time thank you all.

Here's the low down, short version. He lives about 3 hours away from us, not so far or to close. There is a wonderful Christ centered recovery there where he attended and graduated a 10 month program. He worked during the last half and continued to work but started neglecting meetings and his recovery contracts. Then got a DUI admitted it and said he had it under control and not to tell his mom. As anyone who is an addict or loves an addict knows there is no control! About last April he moves in one of his old "dealer" friends. When I expressed concern he assured me this guy was now straight and don't worry. I'm sure you see where this is going by now? Next comes a drug charge, now another, and now he's wanting us to pony up (bail him out) with $6000 in legal fees. He's admitted to using and dealing and is probably heading to jail lawyer or not.
I was wrong in keeping it from his mom, I know, but was trying to protect her. Needless to say, she is devastated. She is a recovering alcoholic that doesn't attend meetings and won't get help otherwise for depression. She is no fool, she knows he's using, and like any mother wants to protect her child from hurting, but this is beyond our capabilities to fix. Even if we had the money I know it would be far from fixed! I may as well take out a loan, cash it into $100 dollar bills and start a bond fire with them.

Me, I've been in Al-Anon for 11 years (started with mom and stayed in),I don't take guilt trips, know the difference between helping and enabling, have a grounded support group, and a strong faith in God's wisdom and love for each of us. I've informed him that we can't swing lawyer money, but when he's ready to go back to the Hope Center and get real help I'm in.

Keep praying for us, especially strength for mom and surrender for him.

I can't offer advice online . Love him . Take care of her , It's hard , it's dang hard . Pray much ...you are in a hard place . Give it time , time is on your side , time heals wounds , patience and forbearance....Time and caring , love and prayer ....listen .

I love you brother .

[Thundarstick]

Love is what is all about! Prayers are being answered! Mom is hurting, but not going mad like yesterday. He's very abusive to me at the moment and manipulative with his mom. She made the comment this morning, "He knows exactly what to say to rip my heart out". I said, well of course he does, he's going to stick a pry bar under every loose shingle trying to find one he can pull up and work on! I did make the suggestion she not talk to him except through text so she would have time to recognise an attack and not respond with out thinking. Her last message to him. When your ready to get real help, we're here. Amen

[GhostHawk]

Best thing at this point is to make him sweat it out in jail.

I would not bail him out. And I would dang sure tell momma.

And momma needs to go read him the riot act.

You did this. This is a direct result of choices you made.
You can NOT drink, or do drugs. You can't handle it. So don't do it.
Get clean, get serious, get a job and keep it for 2 years. Then you can come visit. We'll see.

No excuses, its no ones fault but HIS. Don't let him throw guilt on you. It is HIS life and he screwed it up. So he pays the penalty. Sits in jail. Remind him that drug users catch Aids and die.

Be tough, I know ya love him. Praying for you all. But I am not sure he can be saved.

[country gent]

My oldest has the affliction also. Drugs alclhol wrong crowd. Its been a trial for me ( single parent wife was killed in 2002). Shes been to rehab a couple times and leaves when she wants. 28 years old so She can make decisions herself. She has ODed once, We went into town got her and got her admitted to a hospitals program away from the crowd in an a joining county. She sighned herself out after 2 weeks. Ive had to let her go, I cant Loan her money as I don't know where its going or what for, I cant bring her her as I cant trust her or have her "friends" here. SHes lost her drivers license for Insurance violations. and accidents. Last was driving a stolen car. She claims she didn't steal it but was told it was a friends car.
What ever you do don't loan give money, it just enables them to continue. Be tough and hard right now. Until He decides He needs help and support its not going to get better. I found even covering bills with a check made to Doctor or company, She just held her money back for the drugs alchlol, while I covered the neccities.
This is very hard to go through and can is devastating to a family. He cant go on like he is and wont change until he decides to. Unfourtently it probably wont be until he hits bottom and has no choice left.

[castalott]

I have watched children drain the parents dry with no remorse. One I know of took everything and demanded more. I don't know if it was blown on drugs or gambling or what. A lifetime of work and saving gone....

This is only my advice....you need to do what you think is right but after you give it all you won't have anything left.... and the kid will mad at you because you don't have more to 'give'.

[Thundarstick]

All have given sound advice, thank you. You're prayers have been heard and I believe are being answered. Momma got up this morning like a changed person and its even taking about getting help for some of her other issues to get some mental stability back. Unfortunately I think bottom is further down for our son. Praise God! Praise God!

[GhostHawk]

Still praying for all 3 of you thundarstick.

Prayer works.

At 68 my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer, left lobe, size of a grapefruit.
They tried him on a new program, chemo before surgery, try to shrink it some. Save more of the lung.

Day 2 of the Chemo dad was failing fast.
But I had a big support group from around the world. Several very religious people, and a good friend with 5 little kids. Yeah, Big guy can't refuse them much either.

A day later dad turned the corner, 2 weeks later they did surgery. He survived until he was 93.

And I saw, I know it was the prayer that did it. I'll keep praying. Keep your spirits up.
Take care of Momma.

[Artful]

Praying for your Son to see the light and get help and better, and his mothers emotional and spiritual well being, Strength for your family and yourself.

[Thundarstick]

I wanted to give an update.

My wife is following her Drs advice and letting me deal with our son completely. He has said things to her that I'm not sure she is ever going to get past with out help. Keep praying for her to follow through with counseling as she is trying to move forward. My son? We've paid thousands of dollars for his treatment in the past, that he completed. He drifted away from his program and the people who can help despite my encouragement. It's caught up with him again. He's in legal trouble and using, hince all the lies and manipulation. Last I talked to him I told him, I love you, you bought the situation your in and you have to own it. He says he's moving to Colorado so he can do what he wants when he gets out of jail this time. Pray for him to come to real recovery. Thank you again for your prayers.

[Boaz]

I will continue to pray for you and your family . Thank you for the update .

[308Jeff]

As someone who has also been affected by this, I feel your pain and understand what you're going through. This is something I would never wish upon anyone. Some of these drugs are the Devil himself personified, I believe.

You, your family, and your son have my most sincere prayers.

I am in absolute agreement with GhostHawk. DO NOT bail him out. As bad as it sounds, he's in the very best place he can be right now. I have a coworker who's son struggled and it was his time in jail that finally gave him his rock-bottom and the will to change.

Good luck, brother.

[JimB..]

You are doing what he needs right now, stay strong and trust the Lord.

[GhostHawk]

If he survives to reach Colorado I would expect it to be the end of him.

Fact is some people simple can not manage, can't control it.

I know I was one. I do now, I am that rarity that they say does not exist.
The alcoholic that can have one drink and walk away. Not have the second. Not for a month. Took a long time to get the monkey off my back. Eventually I realized it was not the alcohol I really wanted.
It was the social aspects. People to talk to. So maybe I was not a true alcoholic.

Stand FAST.

Make him earn anything he gets. And if he slips, backslides, he owes it all back instantly.

Make it clear, he gets in trouble with the law again, your writing him out of your will. He's out.

The only way is to stay clean, stay working, stay out of trouble. No alcohol, no drugs, no excuses.
He made this mess, he has to live in it. The only way out of that is the next time he is released, is to not make another mess.

[Thundarstick]

I contacted the county clerks office yesterday to get the truth about what is really going on. He's in jail at this time under a $150,000 bond, with the charges he's facing, I'm estimating he's looking at 2-5 years in the state prison system and at least $10,000 in fines. I intend to help him with a few necessities while incarcerated and hope to salvage a few of his belongings that have sentimental value.
Continue prayers for his mother most of all as she can only see bad in everything. I'm thanking God he's not murdered someone, or has a vehicular homicide charge, or has been killed!

[sparkyv]

Prayer sent.

[Boaz]

Never give up on him , help him when he tries to do right and expect to see results . You control the situation , never enable him . I'm still praying for your family .

[Thundarstick]

I won't give up, or enable, yet I'm afraid his fate is in the hands of the state for several years to come. I pray for God to give me wisdom, strength, and steadfastness to hear his call in all this.

[Boaz]

More prayer is needed in this cause . Please pray for intercession , please pray for recovery from a tragic situation . Pray for this family .

[Artful]

Praying for best possible outcome of this battle with Evil both within and without and a judge/court that can show leniency if deserved.

[Handloader109]

My brother's youngest got into college and went downhill like Lindsey Vaughn....
university actually threw her out after finding her passed out drunk in a hallway. From there it was hard drugs and alcohol. Three rehabs, (she could have taught the class the last time) all worthless. Ended up wrecking a second car, luckily no one was hurt in either. Law finally put her in jail, spent about 90 days in, got out and stayed clean for a while, met a guy and ended up having a kid. So far 3 years with nothing but a small setback, but it is still knife edge. Only your son can fix his problem, it is cruel, but maybe 2yrs lost in jail will fix him. Going to CO so he CNN do what he wants is a fallacy, but you can't keep him from doing it. Tell him you and his mom love him and will see him if he wants to once he gets out...... And go on with your life.... He's made his decision, you as parents can't change him. Yes it hurts, but it's life... God be with you

[castalott]

Delete

[Boaz]

Many have strong feelings on drugs , I do too . This is a prayer thread to give help and encouragement to a family that is hurting . Lets give encouragement , take the drug war to the pit . Thank you .

[castalott]

My apologizes to all... Dale

[Thundarstick]

The title pretty much sums it up. The youngest son seems to have fallen back into substance abuse again. Along with that comes the lying and before long legal problems, guilt trips and baseless accusations. I know God will see me through no matter the ultimate outcome and I have a support system. His mother, on the other hand, is taking it extremely hard, and doesn't want to ever talk to him again. She's lost so much in the last few years, both her parents, her life long best friend, she thinks her son, and her spiritual life is bleak. He very well may spend more jail time as choices have consequences.
In light of some of the other prayer request this may be trivial, but pray for my wife and son to be healed. Pray for his other brother and sisters not to be taken in by his lying games, and pray he turns around. Pray for God to guide me day to day in this situation.

Thanking you ahead of time!

I hope I'm not being forward in resurrecting this long dead thread. My purpose, however, is to give praise to God almighty, and thanks to Christian brothers and sisters for prayers and support.

I would like to offer an update.
My son spent 18 months in jail. The Lord interceded with him and for him. You see, he was slated to be moved into the state penitentiary system, but the sheriff found out he was an experienced restaurant worker and made him a trustee over the county jail food service and kitchen! Outside the influence of the drugs he's a completely different person, and he became involved in his own recovery and I think he truly found the God so many of us know. His mother didn't speak to him for around a year, and I only visited in person twice until his parole hearing, but spoke to him by phone often enough. At the hearing I was surprised at how much the sheriff and staff seemed to care about him, the sheriff even spoke to the parole person praising his help and model behavior. He and his mother had even begun speaking again! After his parole I picked him up and he asked to stop by a rehab and half way house to talk to them about perhaps entering their program. After about an hour he came out and said, "they are taking me in Sunday"! I live about two hours away and ask if he would be able to get back there from another friend's 15 miles away, and was told, "I'll walk back if I have to!". I knew we would buy his clothes and a few supplies, and did, then didn't hear anything for 6 weeks. I wasn't too concerned because I know they are usually blacked out from contact at first(not our first rodeo). He put himself there, he payed his own way, worked himself through, saved nearly $3000, and graduated last weekend! This coming Sunday his Mother, his Aunt(who lives with us now) and I are going to his presentation! He knows he has a life ahead to live or waste! He seems to be in a good place in his head and our whole family is in a better place today!

Looking back over the last two and half years I see so many of the prayers that where posted, answered, and I'm sure a multitude that where not posted.

I just want to close by saying. GOD IS GOOD!

My prayer is that God's blessings fall on all who read this, be blessed!

[Winger Ed.]

That is good news.
Glad everybody made it through.

[Pine Baron]

Thanks for the update Thunder. Thank God for prayers answered and blessings received.
Prayers for continued recovery. It never ends.

[Boaz]

Praise GOD . I have seen so many families destroyed by drugs . I rejoice with you , it is a miracle in itself when you see all that's happening around you . Thank you for this good news !

[Markopolo]

bring all things to Him in Prayer... this is a big deal, but the small things work too!!!

prayers sent to stay the path.

[Thundarstick]

Thanks for continued prayers! Anyone who suffers an addiction knows it's a life long struggle!

[Hogtamer]

Same story, substitute name and dates. A lost decade in my youngest son's life. Near destruction of family. But God held us up, the prayers of many sustained us and last summer we celebrated his marriage on the banks of Clark Hill. God brought him to the foot of the cross where he steadfastly remains. Thanks for sharing and let's be faithful to pray for those who reject his mercy, love and grace.
262132

[Winger Ed.]

Praise GOD . I have seen so many families destroyed by drugs .

Back when I worked in the deepest, darkest neighborhood in South Dallas,
I was talking to one of my customers about one of his buddies who fell off that cliff.

He made the observation, "That narcotic is so bad, it'll make you steal your Mama's TV".

[WRideout]

Thunderstick, I am very happy to hear of this result. As a former substance abuse counselor, I came to the conclusion that addiction is a spiritual problem, and it seems that your son understands that now. Blessings on you all.

Wayne