First prayer

[dverna]

On Sunday I said my first prayer in over 50 years. I have been an atheist since I can remember. I am going through a rough time with someone I love. I prayed for an outcome I hope for, and the guidance to think things through. I have no one to turn to but Him.

I wrote the person a long email yesterday. She is the love of my life, and in spite of that, we both let pride and lack of honesty destroy our relationship. We are both intelligent and yet so stupid in other ways.

It has been strange. I finally had a decent nights rest last night. There was an inner calm within me when I awoke that I have not felt for a long time. I normally would be worried and anxious to get a response but I am OK with waiting to hear back. She has a lot of thinking to do. I prayed for God to help her too.

I know that God does not grant every prayer. So, if I do not receive the result I hope for, I will accept that He did not fail me...rather, that I what I want is not what He has planned for me or maybe for her. It will be horrible losing her nonetheless.

[Boaz]

I'll pray for your cause .

[Pine Baron]

Don, It's impossible to know God's plan until He reveals it. I most certainly join my prayers with yours.

[Blackwater]

Don, I've sensed a strong component of rationality in you for a very long time now. We don't know each other, and posts on the internet aren't regarded as a great way to form opinions about folks, but .... here on the 'net, most folks will reveal more about what they REALLY think and believe than they will in face to face conversations. I'm so glad you've come to this place in your life. I hope it pans out for you, but sometimes, God says "no" when we pray for something. So you really need to prepare yourself for that, in case that's what He knows to be in your own best interests. He knows SO much more than we ever could!

But FWIW, I'll be praying for you too, and that you get what you've requested. Prayer DOES work, but like God, sometimes in mysterious ways, and often, we have to be well down the line to understand why He grants or refuses our wishes at any given time. He's a loving God, and like our parents did when we were young, He has to say no to us from time to time. We didn't like it or often understand it back then, and that doesn't change just because we age. But in the end, He always gives us what we really NEED, even if it's not what we want at any given moment in time.

Our prayers are up for you, my brother. Your faith may not yet be fully developed, but I've long sensed you had a LOT more going for you than you do against you. Your insistence on rationality can be your greatest strength, as well as a weakness when we don't understand all we really need to.

So you've got your prayer up, and you have the faith to be satisfied with that. You may not realize it yet, but that's more than many professing "Christians" do when they pray! God bless you, no matter what His answer is for you. You can't know if maybe there's something even better in store for you. We travel this world taking things as they come to us. That's all we CAN do. I have long believed you'd find your way to the Light. Perhaps this is the real beginning for you? Only time can tell, but you sure do have a lot of good folks praying for you here! And that never hurts at ALL! Go with God, whatever His answer, and you'll never regret it, and you'll never walk alone. That ain't no small thing!

[square butte]

Prayer sent up for you Don

[w5pv]

Prayers sent

[dverna]

Thank you gentlemen.

Blackwater, your comments mean a lot to me. You know a bit about my struggle. You are correct about the point I am in my journey. I have opened my heart and my mind to the concept of God but still cannot make the finial commitment. And that in itself makes me wonder if I am worthy of asking for His guidance and help. But I am lost, floundering and dealing with the mistakes I have made in my life and the people who love me that I have hurt. I am not "testing" God, or looking for proof. Whatever happens will have little to no effect on the completion of my path to Him. I do not know if this is His way of bringing me to closure....making me realize that I do not control anything...that intelligence and rationality have no bearing on faith.

I realize that in spite of trying to live a good life, I am a sinner...just as the bible says, all men are. Maybe my sins are lesser than those of others...but they are still sins. My pride and arrogance are my biggest weaknesses. I see that now.

[DCP]

Vaya con Dios

[Blackwater]

Thank you gentlemen.

Blackwater, your comments mean a lot to me. You know a bit about my struggle. You are correct about the point I am in my journey. I have opened my heart and my mind to the concept of God but still cannot make the finial commitment. And that in itself makes me wonder if I am worthy of asking for His guidance and help. But I am lost, floundering and dealing with the mistakes I have made in my life and the people who love me that I have hurt. I am not "testing" God, or looking for proof. Whatever happens will have little to no effect on the completion of my path to Him. I do not know if this is His way of bringing me to closure....making me realize that I do not control anything...that intelligence and rationality have no bearing on faith.

I realize that in spite of trying to live a good life, I am a sinner...just as the bible says, all men are. Maybe my sins are lesser than those of others...but they are still sins. My pride and arrogance are my biggest weaknesses. I see that now.

Wow, Don! I err many times. But something always told me you were one who WANTED to believe, if you could just find a handle to grasp it all with. And if you complete it all, and DO come fully to the Light, I believe you'll be a True Christian, and not the namby-pamby kind who goes through the motions, but will really "study to show thyself approved" as our Lord so wisely charged us to do. I'm no sage or mystic, but I see a wonderful future for you, nevertheless. Your brutal honesty has always intrigued me, and probably is the thing that I rested my projections on in your case. And you ARE very honest! An awful lot of folks these days aren't as honest as a fully mature Christian needs to be. We deal with others rather easily, but when it comes to our own selves, we're often more critical of ourselves than we'd be of anyone else, and more generous to others than we can bring us to be with ourselves. But this CAN be an asset!

And BTW, God did NOT make you lowly. He made you and all others worthy in HIS sight to receive the inestimable gift of salvation. Yeah, we're all less than what He was when He walked this earth. But His judgment is perfect, and there's GOT to be a reason He made us as He did. We may not know what that reason is while we're still on this mortal plane, but one day, I believe we will. But only when the right moment comes, and not until then. Why? I wish I knew. But I DO know my Lord, and I trust Him, because He's never let me down, in spite of the fact that I can't say that with regard to Him! So I just leave to Him what's His to decide when to give us such knowledge, and just accept what's before me right now as what was His judgment as being the best thing for me right now.

Again, I can't quite put into words why I've long had faith you'd come to light. I just did. And if you've come this far, it's highly unlikely that you'll ever go back again. It's forward all the way, now. And you can't believe how it'll change your attitude, outlook and so many, many other things in your life. The good will be truly better, and the bad more bearable. And the sense that you're never alone cannot be matched by anything else, ever. Godspeed, my friend. Let it come in its own time, like a warm summer breeze washing over you. I envy you! That feeling on first coming to light, is completely unique, and so VERY powerful! And you just KNOW it's real, even though you can't quite explain it. But knowing is always what we do first. It's how science usually progresses. First we find a phenomena, THEN we try to explain it, and make sense of it. With belief, we'll likely never be able to explain why the Lord extends His wondrous love and grace to such willful creatures as we are. But we know it's real, and we know it'll never leave us, as long as we hold to it, and obey His will. He lets us have our will very often, but sometimes, it's fitting that we put His will before ours. And when I've done that, I've never found it to bring anything but joy and humble thankfulness. The great mark of a Christian, I think, is simple humility. You've had that enough to always be honest and very forthright. A man like that can't avoid coming to the true answers, even if he tries sometimes to avoid them. I think truth finds us, rather than visa versa. At least oftentimes it does, anyway.

God be with you, Don, and keep you. His love is unlike anything we can really conceive. I'll always be awed by it, that he loved even me!

[rl69]

Worthy? none of us or worthy.but we are all loved.it is Gods will that none should parish

As I read your op my heart filled with joy and this verse popes in my head
Luke 15
3Then Jesus told them this parable: 4“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 5And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ 7I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

[Preacher Jim]

Don my prayers are for God's plan for your life. I was where you are a lifetime ago. Lord worked it out and I pray he does the same for you.

[GhostHawk]

Brother I will be praying for you.

I walked my own path for 40 years, no sheep, I was a self willed Goat.
But he called and I heard. Like you I found peace, peace like a river.

Now I am on the path, I do what I can for his sheep. If there is anything I can do for you just talk to me.

But I won't preach at you, or judge you. Not my job.

I will say Praise the Lord, to GOD be the glory.
Would love to have you as a brother in Christ.

[castalott]

The simple fact that you are looking and are honest with yourself speaks volumes ( good ones too!)

If we are going to compare sins I am Three Time National Champion... you are farther back, I know... ( Just Kidding, Don... I hope you smiled at that.)

I have lost the love of my life twice. It took years to get over it each time. Men don't deal with this as well as women do. But I know the incredible longing , emptiness , and heart ache you are going thru. The infinite sadness and hope against hope. I sincerely hope you get her BUT ,if you are like me, you may think she is more or better than she is.... When I loved someone they were on a high pedestal to me... Just say'in, Don..... don't be angry...


I also will say Prayers for your happiness.... Dale

[Bzcraig]

Don, all Heaven rejoiced as you lifted your voice to God! I will join you in praying for a favorable outcome or that God will reveal to you the "why" if not. Thank you for posting this and encouraging all who read it!

[dverna]

I want to thank all of you and especially those who have PM'ed me.

[Blackwater]

Thank YOU, Don, for a great inspiration in your story. WE need stuff like that, and you provided it in spades. God bless you for that. "No man is an island," which, I think, is why the Lord advised us to gather ourselves together regularly for mutual support, mutual strengthening, and edification. I will always be awed at the power of God at work in this world. And you're right, it's SO humbling to know God truly loves even us, as sinful as we've been, and as sorely as we're tempted, even after we come to Faith.

But everything in the universe and beyond suddenly and miraculously falls into place when we humble ourselves enough to simply accept the Gift that none of us could EVER "earn." Is our God a loving and wonderful God, or what? I will always be so very humbled by Him, and His love for us, and His will that all of us should be redeemed who simply have the good grace to accept His wondrous Gift before both Him and men. I'll always be awed and humbled by this, and I think, fittingly so. He loves even ME!!! Wow! How could we be anything BUT humbled and awed by this?