This is going to be tough

[Jr.]

I have struggled for years with the concept of asking for help. My pride has held me back from admitting to others my faults. I am looking for some guidance and prayers. Guidance mainly from members here who are/were pastors or members who have dealt with this problem personally.

I have looked around for a church in which to confide but have found no such organization. This is probably at my own fault because of the isolation I have brought on through addiction. I am speaking of course of alcoholism, the animal in which I alone cannot contain and have gone back and forth for years as to if I should ask others for help.

I know that through God and Christ I can overcome this pleague. The problem lies with my own personal strength and faith. It is blatantly obvious that I will never overcome this turmoil alone and will need to rely on God and those who walk with him.

I am very embarrassed to ask this of you all and ashamed that I have let a simple substance take control of my life.

As of now I am crying out to those of you who can help to save me before this pestilence destroys my life and the lives of my family.

Sorry for the downer post I just don't know where else to turn.

[square butte]

Heavenly Father - Please help Jr. with his struggle. Relieve his suffering and bring him comfort. Help him to overcome by Your strength and by Your hand. This we ask in the name of Jesus

[shoot-n-lead]

Prayer sent.

[jcren]

I was drinking a pint of whiskey every night. I only bought it a pint at a time to limit my drinking. You can beat this and you have my prayers and support.

[rl69]

Our church has a faith based program called mending fences.I'm not sure if all American fellowship of cowboy churches ( AFCC) churches have this program. If you go to the AFCC website type in your address it will show you if they have a church near you.

I highly recommend this program for the simple fact it shows you that Jesus is the way to recovery.not a set of steps you have to follow. As you know we are not strong enough to overcome our demons. we need God to heal us

that the best advice I have.sorry it isint more. I'll pray for you

[shoot-n-lead]

Our church has a faith based program called mending fences.I'm not sure if all American fellowship of cowboy churches ( AFCC) churches have this program. If you go to the AFCC website type in your address it will show you if they have a church near you.

I highly recommend this program for the simple fact it shows you that Jesus is the way to recovery.not a set of steps you have to follow. As you know we are not strong enough to overcome our demons. we need God to heal us

that the best advice I have.sorry it isint more. I'll pray for you

And, sometimes he uses programs to help heal us.

[castalott]

My addiction was sugar..... it was killing me..... I understand addictions...

Sincere Prayers for Strength, Guidance, Wisdom, Love , Mercy, Forgiveness , and Faith....

Don't be hesitant to come back here... We all will help...

[claude]

Let me give you some cold hard facts about how our Father works and His help. When we go to Him in faith and seek a release from addiction, He isn't going to take the substance away from us, He isn't going to all of a sudden make us not want the high from the substance we abuse, He isn't going to stop you from choosing to do your drug of choice, what He will do, and He'll do it every time is give us the strength to choose to say no! There is a condition, we have to believe He will give us that strength, that's called FAITH. And we need to believe he will give us that strength every time we ask. Sometimes we need to ask several times a day, and each time we exercise the strength He gives us, we become one small step closer to winning the battle, one notch stronger. If you don't believe it, just don't waste your time going there, you make a mockery of yourself and Him.

Having said that, I drank hard for 40 years, smoked for 45 years, and BS'd myself into thinking I could be strong enough, it wasn't so, it was His strength that set me free, it was His strength that allowed me to choose to stop drinking cold turkey after years of a case of beer a day, and 40 days later to choose to stop a two pack a day habit. EVERY time I got the urge I KNEW He would be my strength, I KNEW that when I called on HIS strength it would be there, and it was. But, I had to choose.

Here is the kicker, if we aren't committed 100%, if we start bargaining with ourselves, if we decide, well, next time......we've already lost. No lukewarm efforts, no being a reed swaying in the wind, commit to winning, or fail by default.

If you lack that strength of faith, pray God for more faith, He is exceedingly generous, but nothing wavering;

(James 1:3-7) "Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. {4} But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. {5} If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. {6} But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. {7} For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord."

Choose wisely. Rely on HIS strength, and I think you can do this!

[Pine Baron]

JR, I am praying for you. You have the strength and the will to overcome this. Don't despair, many here have been in your place.
Heavenly Father please allow your Mercy and Grace to strengthen JR in his battle to gain sobriety. May you provide the guidance he needs. In Jesus name. Amen

[Boaz]

Jr I see you put up the post you mentioned , glad you did . You have taken a good step , admitting your problem and confronting it . As has already been stated you have to share in the process . Searching for a program is your first concern , we can provide support through prayer and personal testimony . We have all had to face our own personal problems and understand . We are glad your here , thank you for asking . GOD can help .

[Bzcraig]

Everything above is good! In addition to the prayer, beating this requires you to do something. You have taken the first step in admitting the problem now you MUST take action. God promised Joshua he would be victorious in leading the children of Israel into the Promised Land but Joshua HAD to believe God, THEN actually LEAD them. You too can be victorious over alcoholism! The first thing you MUST do is get into an accountability relationship with someone who will keep you accountable. The enemy of your soul has been successful (only until today) in keeping you away from the church where you could have built a relationship with another man who could be your accountability partner. My advise would be to find a church that has addiction ministry and start there. This is important, the enemy will make sure there are people there you won't like! That's ok, you're not there to make friends, you're there to get healthy again! If you make friends along the way that's an added blessing but perservere! The absolute worst possible thing for you and your family is for you to be isolated!

[Bazoo]

Will pray for you sir. Psalm 37.4

[Boaz]

Lord thank you for being in Jr's life , thank you for giving him the strength to start his healing . Be close to him and guide him on his path to recovery through you . Help him remove the doubt and fear of past failure and show him the right path . We have all been there Lord and through personal experience understand only you can help us overcome our ourselves . Guide us and make us part of this healing through you . Thank you Lord . I ask in your name . Amen

[NavyVet1959]

I've never developed a taste for distilled spirits, but I definitely like a good beer. Life's too short to drink crappy beer. Everything in life in moderation... I might go a week or two without a beer and then end up drinking 4 or so over an afternoon and early evening while working on some project. I drink so slowly though that I don't get a buzz. I like a good stout or a hoppy IPA.

Probably the only "addiction" that I have is annoying / pointing out the stupidity of leftists. It's a tough job, but *someone's* gotta do it... :)

Good luck in channeling your additive tendencies into something more useful.

[USMC87]

Hello Jr. I was an alcoholic for several years and was so driven by the addiction that it was all I thought about. I relate 100% to your weakness and guilt of being controlled by something that others view as nothing but a simple I won't do it anymore. All members here are concerned and have give you sound advice, I want to tell you that the first step to salvation is conviction of a sinful life. GOD does not have respect to who He saves from sin, There are former alcoholics who preach to a congregation each Sunday. There are plenty of former adulterers, Rapists and so on who GOD has chose to be conformed to a life dedicated to serving Him instead of serving the lusts of our flesh. I am that man who GOD called out of darkness into HIS marvelous light, I was that man who wanted a GOD like myself one who would go along with what I wanted but that all changed April 18, 1993. I who was just like you, GOD took that from me and gave me a new motivation and that motivation is what gave me liberty from my sin filled life. Look to Christ who is the One who lived a sinless life and freely gave Himself for us to be partakers of the greatest gift ever given, Call upon GOD today for today is the day of salvation and forgiveness. We have no promise of tomorrow, It is today that GOD provided for us to live as to His eminent return. Come today and be set free from your sin. Jr, You have heard the gospel today in many posts and all are pointing you to the only relief and that is GOD. Cast all your burdens on Him and be set free. I am so glad you posted and admitted your sin, I am so glad that we all could relate to our lives that are so incomplete without GOD. Feel free to contact any of us one on one through a private message if you want, We all care and are here to help you in any way possible.

[jmort]

Praying for you Brother. Don't give up. We all struggle with something. We all stumble and fall. Get back up. Don't give up. Keep at it. It as a process and you have the desire to fight the good fight. Don't give up.

[Boaz]

Hello Jr. I was an alcoholic for several years and was so driven by the addiction that it was all I thought about. I relate 100% to your weakness and guilt of being controlled by something that others view as nothing but a simple I won't do it anymore. All members here are concerned and have give you sound advice, I want to tell you that the first step to salvation is conviction of a sinful life. GOD does not have respect to who He saves from sin, There are former alcoholics who preach to a congregation each Sunday. There are plenty of former adulterers, Rapists and so on who GOD has chose to be conformed to a life dedicated to serving Him instead of serving the lusts of our flesh. I am that man who GOD called out of darkness into HIS marvelous light, I was that man who wanted a GOD like myself one who would go along with what I wanted but that all changed April 18, 1993. I who was just like you, GOD took that from me and gave me a new motivation and that motivation is what gave me liberty from my sin filled life. Look to Christ who is the One who lived a sinless life and freely gave Himself for us to be partakers of the greatest gift ever given, Call upon GOD today for today is the day of salvation and forgiveness. We have no promise of tomorrow, It is today that GOD provided for us to live as to His eminent return. Come today and be set free from your sin. Jr, You have heard the gospel today in many posts and all are pointing you to the only relief and that is GOD. Cast all your burdens on Him and be set free. I am so glad you posted and admitted your sin, I am so glad that we all could relate to our lives that are so incomplete without GOD. Feel free to contact any of us one on one through a private message if you want, We all care and are here to help you in any way possible.


Amen .

[RichardF]

Alcoholics Anonymous is an organization that provides tremendous support from other people that suffer from addiction to alcohol. It is a spiritual program that has helped my brother stay sober for well over 25 years. Web site is aa.org.

[WILCO]

http://aaphoenix.org/

[WILCO]

Alcoholics Anonymous is an organization that provides tremendous support from other people that suffer from addiction to alcohol. It is a spiritual program that has helped my brother stay sober for well over 25 years. Web site is aa.org.

http://www.aa.org/

[dverna]

My father-in-law was not a religious man but AA helped him stay sober for over 30 years, until he passed away. NOTHING will work until you are ready to deal with the addiction. In many cases, a person is not ready until they have, or will, hit bottom.....lose their jobs, homes, family and friends.

Look into anabuse (spelling is likely incorrect). It will make you ill if you drink. My FIL used it at the beginning.

I wish you strength!!

[GhostHawk]

I've wrestled with that Demon. Bit like quitting smoking. Ain't going to happen until you really want to, all the way down. If any part still wants to drink you will drink. Maybe less, maybe more in control, maybe not.

In that respect I think that AA is very good. It forces you to face what your drinking has cost you.

I was lucky, I licked mine on my own. But I had a very supportive family and community.

Most people can't do it alone.
It starts with getting sober. The day to day battle is to stay that way. The only way that works is if you want to stay sober more than you want the drink.

I will be praying for you.

[Blackwater]

I've never been addicted to alcohol, but I've worked with a lot of folks who were, and some of the finest folks I know are alcoholics who have quit drinking. Antabuse (I think that's the right spelling) is a crutch to get to a point where alcohol doesn't control a person's mind, and thus, ALLOWS them to start the process of dealing with it. It's an invaluable aid, but certainly no "cure."

Those who have fought that demon and won, are like veterans of a war. They've "seen the elephant" in its many forms and moods, and have a frame of reference that CAN, if they use it, allow them to overcome it. Some of the finest folks and best Christians I know are "recovered alcoholics."

One friend of mine is an alcoholic, and the finest gunsmith I've ever known. Had he not been an alcoholic, he may well have acquired a "big name" like some of the custom gunsmiths, like Biesen, Goens, etc. He's fought many battles with it, but stayed sober for many years, and was a valued volunteer at Willingway Hospital here, that is famous world wide for its treatment program.

Alcoholics are severely challenged human beings, and those who recover from it have my very deep respect. It's one of the most difficult things a human being can deal with, whether many understand it or not. I doubt there's a family in the nation that hasn't been touched by alcoholism.

Don, your FIL may not have been a "religious man" in terms of going to church and all the trappings we expect of a Christian, but they are VERY sensitive to pretensions, lies, and half-truths, and if they don't find a really good church, many find their best expression and highest truth in AA meetings. No, it's not a church per se, but many AA groups DO indeed discuss God and Christ regularly, and how they helped them overcome the demon of alcohol addiction.

AA groups are a lot like churches, and any other organization you can mention, in that each one varies according to its leaders, and some indeed DO call their "higher power" in Christ, and freely talk about them. I've been to one "open" AA meeting with a friend, but the open meetings don't really get down to the nitty gritty like the "closed" (members only) meetings I'm told. Makes sense to me, and the folks I got this from certainly had no reason to lie.

Recovering alcoholics, if you ever notice, have a great deal of derision for anything but the straight, brutal truth, and that separates them from many today, and any large group, including many churches, have been inundated by PC theology to a large enough degree that they find little to no solace in them, so .... they just don't go.

One thing about recovered alcoholics, if you ever get a chance to notice it, is that they are SO brutally honest that they have a difficult time "fitting in." They and their observations and experience run so counter to what people WANT to think and believe, that usually, they just disengage, and leave people to their own willful thinking and theologies.

This is no slur on folks in general, just an observation I've long noted, that took me a long time to understand. I'm glad it took so long, because the quick route is to BE an alcoholic, and I'm thankful God didn't lay that challenge on me.

As the old indian saying goes, "Never judge a man until you've walked a mile in his moccasins." There's an awfully good chance you'll meet him in Glory one day. One simply doesn't overcome the power of alcoholism alone, and the only One available TO hold their hands and urge them towards good, is Christ.

So though many church going Christians simply don't understand folks like your FIL, many in their group do more following of Christ's hardest teachings and instructions than many who attend church every time the doors open up. This isn't PC, but folks, it's still the plain, simple truth. So don't write your FIL off just yet. There's reason to hope and have some real faith yet, that he passed his own final test.

Like vets of war, alcoholics don't "talk shop" with those who have no frame of reference or "need to know," like I once had, and when you get exposed to what AA is really all about, it starts out with the main goal being to simply keep folks from drinking, but as it progresses, it always evolves into real faith in what they call their "higher power," which almost always winds up being Christ, at least in my experience with the alcoholics I've known.

This gave me a good "in" to discuss faith with some of the folks I had under supervision, and they just don't respond to Bible pounding, but DO respond VERY well to folks simply relating to folks on a very real and basic level, and nothing but the absolute, undeniable truth (from their perspective) interests them. That alone sets them apart from so many, who love or foolishness and self deceptions so much, sometimes.

They define only a "higher power" as the requirement for getting sober, but where else, really, CAN they go but to Christ, in the end? Those who've been sober long term are some of the best philosophers I know, and can often quote the Bible to support everything they do. And some become so attached to the other members in their group, and other alcoholics in general, that they do some intensely great work in helping them get sober, or at least trying to. And they just don't "take a stab at it" and let it go at that. Once focused on another alcoholic who's still drinking, they are dogged with their determination, unyielding firmness and good spirits in dealing with others at the various stages of the disease. Those who've "made it," like your FIL, feel a deep and near obsessive obligation to help others who are still fighting "demon rum," and they often spend their Sundays DOING the work of the Lord - helping those in real need - rather than in church discussing what for them is "settled business." Many contribute $ to Christian causes, but not one I've ever known sought to get credit for it, and always do it anonymously. They're VERY guarded about taking credit for anything they do, unlike what's fashionable today, where "charities" are written up in the newspapers, with big pics of those involved. I think the Bible has something to say about this. My own father always sought anonymity whenever he gave folks anything, and THAT, my friends, is the way I believe all giving should be done.

So don't write him off, Don. You may well see him again one day. I believe when we get to Glory, IF indeed we make it there, we'll get many surprises about who's there and who's missing. It's NOT up to us to judge these things, especially when we don't think quite the way God does, or know what He does. There's no PC in Heaven, and our "expectations" won't count for one single thing there. Only what we've done, and maybe, the real reasons and motivations we've done it. Remember the story of the widow with the 2 mites and the rich man? Who did Christ say was blessed? Alcoholics are often looked down upon by "good Christians" as "weak," "flawed," and many other derogatory ways. We honor our vets who've fought our wars, but look down on the vets who don't suit our sensibilities, but God gives us all varied challenges to deal with in our lives, and alcoholics get dealt one of the hardest hands to play of all. God bless those who have overcome it.

[Blackwater]

Well, I'm tired, and misread the post as being Don's. Sorry. Another Oops. Thought I'd read a little here before posting about the aftermath of Matthew. But Claude has given you the bottom line on it all, and that's where it'll always be. However, most, especially in the initial stages of dealing with it, will almost surely need some help, and the biggest and most effective help is AA.

There's a reason most churches haven't been able to help you or "click" with your situation, and it's simply that they really have no frame of reference from which to truly understand what it is you're dealing with. They all have the best of intentions, but not understanding what it is that you're fighting is like trying to turn an elephant's charge with a willow switch. And they often give bad advice simply because they don't really have a clue where to begin. It's true, always, that God can and WILL provide you with what you need, but until YOU understand what it is you're dealing with, and how it works, and how insidious and truly devastating and evil it can be, YOU won't be able to deal with it effectively either! So don't put those folks down at all. You'll likely want to become a part of them later, and it certainly won't hurt attending church now, even if it doesn't and can't solve your personal dilema. But AA is the BEST of all organizations that man has ever created to deal with alcoholism. It's based very simply on having those who've needed help extending their hand to help those who need it. If there's a greater Biblical admonition for how we're supposed to relate to each other, I don't know what it'd be. And when Satan, through alcoholism or anything else, has a hold on a person, it's extremely difficult to sometimes impossible for them to even SEE the path to salvation, much less walk it. So getting sober and staying that way will ALLOW you to gain your foothold again on righteousness and satisfaction in this world.

To paraphrase Claude, God won't change the way you are, but He WILL hold your hand and support you, IF you'll just let him, and show you the way to sobriety and salvation IF you let Him. AA is the single best asset for any alcoholic. Some quit without it, and those have my utmost respect. But most need someone to help them get through the initial stages of getting and staying sober, so they CAN see things clearly again, and cast off the scales from their eyes that alcohol and many other things inflict us with.

And if you get involved with AA, know going in that each group has its own peculiar traits, and just because you've been to one group does NOT mean you've in any way come to understand them all! Go to as many as you can until you find one that you "click" with - that you understand, and that challenges you in the right and best way to help keep you sober. AA groups are like churches, and they can vary a lot more than people like to realize. So keep that firmly in mind as you begin your search.

It's been my observation that alcoholics generally, once they get sober and stay that way for a long time, tend to regard church as "nice," but they don't get a whole lot out of it simply because they've lived through and understand what most sermons involve, and for them, it's "finished business" because they understand the ins and outs and whys of it all much better than those who attend churches, and have missed the challenges they've faced, are really capable of. Once again, it's their frame of reference that is lacking and NOT their good will nor their theology. They simply don't know how to deal with it effectively, and consequently, sometimes give bad advice because they feel compelled to at least try to help, without really knowing how to do that.

So in my experience, AA is the best there is, and I'm saying this as a non-alcoholic who's had much experience and talked with many folks who are, and have over come it. It'd be impossible to not notice the commonalities in them. Each has to find what works for him or her, and each has a different frame of reference from which to START his "recovery." But all seem to become very devoutly reverent for God and God's "nature," and very intolerant (they just turn away usually) of man's common devices of explaining things away easily and deftly. All seem to attend church at special times, like Easter, etc., because it really means something to them to at least do that, but AA does a lot of good work on Sundays, when many alcoholics seem to have a hard time getting through without being tempted to drink again. "Idle hands are the devil's workshop" seems to apply here. So, they just go upon the errand of their fellow alcoholics, or stand ready to do so if needed, and attend a meeting, usually. I've been told that Sunday meetings are often, and in some groups usually, more of a discussion of salvation than they ordinarily are.

No, AA is NOT, most emphatically, not a "church," but what it IS is what most folks need in order to get a real hold on their lives again, and wrest control of it from Satan and his great tool, alcohol.

Jr. you have NO idea how far ahead of the game you are, starting off as you are by simply admitting your problem, and asking for help! But the end result will, as with everyone else, depend on YOU and you alone, and how well you accept some things that may be counter to what you presently see things as being. Just listen intently, and ESPECIALLY to things you don't agree with right now. Those will likely be the keys to your success in getting and staying sober.

You'll be in my prayers brother, and many more here as well. God bless you, but remember, you have to give him something TO bless. I have a distinct feeling that you'll work it out, but as you'll learn in AA, it's all up to you, and you alone. You can get help, but even the best of help can be denied and refused. And that makes it all dependent on what you do with it, and that's precisely how God deals with us. He always gives us the best advice possible, but it's up to US to follow it, or not. And THAT is very simply, the difference between salvation and damnation.

Oh yeah! And one last thought. Most alcoholics feel like they're "bad people" or "weak" and deserving of punishment. Welcome to the human race! We're ALL that way, and are saved by Grace, and by Grace alone. Not one among us is worthy of salvation, but God has chosen to freely offer it. But it's up to US to decide whether to reach out and take it, or reject it and go our own way alone and naked in the world. That's the essential question you're facing, and the answer is a very delicate and sometimes technical thing to answer. Godspeed on your journey toward sobriety and salvation. One's not much good without the other.

[rl69]

Jude 1:24 Now all glory to God, who is able to keep you from falling away and will bring you with great joy into his glorious presence without a single fault.

How great is that ? Not only will he draw you to Him,He keeps you there, and He takes great joy in doing it ! And to top it all off,he cleanses you with the blood of Jesus Christ!!

Also in Romans 8 it teaches us there is no condemnation in Christ

[Boaz]

Your right rl69 . The past is over and a lesson and the future is your life with him .

[GhostHawk]

Any update?

I suspect many of us are here to help. You have done the hardest part, you admitted you need help.

Now you just work on not falling and accept what is offered.

I suspect there are many of us here who have battled that demon one way or another.
I think it almost always takes an outside influence of some kind to win.

[Jr.]

Any update?

Yes there is. I have spent the last day and a half reading this thread over and over in tears. This is the closest place I have to a church. In my small community you only have the Catholic or Mormon churches to choose from. There are no smaller churches with pastors who can spend much time with an individual. Simply that you need to change or the church will not except you mentality.

I have found more support here since posting this than I have in my entire life. I guess I need to look into aa.

I have the very dangerous condition of being a "functioning alcoholic" I have a good job and all my bills are paid. It is the knowledge that I am hurting myself, my wife, and my children by drinking.

I do not drink liquor as it turns my stomach. I do drink beer. Any beer. I drink at least 8 a day and can easily polish off a case given enough time.

My worry is that my children, who are all still young, will be affected negatively by my actions. I am also sure that this isn't easy on my wife.

I have been overwhelmed by the support I have found here and have been unable to respond. I do appreciate your prayers and support this is why I came here. I knew that there would be genuine love in this community.

[Boaz]

Thank you for your honest comments . Your fears are well founded for the family . My family was destroyed by alcohol . I have great hope for you , with GOD anything is not only possible but certain if you try . AA is a great program ...use it .

[leeggen]

Jr., check in your local phone book and see if there is a number for AA. It is a tremendous program. They will shake your hand at the door and ask you back no matter what you have done. Just keep coming back and soon you will understand. You have already started the pathway to a better life. Just keep taking those little steps. Been there done that and will always be an alcoholic, but I choose to be clean and sobber. Sometimes it was a minute at a time then an hour then a day, just take those little steps.
CD

[Blackwater]

Jr., I think you're on the right track, and I have good faith that you'll achieve your goal of becoming alcohol free. Getting over the addiction part is going to be a real trial in many, many ways. It's been called a "disease," and indeed it is, but it's just not the kind that is caused by some "bug" or virus, like colds and pneumonia, etc. It's a condition of being. Something inside some folks, and I've been out of it for a long time now, so don't know if they've identified just how addiction works technically in the mind, causes some to be allergic to things like mold, ragweed, and even shellfish. Alcoholism is that type of disease, and along with the sensitivity/alergy to the substance, it ALSO combines that with a craving for the substance you're "allergic" to. As far as I know, we haven't yet identified just how it all works technically, but we do at least know how it works in actual practice.

No man can deal with something effectively unless and until he understands how it's working on him or her. AA can help by providing SO much experience from others, so you might not have to make the same mistakes they've made. AA is Biblically based in that it's all about folks helping each other when sorely challenged and often forlorn. It is the kind of org. that, functionally at least, HAS to be open to all, and that's why they use the term "higher power" instead of God or Christ. It's simply more "inclusive" (I hate that word for its PC connotations now, but it's apt here) and thus, enables them to deal with more folks at varying stages of the disease. But most, I think, find Christ as their "higher power" especially after they've been in it a while and CAN think straight again.

Please be aware that being a "functional alcoholic" is one of the worst possible forms of the disease, for it enables people to keep drinking unless and until it takes your health away totally. So you are really in a worse place in being functional with it, though most wouldn't immediately get that fact. Folks who "bottom out" early are more or less forced to deal with it lest they die and go to prison and all manner of other horrible fates take them. The functional alcoholic CAN at least function, but life becomes increasingly meaningless, which also makes the motivation to get sober less and less.

So you're facing a mighty force. it's going to take another mighty force to deal with it, and simple faith alone just won't work in all but the fewest instances. It takes others to help you who have faith and put it IN ACTION, who can help guide you through the path they themselves have already trod. If you go fishing or hunting in many areas, you need a guide who knows the terrain to keep you from getting lost or in trouble in any given area. Being in the woods tests you. So does alcoholism, and a guide - someone of faith who takes that faith and APPLIES it to help you through the dangerous ground that lies before you now - is the greatest possible asset you can have. And I've seen many who've tried to do it alone and on their own via simple faith, but alcohol seems to wash out one's faith when the cravings hit, so very, very few do it alone successfully. It IS possible, but 99% need a guide to help them navigate the territory that now lies before you.

When you begin in AA, there'll probably be many things presented to you that you may not at first understand, so you may disagree with them. But if you persevere, and allow yourself to FIND that understanding, you'll be grateful to God for the rest of your life that you did. There are many seeming contradictions or paradoxes in alcoholism, and these are the "traps" that ensnare so many who try to do it on their own and alone. Way too much to go into here, but you'll find all you need in AA to quit alcohol for good, and supplement that with a good Church of whatever denomination "speaks" to you, and I think your future just took one powerful turn toward light and goodness and everything God has always wanted for you. God bless you and steel you in all this. It won't happen overnight, like taking a pill for a cold can do, but it's SO very, very worth every trial and challenge you'll go through. You can't even imagine now, what a difference it can and will make in your life. You'll really HAVE a life, and you won't if you allow yourself to quit drinking. Just keep your keel stead when you reach a point where you don't understand the next step, and have a little faith in your sponsor who's already been through it, and .... you just can't believe what a HUGE difference it'll make in your life. You will appreciate life and all in it SO much more and better and more deeply. It's all about your life, and that determines what you'll HAVE to give to your wife and children and friends and relatives and your community.

Like one of my good friends who's an alcoholic once said, "We're everywhere!," meaning many of the people you see and run into in your locale and the media and everywhere else you go. They're just "anonymous," and you can't imagine how many folks are in AA and just never talk about it. Be prepared for some of your illusions to be dispelled about who is an alcoholic. Not all of them are still drinking!

Godspeed, my friend! You have a real adventure and some challenges ahead of you, but if you'll look around, it's those who've met such challenges and overcome them that are the most satisfied people you know. You may not even know about their personal challenges, but so what? They do, and they met them and overcame them, and THAT is why they are so satisfied. I've seen some folks who've found sobriety, and lived in near hovels, and were SO appreciative of what little they had, simply because they had their sobriety, and were their OWN person again, and not a puppet of alcohol! THIS is what you're after, in the end - simple satisfaction and the kind of humble pride one has when they've "seen the elephant" and slain it. You have some real advantages in your attitude, and your intellect right now, but those will dissipate as the disease progresses, so it's very important that you begin your own personal journey ASAP.

I wish you well, and know that you'll find yourself sorely challenged, but with your attitude, and the situation you're in now, I have good faith that you'll find success before you tear your body and mind down, and your life begins to disintegrate and disappear right before your eyes. God bless you, brother. Keep your resolve, and persevere.

[GhostHawk]

JR I am all the way up in Fargo ND but brother if you need me I am here.

PM to follow with email and phone number.

The fact that your juggling it all, functioning is good IMO. The fact that you recognize that you have a problem is even better.

Don't go cold turkey, taper off is my first advice. I have seen people I knew who drank a 6 pack for supper for years go to the doctor and get scared. Go cold turkey and 3 days later they were dead.

For now try to cut out one can every other day. Accept that some days you will fail. Don't let that failure drive you into drinking a case.

Also you might be a candidate for the low alcohol beer.

Hang in there! You CAN do this.

[WRideout]

I work with addicts and alcoholics every day. Only God can fill the emptiness in your soul. If you want to contact me, send a PM. There is hope.

Wayne

[Preacher Jim]

Jr. Much of my ministry is with addictions.
The main step admitting you have done. Remember Jesus paid the price for all your sins and a good step for today would be ask him in to your heart and let him help you move forward.
My guys in the AA group we have at the center who accept Christ almost all move forward with their recovery. Remember one day at a time enter that day asking Jesus to help and thank him at the end of the day for his help.

[Smoke4320]

Jr. Much of my ministry is with addictions.
The main step admitting you have done. Remember Jesus paid the price for all your sins and a good step for today would be ask him in to your heart and let him help you move forward.
My guys in the AA group we have at the center who accept Christ almost all move forward with their recovery. Remember one day at a time enter that day asking Jesus to help and thank him at the end of the day for his help.

Could not say it any better or shorter
You admit the problem
Pray morning and night for help ..
If you slip one day vow to do better the next .. Its a fight you can win ..

[Boaz]

I was an 'advocate' in two different treatment centers for folks with drug and alcohol problems . Active in the same way with several AA groups . I am not trained or educated as a councilor or social worker . Spiritual development such as learning , praying , bible study , finding a church home ....layman's work . If I could help let me know . Personal help is what you need on a one to one basis but we here could try to stand in till you find it .

[jcren]

I am glad you have found hope and support among us. You are not alone, pm or post any time you need to talk. Prayer and keeping your reason for quitting in your heart will help. Your family need you.

[Blackwater]

Jr., please post back how you're doing, good, bad or mixed, in about 4-6 wks., or sooner if you think we might help. Lots of great folks here who've trod the ground you're winding your way through now, and every single one of them will do anything within their power to help you in any way we can. Just remember, this is going to be a journey, and not an easy one, but one that is VERY, VERY worth while, and worth every effort you put forth to overcome it. You're a very brave and highly motivated man, but even that can't save you from the clutches of alcoholism, unless you do the work that must be done, and if and when you falter one day, and come up short, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go BACK to the effort with renewed intelligence and learning, and put your shoulder to the effort one more time, again. If you knew now how very wonderful it is to be alcohol free and master of your own mind and behavior and thoughts, you'd rent a E-9 Caterpillar to bulldoze your way through it all to get to where you want to be. Unfortunately, that's not an option, but that's a large part of what makes it so satisfying to those who simply keep the faith and efforts up until alcohol looses its grip on you, and is replaced by the most wonderful feelings of self respect and humble price that fills a man's or woman's soul. You have SO much to look forward to, but there's some battles to fight before you can get there just yet. But it IS there, waiting on you. You just have to really EARN it. In reality, and on reflection, how else COULD it be?

There's a theory about life, that we ONLY really learn the big and important things through some sort of suffering. Maybe that's why God picks some of our best and brightest to be alcoholics? For them to become what God wants and intends for them to be, they have to learn WHY it's so crucial in this realm to have real faith and trust and honesty and humility and the resolve of a King David or Solomon or some of the other great heroes of the Bible. When YOU have trod some of the same type ground they did, you will have an understanding that you couldn't possibly have without having suffered through some great battle.

In a way, I envy your struggle, and all that it will teach you in a way you'll never be able to forget. In another, I'm glad I'm not facing the challenges you and so many others are. So I guess it's a wash, and we don't choose the trials we face in this life. God does, and He certainly knows why he puts some things before some folks, and others before other folks. In a very real way, I think it's a sign that God has some big plan for you, and is only bidding you to prepare yourself for whatever it is. But it's all up to you, and your determination and faith. Godspeed you on your journey, my friend. One day, hopefully not all that long from now, you'll look back, and like one fellow I heard speak at a seminar I attended, and you'll be able to say, "My name is Jr. and I'm VERY HAPPY to be an alcoholic!" I was one of the few that noticed how he'd said he was "very happy" to be an alcoholic. At the end of his speech, before taking questions, which I'd planed to ask re that proposition, he filled us all in. He said, very simply that if we'd noticed his opening statement about being "happy" to be an alcoholic, he honestly meant that to the bottom of his heart. He explained that though it had been a harrowing and unpleasant journey for him at various and numerous times, he was happy to be an alcoholic, BECAUSE had he never been an alcoholic, he'd never have been through what he had, and would never be able to appreciate all the good in his life now that he was sober, had he not has some great problem to face and conquer. And you could see the truth of it all VERY clearly in his eyes as he said this, and hear it in his voice as he told us this.

So you have a great adventure ahead of you, but one you cannot now imagine will be what it actually winds up being in the end. Just keep your keel and rudder straight, and correct when needed, and you won't believe how great life will truly be at the end of the trail .... and there's ALWAYS an end of the trail. Which destiny you meet is entirely up to you, and it is NOT inevitable that you wind up in a place you'd never want to be. Lots of us here to help any time you need us, but your sponsor will be your best 24/7 guide. If you don't like the one assigned to you initially, request another. Sometimes that can make a difference, but sometimes it's just part of the process of trying to find an "easy" way, which will be elusive for you. It ain't easy. But it IS so VERY worth it!

[jonp]

There is no shame or embarrassment in asking for help. That is the point in faith. That you have realized this showes you are on the right path and will overcome this. Seek out AA. You know you have a problem, you have taken the first step already.

[fast ronnie]

There was a time in my life that I was dealing with this. It started with a divorce. Stayed drunk for six months, not sober for a minute, night or day.
The day I turned my life to Christ, I quit. Not everyone can do it, but God took away the desire totally. I can't stand the taste of beer, and have drank only part of one twice in 40 years. I sometimes have a glass of wine, but seldom.

The Bible tells me that I can do ALL things through Christ, Who strengthens me.

Having been a Christian for more than 40 years, I will tell you that there are still things in my life that I struggle with. Addictions are sometimes very difficult to deal with, and many times, you need a partner to help you when things get tough. We, as believers, are called to hold one another up, not to condemn. Unless a person has had that experience himself, one cannot comprehend what an addiction can do to a person, either mentally or physically.

I almost didn't post here, but realized that I needed to be an encouragement just because I have been through it. I have heard it said many times that "once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic.I can say unequivocally that this is not so. Can you do it alone? Probably not. The good news is that in Christ we are a new creature. The old is dead, but sometimes we go out and act like grave robbers and dig up what God has buried. We are not yet perfect, but if we allow God to work in our life, He will make us what HE wants us to be. Will we slip up from time to time? The answer to that is yes. The question then becomes "do we give up, or give it over to God?"

I sympathize with you and pray that He gives you the strength to become all of what HE has for you.

[Blackwater]

Excellent point, Ronnie, but one distinction I'd like to make is that not everyone who abuses alcohol is a real, bona fide alcoholic in the technical sense of the word. An alcoholic is one who is compelled inwardly by orgainic means to drink. Many abuse alcohol for a while, but quit, and don't have that inner craving/compulsion for it. Technically, they're just folks who find a reason or motivation to drink, often merely to deal with events that hurt them badly. But without the inner compulsion/craving, they're not truly an alcoholic in the technical sense.

This is NOT to say that Christ can't or won't remove a compulsion by ANY means, but when and if that happens, it's extraordinarily rare. So your point is very well taken, but today, the word "alcoholic" covers just about all abuse in many folks' minds, but it's really focused on those who have the compulsion/craving and cannot stop it.

I never realized how crucial and determinant brain chemistry was until I was given a combo of Morphine and Elavil for my back pain before my last operation. I wound up in the ER for another reason, after having taken a few doses of the combo, and I was sitting my naked rear on a very cold stainless table, and smiled, rather amusedly, and told the doc that I knew there was absolutely no reason for it, but I was feeling as paranoid as I could be. The doc looked at me with a very serious to grim look, turned to my wife and gave her an Rx, and told her to go to the pharmacy in the hospital as quickly as she could and come back and give me the pill he'd prescribed, and watch me. It was some sort of pill to make me sleep through the reaction.

And that's honestly how it is with alcoholics - the real deals. There is truly nothing they can do to stop the awful cravings for what they know they're "alergic" (or "senistive" if you prefer) to. This is the true alcoholic, and we need to make a distinction here between those and one who simply drinks to drown his troubles and pain. It may LOOK the same, but it's truly not. As always, there's often more below the surface, or mere appearances, than folks often realize. Until one IS a real alcoholic, they really have no real reason to understand the difference. It's just not that big a deal unless and until it strikes them. Then, it's a matter, literally, of life and death, abject horrible depression and pain, and happiness and satisfaction in life. There's really nothing quite like it in this world that I've ever heard of. And one cannot control it any more than I can stop being alergic to mold, ragweed, etc. It's just something within some folks that makes them that way, and it IS organic. It's been a long time now since I've been in the business of dealing with and trying to understand it, but at one point, they were stating they'd discovered the actual gene that appears to be responsible for being an alcoholic. I'm sure the organic side of it has progressed since then, but haven't kept up with it all.

So real, bona fide alcoholism is a condition of being, like my hay fever, like breaking out in a rash when exposed to poison ivy, and that type of thing. That's true alcoholism, and many simply choose to drink for a time, and quit, and believe they've been alcoholic. A real alcoholic goes through all manner of withdrawal symptoms, including seeing things that aren't there in the DT's (delerium tremens). Simple abusers have no such problems when they quit. So we know for a fact that it's an organic problem. As far as I know, we still haven't solved the medical questions of just what makes it work the way it does, but we DO know for sure it truly IS a very real disease. All TOO real for those who have it. And one of the most challenging things about being an alcoholic is the simple fact that most folks think it's a simple character flaw. Folks with character flaws DO sometimes become alcoholic, but not every alcoholic truly has character flaws EXCEPT when they're drinking, and even then, it's a variable and not a constant.

So many facets to the disease, and so few even care to understand it when it's so easy to simply write it off as a simple flaw in character. But it's truly not. If it were, many people who have that attitude would never guess that many people they look up to and honor are alcoholics, but just don't talk about it except to other alcoholics, so they never even know who is an alcoholic or not. All they know is who is clearly drinking, and they call those "alcoholics," and everyone else is "good people" simply because they're not drinking. They never know who is a true alcoholic, because in their mind, only folks who drink are alcoholics, and anyone who doesn't, isn't. What an innocent way to look at it! But alcoholics don't hold that against them, and know there's no way to explain it because those folks have no frame of reference from which TO understand it. So they just shrug, and let it be. Alcoholics are big on the Serenity Prayer, and use it often. There's an awful lot of wisdom in that prayer. And they have much reason and experience from which to understand it SO very well! God bless all those who have or are fighting alcoholism. They're very special people. I just wish all of them could be reached.

As I think I said before, there's a very credible theory that we humans just don't learn much unless and until some sort of problem or danger challenges us, often sorely. There's great motivation, the more we're challenged. And like the vet who survived the wars we've had, and returns home intact, they're always changed inside. Having survived the threat of death, and clearly realizing it, one gains a much more apt perspective on life, and its value, and our place in it all. They're very much humbled, and being humbled seems to be a consistent trait of folks who've dealt with bad things and realize that the only reason they're still here is the grace of God. How could that NOT change a person? A few resist that realization, and replace that appreciation with cynicism and haughtiness, but they never reach a state of satisfaction like those many who find peace in still being here, and become some of the finest folks we have amongst us.

There's a LOT more to real alcoholism than can ever be put here, but this, hopefully, puts it in better perspective for any who'll simply read and consider what folks have written here. Live and learn. It's the only way we really CAN get along in this life.

[SteelHorseCowboy]

Congrats Jr. You're working towards bettering yourself.

I started drinking recreationally as a teen. When I came back from my second tour overseas (Iraq, first trip was to Afghanistan), I had a problem. Was threatened with being sent to the substance abuse unit, disownment by my family, nearly destroyed a new marriage, and was a general trouble maker.

Caused enough trouble I got demoted. Twice. I still say the second time wasn't on me, Gunny swung first.

I wasn't allowed to reenlist. And since at that point I was a short timer without enough time to deploy again, I was transferred to Military Police. Man, I'm a Grunt by heart and soul. MP duty just don't jive with Grunt life. I was miserable. I started drinking more, HOPING I'd be sent to the substance abuse unit. Yeah, I was rolling in a patrol car, sloshed off my ***. Dangerous. Stupid. Incredibly stupid. Carried a thermos full of 50/50 coffee/vodka everywhere I went.

Went to counseling. Went to church. Went to the VA. Asked for help. Everyone tried, none succeeded.

After my discharge I was able to control myself a bit better. I was actually sober most of the time. Still always drinking, but keeping it slow enough I was hardly ever drunk. Then I found out my wife had been cheating on me since we started dating. So much and so often, that when the judge said "how many men?" She couldn't answer.

I didn't fall off the wagon. I was never really on it, just walking beside it so to speak. But when this rocked my world, I set the wagon on fire and sent it over a cliff.

I started putting away two gallons of Maker's Mark every week. And man, I'd get upset when I went dry. "Upset" being a severe understatement.

So what stopped me? I've had two drinks in the past three years. Once was New Years Eve last year. The other was after a hot day mowing the lawn this summer. I remembered how much a used to love a cold beer after hot work (I'm in Louisiana. Yeah, it's hot).
Both times I puked so much and so hard I popped blood vessels in my eyes, had blood coming up, and thought I was going to die.

Two war zones, more combat than I care to think about. More times shot at, more times shot (I love body armor), hit in the face with a shovel of all things, blown up four times, flipped humvee, and not even a purple heart. Why? Because I managed to go through all that without getting so much as a scratch. And I was scared as hell I was gonna be done in by a beer.

What made me (mostly) quit three years ago? My doctor looked me in the eye and said "If you don't stop drinking like a fish and eating pain pills like candy, you WILL die, and it WILL be very soon."

[dominic135]

Jr. You are your own Church! You alone understand your weakness and what needs to be done. Earlier, I shared my prayer for depression after a horrible accident that left my son in a wheel chair.
I too had alcohol abuse problems, a DUI that cost me $20,000 over the following 10 years. Luckily, that was overcome before the accident.
I was an A/C Tech at the time of the accident, Driving from job to job, I mentally listed all the things I was thankful for. Even the most mundane accomplishment was fuel for prayer. Any time my mind was in neutral, I thanked God. If there was only $2 in my wallet, I thanked Him. I thanked Him for a 7/11 burrito, a sunny day, a scratch that was finally relieved... anything. I focused on all the things in my life that were not bad.
It became impossible for me to be depressed when I spent every spare minute thanking God for even the smallest of pleasures.
My problems weren't small Jr. My day started at 3AM trying to get my sons bathroom needs taken care of. Bathing him, dressing him, feeding him, making lunch in advance and cleaning the house! Keep in mind he was 6'3" and over 200 lbs.! I started work at 8AM and my son would go back to bed while I worked. It was the only schedule that worked because he and I were alone, with no one to help. His friends looked in on him during the afternoon. I lost $15,000 a year in overtime to be there for him at 5PM, instead of working late. My ex wife abandoned us years before and I raised those 3 boys alone.
I had a small (thankfully) stroke before he was even out of rehab. For almost three years I kept this up. Finally, I decided to move to another state where my other two adult sons lived. I couldn't do it alone anymore.
He was only 16. He didn't want to face his life. He begged me to let him be a teenager and not take care of himself, but when we moved, he was 18 and as he promised, he took over his own needs. He was too embarrassed to let his brothers see him helpless and I think he knew I wouldn't live much longer at the pace I was going. The day we got here, he declared himself an adult and began to take care of himself.
To this day Jr., I don't know how I lived through those years. I never slept. I became a recluse and had no contact with anyone but work and son.
I don't know what drives you to drink but I'm sure, like I was, you are at your limit of ability to cope.
All I know is, when I spent every spare minute thanking God for what I did have, I was able to go on and to push my troubles out of my mind.
Think of it this way. If you worked on an assembly line and someone wrote "You are a failure" or "You need a drink" on the conveyor belt, those words would flash back at you many times a day, till you believed them. But if that conveyor flashed, "You are a success", "You are loved" or "You are in control of your life" you would come to believe those words too.
I'm inviting you to brainwash yourself with positive thoughts. Dig deep to bring up any good in your life you can. Let that "You are a winner" message sink in. Soon, it won't be so hard to find things to be thankful for and you WILL be in control of your life.