could use some prayer

[Oklahoma Rebel]

I have struggled with sever anxiety disorder and depression my whole life, I remember getting depressed in kindergarten, not your normal sad, didn't get my nap, but the same depression I feel today. I have not been able to hold a job for more than a year, in the better years of my life when it wasn't as severe, in my teens and early 20's I turned to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain, and it helped me to be able to work. but I made the decision to get clean and now without work I have lost pretty much everything except my family, I am almost 30 now and nothing is improving. I applied for disability and was turned down, apparently that is the norm to do to first timers. over a year ago I got an attorney and she said start to finish I woud be in front of a judge within a year, then it was a year and a half, now it might not be till next june. I honestly am struggling to cope with the thought of it being that long before I can contribute towards my parent who are housing me. it makes me feel completely worthless. I just don't see even a slight shimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. thanks, travis

[Boaz]

Depression/anxiety can take it's toll . I will pray for you and your situation . I hope you are getting medical and pastoral help , it does make a difference . Thank you for posting . Prayer will be forthcoming .

[Preacher Jim]

i will be praying for you but please follow Boaz advice it rock solid best available

[Blackwater]

Prayers up for you OK. I've seen what real clinical depression can do, but there IS help for it. Not a cure, but VERY significant help. You MUST see some real professional help, and it needs to be with a clinic that understands depression. Your average MD doesn't understand it, and mostly just prescribes pills to "patch over it." Real clinicians who understand depression, and its specific requirements, can and do provide a tremendous service to a good many folks. Just know that they HAVE to be educated specifically in regards to clinical depression. They really can help, and there should be a county mental health facility where you are. Some of those can vary in quality of service a lot, but any of them should be able to help you. You probably need to see a psychiatrist, which isn't the Freudian type that most folks think of when you say that word, but they're the ones with the Medical degrees and a specific specialist's knowledge of the brain, and in particular brain chemistry. That's really what you're fighting, and until you get some real help by someone who knows HOW to help, it'll never get any better. Get the right help, though, and you'll get your life back again, and much joy in it! It's that crucial to get the right help. Your local community mental health office should be able to link you up with a decent psychiatrist who can prescribe the right meds for you. You can't believe the difference it can make!

[Oklahoma Rebel]

I see a psychiatrist and I have a real nice therapist, we have been working together for about 6 months, the thing is, she recommends, and I agree, that I get out and do things that I like , such as hunting fishing, going to see a movie, or bowling, both to make me feel better and also expose me to social situations more, in limited amounts at first for the social situations. but it is hard to get out because gas costs money, some of that other stuff costs money, so I only rarely go hunting when I can borrow family members car, which usually is only once every few months. besides shooting (we have a 50 yard range on our property) and reloading, I mainly just stay in my room and only leave for appointments. I am also on medication, but it only has limited effect. and they have tried everything on me over the last 13-14 years

[jcren]

Prayers sent

[Oklahoma Rebel]

thank you for trying to give me hope, but its like ive already done all you've mentioned and more. both my bro and sis have dealt with the same thing, my brother 2 yrs older, basically got over his in his early 20's, and my sister 6yrs younger, hers is much less severe, both can function in the workplace, in fact my brother is a car dealeships used car manager, and my sister works at a bank.

[Preacher Jim]

find a pastor to just talk to and help around the church

[Boaz]

I'm just talking . You didn't mention pastoral/spiritual help ? Hope your already there or exploring the possibility's or options there.

[Pine Baron]

O.K., Preacher Jim and Boaz are giving good advice. Church and church activities are FREE. Perhaps you can get family or friends to help get you there. I sure appreciate your struggle. My sincere respect for your battle so far. One step, one day, one struggle at a time. You can do this.

[GOPHER SLAYER]

Travis, I went thru a period of depression many years ago and I lost about 25 pounds because I didn't even want to eat. A good friend gave me a book to read and it pulled me out of the pit. I gave the book to another friend or I would send it to you. I think the name of the book was, Over Coming Depression but I am not sure.The main idea to get from the book is the fact that you are in no way the first to suffer from depression. Many famous people in history suffered just as you are. Winston Churchill called it, his black dog. Thomas Jefferson could be seen riding thru the woods on his horse moaning because he was so depressed. The Bible tells of many Holy and some not so Holy people that also suffered from depression. Solomon despite all his wealth and power was often depressed. If you remember he said, " Vanity,All Is Vanity". Plato, Socrates and Aristotle also suffered from depression.I urge you to get the book or one like it, read it carefully and take from it what I did. You can talk to psychiatrist for years and it may not help at all and what ever you do, don't let them put you on drugs. Movie actors go thru that routine for years without being helped. What you must do is tell yourself, I am healthy, I have great family and I live in the greatest nation on earth and I am going to be OK. I will pray for you Travis. You can do it. God Bless.

[Oklahoma Rebel]

well that's a hard subject, as a kidd I was bullied pretty much every day at school, I would cry myself to sleep praying that I wouldn't get bullied the next day, then sunday I would go to church, and a few kids there picked on me too, not to mention one of the kids leaders was very mean, and I was very quiet and she would actually force me to sing during worship. so churches really trigger my anxiety. I believe jesus died for my sins and god is the creator of heaven and earth, but sometimes we just don't get along.

[Oklahoma Rebel]

thanks slayer, I will look for that book. I think we disagree about medication, because anxiety and clinical depression really are chemical imbalances, and while they don't make the problems go away, I am a lot better off when I am taking them then when not. i appreciate your sincerity, travis

[Oklahoma Rebel]

thanks everyone, I appreciate it

[USMC87]

One thing that really helped my friend during deep depression was working out every day as he felt up to it, I talked with him often and finally he is much better. The key element in our lives is a right relationship with GOD through the person and work of Jesus Christ. I will be praying for you and I will be looking for you to post an update that you are getting better.

[Oklahoma Rebel]

thankyou very much,if 87 is your birthyear then we are the same age

[Oklahoma Rebel]

I appreciate everyones prayers

[Blackwater]

OK, lots of folks doubt the meds, but they do work, usually. FWIW, I'd long doubted them and thought it was just a simple matter of "right thinking." But in waiting for my last surgery, I was given morphine and elavil for the pain. I was only familiar with elavil for it's psychotropic use, and questioned the doc. He said it also had some collateral effects and was sometimes used to enhance pain killers. I took the first dose, and late that night, I had to get my wife to take me to the ER. I was feeling just as paranoid as I could! I told the doc there about it, and he got a grave look and gave my wife an Rx for some pill and told her to have me take it. I did, and it was something that made me sleep until the effects wore off. It wasn't touching the pain really, anyway, so I just toughed it out as best I could and the following day, I had the surgery.

It was a revelation to me how crucial and controlling brain chemistry really can be! And our chemistry truly CAN get out of whack, and when it does, we have to get something to get it back in place again. So the meds really do help, and though I'd doubted them for a long time, I now understand just how crucial and controlling they really can be. And if your psychiatrist isn't working for you, you might consider seeing another, just for comparison's sake. They're MD's, and like any MD, there are some who do better than others. Just a thought anyway.

We'll all be praying for you my brother, and you have been given very good advice about volunteering at the church or similar organizations. The exercise is also great. When depressed, one tends to just ball up and do nothing, and that's the absolute worst thing you CAN do. If you're doing something, even if it's only some craft you enjoy, it really helps. With clinical depression, anything and everything that helps keep you active and involved tends to help. And anything you can find that's humorous can help, too. It's a very tough row to hoe, but together with God, you can bear anything, even this.

You've got an awful lot of great folks praying for you here. That matters, too, but you have to give God a chance for these prayers to work, and that's up to you. And you CAN find success. It's never easy, but that's the whole point of success, which is never easy. It's just always worth it. And if you stick with the church, some time, you'll find something that really matters to you, and you'll come to real faith that nobody and nothing can ever take away from you. Could there be anyone, anywhere who can't use that? I don't think so.

[pmer]

Praying for OK.

[Oklahoma Rebel]

blackwater, casting and reloading is one thing I do to keep myself busy, hunting and fishing also, but I don't get to do that as often as I like because I don't have a vehicle besides a motorcycle, so to go hunting I have to wait til I can borrow my moms suv. as far as the anxiety, I explain it like this. if you are afraid of heights and roller coasters, but get on one, that feeling you get in your chest and stomach on the first high drop' well I feel like that going to a doctor, a job interview, ( which I never get hired because tthey think I am on drugs or crazy, same with the police, they always pull me out of the car, handcuff me and search the car, because I look nervous and must be hiding something )that's just a few examples of what its like to be me. sorry for the rant, but I just want to be understood and not thought of as crazy or inferior. so I appreciate the prayers and will take your advice to heart. thank you, travis

[Oklahoma Rebel]

I am actually planning a hog hunt this weekend, that will help lift my spirits, so wish me luck on that, I have yet to get one

[Boaz]

Hope you do well !

[Pine Baron]

Travis, Good luck on the hunt this weekend. Not to be distracting, but which weapon are you planning on taking? What loads? Your own?
Alright, distraction over.
I certainly understand your anxiety. It can be so overwhelming, as to be paralyzing. I would suggest when your facing it, repeat the Lord's prayer. It works for me, May be of some help for you (sure can't hurt).
Nobody here thinks your crazy or inferior. We are all equal in the eyes of God. Go in peace my brother.

[Oklahoma Rebel]

I am shooting my 1895 45-70 with noe 425gr rnfp over 31.2grs of imr4198 for somewere around 1350-1450. should be enough.

[Pine Baron]

I am shooting my 1895 45-70 with noe 425gr rnfp over 31.2grs of imr4198 for somewere around 1350-1450. should be enough.
Sounds like your good to go! Old timer advice..think about bringing the Smith as a backup (always good to have a backup). Anyway like I said before, good luck, and let us know how you do!

[Oklahoma Rebel]

always do! 158gr semi wad cutters over 5.5gr? bullseye, that may not be right, would need to check. powerful enough but not too much as to lose accuracy. hogs can be nasty, that's the thrill of it. a deer is not gonna charge you!

[GhostHawk]

Worst two years of my life were the 2 years I spent trying to get disability. They sucked, totally.
Like my body was listening, applying for disability eh? I'll show you disabled you bum! And down the hole you go.

In the end my doctor stabbed me in the back so I did not get disability.
My only advantage was that I was a little older, had myself pretty well set up when I started running into health problems.

I live in a small house on a very busy corner, but because of the location the cost was half what it would have been elsewhere. So because I started mowing lawns at 13 yrs old, and because my father was a wise man and made me bank half of every dollar I earned my little house was paid for from day one.

I spent the next year doing 40 hours a week at a job doing hard work and then 40 hours a week on the house. Replumbed myself from the meter all the way. Rewired with help of my shooting buddy. Took out 3 old daughter boards with fuses, put in one 200 amp service with good breakers.

After we got all that done we reroofed it. And then my adrenal glands said "that's it, we have been running on pure WANT TO for the last 2 years and now your burned out"

I was married to a very good woman. She did not leave me or kick me out. She supported me the best she could and kept me sorta sane. Eventually we found a doctor who listened and ran some tests, eventually found the problem. Eventually found a medication that helps.

Best analogy I can give you is this.

If your body had a meter built into it, if you are doing anything the meter needs 2 tokens every 15 minutes to keep running, 8 an hour. But the average person has between 80 and 120 to use in the course of a day.

Then something happens. Now you have 6 tokens for all day. Taking a shower, getting dressed, putting on shoes burned a token. Making supper will burn at least one.

That is what my life was like. And if you are a dang stubborn fool like me, some stuff has to be done.
It doesn't care. So you run some on will power. For the next 3 days you sit in a chair slipping in and out of awareness. You pay double for stuff you do with will power. You can do it, but you will pay.

So eventually we found a way to get a riding lawn mower. Big problem solved.
I learned to not use the will power unless it was desperate.

The point, here I am now, retired, making my 568$ a month Social Security because I did not have any income for the last 10 years. But hey, here I am. Still standing. I made it through it, you can do. You will have to accept that you are going to need help for some time while you learn to cope. It hurts, it bites, but face it head on and accept it.

I will be praying for you OK Kidd.

Life can be hard.
Fix what you can fix when you can fix it.
What you can't fix, forget about. Worrying about it just makes it worse.

For me stress was a killer, any stress. Mental, environmental, marriage, anything.

CHILL.

You are not less a man because right now you are not able to work.

Work with the system to find a drug, a system, something that helps.
Don't give up.

Depression is the worst. It is like a deep hole in clay soil, and it just rained. The more you allow yourself to get angry the more depressed you get the deeper the hole gets.

Break the cycle.

Wake up and look out the window and say to yourself. Hey Lord, here I am, one more day on the green side of the grass. What you got planned for me today? Well I best make the best of it I can.

Every day, say it, out loud. In time you will find you mean it. In time you may find that you can actually put a smile on your face and leave it there.

Find something to do that costs nothing and helps others. Even part time.

Even a little light into that hole is still light, it still helps.

Don't quit. Don't take the cowards way out and suicide. Keep trying.

We all of us fall, constantly, and fail. Learn to define success differently. For me it is getting up once more than I get knocked down. Last man standing is still standing. Doesn't matter how many times he's been beat down to his knees or lower. Standing is standing.

Learn from your mistakes. Treasure your successes. Keep slogging.

Good luck.

[pmer]

So it seems like exercise can help. Can diet make a difference fighting depression? I don't play a doctor on the internet but was just wondering can changes in food lead to small differences in our chemistries. Like for me eating carbs and refined sugars makes me hungry and usually leads to a day of eating the wrong foods.

[w5pv]

Hunting ,fishing or just getting out for a stroll through the woods or along the beach if one is near has always been a good therapy for me.My wife doesn't see how it helps and had rather sit in front of the tube,She is not a lazy person and if it helps her I am all for it.

[Oklahoma Rebel]

ghosthawk, I am going to print your message out. also I feel the same way, as though I am constantly slogging through mud, everything is exhausting to do ( luckily we have a riding mower too) and I find it extremely hard to stay awake though the day even though I sleep at least 10 hours. did you fing out you had something wrong with your adrenal glands or something? and did you experience any discomfort around your kidneys while that was going on, because I believe the adrenal glands are on your kidneys, correct me if I am wrong.

[GhostHawk]

No discomfort in the back at all unless I get fatigued, in which case it sorta feels like I been hauling 150 lbs on my back all day. Sit as I take a load off all is fine.

On a good day I will catch a short nap after breakfast, half hour to 45 min. A longer one after lunch.

If I miss either, or get wired up and can't relax enough to sleep then it hits half an hour after supper.
My wife has learned that if it happens just turn the TV sound up enough so she can hear over the snores.

Takes a pretty good noise to wake me if I'm tired.

Ok you need to have some blood work done sir. Tell your doctor about your being tired, ask him to check cortisol levels. Also thyroid. Both can do you in.

You can push your body to the point where it will just start shutting things down until it finds something that shuts you down. It is not about will power, or stamina. It is about exceeding what you can do until something fails.

They could never put a cause on my adrenal failure. But when they started checking my cortison levels I had one where I had been pretty much chair bound for 4 days before drawing the blood. Levels came back as "undetectable" as in there was NONE to be found.

Over all over time it has gotten somewhat better. But, I shy from stress. I stay calm, cool, collected. I plan my weeks and my days carefully. I don't use will power unless it is an emergency. When I run out of juice I am done. A couple hours of chair time, I watch very little lamestream media tv.

I do spend some time on Youtube when I have time to kill. And being retired I have a fair amount.

I have learned that I can if I choose to do so get in one casting session a day, half hour to an hour with no real problems. Casting and loading ammo, researching new calibers, loads. These are largely head games that take focus and attention but little energy.

Watch out if they try to put you on a prednisone pill. I lived LARGE for 3 days and crashed for 2 weeks after I took the last one.

I am on a daily dose of a cortisone Cortef 25 mg or generic. Been hard to get it here stateside so I order 3 months supply from Canada and reorder while I still have half a bottle left.

OK Kidd it can be hard to keep spending money with medicine but in the long run it is your best bet to get out of that hole.

But, positive mental attitude goes a long way. Find a low stress routine, include at least 1 good nap after lunch. Plan for it, indulge yourself that much. Find some way every week to give something back to someone. Does not matter if you do not get paid.

For me the hardest part was accepting that I was no longer the breadwinner for my family.
Wrapping my head around that without losing self worth seemed impossible. But you can do it.

You got the location right.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adrenal_gland

Maybe that is why I get the fatigue and pain back there. Dunno.

For the first year I dressed only in sweats and moccasin's. Easy to slip in and out of. I very rarely left the house which was I think a big mistake.

You need to get out, but you need to balance that with what your body needs.

Nowdays I have a small dog and I have to walk him every day. Last year I was up to a mile twice a day plus a bike ride. This year has been tougher, think I'm getting old. Or the cheap canadian meds just not cutting it.

Shoot me a PM or an email anytime OK Kidd.

billj69@gmail.com

[Oklahoma Rebel]

thanks man, I also have a dog, a terrier mix about the size of a beagle. she is a good squirrel dog, but besides that, she is my best friend and often the only thing that brightens my day. I think having a dog is almost, well for me is a necessity. I need that constant companion that loves me regardless . thanks again, hope all is well with you.

[Blackwater]

OK, you've gotten some good suggestions above. Main thing is, you have to find what works for YOU. And I've never seen anyone who's depressed fail to benefit from doing something for someone else. It just tends to keep them aware of their power to contribute and mean something to others, and that can't do anything but make one realize how much power you still have within you for good. My wife runs a local Christian thrift store where they take donations and put tiny prices on them, and sell them to folks after cleaning them up and sorting them out and displaying them. They pray with anyone who comes in, whether they buy anything or not, if they ask for it, and often just as a friendly gesture where folks appear open to it. There's a spirit there that pervades everything they do, and it attracts folks, and keeps them coming back regularly, often just to see if there's anything in that they can use. They get all kinds of household goods and clothing, and all of it needs to be sorted out and some of it cleaned so it can be displayed for sale. They charge only about $2 for a nice pair of shoes, and only 25 or 50 cents for a lot of stuff. These places need folks who have the simple time and will to do the sorting and other simple labors needed to keep it going and working for the community. When a family gets burned out by fire, they always simply give them whatever they have that will fit them to help keep them going, and other things similar to that situation. They also have a food bank at this one, and use any funds plus donations (they get quite a few donations) to help the needy, and they have former DFCS folks to qualify and certify any applications for help with the food. They actually do a good job, too!

This is just one possibility for you. One friend of mine whose Dad is a very distinguished and accomplished man, and devout Christian, took my friend to a football game once. As they walked toward the entry gate, every bum and wino they passed hailed his Dad with a big smile and kind word. When they got past these folks, he turned to his Dad and asked, pretty incredulously, "Dad, how is it that all these bums and winos all know you and think so much of you?" His Dad said, "Oh, they're just some of my friends I've made at the soup kitchen I volunteer at." So there's lots of ways a guy like you with all this time on his hands can do that will mean much to others, but even more to you. To get self respect back, and a feeling of real worth and value, the best Rx is to just go and find a way to make a genuine contribution. You probably don't realize how much things like this mean to people of humble and destitute means can really be. For some, even just a kind word can mean an awful lot, and it's all done by folks who simply say, "Let it begin with me." You have a lot of time. Let that be your contribution. And it'll also let you get some exercise, too, which is always helpful and good for you.

Just go in search of a way to make a contribution that works for you, among folks who'll simply appreciate your donation of your time. There are other ways, and these are just some humble suggestions, but they can help an awful lot of folks in addition to making a difference in your own life. Give it at least some consideration, and a good try, and I think you'll find that it really can make a significant difference for you. And just know we're all praying for you sincerely. You're obviously too good a guy and have too big a heart to just sit and do little or nothing. It might take a real step of courage to take the first step, but I think you'll find the rewards so VERY much worth it, that it'll probably be hard to resist that first step. Keep your faith, and it'll be proven out in time, but you have to give it a real chance, and that's your part in it all. God be with you and guide you in it all.

[shoot-n-lead]

Prayer sent.

[GhostHawk]

This ones for you Kidd!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khDb3kbErTQ

Lay the problems you can not deal with now at HIS feet, leave them there.

I also fully agree with Blackwater. I know it is hard to leave the house.
But even a couple of hours a week can make a huge difference in how you feel about yourself.

[skeettx]

OK, I have prayed for you
You can take that and have confidence in God loving YOU
Yes, you, as you ARE now
Please keep us posted on your adventures
Mike

[Oklahoma Rebel]

thank you very much, I will, you will also see me around in some of the other forums I am sure

[Blackwater]

You're doing the right thing by reaching out and taking some good advice. The Lord promised us all that if we seek, we'll find, and you're seeking, so you WILL find. Only thing that can keep you from finding is not taking action. Ghost is right. It may be hard to leave the house, but like Confucius said, even the longest and most arduous journeys all begin with taking that first step. There's a light within you that will help you do that, if you just let it. And I have a strong sense that you're on the virge of a great process of discovery and finding some real satisfaction in your life. Folks in your situation often sit and wait for someone to help them. Those rarely fare well. But you've sought help and good advice. That alone sets you apart from many who suffer as you do. And that defines you as someone who can and will defeat it. It can influence you only - NOT control you unless you allow it to. And you've already taken that first step in asking. I have great faith that you'll find some real satisfaction in your life of a kind that many can never know. And that ain't no small thing, OK. No small thing at all. Even the high and mighty can't get anywhere if they don't keep putting one foot in front of the other. The Lord will smile on you most, when you do what's hardest for you. He knows and understands your troubles. He cares. But he can't just reach down and touch you and take this from you. Maybe you've been chosen to carry this load because to Him, you're special? He never puts anything on us that we're not capable of carrying. So take heart, have faith, and this time next year, you'll almost surely be a different person.

Just getting in somewhere where folks know and trust you, and understand what you're going through, is enough to make a huge difference. My wife has some folks who are pretty physically challenged. She worries some of them will fall and break a hip they're so challenged. But they keep coming just for the comraderie they have there and for the satisfaction of meaning something to the folks who come in and really need what they have. Just giving some little kid some toy that seems meaningless to most folks might be a great boon to the little kid. One little Mexican boy had a dime and asked her if it was enough for a little toy that was marked 25 ceents. She just smiled and said, "That's just the right amount, tore the sticker off and handed it to the little boy. You can't believe how excited he was about a simple little used toy someone had thrown out!

It's all in the perspective. Folks who have little appreciate even the smallest things WAY out of proportion to what most of us would. And mostly, I think they are just impressed that someone genuinely loves them and wants them to be happy. And these type things are very common there.

People who whiz about town with their laundry lists of things they want to do never seem to see these type folks, really, other than maybe to smirk at them and put them down. But they're often really good human beings just trying to get by in the world, and having a difficult time of it.

It's been said that a man never stands so high as when he stoops to help a child, but it also applies whenever folks bend down to help someone in any sort of way, even in the little things. And who knows how many folks will come to belief because of what we do that's just simply a very simple, humble, human thing to do? God uses many folks who are challenged as you are. All you have to do, really, is just let Him, and give Him a chance to use you in some way. It'll mean even more to you, probably, than it will to whoever you help. And it's just sitting out there waiting for you to make a move on it. I wish you well, not just in the first effort, but in your whole journey. There may be times when you find doubt standing in your way. That's Evil talking! Just keep doing good, and it'll return to you many fold. Most folks don't have the time you have to do these simple things. Mostly, only the retired, and many of those don't have your energy. So you have a real advantage in your youthfulness, compared to many there, so be prepared to give your muscles a good workout when it comes to heavy things. Many have soft of brittle bones. You're in good shape there! They need folks like you, and you can really make a difference to them, and maybe help keep one or more of them from injury.

You have much more to offer than you probably realize. And using it can change your whole outlook on yourself and your condition. I think you'd be a very valuable and very appreciated contributor to such an operation, even if it is kind'a boring. The folks who volunteer are usually busy gossiping, so you'll know everything that's going on in the community without even turning on the radio to the local news! :-D The folks there that volunteer regularly tend to become a 2nd "family," too, and a very pleasant and interesting one to boot! And you would likely come to be a very vital part of that family, with your abilities that they can't match. Sort of a "big man on campus" type of thing, really. And THAT can't help but change your attitude toward your feelings. How could it NOT make a huge difference?