A personal story and request for prayers

[DerekP Houston]

So, obviously if you have seen my posts in the chapel I am still quite new to this "being a good christian" thing. I grew up Methodist but honestly couldn't tell you anything I learned other than I didn't like the people nor the way they treated my parents when they both worked at the church. Heck, thinking back on it now I'm ashamed of the way *I* treated my parents and will forever be in the debt that they put up with. For me it seemed the golden rule was enough. or my personal version "try not to be a dick unless they've earned it"

I was clearly wrong and missed out on something, or perhaps it just took me hitting bottom before I could look back up.

I worked a number of carpy jobs over the years, simply to make ends meet and provide for myself. This changed when I got married and we tried the whole "lets be roommates" thing for awhile. Years later we hadn't adjusted our finances even though the scale shifted first in her favor, then in mine, back to her, and finally with the assistance of my best friend I landed a "career" instead of just a job. I recognize now it wasn't fair to expect things to be 50/50, I had a ton of "fun money" and she was buried in debt trying to keep up with the bills still. I am now the stereotypical male role model from the 50's, I would rather have her at home and relax with the kiddo than bust her butt all over working 12hr days just to make money we don't actually need. My spending habits got a bit ridiculous, and if you watch my posts or feed you'll see I give in to temptation way too easily and pretty much insist on having top of the line equipment in all aspects.

I don't know why he continually sticks up for me and fights to keep me around, I don't personally think I was qualified for either of the jobs but I *CAN* do them. Googling answers and just being too angry and stubborn to give up or calling in for help when I was overwhelmed (remote tech support line). I've landed firmly on my feet, paid off everything and then some, own a house and 2 cars and actually have a future...all because one guy stuck his neck on the line for me not once, but twice. I try to pay it forward as I can, but I still feel ashamed i couldn't get there on my own. Is what it is.

Due to these random jobs and overall low pay through my teens and twenties I developed a lot of coping mechanisms and avoidance techniques to make myself feel better. Let's just be honest...I delayed my problems and now I'm dealing with them again. I avoided dentists and doctors because by budget didn't allow it and there were things I'd rather buy first (like rent, utilities, and food...).

This carried over when I had more money to just me avoiding them in general. At my lowest points I didn't think I would honestly see 30, just because I didn't deserve it. I tried to warn my wife ahead of time and make a will, she calls me depressing. If you have heard of the people who want perfect bodies, I ain't one of them. I am scarred and broken and assumed if I made it that far I would call it good enough. I drank to excess and still do by accident. I know I shouldn't but one beer turns in to 3 turns in to 6 real quick around me. Sodas were just as bad and have destroyed my teeth due to the sugar and acidity that I downed just trying to keep enough energy to keep moving.

In my mind, what other choice did I have? As the only white guy in most kitchens I had to haul *** just to prove I was worth keeping around. I learned my name meant an insult in spanish and decided fine "laugh at this wheddo run circles around you with 9 fingers and a thumb superglued back together" I repeatedly injured my hands, burned myself to all get out, all to prove I could keep up and not be a burden. With an overpriced culinary degree I made barely above minimum wage the entire time and frequently got shorted.

My backup plan had always been to volunteer for service and at least prove I was worthwhile via that method. After all, what does it take for me to stand up and get shot at? If I could save one guy smarter than me, that's a whole bunch of better American's than myself that would've gotten to go home. Well, that dream was shattered. I'm too stubborn, too depressed, too old and fat, and question things way too much to be of use to them. I spoke to Marines, Air Force, Army, and Coast guard....out of all of them they only willing to look was Coast Guard, and once they found out my details and medication politely declined. I understand it, it just makes me more ashamed i didn't try harder when I was younger. Just like getting laid off at my first career, it physically stung that I was not accepted and just tossed out on the curb without a thought.

I am trying to be a better person now, but the doctor scares the **** out of me. I believe I have 2 hernia? due to the bulges on my stomach; and a number of lumps on my sides that could be anything from fatty tissue, to cysts, to what I have always thought it was...big C. Today I make the first step towards righting that wrong and at least getting it checked out by the dr. I haven't been able to sleep since we made the appointment because burying my head was easier than knowing. Frankly it scares the **** out of me and causes me huge amounts of anxiety (my personal panic attacks are breathing related, I get short winded and panic I can't breath).

So there's my story. Do with it what you will. I've drawn my line in the sand and given up thinking I've been right about these things.

If yall have time, i would appreciate a good word with the big man, i honestly don't know what to do anymore.

If I had a spirit animal, I'd like to think it is a pitbull.

[jcren]

Prayers sent. Sometimes you have to be at the bottom to look up.

[USMC87]

Well Derek, I am sorry to hear of all your troubles that are plaguing you at this time. I will be praying for your health problems but most of all for a right relationship with God. Keep posting your progress and know we will continue praying for you.

[Blackwater]

Derek, that was a great testimonial. I think you're headed very much in the right direction. And BTW, what you've described is a very old and very common story. It has many facets, like all of us humans tend to be, but primarily and above everything else, it's a story of pride and pridefulness - expecting ourselves to conquer all no matter what befalls us.

I have a sense that you're going to love Christianity. It has the answers for anything and everything that can befall you, and it'll change your whole attitude and outlook on life and all the people you meet in it. Where once there was pride and cynically setting irrational goals for yourself, you'll become humble, but keep your aggressiveness. Just make sure it's more controlled and rational than it's been in the past, before becoming a Christian.

You're in the beginning of a great adventure, the greatest of your life. You'll learn things every day, often without even realizing it until later. Just simply BEING a Christian is a very humbling thing, and it matures us like nothing else in our world can. And it's a process. You're at the beginning of it, so expect there to be continuing realizations as you progress in it.

It's just like being a kid again, in a way. As kids, we first learn to walk, then to run and jump, then we start biting off the harder things in life. Your progress in Christianity will be very much like that. And don't be shocked or disappointed if you hit "dry spells" when you don't think you're learning and progressing. Christian maturity comes at its own pace, and in its own time, and as we ourselves change and modify ourselves over time through experience.

I'm sitting here smiling and a bit envious of you. I remember how exciting it was for me, and then how let down I was initially. I'd expected the skies to open and the earth to move. That didn't happen of course, so I was a little let down. But I shouldn't have been, and I realize that now.

Becoming a Christian is more like studying for a test in college, so that we'll have the answers when we need them. Some we carry with us for years before getting a real chance to use them. But we always HAVE them, and that's the most important thing. If you get it all figured out, you'll have far surpassed my meager achievements, but I'll be very much proud for you anyway.

We each progress as we are able, and often don't realize what we need to enable us to progress further until it simply happens, often by accident. Patience has always been my Achilles heel, but it's one of the chief things that you're going to need along your way. If you tend to be as impatient as I tend to be, I think you'll find that it's one of the hardest lessons in Christianity to learn. But once you do, it's a startlingly significant and satisfying thing.

I can't say I'm still quite as patient as I ought to be, but to the extent that I've learned it, it has provided me a tremendous amount of solace and has freed me up to simply enjoy the here and now (actually the only time we really HAVE) much more fully and with much more joy in my life.

It's funny how we progress as we experience and actualize and learn to apply our Christian faith. Much of the time, the way it works seems paradoxical. But it's our expectations that were off kilter, and not Christianity. It lets us learn as we're able, and is patient with us. Therefore, it seems "right" that we should have to learn to be patient with it, doesn't it? We may not LIKE that if we're like you and I tend to be, but learning to accept realities we've not traditionally WANTED to is part of the maturation process that Christianity forces upon us as we mature in it.

You're in for an exciting future, much moreso now that you've become Christian. It won't all be fun, but if you let it, it'll be consistently edifying, and it'll shape you into what you were always meant to be, and for so long resisted. It'll let you love more openly and completely and fully, it'll provide you with more joy in your heart than you ever could have known without it, and it'll do things to you that will shape you like a sculptor's chisels, into something that you really didn't even know you really wanted to be. I wish you well. It won't be easy, unfortunately, but it'll always be eminently worth it.

Guys like you and I don't much LIKE being humbled, but .... Christianity will NEVER do anything bad for you. Hard, maybe, but never bad for you, and the hardest parts are where you're learning the most and changing for the better. Remember that sculptor's chisels. It'll help you understand and accept the harder stuff that we all confront when becoming Christian. Good luck, brother! You have your whole world before you now!

[claude]

43 But now thus saith the Lord that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine.
2 When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.
3 For I am the Lord thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour:....
25 I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins.
26 Put me in remembrance: let us plead together: declare thou, that thou mayest be justified.


You might be talking to the wrong people, He is your source.

As with all prayer requests, I pray His will be done.

[Hickok]

Brother, prays sent in the Name of Jesus for you.

[square butte]

May the Lord be with you and make his presence known to you Derek

[Preacher Jim]

Derek, i know your story from the inside because i lived it. it was not till one evening that i realized everything the world had offered me had failed. i had money, power and a wife. but I was miserable, my life was empty and my future looked like last month. i read John 3:15 - 18 over and over. i finally cried out Lord if you love me and Jesus died for my sins come in to my heart. the next day i called a southern Baptist preacher i had met and told him i wanted to talk to him. he helped me cement what i had done the night before. i was baptized that following Sunday and in honesty i would not trade life on this side of Christ for every thing i had before.

[DerekP Houston]

See I passed on communion because I don't honestly remember being baptized and I don't want to be a hypocrite. Does it count if I don't remember or if I didn't take it seriously? I honestly don't know. I'm willing to at least have an open mind and take a look. I still think I'll visit a few other churches before I make up my mind.

Thanks for not judging too harshly, just something I needed to get off my chest.

[w5pv]

Amen and may the Lord bless you and family

[shoot-n-lead]

Prayer sent.

[Hickok]

See I passed on communion because I don't honestly remember being baptized and I don't want to be a hypocrite. Does it count if I don't remember or if I didn't take it seriously? I honestly don't know. I'm willing to at least have an open mind and take a look. I still think I'll visit a few other churches before I make up my mind.

Thanks for not judging too harshly, just something I needed to get off my chest.Derek, Jesus Christ does the saving, go to Him in prayer and tell Him everything you feel.. If in doubt, reaffirm your faith and commitment to Christ Jesus as your Lord, Savior, and Redeemer. Ask Him and He will receive you into His forgiveness and love. Christ is always ready to welcome you. That is why He went to the cross and suffered and died for all who would come to Him in faith.

Remember, Jesus doesn't save in parts or pieces, He saves entirely and fully.

Baptism is an act of obedience and public admission of our faith in the Lord. If you can't remember getting baptized, as soon as you find a good, Bible preaching/teaching Church that has a Washed in the blood preacher, ask to be baptized.

Don't give up on Jesus, He will never give up on you.

[DerekP Houston]

Turns out I've been freaking out for a year over nothing. Benign fatty tumors that are showing up because my fat butt finally started losing weight. Asthma is and allergies are causing the shortness of breath as he didn't hear anything during my lung function test that worried him. Blood work done and will be scheduling surgery to remove the worst of these masses.

Thanks all yall for reading and your prayers.

[USMC87]

Derek it is good news to hear of the results of your test, prayers are continued.

[Preacher Jim]

Sounds like the Lord answered prayers, Derek

[Smoke4320]

Derek it is good news to hear of the results of your test, prayers are continued.
Now that you have some good news don't go back to the old habits . Move forward in the Christ walk

[Blackwater]

See I passed on communion because I don't honestly remember being baptized and I don't want to be a hypocrite. Does it count if I don't remember or if I didn't take it seriously? I honestly don't know. I'm willing to at least have an open mind and take a look. I still think I'll visit a few other churches before I make up my mind.

Thanks for not judging too harshly, just something I needed to get off my chest.

Derek, if you run across anyone who professes to be a Christian, who holds your past against you, they may profess Christianity, but they're certainly NOT practicing it! Remember, St. Paul was the Christian persecutor Saul before he was hit by that great, blinding light on the road to Damascus, and C. S. Lewis was an atheist who had set out to PROVE Christianity to be completely lies and pretensions before becoming a Christian himself, and in the process of trying to prove it false. Many, many have come from MUCH worse backgrounds than you have, but God doesn't hold any of it against them. Christianity is literally a New Beginning for ALL of us.

And remember, "for ALL have sinned and come short of the glory of God." Not one of us every could, even at our dead level best, have EARNED our salvation. It's a gift, given freely, and paid for by the blood our Lord shed on the cross in our stead, so we wouldn't have to suffer for our sins. His perfect and inestimable sacrifice paid for every sin ever committed for the past 2,000 years! ALL of them, and all our haughtiness, self-absorption, etc., etc., etc. You're literally a new creature, now, forgiven for all your past sins, and though you'll continue to be human, with God's help, you'll learn to do SO much better, and to apologize and accept forgiveness yet again when you err .... and like all of us, you WILL err from time to time, but nothing like what you'd have done had you not given your life to Christ.

Our initial expectations on becoming a Christian are often rather grandiose, probably because it's such a shock to our system at it all. But being a Christian is a long, long walk, and it's not suddenly free of challenges and problems just because we gave ourselves to Christ. It would be easy if it was like that, but it's just not. What Christianity does, really, is give us the power and potential to meet literally anything, even our own demise, with a glad heart and a steady keel, if we but let it work within us. There'll be many, many temptations now for you, too, BTW. Satan NEVER rests, and when one comes to Christ, it's Satan's way to send the new convert many temptations to return to his or her former, cynical and haughty ways. You'll need to watch for that, because it's almost surely coming at you at some point.

Christianity is, like everything in life, yet another form of challenge, but it's the only one that really pays off in the end. With all other challenges in life, we win or lose and it's over, but as Christians, it's simply a way and opportunity to show our faith and belief and trust in the Lord, and what would Christianity really BE without an opportunity to do that? We'll never EARN our way to Heaven, but we CAN at least demonstrate that what we believe is real and abiding within us. And in the end, it'll be a real source of amusement to you how seriously you took things that really didn't matter that much after all.

I've been praying for you for a while now and will continue praying that you find the key to your own satisfaction within the faith. It'll surely come if you keep your eyes on the prize, and when it comes, you'll likely not even realize it until one day, you just realize it's been with you since the beginning. It's a little like finding something in your pocket that you'd forgotten was there, and didn't remember to even ask about it.

It's really awesome to see another addition to the flock. Congratulations and you're doing it very much the right way, in looking for a church that "clicks" with you. I really admire your brutal honesty. It'll be a real asset as you progress in the faith. Make really sure you never lose that. You'll need it somewhere along the way. Satan will see to that, I can pretty well guarantee you.

Praise God for your decision! You now have a friend who is all powerful and all knowing, and who loves you more than you or I could ever conceive of being loved. Go with God. He'll never let you down, while all mortals will, in some way or another. Peace be with you.

[Pine Baron]

Sounds like the Lord answered prayers, Derek

All Glory to God. Amen

[JonB_in_Glencoe]

Derek,
It sounds like you've had quite the morning. I'll pray for your continued search for a life with Jesus.
Jon

[DerekP Houston]

Now that you have some good news don't go back to the old habits . Move forward in the Christ walk

I make no promises but will try my best. Ain't the first time I've fallen off the wagon on things I meant to do. I'll just keep doing my thing and hope for the best.



Derek,
It sounds like you've had quite the morning. I'll pray for your continued search for a life with Jesus.
Jon

You have no idea, it really has been bothering me and stressing me out more than I realized.

Next on my list is a dentist to fix this ugly mug.

Will go ahead and say this thread can be closed if needed, unless yall want me to follow up at a later date.

[Char-Gar]

I am glad your heath fears turned out unfounded. You have lots of hills to climb and alligators to fight. My prayers will be with you on the journey.

[Hogtamer]

Your friend Jesus knows about suffering, even though he brought none of it on himself. Pray fervently for strength today and hope for tomorrow and both will be realized. Go hunting for believing men and you know where not to find them. May our loving Father bless you. He knows where you need it most.

[Preacher Jim]

Derek one follow up I had been baptized in a church as a child. When I turned my life over to Christ I wanted to be baptized for the right reason my outward commitment to my savior.
Whole town showed up to see the meanest man in town baptized.

[Clay M]

Sound like you are on the right road forward.
I had Sarcoidosis ( a lung disease) back in 81.
It looked like lung cancer on X- rays . Had all the test with no conclusive diagnosis.

The doctors wanted to do a thoracotomy, and I wouldn't let them.

I watched it on xrays and it went away after a few years.

It left me with fatty lumps on several places.
The doctors said they were beguine.

Sound like you have come a long way and made progress.

Just keep moving forward..

The Lord will give you strength to make it the rest of the way.

[Boaz]

I will pray for you and your family to find a church home . Thank you for posting .

[OS OK]

Derek, now that you have asked our Lord Jesus to be the Lord of your life, you have made the 'one' most important decision any mortal can make. You have secured your eternal future in the 'presence' of God Almighty. From the very first second of your new Christian life you are now a Son of the Living God. You are more important to Him than you think your son is important to you, God has perfect love, something we don't really understand. Your sins in the past are forgiven and will never be held against you ever. They are as far from you now as the East is to the West. You are now clean as an unsoiled dove. Your name is written in 'The Lambs Book of Life'.
Jesus makes straight and narrow the path before you now, although we humans tend to follow in a manner more like a sign wave, but with our continued daily effort to keep our eyes on Jesus and to communicate with Him daily, our paths tend to straighten somewhat.
Prayer is not limited to evenings before bed or the dinner table, prayer can be driving down the road at 55mph or casting or loading or raking the front yard...prayer is for any moment you want guidance or solice or have a problem to lay in Jesus's hands.
Now that you are a Christian you will receive gifts from the Holy Spirit, the first being 'discernment', it is a new type of knowing things that comes from deep within the heart or seeing through the wiles of the Devil's daily attacks. Other gifts you may be given might be that you will find service to other people, some are given the gift of healing, or any number of gifts...they always are of service to others and always bring Glory to God.
One gift may be that you want to get involved in the Church, whether you vacuum or become one of the Ushers or who knows what...It seems that most Churches only have 5 to 10% of the members that volunteer to help run the daily affairs. The Holy Spirit will lead you in all these matters, He is that still voice inside that admonishes you to do better, the Holy Spirit has His responsibilities within the Trinity...He also teaches...I could go on and on but I think some scripture is best concerning the Holy Spirit...Spiritual Gifts1Co 12:1 (verseid:46.12.1) Now concerning spiritual gifts, brethren, I would not have you ignorant.
1Co 12:2 (verseid:46.12.2) Ye know that ye were Gentiles, carried away unto these dumb idols, even as ye were led.
1Co 12:3 (verseid:46.12.3) Wherefore I give you to understand, that no man speaking by the Spirit of God calleth Jesus accursed: and that no man can say that Jesus is the Lord, but by the Holy Ghost.
1Co 12:4 (verseid:46.12.4) Now there are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit.
1Co 12:5 (verseid:46.12.5) And there are differences of administrations, but the same Lord.
1Co 12:6 (verseid:46.12.6) And there are diversities of operations, but it is the same God which worketh all in all.
1Co 12:7 (verseid:46.12.7) But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to every man to profit withal.
1Co 12:8 (verseid:46.12.8) For to one is given by the Spirit the word of wisdom; to another the word of knowledge by the same Spirit;
1Co 12:9 (verseid:46.12.9) To another faith by the same Spirit; to another the gifts of healing by the same Spirit;
1Co 12:10 (verseid:46.12.10) To another the working of miracles; to another prophecy; to another discerning of spirits; to another divers kinds of tongues; to another the interpretation of tongues:
1Co 12:11 (verseid:46.12.11) But all these worketh that one and the selfsame Spirit, dividing to every man severally as he will.

You are going to live the rest of your life within God's Grace, under his protection...being washed in the Blood of Christ you have power over the demons, they may not harm you. We have used more of our brain power, what is it 6%?...than we have used of the Power of the Blood of Christ.
This is the Number One Family in all the Universe, you are now a Son of God Almighty.

You might be getting old, fat and ugly but...now...you are my old fat and ugly little Brother in Christ, were family Bro!
I will include you in my prayers, that you may have the sun to your back, the wind in your face and your eyes on Jesus.......charlie

[MaryB]

Prayers and now that you have opened up keep this open to post your ups and down because we all back slide at times and need a little boost forward that talking it out can give!

[Teddy (punchie)]

Praying for your walk with God. Hope you learn to be more like a sheep than a Bit Bull . Talk to God, continue to ask him for help. Try your best to listen to what is said in the Bible. Teddy

[Blackwater]

Teddy, I think you may have put your finger on the hardest part of maturing as a Christian. Many of us (most?) are willful, and being a "sheep" involves complying with our shepherd and staying with the flock, when we often want to see what's over the next hill. Willfulness is our biggest problem, often, if not usually. It's just how we seem to be generally wired together, and it's what we have to overcome, by hook or crook, to become what Christ wants us to be, and what we need to be, but can't often understand the reason for.

Life really IS an adventure, isn't it?

[buckwheatpaul]

Father, Derek bared it all and is floundering...please take him by the hand and show him the way. Show him how to turn it over to You and You will be right there with him as he fights his fights. Show him that his path will have less worry and more happiness trusting in You and that his challenges will be easier through You. Father, Derek needs Your help, grace and attention. Please hear my prayer. AMEN

[Pine Baron]

Amen, Paul.
Derek, you're not alone. Most of us have been there. Your all set for a wondrous journey. God Bless you and go in peace.

[DerekP Houston]

Amen, Paul.
Derek, you're not alone. Most of us have been there. Your all set for a wondrous journey. God Bless you and go in peace.

Figuring this out one day at a time. I ain't going to stop being a pit bull though, Ill just use it for a different cause.

[Victor N TN]

Life long friend of mine was a preacher until the day he died. He told people from the pulpit, "all you got to do is tell Jesus you're not saved, but you want to be". But you got to mean it in your heart. Prayers sent in your name.

[Blackwater]

Figuring this out one day at a time. I ain't going to stop being a pit bull though, Ill just use it for a different cause.

Amen! But just be careful in your initial phases of your journey. Be sure to "study to show thyself approved" before you lead yourself or someone else down a dead end road. I suspect many, if not most of us have done that at some point. But also, once you've found enough to give you some real confidence, and realized that NOBODY can do it on his or her own in this life, use that aggressive streak in you effectively bring others to Christ. Don't scare 'em off, which isn't hard to do these days, what with many having such delicate sensibilities and expectations.

Christ NEVER advised us to be "mousy," but at times when Christians could be and were killed just for their beliefs, He DID tell them to be gentle and wise. He never intended for any of us to die in vain, but in His service and care. The degree and nature of His love is beyond our ability to conceive, I think, but we CAN get a pretty good idea of it IF we'll just "study to show thyself approved."

And once you've read the Bible enough, it'll be time to start reading theology from others' perspectives, and seeing what they've made of the very same things you've read. It really, really helps to see how much others saw in it, and how much we missed in our own readings. I think the Bible is too huge for any of us to really get more than a workmanlike hold on its full meanings. But that makes it a proposition of constant and on-going discovery, and who among us doesn't love to discover good and worthy things?

Christianity always has been, and always will be, a real adventure. It's not a destination, but a search and an adventure, that'll prove, once you get into it to a certain depth, to be the most awe inspiring pursuit you'll ever find in this life. It gets bigger the more you "chew on it," but this time, in a very GOOD way. I guess that's part of the things that keep us veterans in it so engrossed and increasingly awed and even stunned sometimes, at how it all works. I think many of us envy your position right now, and would like to trade places with you just so we could do it all over again. That may seem contradictory, but like I said, Christianity is full of paradoxes. When you encounter one, be sure to take a 2nd look at it before you turn away from it. They can be the MOST edifying and instructive things we encounter in our pursuit and efforts to understand more and better. You're a lucky man, Derek, and you're about to begin realizing just HOW lucky you really are. My prayers are with you.

[DerekP Houston]

that's fine. Thanks for the comments and prayers in my favor.

Song of the day:

Treat you better.....like I know I should

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lY2yjAdbvdQ

I'm done worrying about anything but me and mine, yall are welcome to your own opinions. I'll trust in the big man and see things through to the end.

Reading the bible still gives me a headache...will work through it but I take a lot of notes and have to look up the relevant details as I go. Slow digestion is good for the stomach so I assume good for the soul?

[Bzcraig]

Well Derek, I am sorry to hear of all your troubles that are plaguing you at this time. I will be praying for your health problems but most of all for a right relationship with God. Keep posting your progress and know we will continue praying for you.

Amen! Great news Derek and keep moving forward in your relationship with Christ.

[Blackwater]

Slow digestion is good for the stomach so I assume good for the soul?

Derek, you impress me with how sharp your perceptions, expectations and analogies are. I said before, I thought you were in the process of becoming a really great Christian, and not just one of the "madding crowd." I meant that, and those are some of the reasons why. And your determination and stick-to-itiveness will surely be great aids in your own personal quest. Right now, you're a rough ashlar, but let God work in you, and you'll be a perfect ashlar, and one day, you'll grace Heaven with your presence, and it will grace you by having you there.

Christianity is never quite what we envisioned it to be in our initial phases of the conversion and growth in it. But it's always right, when we're so often wrong, or coming at it from the wrong angle. Planes landing on aircraft carriers have to come in at just the right angle to have a good landing. Some things in Christianity are very much like that, too. But you'll learn them as you go. Whenever you get perplexed, or find that the answers aren't quite what you thought they'd be, or when you find them to be almost directly the opposite of what you thought they'd be, keep that angle in mind. You'll have occasion to use it and benefit from it.

I'm sitting here smiling now, proud of your progress and decisions. I know a little of the adventure that lies ahead of you, and wish I could go back through the awesome process of discovery that you're into now. It's so pleasurable just remembering it, and how what I'd once thought of as difficult, was really so easy, once I'd changed enough to see the answers, and simply let them in rather than trying to force them. Some answers just can't be forced, like a wild bird, but if you lie still, sometimes they'll come alight right on you. I'll never understand just why things sometimes work like that, but I'm not fool enough to deny they do! I have learned the serenity, it seems, to simply accept things I know to be real, without having to understand all the whys and wherefores of it all.

All of life is a mystery, if you look at it right, and we get answers every so often as we make our way through it. Sure makes us appreciate the things we learn SO much more than if they came easily, doesn't it?

[skeettx]

Derek
Yes, do understand your course of life
I am thankful God sent a little red haired girl to explain His love to me.

1. God loves you John 3:16
2. God is not mad at you John 3:17
3. Either you have Christ or you don't John 3:18
How do you "get" Christ Romans 10:9-11

It only took me years to get it through my thick head

Mike

[OS OK]

172282


that's fine. Thanks for the comments and prayers in my favor.

Song of the day:

Treat you better.....like I know I should

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lY2yjAdbvdQ

I'm done worrying about anything but me and mine, yall are welcome to your own opinions. I'll trust in the big man and see things through to the end.

Reading the bible still gives me a headache...will work through it but I take a lot of notes and have to look up the relevant details as I go. Slow digestion is good for the stomach so I assume good for the soul?

If you get yourself an 'illustrated bible dictionary' and use it every time something stumps you your study will emerge into a revealing endeavor. To understand the ancient Jews lifestyle and how the world was around him will make the KJV blossom.

[DerekP Houston]

So, along with all my good news...I found the flip side of the coin today. On a whim I invited my grandfather out to lunch and found out why he has been avoiding everyone. Malignant tumor on his neck is growing fast and no course of treatment. They did a surgery back around Thanksgiving and from what the rest of us heard all was well. Turns out they missed some or it just came back that fast. His options being the following.

1: surgery again, most likely end up in nursing home
2: chemo/radiation, most likely end up in a nursing home or hospise
3: be stubborn like our family is known for and just enjoy the high quality of life he has left.

So, while I am saddened by the news, I'm not surprised he chose option 3. He is 91 years old and according to him "had a good run and is happy where he is."

We had a good chat about him growing up in a Masonic home, I've considering looking in to becoming a member or at least volunteering some time/donations as without their kindness in 1929 none of us would exist. If anyone has any info about it please let me know, just another thing to add to my research list. Don't know if I would be accepted from the lodge, but I do have grandparents on both sides whom were members so I think I am eligible to at least start the process.

One other question, tithing....

One of my other issues with the organized church of my youth was the *enforced* tithing and shaming that went on if you didn't "donate enough." I respect the fact I need to give back and I'd like to help out, but handing over cash is just an odd thing I can't bring myself to do. Instead I've decided I will volunteer my time, and donate to people that I can actually talk to, hear their story, and decide how to help them best. Not sure if that counts or not, but it is my decision for now.

[skeettx]

Tithing Old Testament owed to God,
New Testament, It ALL belongs to God, use it ALL to Glorify Him, but manage it wisely
Tithing is Good, Offerings above the tithe is best, BUT all that is between you and God.


Mal 3:10-12
10 "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, so that there may be food in My house, and test Me now in this," says the LORD of hosts, "if I will not open for you the windows of heaven, and pour out for you a blessing until it overflows.
11 "Then I will rebuke the devourer for you, so that it may not destroy the fruits of the ground; nor will your vine in the field cast {its grapes} " says the LORD of hosts.
12 "And all the nations will call you blessed, for you shall be a delightful land," says the LORD of hosts.
(NAS)

I guess the paradigm is that "Its about God and its not about me"

[DerekP Houston]

I will try to manage it wisely and help others as best I can. I do believe my time would be more valuable than the cash to the present one, so I'll go along with my original thoughts. Thanks for the follow up. Like I said, I'm not opposed to the idea, i've just seen it abused and wasted previously and it irked me. It was the transition from a local church to a mega church and constantly pressing people to donate for building funds and other events that in my eyes weren't really needed. The congregation did not change in size, they just wanted a massive church because everyone else wanted one.

Thanks for the perspective.

[OS OK]

If you find yourself in a Church that preaches more tithing/demands more in tithing/doesn't merely tell you what scripture says and leaves it to you and how God speaks to you...get the heck out of there and don't let the door hit you in the butt...find yourself a teaching church with a bold Pastor that tells the truth whether you like it or not. In the late 50's early 60's our little Baptist Church got fixed on building a Church that would rival the Methodist down the block, they spent longer and longer harping on the tithing and the message got shorter and shorter...we left.
About the Masons...'forget about' the Masons. Read 'Morals and Dogma' by Albert Pike. There's another book but I'll have to find it before I can give exact title and author.
Stick with a good Church instead.

[Blackwater]

One other question, tithing....

One of my other issues with the organized church of my youth was the *enforced* tithing and shaming that went on if you didn't "donate enough." I respect the fact I need to give back and I'd like to help out, but handing over cash is just an odd thing I can't bring myself to do. Instead I've decided I will volunteer my time, and donate to people that I can actually talk to, hear their story, and decide how to help them best. Not sure if that counts or not, but it is my decision for now.

I understand. Even when I was young and before I made my own profession of faith, I often got the impression that SOME of the preachers we had in our little country church seemed to be a LOT more concerned with the donation plate, than with the members' salvation. It wasn't uncommon to overhear the adults saying so, as well. But most preachers back then were essentially uneducated, and mostly went on "faith," and some of that faith was pretty wobbly for them. But there were so many small churches, that we all struggled along, and "made do" with what we could find and get as they made their way through life, and noted but seldom mentioned the shortcomings of "men of God." It was just "good manners," back then, unless you were with known good confidants.

And it was the judgmentalism, I think, that many resented much moreso than the giving. Most would have gladly given a lot more had not some been rather "snooty" and seemingly found glee in putting others down for what they gave. Many of those criticized would give profusely when an endeavor of the church needed it, and in the end, likely gave more than the "snoots" that so commonly and haughtily found fault.

But NEVER let the idjits in any church (they all have some) keep you from the good in the one that "clicks" with you. That's harming yourself, due to anger and pride. Just let it slide off like water off a duck's back, note it, but don't respond. No need to, since there's little to nothing you can do to change these types unless and until they have something in their lives humble them enough to see the log in their own eye, and stop looking for the specks in others. Those who seek to criticize those who are new to the church are often the greatest detriment the new folks can ever meet, and it seems they ALWAYS have to have their prideful input!

But you seem to be a veteran of many battles, and I trust your good judgment to know what to deal with and what to gloss over and let go. I think they call that "maturity." And those who let the idjits in our churches turn them off the whole church, really shoot themselves in the foot.

But also, don't just get tired of trying out churches. Somewhere, there's one that you'll find just seems "right" to you, and that's the one you'll probably get the most out of. And it's often one of the smaller ones, though a certain amount of people DOES seem to enhance the kind and quality of preacher/minister they can attract. Preachers have needs, too, and want to reach as many people as they can, so .... that's just how it works, but some of the smaller churches CAN be extremely satisfying, so you can't count them out by ANY means. I think a lot of us here belong to smallish churches, and some of the very best and most inspired and inspiring preachers I've ever heard came from very much smaller churches. Good preachers, though, tend to make churches grow. When folks hear a sermon that really moves them, many can change churches because they love and want more of that, more often. Happens every day.

I'm still excited for you. And praying for you.

So sorry to hear about your grandad. And he's made the same choice I've seen a number of others make, and though it's always my instinct to fight, I have come to agree with them. Who wants our last days to be filled with drugs, disability, infantilism, etc.? Life is precious, but only if it's got a balance of pleasure and pain. And being a Mason myself, it's SO good to hear how our children's homes have produced such good and successful men! Thanks to both you and your grandad, and if you put in a petition to become one yourself, you won't regret it. It'll be unlike anything you've ever experienced before. Some say it's a religion in and of itself, but you'll find it is NOT, and not even close. You will learn things in Masonry in a manner that you wouldn't learn them any other way, and one that makes a BIG impression on you, challenges you and your character and will, and makes you think in ways that would do anyone much good, and maybe especially so these days, I think. I'd be proud to recommend you and sign your petition, but I think they want local folks, IIRC.

Every time I've been to our Children's Home in Macon, GA, it's been a really humbling, inspiring and heart rending thing. They do things nobody else does much these days, and they do it better than anyone else I know. It's heart warming and SO good to see how truly happy and relatively care-free they are (if any teen is ever "care free?"). I think I may see where you get your spirit from. My own Mom was orphaned at age 15 in 1932, and she was one of the stoutest and finest souls I'll ever know in this life. I was truly a lucky and very blessed man to have her as my Mom. I miss her still.