I need to learn...

[JonB_in_Glencoe]

to not be selfish (and/or angry) over stupid little things.

Prayer:
Dear Lord, I am having a heck of a time with my own selfishness. It got triggered yesterday, by a close buddy who is usually generous to a fault. He is not a money rich type of person but gives more, than most everyone else I know.

I stored some 'stuff' at his farm many years ago, during one of my moves. A family member of his decided one item just needed to be hers. I let it be, because sometimes the fight isn't worth it. She passed away last winter.

Yesterday, I stopped by the farm for a visit of coffee and playing cards.

I asked my buddy, "what's the chance of me getting that item back?"

He says, "not good, I have plans for it. What do you want it for? are you just gonna sell it?"
(I do have a bit of a reputation for horse trading)

I told him no, I don't want to sell it, I have a use for it. I didn't over react, I didn't get excited or anything, but it surely angered me on the inside. It was a long drive home, literally and figuratively...and I didn't get much sleep last night. The item isn't worth much, it's just an old (usable) relic...I'm not gonna say what it is, because if I were to, it'd just make me look more foolish...and I see that. I just want to relieve myself of this anger/selfishness and let my Buddy have this old relic and for me to enjoy the fact that he enjoys using it.

Help me Lord.

[merlin101]

Having friends and family can try your patience.

[Pine Baron]

When we ask God for patience, he gives us something to be patient about. When we ask for strength, He gives us something to be strong about.
Jon B you've already got what you where looking for.
God's Blessings are on you

[Preacher Jim]

Jon I battle many things everyday. i have learned that if i let something make me angry or someone, i have given them permission to control me. that said I pray quickly and ask the Lord to deal with that issue and help me to allow Him room to work out a solution. I also accept His solution as His will but He gives me peace to understand it.

[toallmy]

Go back and tell him how you feel , and have another coffee , when you leave you will both feel better . Real Friends are a special thing .

[spotsboss]

JonB,
Your sense of justice (what is right) and your sense of grace are fighting each other. Happens a lot in life. One thing is clear: this "friend" is no friend. Doesn't matter what the item is. People who don't respect someone else's property are thieves.

The Bible says that if we have a disagreement with a brother, we are to go to him and see if the problem can be resolved. Do this. Tell him your side. The property belongs to you. Let him tell his side. Did you somehow give him the impression that he could have it? If you can't resolve things, look him in the eye, smile, shake his hand and say you've enjoyed his friendship. Find a friend who knows what friendship is. Take the high road by giving it one more chance and by being brutally honest. Friendships held together by repressed resentment are best avoided.

Good luck with this JonB. If you think it's proper, let us know the outcome.

[USMC87]

I'll be praying for you Jon!

[Der Gebirgsjager]

Go back and tell him how you feel , and have another coffee , when you leave you will both feel better . Real Friends are a special thing .

Pretty good advice there, Jon. Another visit and another conversation over a cup of coffee will (1) give him a chance to see that it means something to you and to give it back, or (2) give you a chance to let go of it. Either way, if you part as friends you're a winner.

[Blackwater]

We all need to pray this prayer, Jon. I'm pretty generous, but some things I get attached to, and can be quite possessive of them. Thanks for calling attention to my own need. Again.

[castalott]

Sincere Prayers for Wisdom, Insight, Love ,Mercy, Understanding, Faith , Hope, and Forgiveness.
Please don't do anything out of anger. Use this to be closer to God...

Dale

[Boaz]

I have been thinking about this the better part of the day . I know your upset with him and frankly I don't blame you . You most likely feel sold out/betrayed , I have been there many times . Seems that those close to us can hurt us the the most because of our trust and love for them .
You will have to make the call , you will live the decision . Wish I had a cut and dried answer but I just don't . You may choose to maintain the friendship but realizing there are limitations or accommodations to the trust issue . You would determine those limitations . I have done this many times to keep a friendship.

[40-82 hiker]

JonB

We sure can let our humanness get in the way of our own best interest! I surely have been upset in situations such as you describe, if not the exact scenario.

In seeking guidance from our Lord, you already have your answer in the description of your friend, IMHO. I spent some time contemplating this, and I think our Lord would let your friend's generosity fix the problem for you. I would just tell him you sure could use the "item" when he feels he is done with it. That bug planted, I'd bet his generosity would overcome his desire to keep it in the long run. If not, your faith in our Lord would still not be diminished, for you already have His gift of Grace in the form of a friend. Small problem, big gift. All this JMHO, of course. Our Pastor says His Grace is the antidote to our humanness. I like that.

Besides, even in baseball you get three strikes before you're out.

[JonB_in_Glencoe]

Thanks for all the prayers, support, and suggestions. It has helped a lot. I've kind of forgot about the value of friendship and sometimes you have to let go of the little things...in this case, it's a real small sacrifice for something much greater. Moreover, what a waste it can be, to be angry and selfish over such a small 'thing'.

My Prayer has been answered and am glad to have this burden off my shoulders.


PS: A friend and former co-worker had a saying, and repeated it often, "Don't sweat the small stuff...and it's all small stuff"

[TenTea]

Similarly, I attempt to deal directly with resentments within 24 hours, if possible.
Get it out in the open air and come to resolution, one way or the other, and then move on with more important things in life.
Life is short, true friends are few and far between, and we are all just caretakers of history.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things! :bigsmyl2:

[spotsboss]

Jon,
Good to hear that you are not sweating the small stuff, but your original post seemed to indicate something more was going on ("it surely angered me on the inside...didn't get much sleep last night.")

You may not be finished with this project. Forgive and Forget are two different things, but you can do all things through Christ.

[JonB_in_Glencoe]

snip...
You may not be finished with this project.
Well, I sure hope I am finished with this, in regards to this one old relic that I had wanted back. I've prayed about it and I feel I'm finished with it.


NOW,
In my heart, I do have an ongoing struggle with (my sinfulness) ...and what I described in the first sentence of the OP.

I need to learn... to not be selfish (and/or angry) over stupid little things.


the end of my Prayer at the end of my OP

snip...
I just want to relieve myself of this anger/selfishness and let my Buddy have this old relic and for me to enjoy the fact that he enjoys using it.
Help me Lord.

[Blackwater]

Jon, I think we've all had a point in at least one friendship in our time when our patience and values have been tried. It seems we humans sometimes do things that we later (sadly) wind up regretting. When a friend does this, and it's to you, that can hurt. But if it's not something crucial, it's usually best to let it go just as you've done. Sometimes, they come back later, after something associated with the object prompts them to take another look at what they did, they'll come back and say "I don't know why I did that, but some other things were going on and I guess I let them get to me." And then they'll do their best to make it right again. Sometimes, this might take years. But usually, at least in my experience, it was because of something someone ELSE had done that prompted their gutteral response and warped their normal behavior, and created the problem.

I also remember an old adage: "If you want a frined, BE a friend." I think you were a very good friend, and I know that matters. When someone does something we can't and don't understand, there's always a reason, but it's often one they can't or don't want to talk about. It's called "transferrance" I believe, in psychology, and letting them get by with it without reacting like many would, may well bring the two of you closer in time. Nothing is assured, but oftentimes, giving folks a chance, when you sense there's more to what they do than they're revealing, is the best policy, and it's certainly Christian to forgive. I think ya' done good, brother. FWIW?