Advice and prayers please.

[jcren]

Hey guys, the wife and I are about at our wits end dealing with our 15 year old son. 8 months ago he was caught selling pot at school. Between his former character and our efforts, he was only expelled for last semester. Now he is going back, he is Moody and rebellious, says everybody is picking on him, we don't do anything for him etc. He wants to go live with his biological father, which is anouther problem in itself, and may be mixing up with drugs again. Any advice would BE welcome, prayers appreciated.

[flyingmonkey35]

I'm so sorry to hear this.

Sit down with him and ask him to give you three alternative choices.

Ask him like a adult what he can do to fix it.

And running away dose not work.

Give him a choice. In how to succeed.

Do not force him to go back to school.

Even a perception of bullying can cause hugh emotional stress on him.

Options

1 go back to school
2 study from home. Lots of online high-schools.
3 try a different school.

[Recluse]

Find a good dojo and put him in it. Have a long talk with the instructor. There are very few things in this world that will instill confidence and pride quicker than being a student in the martial arts. Secondly, it gives you the option of having the sensei (instructor) become the physical disciplinarian. If your son gets mouthy or disrespectful, he's going down on the mat--that is part of the culture of accountability, responsibility and respect that is found in a quality dojo.

:coffee:

[Bad Water Bill]

Is there a credentialed listing of dojo's that he can look at and select from.

[GhostHawk]

I'd say Flyingmonkey gave you good advise.

Sit down with him, don't berate him, sit down equal to equal.
Get him to draw up and agree to a contract that will give you at least a minimum of what you need.

If it was me that would include no drugs till your not living under my roof.
Back to school in some way, every day.

Have a good talk about how he expects to support himself once he turns 18 and you are no longer responsible for him.
Remind him that independence comes with respect and maturity, and the way he is going is not the way to get it.

Tell him straight out that you are not going to support him while he sleeps and does drugs, watch's TV, or play's games.
Mean it!

Work out exactly what it would take to get some support and what would cause you to withdraw it.

Get him thinking about the future.

Write it all down, pro's and cons, what is acceptable for both sides.
Then you both sign it. And hold him to it.

Some kids are born knowing what they want to do.
Some kids never do figure it out. I'm one of those, 62 and I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
But I wasn't afraid to work for a living, and I knew I had to keep my nose clean anytime I was under dad's roof.
That includes drugs, attitude, respect for mom and dad, and their guest's.

Help him realise that school years are soon gone, that living on the street sucks, that finding a job without a diploma or GED is near impossible, and what jobs there are, are seasonal.

Treat him like a man, give him a chance to grow into it.
Don't set him up to fail, set him up to succeed whenever possible.
Confidence is the key. He has NONE right now.

[MT Gianni]

Talk to him about emancipation. Find out how long he expects to live under your roof. Explain that your rules will not change. Find out if there is a Youth ChalleNGe run by the National Guard in your State. It can make him a legal adult by age 16 if he follows their plan. Most grads go on to live productive lives.

[MaryB]

One thing I would put an end to is no rap music about killing drugs etc, no violent video games, nothing glorifying a thug existence. He may be falling into that trap of wanting to fit in with the bad boys club at school and that is a death sentence literally.

[groovy mike]

Yep, sit down and a long calm talk (let him know its coming ahead of time) to discuss options and the clear consequences (good and bad) of each choice he makes. Ask him what he wants when he says you dont do anything for him. What does he want you to do? Why should you do it? What do you get out of it? If it is reasonable, do it but expect something from him in return - like good grades and get to school on time every day. Explain in detail that if he is caught with drugs in your house he is out of warnings. He has to prove he can be trusted. Then he can earn privilidges that come with being trustworthy - like being able to have a phone, being able to use an ipod, choosing what is on the ipod. If he was motivated to sell drugs for the money, it is time for him to get a job and be closely supervised even if that means you mow the neighbors lawn right along beside him every hour he works.

[WILCO]

Hey guys, the wife and I are about at our wits end dealing with our 15 year old son.

Reevaluate your home life and lifestyle.
Take a hard look at distractions and causes of drama.
Your situation didn't happen overnight, it's been 15 years in the making.
Rescue relationships and broken families are difficult to build upon.
The chain of command flows downward, not up.
Have an epiphany now and make serious changes or follow the path of countless others.

[owejia]

Give it to God. The only person you can change is the one looking back at you in the mirror. He will only change if he wants too.

[w5pv]

I know what worked for the majority of the time 50 years ago but these day they would want to put you in jail

[Bad Water Bill]

Pick which ITEM you want to take with you when you call the cops.

That will be the only item you take with you to the orphanage where you will live till you turn 18 and are DUMPED on the street to survive on your own.

Then hope and pray that BUBBA or one of his friends does not want it.

Worked for me.