Thumbcocker
06-16-2013, 03:51 PM
We had Em's funeral on Friday. The turnout was stunning. Law enforcemnet came in droves ISP troopers, Investigatiors, Drug Task Force, City PD, and Sheriff's Department. Hard men who have been in hard places and spilled blood for their counrty cried like babies. The courthouse from coustodians to Judges came as well as friends and family. We are having Em cremated because we want to bring her home and not put her in the ground with strangers. She helped put this place together and she has a place here as long as we live. Whoever passes first will scatter Em and the other on the land we all love. She will have a beautiful wooden urn with pictures put on ceramic attached to it.
Several people of faith whoes opinion I respect say that my baby is in heven and doesn't feel the hurt she felt for not being good enough or normal enough. We and skilled people tried to tell her that she was more than good enough but could not reach her inner core of self doubt. Several people spoke at the funeral. I managed to get through a few words and not lose it. Others spoke from teh heart and it helped us a lot. We ended the service with "Blue Eyes Crying in The Rain" from the Red Headed Stranger Album.
I am posting this most of all to let this community know that your prayers, posts, and a few long phone calls have been a great source of comfort for Janet and I. Every post has been read and greatly valued.
I have many things to sort through in the future. Our estate plan had been real simple; the kid gets it all. Now I have to rethink my focus and future. I also have to deal with how much I just MISS her presence. Just watching her on the couch doing homework andlooking up to smile at me was enough to get me through a rough day.
Some things have been simplified. The list of things that can scare me has gotten real short. My peramaters have been realigned. I take comfort that two ISP agents made sure that the autopsey was done as if it were on a meneber of their family and was not a circus. I take some strange comfort in their assurance that she did not hurt.
I had to post this for myself, Janet, and you all. I don't know how active I will be here in the future. I can't even think of when I will be able to look at a revolver or a boolit. I have many things to sort out. Please keep Em, Janet and I in your prayers.
Thank you all.
Several people of faith whoes opinion I respect say that my baby is in heven and doesn't feel the hurt she felt for not being good enough or normal enough. We and skilled people tried to tell her that she was more than good enough but could not reach her inner core of self doubt. Several people spoke at the funeral. I managed to get through a few words and not lose it. Others spoke from teh heart and it helped us a lot. We ended the service with "Blue Eyes Crying in The Rain" from the Red Headed Stranger Album.
I am posting this most of all to let this community know that your prayers, posts, and a few long phone calls have been a great source of comfort for Janet and I. Every post has been read and greatly valued.
I have many things to sort through in the future. Our estate plan had been real simple; the kid gets it all. Now I have to rethink my focus and future. I also have to deal with how much I just MISS her presence. Just watching her on the couch doing homework andlooking up to smile at me was enough to get me through a rough day.
Some things have been simplified. The list of things that can scare me has gotten real short. My peramaters have been realigned. I take comfort that two ISP agents made sure that the autopsey was done as if it were on a meneber of their family and was not a circus. I take some strange comfort in their assurance that she did not hurt.
I had to post this for myself, Janet, and you all. I don't know how active I will be here in the future. I can't even think of when I will be able to look at a revolver or a boolit. I have many things to sort out. Please keep Em, Janet and I in your prayers.
Thank you all.