would you try it?

[fishhawk]

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

This was submitted by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket
Taser" for Christmas .

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked
my interest It was Christmas and I was looking for a little something
extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a
100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were
suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your
assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO
COOL!


Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two
triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I
was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND
pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue
arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn
spot is on the face of her microwave.



Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,. right?!!!



There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I
really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I
must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second)
and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going
to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did
want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?



So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
hand, taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst
would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was
supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a
three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the
ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds
would be wasting the batteries.



All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long,
less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with
two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries thinking to myself, "no possible
way!"



What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my
best.....



I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst
from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I
decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I
touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY
MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION !!!!!



I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me
up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire,
testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in
the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over
me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face,
undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"



Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one
note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you
zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged
from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three
second burst would be considered conservative.



SON-OF-A-.. that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be
sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits
(what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent
reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up
get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still
twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my
bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles? I'm
offering a significant reward for their safe return.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



i think i might try it on the cat first! fishhawk

[Scrounger]

Don't you have homeless people there? (Relax, that's a joke)

[danski26]

Maybe it was a malfunction of the machine......i think you should try it one more time just to be sure all is working well with it. :-)

[fatnhappy]

Nope. I wouldn't try it now.

BTW, check your wife's purse for your testicles. That's where my wife stores mine. [smilie=1:

[NVcurmudgeon]

fishhawk, I'm sure your testicles will be easy to find, they must be big brass ones to get you to Tase yourself!

[fishhawk]

crips it wasn't me that was that dumb to try it! i'm just wondering if any one WOULD try it :shock:

[Swagerman]

Might be willing to try it on some individual who lets a viscious pit bull run free.

Sounds like a fun thing to do...taser yourself...hee hee.

Jim

[Jim]

"God a'mighty, Josse!"

[Boz330]

Had a friend try one of the stun guns on himself. You know the one that throws a big blue arc between the probes. He put it on his leg through his pants and just tapped the button. When he finally got up off the floor he decided that he wouldn't do that again. :roll: Personally I just took his word that it worked.[smilie=1:

Bob

[KCSO]

Guess what, If you carry one here you have to take the max shock to be certified. They hold it against your chest and take you to the ground with two FRIENDS holding you. NO ONE who holds me while I get electrocuted is my friend.

[Boz330]

SSAY WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:holysheep

What do you have to do to get a concealed carry permit or to carry Mace.

Bob

[ron brooks]

rotflmao

[scrapcan]

I too laughed a good one. I have seen this happen , not by me. But as KCSO describes some LEO training or departments require that you know the other end feels like before you get to carry or use one.

The one I saw looked like a pistol and shot the contact pad at the target. It was pretty impressive. hard to believe what a couple a little ole batteries can do to a big fella. And another note, don't hold the guy you are trying to be a good friend too. It will get you too, true meaning of a good friend is to get stuned at the same time. Let em start to drop and catch them before their head bounces on the floor.

Kind of reminds me of watching a cousin whiz on a electric fence. That bet was the best 5 bucks I ever spent. The image in my mind still makes me laugh as hard as I did when I read this thread. Wish I could eloquently describe it to the rest of you. A big arch over the fence and then the pressure loss and the look of fear as the stream dropped. All that needs to be said is he did not stop until there was nothing left.
Again thanks for the good laugh.

[Boz330]

Ain't no bet in the world big enough to get me to try that especially at my age. I was going between 2 hot wires at the farm one day with a long screwdriver in my back pocket. Of course it caught the wire and funneled it right against my a$$. Finally got free by tearing the pocket off. SWMBO thought it was pretty humorous, I could tell because she was rolling around on the ground like she was having a seizure.

Bob

[fishhawk]

Boz that sort of sounds like my younger brother, about the age of 17 i was tall enough to step over the electric fence, well little brother wasn't, one day i step over and he tries it standing on tip toe's well not enough clearance first jolt the feet went flat at the first YELP! he tries running by the second YELP! he's tangled up prety good, sort of went down hill for him from there, no i couldn't help i was laughing to hard! YELP! YELP! YELP!