Opening Doors for Others - Are My Expectations Unreasonable?

[Four-Sixty]

As a young man, a late family member beat it into me that you hold the door open for Women. I try to open the door for ladies whenever I get the chance. At times, I feel that it really makes a gal's day. For some reason, most guys don't do this anymore. I am reinforcing this on my Son. He is catching on.

The question I have is this. When I go through a door to work, and a male is behind me, I hold the door open and wait for him. I do this because I think it is rude to "drop the door" on the person coming right after you. What I notice, more and more, is that young men are tyring to glide through the doorway after me without grabbing the door for themself, in essence, making me hold it open for them so they can get through the doorway without touching the door. I got to say if you're too lazy to grab the door for yourself, if you think I am your doorman, you might want to think about tipping me! Otherwise, I think your effeminate to put it politely. Am I being too unreasonable?

[starmac]

I have accidently let the door loose a time or two at a bad time, it looked like it might have hurt.

[Finster101]

If I see someone is right behind me or quickly approaching I normally always hold the door for men or women. I do work at a Cadillac dealership though and a lot of our customers are older folks.

[Bad Water Bill]

I was always taught to open doors for women AND seniors. The other day I had a 6-8 year old boy RUN past me so he could open the door for me.

I thanked him and told him he had a great mom for teaching him proper manners. A quite voice from behind me said "Thank you sir I try"

MOM just had her day made and it did not cost me a dime.

[Love Life]

I hold the door for Women, people with visable disabilities, and old people (men and women). It's just the way I was raised.

If a male in my age bracket is coming through, he can get the door himself. Builds character.

[300savage]

I love Australia and its people, but hold a door open for anyone and you will literally stop traffic.. and the first time I called a waitress Maa"m you could have heard a pin drop.

I still open doors for man or woman and when the. Occasional door rusher slides through, well I guess only part of the reason we do it is consideration for others and part is consideration for us. So oh well..

[Jim]

I don't mind holdin' the door for another guy. Most of the time I get thanked. If he don't, that just shows the difference between his daddy and mine. I don't give it a second thought. I ain't gonna let him get my blood pressure up and give me gas 'cause he ain't got no upbringin'. I just go on about my business.

[jsheyn]

I used to hold the door for women, let them on the elevator first, stand for them when there was no more seats on the bus….etc, but women have changed and are changing. Just last week I held the door for a woman and she refused to go through it. She told me she was capable of opening her own door. This is not an isolated occurrence. It’s happened at least a handful of times in the past couple years. Maybe it’s city folk or maybe just the type of people where I work. But live by the following motto guess I am part of the problem then

CHIVALRY ISN'T DEAD.. IT JUST WENT TO THE SAME PLACE BEING LADYLIKE WENT!

[44Vaquero]

What Jim said!!!

Jsheyn, try pulling the door closed the next time and see if they like that! It has happened to me on occasion as well. My answer to you is what "Jim said!" only substituting mommy for daddy!

[zidave]

I usually just hold the door for any person that is close behind me no matter the age or sex.
I was recently walking into a thrift shop and a questionable looking woman was behind me so I, like normal, held the door open for her and she simply walked through without touching the door and didn't say thank you so I yelled "you're welcome" to her. She didn't like that very much.

[fouronesix]

Same here. I do it out of habit based on my upbringing. No matter the age or sex.

[Hickory]

Always be a gentleman, it's the reward of the heart.

[Swamp Man]

I hold the door for anyone that is near me or older people on their way to the door. The only ones I'll let the door slam shut in their face is the thugs and punks. But then again I have ZERO respect for anyone that blares their rap in a parking lot and is showing their underwear.

[41 mag fan]

I had a woman once hold the door for me, I walked thru, thanked her, and she made the comment of nice as*!! I turned red as radish, and kind of stumbled over the words Thank You!!
Of course that happened only once, 23yrs ago and 70lbs lighter

[koehn,jim]

I try to hold the door for others, its the way I was also raised. I was also raised that no thanks are needed, good manners on my part only show them what they should do. Let setting a good example be its own thanks.

[blademasterii]

I hold the door open for older people or women, I just hold the door until guys my age can reach it. I don't hold it long enough for them to walk through unless they are carrying something. If a woman told me she could open the door herself while I was holding it I would probably shrug and close it. Not only am I married but I'm probably not her "type".

[Boyscout]

I'm finding that holding doors open for others doesn't always work out. Have you ever have someone hold the door open for you and stand in the way while doing so? Hold the door open so long for someone coming from a ways off that the temperature of the room drops 10 degrees? I have had people run up to "tailgate" through the door with me and get mad because I didn't see them. I taught my sons to hold to hold the door open or give the right-of-way to anyone with a load be it a child, grocerys, tools, wheel chairs or whatever. Occasionally, I get myself into a Three Stooges kind of situation that is down right comical where no one knows what to do. I have also had a dozen people tailgate in with them while I stand there holding the door . I have to break employees at work of the habit of holding the door open as everyone must scan before passing through. In my neck-of-the woods, it seems like most people try to do the right thing. Unless someone gets ugly with me, I assume that someone not reciprocating the same is just having a rough day and is pre-occupied. Give them a pass.

[gkainz]

.... Just last week I held the door for a woman and she refused to go through it. She told me she was capable of opening her own door. ...

"I'm sure you are, ma'am. Just too bad you lost your courtesy, class, grace and charm on the way towards achieving that admirable accomplishment."

[bubba.50]

when ya even find a place around here that don't have the infernal auto-openin' doors I hold the door for anyone & tell'em "come on in the house". most times it's appreciated, occasionally not. makes no difference to me, just how I was raised.

[waksupi]

Recently, I had a young lady hold a door open for me. Sigh. Getting older sucks.

[mold maker]

I used to hold the door for women, let them on the elevator first, stand for them when there was no more seats on the bus….etc, but women have changed and are changing. Just last week I held the door for a woman and she refused to go through it. She told me she was capable of opening her own door. This is not an isolated occurrence. It’s happened at least a handful of times in the past couple years. Maybe it’s city folk or maybe just the type of people where I work. But live by the following motto guess I am part of the problem then

CHIVALRY ISN'T DEAD.. IT JUST WENT TO THE SAME PLACE BEING LADYLIKE WENT!

I recently had a like experience, and told the so called lady to hold the door for me. At least one of us should have manners. She excused her rudeness, and stood patiently for me t.o pass.

[nicholst55]

Several years ago (guess it's going on 20 years now), I was leaving a post office and saw a young woman struggling with a child in her arms and a stack of packages (it was near Christmas). She seemed to be fully prepared to make several trips into the post office with a package in one arm and the child in the other. I stopped and asked her if she would like some help with her packages, which just flabbergasted her! I carried some packages in and held the door for her, and then went back out and carried the rest of her packages in. This woman couldn't thank me enough! She said that was the nicest thing that anyone had done for her in many years. Just how I was raised.

[Uncle Jimbo]

Today's youth (and I don't mean all, but most and that number is growing) have no manors or ethics and an ever growing sense for entitlement. And women are include in this. If I behaved the way these people act today, my father would have had a short and precise talk about my manors, or lack of, in the barn.

And this is just my opinion. Your opinions may vary.

[Bad Water Bill]

Recently, I had a young lady hold a door open for me. Sigh. Getting older sucks.

Now you did NOT have to remind me of that. And it keeps happening more and more often. :kidding:

Well it sure beats looking up at the roots instead of down at the weeds.:bigsmyl2:

[shooter93]

Around here most people will hold the door for anyone behind them and most men will grab the door as opposed to just going through. Manners haven't died everywhere.

[shdwlkr]

The older I get the more I hold the door open for women, men, folks with disabilities and really anyone that is coming in the door behind me. If they have packages no matter who they are I hold the door open.
I really don't care what others do I am more interested in me feeling good about doing something nice for someone else.

[btroj]

My wife and I no always hold the door for others. Our 19 year old daughter has been taught to do likewise.
Being polite isn't put of style in our home. Sadly it is in many other homes.

[scottiemom]

I appreciate a door being held open for me and I always hold the door open for anyone coming in behind me. If we get there at the same time, I let them go first, regardless of age or sex. It is the polite thing to do IMHO.
As far as your original question - life's too short to get upset over little things. You do what's right no matter what the other person does or doesn't do.

[edler7]

... young men are tyring to glide through the doorway after me without grabbing the door for themself,...Otherwise, I think your effeminate to put it politely.

I think that pretty well sums up some young men these days. They aren't that hard to find, and a lot of them consider themselves "progressive". I bet their daddy is real proud of them, probably cause he was raised the same way.

[brotherdarrell]

I will hold the door open for anyone.

A couple of years back I walking across the post office parking lot and a lady about 70 got to the door before me. She stopped just short of the door and waited while I took the last 4 or 5 steps to get there and went through after I opened it. I got a very polite and proper 'thank you'. It took a few seconds to realize what happened and then thought that "heck yea!!!". She should wait for me instead of getting the door herself. That is what it was like when I was growing up and it took a moment to remember that as it is becoming all too uncommon lately.

Fast forward to last summer. Another elderly lady fighting a walker and a package. Two different women tried to aid her with the door and both got a very cranky and rude "DON'T DO THAT!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING, I AM NOT HELPLESS!!!! THAT'S SO RUDE!!!!". Those of us in line all looked at her like she was crazy, and I am sure a couple hoped she would trip over her walker on the way out the door. I am pretty sure she wasn't from 'these here parts'.

[462]

My parents drummed manners and politeness into me:
Hold the door for another
Yes, please
Thank you
No, thank you
Sir
Ma'am
When walking on a sidewalk with a woman, walk on the street side
Women first in and first out of an elevator
Regardless of who sneezes, "Bless you".

Modern society and I are at odds, and I'm proud of my anachronism.

[oneokie]

The alternative sucks worse, Ric.

[bear67]

I was taught at an early age to hold the door for ladies and it is nice to hold it for gentlemen coming in behind me, but I do now owe it to them. Mostly here I get a smile and a thanks, except from the younger set. Did have a young lady tell me she could open her own doors, and I replied that my dad would climb out of his grave and smack me if I did not hold the door for a lady and she could just live with it. Maybe I should have told her that maybe she was not a lady. My wife says I can look at the girls and especially the babies while I hold the door--nonsense. At 70 I am too old to change.

Speaking of girls, a good friend, who is 85, and I were eating a hamburger in Ben Wheeler Texas while working at his farm. A really pretty and nice looking 25 year old was waiting on the two old guys and really being sweet. Dick looked over at me with a serious look and said:
I used to chase the pretty girls, but now I have forgotten why." I told his wonderful wife about this later that afternoon and she knew why--she still has a big stick. They have been married 60 years--I am only at 45.

[km101]

I hold the door for anyone who is approaching it. Man, woman or child. If they appreciate it fine, if they don't , well I did my best to be courteous and polite and I'm OK with it. How I was raised and who I am.
I think if we all showed a little more courtesy to each other, the world would be better for it!

The last several years, I have noticed more and more people holding the door for me! It took me a while to realize why. But now I just smile and say thanks. It comes as a shock when you realize that you are part of the "older" generation.

[Bzcraig]

I don't have a problem holding a door, but I do get annoyed if someone takes advantage of my kindness. I have opened the door for my wife only to have another younger woman crowd in front of her to get through the door. That my friends always leads me to speak my mind!

[Riverpigusmc]

I have accidently let the door loose a time or two at a bad time, it looked like it might have hurt.

^ this. Women and old folks get consideration....fools and jackwagons get nailed

[10-x]

Like many, I do as I was raised, hold the door. The other day we were going into the oncologist office and I held the door for a woman pushing her husband in a wheelchair, she thanked me over and over. I told you are more than welcome. After the wife's appointment a couple of ladies were leaving, I held the door for them. I would say down in the South holding the door for a female will get a thank you. nuf sed.

[contender1]

Well, like most of y'all here,, I too was raised with manners. I have instilled them into my son as well. The funny thing is my wonderful better half. She & I have been together for 20 years now,, and when we met, she didn't expect a door to be held, or for me to carry in the groceries, or many of the other things a lady shouldn't have to do if a GENTLEMAN is around. You may think she isn't from around here or the south,, but you'd be wrong. She just had a JERK of an ex-husband who did not have any proper raising. She had also been raised in a home where women did all the work.
It took a while to train her,, but now she stops at a door for me to open it. Or, she knows I'll walk beside her, allowing her to use my arm as a support. Or she knows she doesn't have to walk behind me,, as I will always allow her to walk ahead slightly, or usually right beside me. Those & many other little things have made her appreciate how I was raised.

[Charley]

I always hold doors, for all ages, and genders. Men get it dropped as soon as they can grab it, woman and children get it held until they are thru it. I always thank people for holding the door for me.

OTOH, I have no problem confronting someone about bad manners when they display such. Explained to a woman the other day at Wallyworld that "20 items or less" meant 20 items or less, and it was very rude to subject everyone in line to her selfishness.. She stammered that, "well, they don't say anything about it", indicating the checker. I explained that, no, it wasn't they DIDN'T say anything, it was they COULDN'T say anything, due to company policy. I've also explained the difference between "IN" doors and "OUT" doors to various people over the years. Not trying to impose my views, just tired of people not being called on rudeness.

[x101airborne]

Manners aren't dead everywhere.
A couple months ago, I was at our local home improvement store carrying my youngest son through the parking lot. When I got near the door, two young men about 14 each saw me coming and ran down the walk, got me a basket, opened the child seat and opened the door so I could push the basket in. I thanked them and told them what good men they were. (And I have more faith in some 14 year olds than some 40 year olds). Later, I saw them with their father and I stopped, introduced myself and told him the story of how impressed I was with his kids. He actually teared up a little and thanked me. I said "No, thank you for being a father, not a donor".

Today at the feed store, I bought some collars and bells for my goats along with some new feed buckets and such. Quite a hand full for sure. On the way out, a woman came in and seeing me coming, she backed up and held the door open for me. I commented "Oh, were dancing!" She said "I guess we are." Giggling away the time. I stated "Well, if I am going to dance, at least it is with a good looking woman." I think she would have hugged me for saying that.

[Norbrat]

Why does this thread remind me if Chip and Dale? :mrgreen:

"After you" "No, no, after you" "No, no, no, no, I insist; after YOU!"

[TXGunNut]

I hold the door for anyone who is approaching it. Man, woman or child. If they appreciate it fine, if they don't , well I did my best to be courteous and polite and I'm OK with it. How I was raised and who I am.
I think if we all showed a little more courtesy to each other, the world would be better for it!

The last several years, I have noticed more and more people holding the door for me! It took me a while to realize why. But now I just smile and say thanks. It comes as a shock when you realize that you are part of the "older" generation.

Right there with you, neighbor! I had a nice young man offer me his seat on an airport shuttle in Denver...or was that D/FW?... awhile back. I thanked him, kinda made me feel a bit old. Must have been a rough flight.

[Four-Sixty]

Thank you for the input Gentlemen. I wanted a check on my sentiment.

Life is pretty good for me these days, not much conflict. I need somthing to gripe about I guess.

And, it is nicer when we all treat each other with some dignity.

[jcwit]

Being polite and courteous to your fellow man never hurts and helps our world in general.

[blackthorn]

I hold doors for anyone within reasonable distance when I get there, I walk on the "road"side of the sidewalk when with any female (breaks my 30 year old grandaughter up), remove my hat/cap when I enter someones house, wave the other guy through when we are close to stopping at the same time at 4-way stops, and stop to let someone enter a traffic line. Just the way I was raised. Don't want or need thanks.

[Smitty's Retired]

I, like many of you were raised to always hold the door for a female, or the elderly. Over the years I have modified that to holding the door for anyone who is directly within a step or two of the swing radious of the door. Or, If I am approaching a door about the same time as someone else If I am even or slightly closer in distance from the door, I will usually open it. For me, it's not that hard to be polite. You will always however run into the occasional idiot who has no upbringin'.

Being polite, to more progressive thinking women does not always gain nice comments though. I remember a few years ago my job took me to York, Pennsylvania. Most of the people I met there were really nice. But I met a couple of woman who weren't.

My friend and I had decided to eat at a place called Hoss's Steak House. Upon walking up to the door there were two ladies who looked to be in their mid to late thirty's approaching the door at the same time. I grabbed the door ahd held it open. They both stopped and the second lady exclaimed they were totally capable of opening their own doors and told me my mannerism was outdated. I told the ladies, "I apologize, I had you confused for ladies!" Then my buddy and I stepped through the door and released it.

As I said before, you always run into the occasional idiot.

[Dannmann801]

Can't go wrong being polite. But.....

Moved from Dallas to take a job in Detroit in '97 - in a supervisor capacity - addressed the female employees with "Yes ma'am" and "No ma'am". Actually had 3 women approach me together to say that they were angry about being called "ma'am".... they said it was somehow painting them as older women and they didn't want to be referred to that way. I was flabbergasted and quite frankly didn't know how to react, so I simply reassured them that I was taught it was polite and respectful and that no disrespect was intended to you gals.....then they climbed on my case for using the word "gals"!

It was a no-win situation for me...

[mroliver77]

As we have seen here, manners are not a geographic phenomena but more of a generational ideology. I am at the end of the "baby boomer "era but my Dad, Mom and grandparents were all older and had lived and prospered through the depression and WW2 era. I was taught manners at a young age.

Being from a county of 30,000 beings it is farm country and small town ways mostly. I say yes ma'am, no sir and all that and have never been reproached. Lady at McDonald's even told me how much she appreciated being talked to respectfully.

It struck me dumb when a young "punk" "gangsta" wannabe ran to open a door for me when I was carrying coffees in a holder. God does this to me sometimes to get my attention.

Very good thread!
Jay

[mroliver77]

OH and listen to Jerry Clower on a similar note.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_B4r6L9scDE

[cephas53]

Yep hold doors open also. Not too long ago I did it for a young lady and her entourage, and they just passed right through like they owned the place. Had to say "your welcome."

[Bad Water Bill]

I will hold the door open for anyone.

A couple of years back I walking across the post office parking lot and a lady about 70 got to the door before me. She stopped just short of the door and waited while I took the last 4 or 5 steps to get there and went through after I opened it. I got a very polite and proper 'thank you'. It took a few seconds to realize what happened and then thought that "heck yea!!!". She should wait for me instead of getting the door herself. That is what it was like when I was growing up and it took a moment to remember that as it is becoming all too uncommon lately.

Fast forward to last summer. Another elderly lady fighting a walker and a package. Two different women tried to aid her with the door and both got a very cranky and rude "DON'T DO THAT!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING, I AM NOT HELPLESS!!!! THAT'S SO RUDE!!!!". Those of us in line all looked at her like she was crazy, and I am sure a couple hoped she would trip over her walker on the way out the door. I am pretty sure she wasn't from 'these here parts'.

As OLD AGE sets in I can better understand that lady in the walker wanting to be as independent as possible.

As soon as we stop doing anything for ourselves it is almost impossible to get back there again. Yes she had to fight the door but she COULD do it. Let someone else do it for a week or two and the next time it is raining and no one is there to help she will get soaked to the skin because those muscles have FORGOTTEN how to open the door. WE DO LOVE OUR INDEPENDENCE. And some days we also have a bad day and FORGET to be polite.

I will NEVER forget my mothers 95th birthday when she INSISTED on washing the dishes. "I am not an invalid"she said. My daughter came back with "Grandma one of my presents today is doing the dishes for you". NO that did not work either.

MAMA DID THE DISHES HERSELF TILL THE WEEK WE TOLD HER SHE HAD OUR PERMISSION TO GO JOIN DAD. She was gone in 24 hours.

Yes she missed her husband of 64 years.

R I P MOM

[Philngruvy]

I try to hold the door for others, its the way I was also raised. I was also raised that no thanks are needed, good manners on my part only show them what they should do. Let setting a good example be its own thanks.

+1 Doing the right thing is reward enough.

[popper]

Courtesy and a helping hand is rewarded.

[2HighSpeed]

My husband doesn't hold the door open and its a cause for some big arguments. I think it's just plain rude. My kids in the other hand will rush ahead and hold the door. Someone didn't thank my oldest son one day, my son told him he needed to go back home and figure out where he misplaced his manners. Good kid he is.

[DLCTEX]

I hold doors for anyone and it is pretty common here. Matter of fact it is uncommon for it to not be so. I once held the door for two 30 ish women in Florida and was cursed for it. I said "I'm sorry, I thought you were ladies" and let the door go.

[KinkBreaker]

im always holding doors as thats how i was taught. im from a smallish town in tennessee where thats just how it was done. i remember walking to the western auto to buy some 22lr when i was around 10 or so. i let the door shut on the fellow behind me on accident and was already apologizing. the guy behind the counter told me he would'a told my daddy if i hadnt been apologizing already. i was glad as it would of meant a busted tale. then he asked me if it was gonna be 22s, BBs, or lawnmower parts today.
now i live in south carolina and i have a real hard time holding the door sometimes. mostly because the way other people act. some people are just real *****s.
but i was walkin out of the zaxbys the other day at lunch, a senior fella was standing at the door looking at the rain that had just went over to downpour mode. i asked if he was waiting for someone he said he was waitin on the rain to stop because he would get soaked heading to the car because he moves so slow. to shorten the story up i got his raincoat and umbrella from the car for him and helped him get in.
not wantin to brag
just helped me remember why we are supposed courteous