Im a crybaby

[2HighSpeed]

So, Im sitting here reading all these threads and came across one that got me thinking. I must say that I have been very lucky the past few years.
I was a single mom of 2, then I met my husband. Now I am a mom of 4. I have been blessed. I gained 2 beautiful boys and didnt have to give birth to them.

Our youngest, My step son (He calls me mom, I am the world in his eyes), Will be comeing home on Friday from a Pediatric Neurodevelopmental Center after 3 1/2 months away.

When he went there he was out of control. He actually stabbed me....Twice. We have had many home visits with him since hes been gone and I cant believe this same beautiful fun loving cuddly little boy is the same child who months ago stabbed me (It wasnt just a minor flesh would either). I am optimistic that the new medicine will keep his Psychosis, BiPolar and Schitzophrenia at bay. If it doesnt though, We have a back up plan and are well prepared. But Ive been praying with all my might that this baby can lead as normal of a life as possible from here on out.

If love fixed things, Hed be good as gold. I may just be the "step monster" (according to my 10 year old step son yesterday when he got in trouble for shooting his other 10 year old brother with a BB gun) but I love those boys with all I have and all I am. They know it too.

I am rather partial when it comes to Nathan though. This child didnt know what "i love you" meant when we first got custody of him, He didnt know how to lay on the couch and just snuggle up, or how to feed himself, or even how to hold someones hand, nor was he able to talk anything more then "baby" words or the grunt and point. It was all foriegn to him. Now, I just cant function right without hearing him say "I love you mommy", I talk to him every night on the phone and those 4 words just melt my heart. Hes been through so much, And I have busted my butt for a year and a half to get him functional, Hes busted his butt to help me help him. And he can finally function. I just pray we dont have any relapses, and that the meds keep the deamons at bay.

I wont ever be able to erase the horror he went through at the hands of his egg donar, But Ive made it my mission to make sure these boys grow up knowing how a mother is supposed to love and protect her children.

I just talked to Nathan on the phone, And he said "I love you mommy, Thank you for helping make the bad freinds go away" (With schitzophrenia, He had "friends" in his head telling him to do VERY bad things). And it just brought tears to my eyes. Ive had such guilt for putting him in the place he is at, And now, I know I did what I needed to do to protect and help my son.

I didnt provide the egg to create this little boy, But I have provided the love he needs to thrive. He is my son. And, Im pretty damn proud to be his mother.

His egg donar just emailed me while I was talking to Nathan, And told me that we are keeping her kids from her and that she wants to see them and we need to bring them to SC so she can see them. But she has 0 custody rights and there is a Order of Protection against her for the kids. She must have done lost her mind if she thinks I will allow her to see them.

Ok, Now I feel like a little crybaby. But venting really helped. Im going to go smelt some lead.

[MT Gianni]

Best of luck and blessing with the kids. It will take time and monitoring with some difficult, frequent discussions but the good news is that you are committed to do that.

[runfiverun]

i'm sure he is on a regimen of abilify and a couple of other medications.
you need to monitor the side affects of many of those medications.
they will affect the thyroid,and can cause diabetes complications.

once they hit and monitor the right mix though, most of the kids will function normally and even excell in many areas.
there will be some transition periods as medicine dosages change,and as they go through changes.
wait till you do puberty..... [going through this now with the nephew]
learn the word NO, and help them with learning coping skills to deal with no.

[TheCelt]

The ability to impregnate a woman does not make a father, just like the ability to give birth does not make a mother.

God bless and keep you and yours, you are a credit to mothers worldwide.

[Bo1]

Hang in there, sounds like your going down the right path, and even better, sounds like you are a GREAT mom.
My daughter (step) calls her biological father her "donor" as well. Keep on loving them, and good things will come of it.
God bless you and your familly.

[km101]

Yep, you gotta' vent now and then, and it's better to do it here than at someone you love. Hang in there, and know that your love an patience will be rewarded and returned! You can't give love away, it always comes back to you!

[429421Cowboy]

You have every right to be proud, you have fought hard for him and will keep doing so, that makes you the best mother a son could ever have! I am glad that today we have the abilty to help kids like that while they are young, before they become adults. You have been doing all you can to make him a happy kid and productive adult someday!
God bless you for being a good mom!

[DLCTEX]

I am praying for you and your family. May God bless you all. I spent seven years in the child care industry and know the highs a lows that come. I've also experienced it with my own children and cannot imagine getting through without the Lord carrying me when I could go no further. When it gets too tough, trust Him.

[PULSARNC]

My hat is off to you madam ,I worked as a psych tech in an inpatient mental hospital for 32 years working with the type of children you are describing . Most stepmothers would have bailed out long ago after the first incident .that you did not is a credit to your faith and determination and I commend you for it . Having had extensive experiance with the meds used to treat these disorders you will need to be very vigilent monitoring for side effects and also to see that he does indeed take the meds .There will be very tough times ahead but from the tone of your posting I am sure you will prevail AS said puberty will bring new problems ,Keep a close relationship with his therapist and doctor and things should be fine .Congratulations on a job well done and God bless you

[crazy mark]

Sounds like you are one heck of a mother to go through all this. I hope all keeps getting better for you and that egg donor realizes she can't push anybody around.

[scottiemom]

sounds like you have done a great job with all your kids - you should be proud. You weren't being a crybaby! You have a huge amount on your plate and sometimes it helps to vent. I have found most of the guys here to be a great source of knowlege and wisdom (but don't tell them I said so!) - you won't find judgement but will find empathy. Someone said it right - you don't have to have given birth to someone to be their mom. Just like you are not a mom just because you gave birth. stand your ground with the "egg donor".

You will be fine - and if you need a shoulder please know I am here for you.

[LUBEDUDE]

2HS - my heart goes out to you. One of my daughters went through a similar thing for many years during her teens. Had to be hospitalized 3 timess. Thanks to my wife who gave up her job and basicly every minute of her life, she is the one to credit my daughter's recovery, more so than doctors or institutions. The most unbelievable thing is, my daughter does not remember those dark 5 years at all. It was like a fog or a blurr to her. But the important thing is she is alive.

There is nothing more powerful than a mother's love. God Bless You.

[enfield]

This is all very nice but isn't it the bipolar, psychotic schitzophrenic kids that we hear about in the news lately. I know I sound like a heartless
b--tard but ?????

[DLCTEX]

This is all very nice but isn't it the bipolar, psychotic schitzophrenic kids that we hear about in the news lately. I know I sound like a heartless
b--tard but ?????
You said it, I didn't. What would you do? Give up? Stand aside and let someone with a lot of love take over here.

[Olevern]

God bless you and my prayers will be with you. I will never meet you but I would like to be a prayer support warrior for you. I am making a copy of your post to put on my "prayer wall", a wall of pictures of boys whom I have mentored, am currently mentoring or I pray for regularly because of their situation.

I worked in the mental health care industry as a counselor in a residential treatment facility for boys who had gotten themselves in trouble with their sexual urges. We received them as early as 12 years old and generally kept those who had stable homes to return to (and were willing to have them back) from 18 months to two years. During that time they received group counseling facilitated by a qualified counselor twice a day, learned how to hold each other accountable, gained insight into their offenses via role playing and groups on victim empathy, completed regular community service, participated in individual and family counseling (those whose families would participate), lived in a strict, structured environment under constant staff observation (even as they slept at night) and, for all intents and purposes lived a daily h@*l for several years. Many stayed even longer, either because they could not pass regular polygraphs regarding their past offenses or (mostly) because the family environments were not likely to support them in such a way that with their high-risk ideations they could be (relatively) safe from re-offending.

The ones which really broke my heart were the ones who had committed a minor infraction, but the social workers and courts could not send home because the parents simply disowned them. They didn't come to visit, they would not respond to letters and they made it clear to the representatives of the "system" that they would not take the child back.

This was crushing to the spirit of the child, to finally realize that he was never going home, and that he no longer had a family. More often than not, in these situations, it was a blended family and the child of one parent had offended the child of another. In these cases, the parent of the offender decided that he wanted his (girlfriend/wife/boyfriend/husband) more than he/she wanted their own offspring.

These children usually stayed in placement of some kind (even those very young when brought into placement) until they reached the age of 18, at which time they were thrown to the wolves.

Contrast that experience with your step son and your relationship/commitment to him. It brings me tears of joy for him that you have stuck with him and are loving him without reservation and with a determination to see it thru come what may.

My wall of prayer is right on the wall behind my reloading bench, so every time I sit there I can see those on my prayer list and begin a reloading session with prayer for those represented there.

It will be my privilege to add you, your son and your family to that prayer list.

Sorry for the long post but your post touched my heart.

blessings,
vern

[Wayne Smith]

Andrea, let me add two things. One, and I couldn't have said this even 10 years ago: The average Schizophrenic and the average Bipolar was at work today and is now home with his or her family! The new atypical antipsychotics are that good. Yes, there are 'side effects', actually multiple effects - we don't have a silver bullet of a medicine that only does one thing yet. Yes, they need to be monitored, but there are several such medicines and changing from one to another is possible.

Two - Schizophrenia is largely inherited - the weakness is clearly genetic. This should advise your understanding of his egg donor.

Enfield, yes, but none of them were medically stabile when they acted. Our mental health system does need overhaul, there is no doubt about that. However, caretakers of the mentally ill need to be in close contact with their doctors and not in denial themselves.

[gray wolf]

May God bless you for your very, very, worthy efforts to help this child
who otherwise may have been lost. I commend you and offer you a big hug from an old gent.


This is all very nice but isn't it the bipolar, psychotic schitzophrenic kids that we hear about in the news lately. I know I sound like a heartless
b--tard but ?????
Another time--another place, another topic, perhaps your remarks might be OK.
But here and now ? sorry I call them as I see them.

I know I sound like a heartless
b--tard but ????? Well, IMHO--YES YOU DO.

[2HighSpeed]

Most people would probably take offense to this, but I won't. Because I think being inquisitive is a good trait to carry around.
To awnser your question: yes. We do keep hearing about kids with schotzophrenia. But we are also hearing alot that they are kids whose parents just have up on them. I can't do that. I won't do that. And if I ever tried to give up, my daddy would have his size 12 jammed so far up my **** I'd see it come out my nose. My dad raised to never give up. I have immense experience with children who have mental and mood disorders. I gave up my job making $32 an hour with full benefits to care for this little guy. He is absolutely my everything. The air I breathe, the ground I walk on. Don't get me wrong, my other boys mean just as much to me, but this little guy has never known what it's like to really be loved. I know I have ain't road ahead of me in regards to his care. Right now where it stands I am looking at therapy 3 times a week for 90 minutes, seeing his psychiatrist once a week, his pediatrician once every 2 weeks and possibly homeschooling him the remainder of the year. But you know what.... I don't mind. Because this too shall pass. What is a few months or years off my life if it means helping to make the rest of his life functional.
BTW.... My uncle has schizophrenia, bipolar and psychosis.... Guess what he does..... He is a airplane mechanic and makes a 6 figure income, and he hasn't missed a day of work in 5 years because his mental issues are well controlled with medication.



You said it, I didn't. What would you do? Give up? Stand aside and let someone with a lot of love take over here.

[2HighSpeed]

Whoops, sorry DLCTEX... Meant to quote enfield.

[xs11jack]

First I am pretty sure that the egg donor is looking for something that will benefit her. Welfare, state child support, or other public programs. She is trying to bully you out of the source of her possible income. I know from your writting you will never in the world let that happen. Secondly, You have our prayers, your love for that boy comes shining off the page as you write. If ever there was a "best Mom in the Whole World", you are it. The good people of this site will never forget you and the family you are raising and loving. Must be some dust in here, it got in my eyes.
Jack

[2HighSpeed]

Funny you say that. When my husband was awarded custody, the very first thing she asked him was "does he still have to pay me $1,900 a month for child support" the judge said "no as a matter of fact you owe him the child support he paid you from April (when the kids where taken) to October (when he was granted sole custody) and you so have to pay him $600 a month child support". She had a violent outbreak yelling about how she wouldn't be able to afford to live and blah blah blah. It was ok for us to give her $1,900 a month for child support but it's not ok for her to pay $600 a month. As soon as she found out he and I where living together (in sin befor marriage) she petitioned the court to raise the child support from $1200 a month to the $1900 because of my income. We where not married but living in the same home and all income was shared so the judge ordered $1900 a month. And she stuck a that money up her nose. These boys didn't have a single article of clothes that was free of holes or stains but she was padding her butt with Gucci and Vera Bradley. And she had the nerve to tell the judge we didn't need her to pay child support because I have some coach purses. Why yes I do, but my kids all have clothes and shoes that fit, food in their tummies and a warm bed to sleep in too. She is a nut job that blames all her wrongs on everyone else. I am so very thankful that these boy now have a chance to grow up with some morals.

QUOTE=xs11jack;2046295]First I am pretty sure that the egg donor is looking for something that will benefit her. Welfare, state child support, or other public programs. She is trying to bully you out of the source of her possible income. I know from your writting you will never in the world let that happen. Secondly, You have our prayers, your love for that boy comes shining off the page as you write. If ever there was a "best Mom in the Whole World", you are it. The good people of this site will never forget you and the family you are raising and loving. Must be some dust in here, it got in my eyes.
Jack[/QUOTE]

[2HighSpeed]

This would be our brood. The really tall one in the middle is Christian, he is almost 13. The littlest one is Nathan, he will be 6 in June. The medium size boys are Austin on the right and Tyler on the Left. They are both 10.

60602

[LUBEDUDE]

This is all very nice but isn't it the bipolar, psychotic schitzophrenic kids that we hear about in the news lately. I know I sound like a heartless
b--tard but ?????

As a gun owning parent of one of these kids, this was a HUGE concern of mine. Thus, if a gun was not on me, it was locked up in one of the 4 gun safes.

[2HighSpeed]

Hope none if youns break a neck trying to look at my sideways photo. That's what I get for posting a picture from my iPhone

[Bob Krack]

Andrea,

I seldom speak this out but the ONLY power greater than a mother's love is God's.

It certainly appears that you have earned or are earning it.

Proud of you.

Bob

[2HighSpeed]

We do not allow Nathan access to the firearms. We have a few locked in the gun safe and one in each of our vehicles in a locked compartment. My personal one is always in my pocket with the safety on. Any knives, forks, marshmellow pokers are all Locked in another safe in the laundry too
. We even remove the knobs to the stove. My house is 100% baby proof for him. For his safety, and ours. He even has a alarm on his door and a motion alarm just outside his door in case the door alarm fails.

[2HighSpeed]

Thank you Bob


Andrea,

I seldom speak this out but the ONLY power greater than a mother's love is God's.

It certainly appears that you have earned or earning it.

Proud of you.

Bob

[LUBEDUDE]

Fine pic. Good looking boys.

Thanks for sharing.

[Idaho Mule]

There is no love like a mother's love. You are a true mother, hang in there and you will "mold" that boy in to a fine young man. JW

[runfiverun]

you guy's need to re-read andreas posts again.... seriously.
you are seeing many of the things you point out as the problem,she is showing you the difference betwen the problem and the not the problem.

if you have a diagnosis [or a miss-diagnosis treated incorrectly]
and the issue is dealt with strictly through medication and apathy, you have a bigger problem.
i have seen and lived with the issues here.
without proper medication you are a part of one of the worst things you can imagine seeing and feeling.
i have seen some horrible stuff all over the world first hand.

but seing someone [your child] fight through/with the voices of schizophrenia that desperatly want's your help [and you can't stop it] is the worst most helpless feeling you will ever experience.

[2HighSpeed]

I might be a little partial, But I think they are all pretty darn handsome myself.
I know I am raising them right, The 3 oldest just got into a little tissy when we got home because they all got to my car door to open it for me at the same time. On second thought, My husband JUST started teaching them this today so maybe they are plotting for something. Maybe a sneak attack on account of all 3 of them. Hmmmmm....... 8-)



Fine pic. Good looking boys.

Thanks for sharing.

[2HighSpeed]

You surely hit the nail on the head here.



you guy's need to re-read andreas posts again.... seriously.
you are seeing many of the things you point out as the problem,she is showing you the difference betwen the problem and the not the problem.

if you have a diagnosis [or a miss-diagnosis treated incorrectly]
and the issue is dealt with strictly through medication and apathy, you have a bigger problem.
i have seen and lived with the issues here.
without proper medication you are a part of one of the worst things you can imagine seeing and feeling.
i have seen some horrible stuff all over the world first hand.

but seing someone [your child] fight through/with the voices of schizophrenia that desperatly want's your help [and you can't stop it] is the worst most helpless feeling you will ever experience.

[blackthorn]

After reading this thread, there is not much I can add but I would like to say that I was adopted at age 8 months (now 74yrs). I have no knowledge of my background. The folks who adopted me were THE BEST! Afeter reading this, I think you are running a real close second! Good for you! I wish you and your family the best of luck in the years ahead.

[LUBEDUDE]

I forgot about locking up knives, Bic razors, the tools.

And even putting a reverse lock on our bedroom door and locking our child IN with us at night.

It is beyond taxing mentally, physically, and spiritually.

Ya'll are in my prayers.

[2HighSpeed]

We do not have a reverse lock on his door. Apparently that is now considered child abuse, SMH. When his egg donar had him she locked him in his room with a reverse lock and a padlock. So he has a door knob with no lock. He does however have a alarm on his door that goes off the minute it is opened, and another alarm that is motion sensor with a "trip beam" for if the door alarm fails. Its set up to go off in all rooms of the house except the older boys bedrooms (This thing is LOUD). The other kids have a lock on thier doors and know when he throws ANY type of fit they are to proceed to thier "safe place", which is thier rooms with the door locked. That way they are not in the middle when and if things go from bad to oh Sh*t with him. Thats only happened twice though and not at all since he started residential treatment. Currently they have him stable with Abilify, Triliptal, Amantidine, Risperdal and Ritalin. He will be seeing his doctor often for med changes if need be and I have a very close relationship with him as well as his therapist. So I am optimistic that all the "bad stuff" is in the past. If we have a set back, We will just roll with the punches. It wouldnt be LIFE without some curveballs and I know that ultimately it is not up to me the path we go down, Thats up to GOD.



I forgot about locking up knives, Bic razors, the tools.

And even putting a reverse lock on our bedroom door and locking our child IN with us at night.

It is beyond taxing mentally, physically, and spiritually.

Ya'll are in my prayers.

[LUBEDUDE]

The reverse lock was on OUR room at night. It got to where she slept in the room, locked in with us.

It sounds like you have a good safe system for rest of the kids. And good alarms as well.

[Lance Boyle]

Stay strong and happy!
My brother had a no account wife, he got full custody so I won't go into the details as to her character. I wish they parted ways earlier before some bad imprinting occured. He has 4 daughters and the eldest is a bit learning disabled and the second has lots emotional issues, number 3 and 4 were spared the bad impressions but still missed a mother's care. god bless you for doing for them.

[00buck]

Stay Strong and keep up the good work.. Your kids will thank you when they get older and understand what you did for them.

Just one thing.. stay focused when youre out there smelting your lead..

[2HighSpeed]

Oh I'm out here now! Got a nice fire going and my lemonade so I'm good. The kids are off playing hide and seek and hubby is cutting firewood. Doesn't get much better then this.




Stay Strong and keep up the good work.. Your kids will thank you when they get older and understand what you did for them.

Just one thing.. stay focused when youre out there smelting your lead..

[Ramar]

God Bless You! You're a Sweetheart.
Ramar

[2HighSpeed]

I just gotta say..... In about 2 hours, I will have my son with me. Its been a long 3 1/2 months. My baby comes home today :)

[Olevern]

I just gotta say..... In about 2 hours, I will have my son with me. Its been a long 3 1/2 months. My baby comes home today :)

Praise God! We rejoice with you. Lotsa hugs and kisses will be exchanged and tears will flow. God is Good!

[wv109323]

I commend you for taking on the additional responsibility. You are a very rare person in today's society. From your story you are not only taking on more responsibility but making personal sacrifices to do so.
There are many more like the egg donor you mention.
From my own personal experience do not get discouraged. It takes a lot of time to make changes in a persons life but in the end it is worth the sacrifice to know you made a difference.
From time to time if you have to "vent" I think this forum is a good place to do so. It seems to me there is a lot of caring people that will support you thru words and prayers.
Keep us informed.