Olevern
07-11-2012, 07:29 PM
:sad:
Received a call from Z's dad today informing that Z was grounded because he refused to get on the bus for Summer school this morning.
Discussed appropriate punishment and dad decided that two days total grounding would suffice for this, the first refusal to go (Z actually physically resisted dad getting him out of bed) I felt that it was too lenient, but concurred since dad would also tell Z that any further like infractions would result in a week of grounding.
Dad did not ask me to not come over and see Z during this time, but I talked with Z on the phone and explained to him that I enjoy doing things with him when he is doing the right thing, but would not reward bad behavior by coming over during his confinment. I invited Z to call me and let me know how he was doing as his parents had not restricted him from calling me (no other phone privs). Z generally calls me every evening we don't see each other and I think that support is important.
There is considerable tension in the household between Z's parents and I'm sure this has some impact on his behavior as he is not very good about talking about his frustrations and upset, he tends to bottle it up until he explodes over something unrelated and usually insignificant. I am trying to get him to call me and open up about things that are bothering him, but am relatively new in the relationship and that coping skill is not possible for him as yet. I have assured him that if something is bothering him and he calls and tells me he needs to talk, I will do my best to get right to him so we can talk.
Changing long time negative (and age inappropriate) coping mechanisms (outbursts, yelling, crying, violence) to age appropriate effective coping skills is not something that happens in weeks (or sometimes even months) but is something we will work on.
So, looks like Sat. Z and I will go somewhere (perhaps a walk in the woods) where we can sit down and talk.
Received a call from Z's dad today informing that Z was grounded because he refused to get on the bus for Summer school this morning.
Discussed appropriate punishment and dad decided that two days total grounding would suffice for this, the first refusal to go (Z actually physically resisted dad getting him out of bed) I felt that it was too lenient, but concurred since dad would also tell Z that any further like infractions would result in a week of grounding.
Dad did not ask me to not come over and see Z during this time, but I talked with Z on the phone and explained to him that I enjoy doing things with him when he is doing the right thing, but would not reward bad behavior by coming over during his confinment. I invited Z to call me and let me know how he was doing as his parents had not restricted him from calling me (no other phone privs). Z generally calls me every evening we don't see each other and I think that support is important.
There is considerable tension in the household between Z's parents and I'm sure this has some impact on his behavior as he is not very good about talking about his frustrations and upset, he tends to bottle it up until he explodes over something unrelated and usually insignificant. I am trying to get him to call me and open up about things that are bothering him, but am relatively new in the relationship and that coping skill is not possible for him as yet. I have assured him that if something is bothering him and he calls and tells me he needs to talk, I will do my best to get right to him so we can talk.
Changing long time negative (and age inappropriate) coping mechanisms (outbursts, yelling, crying, violence) to age appropriate effective coping skills is not something that happens in weeks (or sometimes even months) but is something we will work on.
So, looks like Sat. Z and I will go somewhere (perhaps a walk in the woods) where we can sit down and talk.