My friend has cancer.

[MBTcustom]

One of my good friends, and one of my best patrons, just found out he has cancer. He went to the local hospital and was rushed to UAMS hours later. They ran tests and found that he had cancer in his liver.
They said its a rare form that "presents itself late". I don't know what that means but It scares the heck out of me. I am in the position where no one I have ever known has battled cancer, and I have never lost someone I care about.
I have no idea how to be a friend to him in this time.
I know there are a lot of God fearing people on this forum so would you please pray for him?
Does anyone here know how I can help him? What are the right words when the terror of what is happening leaves you speechless?

[Ruger45]

There's not much you can do except be there for him. Just listen to him and be there.

[smoked turkey]

Yes we will pray for your friend. Tim in my opinion in order to be a help to someone at a time like this you just need to be there for them. They probably have a lot of questions but you don't need to have the answers. Let them talk and feel their pain. If they are christians they still may have problems trying to understand why this has happened to them and where is God kind of thinking. Don't be judgemental or harsh because they will come to realize that life is not always fair. God didn't design things like this in his divine plan. One day everything will be made right. You can do it. As I say just be a friend with a listening ear and a shoulder if they need one.

[GT27]

My family's prayers are with your friend, this is a time to be a true friend,understanding,supportive,there when needed no matter what!

[DIRT Farmer]

Goodsteel, show up, joke, have a good time and talk about the future, what ever his interests are. If thiings go bad there will be plenty of time for crying later.

Prayers sent

[edler7]

Still be a good friend, now more than ever. Let him bring up the future, otherwise live in the present, BS about the past and enjoy each other's company. Be prepared to see some physical changes in him that may not be pleasant. "Presents itself late" usually means not a whole lot can be done. Doctors can be wrong, and patients can make liars out of them, but the doctors are talking from experience with the illness. His time may be short...so make the most of it.

Now is the time to live up to your family motto.

[Ernest]

some times you can do little things that are very big. Feed the dog. Take clothes to the cleaner. Shine a pair of shoes. Pick up the news paper off of his lawn. cut the grass. etc. That is all you can do. Liver cancer that shows up late doesn't sound like his life expectancy is too great. Listen & love.
All that is for him. For you assess your life through this. Life is absolutely terminal. What are you doing with the time you have left? If there are people you love let them know that today. Practice randome acts of kindness toward them. Try not to worry too much about stuff that doesn't matter and most of it doesn't.

sorry for your friends illness and your saddness. I will pray for your friend now.

Our God, the power that orders the universe.
Please fill us with wisdom to help us understand the things that we see that we can understand.
Help us with acceptance with the things that are beyond our ability to understand.
Please hold Good steels friend in your presence, comfort him as he prepares for his passage from this earthly life to another life as we all shall .
When his passage is complete hold him in eternal peace and complete understanding.
Amen

[geargnasher]

Tim, I know you asked for prayers and not advice, but let me offer this, I think it will help you both. Pick up a copy of Tuesdays with Morrie and read it.

Ian

[jcwit]

Be a friend to him now more than ever, please, please do not treat him as if he was contagious, many folks do do this. I know as I am a cancer surivor. One of the most important things for him to do is keep his attidude positive, and with lots of humor.

I remember when I was going in for chemo many patients sat in the waiting room with their hands in their lap and looking down at the floor, with an already defeated attidude. Not the thing to do, he needs to hold his head up and look the world straight in the eye. I have a little saying that I came up with

Hold your head up, look the devil straight in the eye, and grab the hand of the Lord when he reaches out to help!

Will keep your friend in my Prayers and thoughts.

[MBTcustom]

Be a friend to him now more than ever, please, please do not treat him as if he was contagious, many folks do do this. I know as I am a cancer surivor. One of the most important things for him to do is keep his attidude positive, and with lots of humor.

I don't want to shun him and be like that. Its not in my nature to do that. I married my wife knowing that she had MS. When she was diagnosed lots of people just left. It's a horrible thing, but I think the reason why is because it takes so much strength to go to the side of somebody who is in trouble and get their trouble all over you too. I made a lifestyle out of doing this because no one else will, but to be honest, this is more than I think I can handle. I am so scared for him, I just don't know if I can put on a cheerful face. I think this is one of those things where I'm just going to jump in, do my best and pray to God that I can help more than hurt.
By the way, the man's name is Jay Riorden. His wife's name is Geneva, they have no kids, but he is only in his fifties.
I got to know him over the last two years. We shared ammo, cigars, bourbon, and clays. I don't know if he is a christian. If he is, he has not been vocal about it.

[crabo]

You've gotten good advice. I'll pray for him and you.

[OneSkinnyMass]

Wish I could help, thoughts are with you and Jay and your families
If anything, I would offer to just be yourself and let your feelings and fears be known

Skinny

[PanaDP]

Sorry to hear that. My Mom died of brain cancer about a year ago. It's awfully hard to watch and not be able to do anything. Just keep the humor up and be there to talk if he wants to.

[missionary5155]

Good morning
I will pray for Jay your friend. If your friend is a Christain do not underestimate the Joy of talking about and reading God's Word, the Bible, together. Sadly we do that too little while we have the opportinities going through life. But your friend is now ( possibly) facing eternity and preperation is everything. God is still He who can do miracles.
Mike in Peru

[Olevern]

Spend time with him doing the things you have always enjoyed doing together (within his physical capabilities, which will change) Perhaps do something you guys have talked about wanting to do but never got around to. Share with him your faith in a non-threatening way ie: "when I have gone thru difficult times, my faith in God has been a comfort" Send him a friendship card on which you have copied the twenty third psalm. And, only after it is clear he has made his peace with (acknowledged to himself) the fact that he is dying, assure him that your wife and you will look after his wife, emotionally (mostly your wifes job) and by doing the "man things" around the house that she can't do (that's your part).
My best friend and hunting buddy were separated when he died fifteen years ago. My wife goes over to her house several times a week to play board games, go out shopping and all the things the ladies like to do (we are both going out yard saleing the morning with the widow). I fix things around the house that would cost her money to get fixed. I know my buddy would have done the same for me.

The bible tells Christians to take care of children and widows, 'cause it's the right thing to do.

We will keep you both in our prayers.

[41 mag fan]

Tim,
Dirt Farmer and Olevern is spot on on what to do, at least on the emotional and the right thing to do after they've passed away.

Enjoy the time you two have, joke and relive the memories you guys created as friends, and mourn when your friend has passed

[DHurtig]

I have survived a massive heart attack that should have killed me, 7 by-passes, congestive heart failure and a bout with cancer. People pull away for fear that they will do or say the wrong thing. Be yourself and ask what can I do to help. The best therapy is to stay busy as long as possible. I recently lost a co-worker to cancer. People marveled at the fact that he stayed at work far longer than he should have even though it took it's toll on him. I had to explain to them that it was more than just being a dedicated employee. When you have your daily routine to follow, it focus' your thoughts and energies on something other than your problems. No one wants to just sit around waiting to die with nothing to think about except dying. You want to live as normal a life as you possibly can for as long as is possible. Dale

[MBTcustom]

He called me yesterday evening. I tried to be chipper while not avoiding the obvious. I let him bring it up and I tried to be strait forward with him, but not gloomy. He's taking it pretty well, but honestly I don't think it has quite sunk in yet. He said the doctor was not happy about having to tell him the diagnosis, and that the doctor said that there are some things that they can do a lot about and others that are "more difficult" his situation be one of the "more difficult" ones. He said he will be starting chemo soon.

[41 mag fan]

Hopefully the chemo goes good Tim.

[Bullet Caster]

Tim,

A tear just went down my cheek after I read all these posts. I will pray for you, him and his wife. Sometimes the Good Lord answers prayers; sometimes He chooses not to act. It's really up to Him.

My advice is to be yourself around your friend and be supportive and understanding. As the time nears he will probably open up to you and just love him back with understanding. I know it's a hard thing to do, especially when it's a dear friend. God bless you and hang in there.

Also understand that prayer is a powerful thing. It can turn the hand of God. BC

[1911sw45]

Tim,

I too am going thru what you are. I have a good friend that has lung cancer that is 39 yrs old. There is nothing they can do for her except to try and control the pain. She lost her dad to lung cancer 5 years ago yesterday. She is in so much pain, sick all the time. She knows God has his arms wrapped around her. But she is still scared to death, not of death its self but leaving her young kids and family behind. We talk about God alot. Just be there and listen to he. Some times they just have to vent their anger, joy, and sorrow. I pray that her and her family has comfort in this time.

Adam

[waksupi]

I feel your pain. Three of my friends have it, and one has no chance at all, the other two are up in the air yet. Plus, another friend had a stroke a few weeks ago, and is paralyzed. I have not been in a good mood lately.

[paul h]

Lost my father to cancer 5 years ago, a close family friend last near, and now my mother is dying of cancer. On the one hand there has been alot of progress on battling cancer, but it sounds like from the description of a cancer that makes itself known later, the prognosis is not good, sorry to say.

There is no magic words to make someone feel better, but the key as a good friend is to spend as much time as possible with him. I know this doesn't sound like much consolation, but when someone close to you has terminal cancer, you have the opportunity to spend time with them, vs. something like a massive heart attack where they are suddenly gone.

[MBTcustom]

Thanks for all the advice fellers. It helps me a lot just to have an idea of what helps someone when they are in this situation. Having never lost someone myself, or even been exposed to this sort of thing, up to and including death, I felt very unprepared to offer good friendship. I am glad to hear so many advising to keep a chipper attitude. That is exactly what I was planning on doing, but I was afraid it might come across wrong. Even then, I realize that there is a time and place for depression to have its voice, but I will let him decide when that is, and I will respond accordingly.
Thanks for all the prayers and advice, you are all good friends, and I'm glad to have folks to ask who know what this is, and how to deal with it.
Thanks for all the PMs too. I appreciate it.

[Geraldo]

A friend of mine got cancer in his late twenties and it really rocked my world. Then someone told me something I'll never forget, "We hear cancer and we immediately think it's a death sentence." My friend is still alive twenty years later.

Just be yourself and do what you can for him, that's all you can do. My main concern is that you said the doctor was reluctant to break the news. Doctors are human, and no one likes to hear bad news, but honesty is important. My wife deals with this all the time: docs who don't want to tell the truth at all, or shade the truth. Tell Jay to ask lots of questions of all his doctors and demand honesty. I read something not that long ago about palliative care, which is not doing nothing, it is trying to make the patient's life as good as possible for as long as possible. Depending on the type of cancer, some patients who chose palliative care lived longer than those who chose aggressive treatment.

Aside from that, prayer, and I'll add Jay to my list.

[gray wolf]

I am very sorry to here this, it saddens me whenever I read these post.
Prayer for your friend has been said, sorry I am late on this one.

Sam

[MBTcustom]

Thanks for the prayers, I spoke to his wife today and tried to get more information. The way she was talking, there isn't much hope of recovery (although we're hoping anyway).
They think its terminal.
She said he's trying to decide what to do. (I assume that is in reference to what Geraldo was talking about with "palliative care".

[flint45]

Goodsteal keep being his friend . I will be praying for him and you and pray he knows Jesus Christ as his saviour. Be a brother to him in his time of need like you are now. John 3:16 brother.