Prgnancy survival as the Guy

[greenbud]

I wish any guy on here to give me there survival tips and tricks for there wife being pregnant.
I plan to start a series of joking but serious clips on the topic. The first one I did was just to get the ball roling and hopefully get some ideas coming in from people.

thing like
Food
getting sleep and how
mood swings
im cold im hot
her lack of memory
you get the idea.

Here is the first video. just a heads up the love dovey into was just to make the man hater viewers happy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcoZTpXSTHM

Thanks every one

[2ndAmendmentNut]

My wife is pregnant with our first, into the third trimester…

Pray for strength and patience every day. Keep a sense of humor about you, even if she does not find it funny, I am sure she will look back on it eventually and laugh.

[stubshaft]

Always be supportive, if you aren't you will feel the wrath of her moods swings. I would rather get a visit from the tinsel fairy!

[pmeisel]

Well, guys, I just told the boss I needed the money, so put me on nights and give me all the overtime that's available.....

[white eagle]

asked for help from 2 friends Jack and Daniels
best of luck

[Beekeeper]

Give her the idea and go away for 9 months and then come home and enjoy the fruits of your labor.
That is what Uncle Sugar did to me with both children.
Can't say the wife was too happy about it but Uncle Sugar had to be obeyed.


beekeeper

[bowfin]

Make sure your bride gets plenty of rest that last month. You never know if and when she will be in labor for thr next 45 minutes to 36 hours.

[Sasquatch-1]

You think pregnancy is tough, wait for post partum(sp) mood swings. And if that is not enough then you have to deal with menopause when she is older. Also if you have a girl then when she gets older you will have 2 weeks a month you can't do anything right. :veryconfu

[greenbud]

You think pregnancy is tough, wait for post partum(sp) mood swings. And if that is not enough then you have to deal with menopause when she is older. Also if you have a girl then when she gets older you will have 2 weeks a month you can't do anything right. :veryconfu

wow that made my day
Thank you so much

[Goatwhiskers]

Give thanks to the Lord for this, children are the greatest blessing in life, along with some of your greatest trials. We tried 8 years, had turned it over to the Lord, and were in the process of adopting when it happened. We have 2, boy and girl, both grown now and each successful in their careers. My life truly has been blessed, may yours be also. Goatwhiskers

[runfiverun]

he ain't kidding.
i have two girls, guess how the third week of each month is around here.
and the bggest one is doing the old lady thing.
i have a couple of really nice stereos in the gun room and the garage.

[OBIII]

Multiple girls are not too bad. They actually wind up on the same time schedule. But, when the wife goes into labor, and you take her to the hospital, have a friend available. I took my wife to the Military Hospital in Frankfurt, Germany, and she promptly announced that she needed (demanded) a Big Mac. Being alone, I zipped out, found a McDonalds, acquired Big Mac, returned to the hospital only to find that I was too late. The Doctor was too. Little (and last) booger just popped out. :D
Good luck and try to keep your sanity.
OB

[starmac]

Skip that part and go straight to grandkids, they are more fun, without the headaches. lol

[bbs70]

You think pregnancy is tough, wait for post partum(sp) mood swings. And if that is not enough then you have to deal with menopause when she is older. Also if you have a girl then when she gets older you will have 2 weeks a month you can't do anything right. :veryconfu

He speaks the truth.
Married for 42 years, 2 daughters and 2 granddaughters.
Mood swings, menopause.
When daughters were still home wife & daughters monthly thing came the same week.:groner:
Hell, I almost caught estrogen posioning from them.

[Rick N Bama]

Skip that part and go straight to grandkids, they are more fun, without the headaches. lol

You got that right:) We're blessed to have 7 with #8 due in about 2 months. 2 of our Grandsons visited with us today.

Rick

[greenbud]

thanks guys. This has been a great thing to read and get a much needed laugh

[arkypete]

My method may not work for all.
I determined it was important be there for the laying of the keel then get out town, go fight a war is a good excuse, and get back after the launch.

Jim

[Moonie]

From near the end of the Chevy Chase movie "Modern Problems" be nice to her (was him in the movie).

[chris12]

just remember everything you do will be wrong. just have a couple beers, try to keep her happy and try to keep yourself sane. best advise i have. btw, congratulations.

[DIRT Farmer]

Overtime is good, look honey, I am looking to put away money for the future. If that is not an option look for a second job. I worked as a paramedic on a 24 on 24 off. I highly recamend the schedule.

[Jailer]

just remember everything you do will be wrong. just have a couple beers, try to keep her happy and try to keep yourself sane. best advise i have. btw, congradulations.

Some great advice right there.

And remember, the secret to a successful marriage is yard work......

[x101airborne]

No matter what you do you will be wrong......
Go to the Doc and get on Prozac. It is not for you... you know where I am going with this. Any doc with a wife will understand.

All the junk food you have not wanted to buy in the last 5 years, just go out and buy it. Dont fight the fight, just do it.

Every morning when the wife is still in bed, turn the scale in the bathroom down 1/4 pound. Yes, every day.

Start now.... pick out some colors for the new kiddo's room and talk about carpet and such. If you do this now, she will think you are excited about decorating (and obviously you aren't of the OTHER persuasion...) and she will relax on ya. Every once in a while, circle something in the Sears catalog and leave it next to your lamp table where she will find it. Doesn't matter if you like it or not. Makes her feel good. Now, this is important. Wether you like the colors or not, or like the catalog stuff or not, just grab some random stuff and circle random stuff. Remember..... A bad idea is still a thought in the right direction.

Rub her back every night. I know you probably dont want to.... but it isn't for you. It is so you can sleep in bed and not on the couch. Rub her feet, her shoulders, her neck.... etc. The more you do it, the more comfortable she will be and the more you can go fishing. And sooner or later, she will not want to be touched and then it is HER fault!

Then FREEZE her out in the bedroom and give her an extra blanket. If she is wrapped up in blankets, she is less likely to crawl up on you at over 200 degrees farenheit with -40 feet and butt.

When she farts on you, ask her if it is a mating call. She will quit that ****. Post Haste.

[bowfin]

I have three sons. My wife says that they seem to be more low maintenance than rearing girls, starting from the first time they have to pee in the woods on up past Senior prom.

[Jeffrey]

x101airborne has a lot of good points, especially about massaging her.
The best sex my wife and I ever had was when she was pregnant. All that extra blood flow to the area made her eager.
Plan on giving in to her wishes regarding how long she wants to stay at home with the baby. DO NOT push to put the child in day care before she is ready. Down that road lay ruin.
When the baby shower comes around she will get A LOT of infant clothes. KEEP THE TAGS ON THEM. The child will stay that size for maybe a couple of weeks. Exchange them for larger size clothes.
'Sippy cups' are worth their weight in gold. My daughter would knock over her cup at every meal. I think we used those things till she was almost 8.
Good luck and prayers for a healthy mom and babe.

[Sasquatch-1]

'Sippy cups' are worth their weight in gold. My daughter would knock over her cup at every meal. I think we used those things till she was almost 8.
Good luck and prayers for a healthy mom and babe.

In conjunction with this, when the time comes) you may want to ban any drink that has red dye in it or get red carpet throughout the house

[**oneshot**]

Treat her like a queen, but don't be her servant.

On one side she will want you to do everything for her, on the other side she will get mad or upset when you do everything. This is truer than true.
In the last month or so, she will need you do almost everything and thats fine, bare with it.

Back rubs and foot rubs go along way. Every woman is not going to handle pregnancy the same, so there is no 1 answer to solve it all. Her back and her feet will most certainly be in pain or strain.
My friends wife worked until the last few days before delivery, running around like normal just a little slower. This was her first one. On her second, You'd swear the gremlins and imps took over her body. Heck, I think "The Exorcist" was based off those 9 months. He spent alot of time at my house with that one.

Good luck and best wishes

[ErikO]

Best advice I got was this:

"Your life has irrevokably changed. Fortunately, three to four months of sleep depravation and you'll have no idea how you wasted all that time before you had your first child."

[GREENCOUNTYPETE]

In my case my wife slept a lot with our first , we would get home from work she would eat dinner and she would lay down , and sleep , till morning, I would do the dishes , clean up the house and keep up the yard and garden , and find other work to do in the garage

on #2 she didn't sleep as much , but wanted boiled potatoes for just about every meal , we worked different shifts so she would sleep in the morning a bit more


they aren't kidding about post postpartum depression , it hit after #2 for us , wow , find a way to be supportive and work thru it
#3 , i could have wrung the necks of all of the bosses at her company, they informed her she was moving to a different department when she came back from maternity leave the day she left , it could have waited till she came back.

4&5 didn't go so well , maybe the only thing worse than post postpartum depression is loosing them ,and having to stay in the hospital while very one around you is having babies. and the post what ever it is called depression.

we decided to quit while we were ahead.

every pregnancy is different , every woman is different , do what she likes keep her as comfortable as you can , those days seem like a blur now i worked every minute of over time i could when she was with our 1st , so i could afford to have her stay home , she had gotten pregnant withing a few months of starting at that job so she wasn't going to get maternity leave ,they did give her 2 extra weeks of pay.

[GREENCOUNTYPETE]

Best advice I got was this:

"Your life has irrevokably changed. Fortunately, three to four months of sleep depravation and you'll have no idea how you wasted all that time before you had your first child."

if you have never been a part of any sleep deprivation training , you will find it very interesting , i had the befit of a few years of on-call first working multiple 12 hour on-call shifts in a row and 8+ hours a day

it is always interesting to see whos mind turns to mush and at how many hours

after the kids started sleeping thru the night i would tackle large projects between 9pm and 2 am , re-plumed the entire house , added natural gas , remodeled a bathroom

I have gotten back to enjoying my sleep now

[Milsurp Junkie]

Oh god, the sleep deprivation. My kiddo had colic and sleep problems for the first 18 months. Both my wife and I were mentally retarded after that much sleep deprivation. Seriously, the only way that I could work at that point was to take a nap during lunch.

The good news is that most of your intelligence/reasoning/memory recollection comes back. The bad news is that not all of it comes back.

Seriously keep an eye out for post-par tum depression, and remember it can occur almost a year after giving birth. I was too sleep-deprived and generally emotionally numb at that point to notice it in my wife. We managed to get through it, but it could have been a lot easier on the whole family if we treated it.

My wife and I are at the 2nd trimester mark with daughter #2. We are expecting the worst and hoping/praying for it to be better than the last.

[Milsurp Junkie]

I forgot to add that this section of Hamlet's soliloquy kept running through my head the entire time:
"...To die, to sleep--
No more--and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to. 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep--
To sleep--perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause."

[PAI-Scott]

Get a job out of town, I was 900 miles away when her water broke with #2 son. He was the easiest of the 3 births by far.

[greenbud]

Well had some fun with the new video!! LOL Hope you find it funny and worth your time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47E43q_jU24

[greenbud]

And now my cat is in heat and will not stop meowing AHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

[yottey]

Some of the things I learned over the years were.Grandma told me when dealing with a preg wife you have two options you can be right or you can be happy and when asked by your wife if you think her butt is big just reply no dear its perfect.

[41 mag fan]

When she farts on you, ask her if it is a mating call. She will quit that ****. Post Haste.


Ohh man it's been so long ago I forgot about that one!!
My ex wife now, would curl up into a ball with her butt in my stomach every night.
Just about the time I'd be drifting off to sleep, she'd let one rip.....they'd be so loud it'd make my stomach vibrate.
And man the smell, I thought I was proud of what I could produce. She'd let go with ones that could gag a maggot.
She must've thought it was funny though, there was times she'd get to giggling, and it took a couple of times to figure out, but i'd get this real warm feeling on my stomach.
Guess the old saying holds true...loud but proud, silent but violent.

I will say though, I was waiting for one of those runny ones, but thankfully that never happened.

[greenbud]

you all give me hope to survive!!

[Rangefinder]

I'd say everyone has covered things pretty well so far. But I'll tell you now--sleep in whenever possible, because it won't likely happen again for a VERY long time. After the baby arrives, you're wife is gonna be getting up about every three hours for a while for feeding. Here's a hint to not suffering later--GET UP WITH HER. Because, and you can probably understand this pretty well, she's going to get over the novelty of it within about a week and then will be miserable. That is bad enough. But if she's miserable and knows you SLEPT through it.... Well, my friend, you're a dead man. BUT, if she knows neither one of you are getting a full night's sleep and you don't complain, you just may survive it with only minor bruises. ;)



"Your life has irrevokably changed. Fortunately, three to four months of sleep depravation and you'll have no idea how you wasted all that time before you had your first child."

Good lord, that is the absolute truth. I generally never thought much about it--been through sleep deprivation training and situational so many times that it was already pre-programmed and I'm so use to functioning on no sleep that it just didn't disrupt much. Just like Greencountypete, everyone else in the house is usually peacefully sawing logs by 10PM. I usually do my tinkering and projects then because A) I'm wide awake, B) finally have a little peace and quiet, C)You'll learn early on that you have no time for yourself unless you do this because every moment of the typical waking hours are going to belong to someone other than yourself--your sanity (or what you retain of it) will depend on this heavily. and D) am so use to running on 4-5 hours of sleep in a night that a straight-through stretch doesn't even get noticed until I get to the second night and finally say "wow, I should probably catch a few Z's tonight..."

[greenbud]

Quote:
"Your life has irrevokably changed. Fortunately, three to four months of sleep depravation and you'll have no idea how you wasted all that time before you had your first child."

Good lord, that is the absolute truth. I generally never thought much about it--been through sleep deprivation training and situational so many times that it was already pre-programmed and I'm so use to functioning on no sleep that it just didn't disrupt much. Just like Greencountypete, everyone else in the house is usually peacefully sawing logs by 10PM. I usually do my tinkering and projects then because A) I'm wide awake, B) finally have a little peace and quiet, C)You'll learn early on that you have no time for yourself unless you do this because every moment of the typical waking hours are going to belong to someone other than yourself--your sanity (or what you retain of it) will depend on this heavily. and D) am so use to running on 4-5 hours of sleep in a night that a straight-through stretch doesn't even get noticed until I get to the second night and finally say "wow, I should probably catch a few Z's tonight..."

This is the very reason as a married man I am almost glad to have cronic insomnia. I tinker at night alot and enjoy my time. Thats where the new love for youtube came from. I am constanly searching youtube for an idea I can do or make better.

[Milsurp Junkie]

I used to think that I had insomnia, until we had our first one...Then it became all a matter of perspective (once denied, it became a necessity).

[dmize]

Dont have enough room to say all the funny things. So I will just stick to the more serious.
SUPPORT her in everything,there isnt much pretty about ANY woman in her 9th month but she still needs to be told she is the most beautiful.
Back rubs and massages,if you need get a book and see how to do it correctly.
Do little things for her,she wont forget it. Make sure she feels special.
MOST important,after baby is here,make sure you pay attention to HER also. Postpartum? hell she was the center of all attention for 9 months,make sure you still pay attention to her.
Dont sweat the sleep loss and baby puke and dirty diapers and headaches,You WILL NOT WANT TO MISS ANY OF IT!! You will forget all the unpleasant things later on,but you will NEVER forget the first smile giggle or step.
Lastly,go through the delivery with her!!! Any man that doesnt respect a woman has never witnessed child birth.
Yea I know it sounds like I kissed the *** of my first and only wife of 21 years, but my 2 boys are my best friends and I owe her for that.

[dragonrider]

Just man-up and do what she tells you :bigsmyl2:

[greenbud]

Just man-up and do what she tells you :bigsmyl2:

That will never happen! :twisted:

[Love Life]

For the love of all that casts well, DO NOT mention the words weight and gain in the same sentence, paragraph, etc. I still jump at shadows...

[greenbud]

Pregnant wife survival part 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrVeXOl5QqI

[colt 357]

BRING HOME CHOCOLATE Also help if you have a army helmet and body armor

[curator]

Secretly furnish your man-cave while buying things for the baby-room. You will appreciate the isolation and peace later. Do NOT under any circumstances mention weight gain or stretch marks.

[greenbud]

Start now.... pick out some colors for the new kiddo's room and talk about carpet and such. If you do this now, she will think you are excited about decorating (and obviously you aren't of the OTHER persuasion...) and she will relax on ya. Every once in a while, circle something in the Sears catalog and leave it next to your lamp table where she will find it. Doesn't matter if you like it or not. Makes her feel good. Now, this is important. Wether you like the colors or not, or like the catalog stuff or not, just grab some random stuff and circle random stuff. Remember..... A bad idea is still a thought in the right direction.

.

This is the best advice ever I have started to do this and now she is smiling and thinks im wonderfull for helping. I just leave a web browser open on random baby stuff and it works.

You have given me the survival compase I needed

[greenbud]

Pregnant wife survival part 3 the crying (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkiEmzpbR10)

I was way to tired when i did this one

[Harter66]

I raised 4 ,I was even in the or for the C-section. Her cravings will drive you nuts. Yes aparently dill pickles ,icream and jelly beans are a go together,rootbeer and jalopenos,swiss cheese and green olives 2 things that made her ill not pregnant and then she drank the brine off the olives.

We had a thing worked out I went to bed after bath time ,she handled 10 pm and I took the 2 and 5 am it worked for us she was always a nightowl and I had to be up by 6 anyway.

Like I told my kid while he was in Iraqastan keep your head down and you chin up it makes it easier to see the incoming.

I don't seem to remember my girls being hellions but I may have just been beat down by the inlaw drama by then .

[3006guns]

Steel yourself for the inevitable statement for which there is no safe answer:

"I feel so fat and ugly...........!"

Note the pause at the end of that statement, awaiting your input. Be smart and tell her at this moment she is the most beautiful woman in the world. If she smiles you have dodged the bullet and can sneak down to the basement to retireve your bottle of Jack Daniels.......:bigsmyl2:

[greenbud]

Steel yourself for the inevitable statement for which there is no safe answer:

"I feel so fat and ugly...........!"

Note the pause at the end of that statement, awaiting your input. Be smart and tell her at this moment she is the most beautiful woman in the world. If she smiles you have dodged the bullet and can sneak down to the basement to retireve your bottle of Jack Daniels.......:bigsmyl2:

This be the word of truth