Recluse
01-18-2012, 02:22 PM
As some of you know, the wife and I took in a sixteen-year-old girl almost five years ago. Her bio-dad is little more than a sperm donor, and her bio-mom little more than an egg and zygote incubator, although the bio-mom had strong emotional control over the young lady.
I won't bore you with the circumstances of how she came to be in our lives, only that I loved her then, and now, like my own child.
The wife and I have no children of our own.
The young lady and I had our final falling-out around this time last year, over a number of things, but sheer and total financial and personal responsibility was at the forefront. I took away her car--which I'd been making the payments on for the past year--and stopped the money flow. She had been down to just working a few days a week and partying, having fun with questionable friends, etc etc.
She walked out on us and for almost all of 2011, I heard nothing from her. No texts, no e-mails, no phone calls, nothing. Her old friends (good kids, now good young adults) would keep me filled in on occasion.
I did learn of some difficulties (self-induced, as always) her bio-mom had encountered, and, as usual, trying to pressure her daughter to come to me for the money, of which the kid refused.
And apparently, that was the final straw. The kid moved out from her mom's place.
So for almost an entire year, I'm wondering and worrying what this young lady is doing. The only thing I knew for certain was where she worked.
On December 23, I couldn't take it any longer. I bought a modest gift card to her favorite restaurant and had it couriered to her work place.
On December 24, Christmas Eve, she found me at a social function. I was dressed up, she was in her dirty work clothes, exhausted. . . but with something different about her.
The room got really quiet. Everyone present knew the situation. It was awkward for the first few moments as we tried to "catch up." A half-hour later, she had to go--and I gave my daughter a hug for the first time in almost a year.
I had to excuse myself from the others for a few moments to compose myself.
She's doing fine and she is actually living with her boyfriend, who is an outstanding young man--college educated, good job, no baggage, no drugs, pro-gun/hunting, very light social drinker and has an outstanding work ethic.
He dotes on her. She told me *I* was the benchmark she set for having a man in her life. She's been dating this guy now for over nine months, moved in with him in September, and it's THE longest relationship she's ever had with a guy in her life, let alone a guy who I'd be proud to call a son-in-law.
She still hasn't introduced me to him, which tells me she's serious about him (translation: scared that I'll scare him or intimidate him) and it also tells me that her and I are now on a new journey, a new path into the future.
She's finally breaking the anchor chains from her bio-mom, the dependency-chains from me and the wife, and forging her way. It scares me, but it excites me. Most of all, it fills me with hope.
I have no idea what the future may hold for her or her and this young man. Only God knows that.
But what I do know is that God gave me the best Christmas present I've had in decades.
This is a picture of me and her on one of our flying trips a couple of years ago.
http://s19.postimage.org/7ecx9owtb/Bethany_at_KGLE_2_Lo_Res.jpg (http://postimage.org/image/7ecx9owtb/)
We've talked a few times since and she's come by to see me twice since Christmas. She's grown up a lot, matured tremendously.
I've only done this for five years. I have no idea how those of you have done it for a lifetime, and with more than one child did it.
My hat's off to you.
:coffee:
I won't bore you with the circumstances of how she came to be in our lives, only that I loved her then, and now, like my own child.
The wife and I have no children of our own.
The young lady and I had our final falling-out around this time last year, over a number of things, but sheer and total financial and personal responsibility was at the forefront. I took away her car--which I'd been making the payments on for the past year--and stopped the money flow. She had been down to just working a few days a week and partying, having fun with questionable friends, etc etc.
She walked out on us and for almost all of 2011, I heard nothing from her. No texts, no e-mails, no phone calls, nothing. Her old friends (good kids, now good young adults) would keep me filled in on occasion.
I did learn of some difficulties (self-induced, as always) her bio-mom had encountered, and, as usual, trying to pressure her daughter to come to me for the money, of which the kid refused.
And apparently, that was the final straw. The kid moved out from her mom's place.
So for almost an entire year, I'm wondering and worrying what this young lady is doing. The only thing I knew for certain was where she worked.
On December 23, I couldn't take it any longer. I bought a modest gift card to her favorite restaurant and had it couriered to her work place.
On December 24, Christmas Eve, she found me at a social function. I was dressed up, she was in her dirty work clothes, exhausted. . . but with something different about her.
The room got really quiet. Everyone present knew the situation. It was awkward for the first few moments as we tried to "catch up." A half-hour later, she had to go--and I gave my daughter a hug for the first time in almost a year.
I had to excuse myself from the others for a few moments to compose myself.
She's doing fine and she is actually living with her boyfriend, who is an outstanding young man--college educated, good job, no baggage, no drugs, pro-gun/hunting, very light social drinker and has an outstanding work ethic.
He dotes on her. She told me *I* was the benchmark she set for having a man in her life. She's been dating this guy now for over nine months, moved in with him in September, and it's THE longest relationship she's ever had with a guy in her life, let alone a guy who I'd be proud to call a son-in-law.
She still hasn't introduced me to him, which tells me she's serious about him (translation: scared that I'll scare him or intimidate him) and it also tells me that her and I are now on a new journey, a new path into the future.
She's finally breaking the anchor chains from her bio-mom, the dependency-chains from me and the wife, and forging her way. It scares me, but it excites me. Most of all, it fills me with hope.
I have no idea what the future may hold for her or her and this young man. Only God knows that.
But what I do know is that God gave me the best Christmas present I've had in decades.
This is a picture of me and her on one of our flying trips a couple of years ago.
http://s19.postimage.org/7ecx9owtb/Bethany_at_KGLE_2_Lo_Res.jpg (http://postimage.org/image/7ecx9owtb/)
We've talked a few times since and she's come by to see me twice since Christmas. She's grown up a lot, matured tremendously.
I've only done this for five years. I have no idea how those of you have done it for a lifetime, and with more than one child did it.
My hat's off to you.
:coffee: