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454PB
02-19-2007, 01:24 AM
Today's question: What in the world is electricity and where does it go after it leaves the toaster?

Here is a simple experiment that will teach you an important electrical lesson: On a cool dry day, scuff your feet along a carpet, then reach your hand into a friend's mouth and touch one of his dental fillings. Did you notice how your friend twitched violently and screamed in agony? This teaches one that electricity can be a very powerful force, but we must never use it to hurt others unless we need to learn an important lesson about electricity.

It also illustrates how an electrical circuit works. When you scuffed your feet, you picked up batches of "electrons", which are very small objects that carpet manufacturers weave into carpet so that they will attract dirt. The electrons travel through your bloodstream and collect in your finger, where they form a spark that leaps to your friend's filling, then travel down to his feet and back into the carpet, thus completing the circuit.

AMAZING ELECTRONIC FACT:
If you scuffed your feet long enough without touching anything, you would build up so many electrons that your finger would explode! But this is nothing to worry about unless you have carpeting.

Although we modern persons tend to take our electric lights, radios, mixers, etc. for granted, hundreds of years ago people did not have any of these things, which is just as well because there was no place to plug them in. Then along came the first Electrical Pioneer, Benjamin Franklin, who flew a kite in a lightning storm and received a serious electrical shock. This proved that lightning was powered by the same force as carpets, but it also damaged Franklin's brain so severely that he started speaking only in incomprehensible maxims, such as, "A penny saved is a penny earned." Eventually he had to be given a job running the post office.

After Franklin came a herd of Electrical Pioneers whose names have become part of our electrical terminology: Myron Volt, Mary Louise Amp, James Watt, Bob Transformer, etc. These pioneers conducted many important electrical experiments. Among them, Galvani discovered (this is the truth) that when he attached two different kinds of metal to the leg of a frog, an electrical current developed and the frog's leg kicked, even though it was no longer attached to the frog, which was dead anyway. Galvani's discovery led to enormous advances in the field of amphibian medicine. Today, skilled veterinary surgeons can take a frog that has been seriously injured or killed, implant pieces of metal in its muscles, and watch it hop back into the pond. However, water is a great conductor of electricity and the frog is immediately electrocuted.

But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877 was the phonograph, which could soon be found in thousands of American homes, where it basically sat until 1923, when the record was invented. But Edison's greatest achievement came in 1879 when he invented the electric company. Edison's design was a brilliant adaptation of the simple electrical circuit: the electric company sends electricity through a wire to a customer, then immediately gets the electricity back through another wire, then (this is the brilliant part) sends it right back to the customer again.

This means that an electric company can sell a customer the same batch of electricity over and over, thousands of times a day and never get caught, since very few customers take the time to catch and examine their electricity closely. In fact, the last year any new electricity was generated was 1937.

Today, thanks to men like Edison and Franklin, and frogs like Galvani's, we receive almost unlimited benefits from electricity. For example, in the past decade scientists have developed the laser, an electronic appliance so powerful that it can vaporize a bulldozer 2000 yards away, yet so precise that doctors can use it to perform delicate operations to the human eyeball, provided they remember to change the power setting from "Bulldozer" to "Eyeball."

Lee W
02-19-2007, 07:49 AM
I have seen the effects of the "bulldozer" setting. I drove by the local mini mall and noticed police tape from one end to the other. I found out the assistant in the optometrist office was playing around and blew a dime sized hole through every building at the mall.

Bret4207
02-19-2007, 09:41 AM
I just spit coffee all over my keyboard! Warn me before you post stuff like this!

KYCaster
02-19-2007, 10:36 AM
Cool......I'll have Eyegor get me a couple of frogs from the lab and try that. Who knows where this could lead!!

Thanks for the suggestion....
Fraankenshteen

felix
02-19-2007, 10:43 AM
http://showcase.netins.net/web/mpeabody/electron.htm

joatmon
02-19-2007, 11:27 PM
Remember to ALWAYS!!! keep a light bulb screwed into all light sockets or the electricity will run out,also keep something pluged into all recepticals for the same reason!

Catshooter
02-20-2007, 12:24 AM
Actually, 454's post contains missing data. You totally forgot about leaving out the redal about how lights work.

They don't actually light the room, they suck the dark out. The dark then goes back to the power company, who sends it back out to you when you turn the lights out. This is what they really charge you for. The ripoff is that they don't send it all back, they keep nine and a half percent.

Later we'll talk about the smoke theory of electricity.


Cat

MT Gianni
02-20-2007, 12:41 AM
The smoke theory is a well know fact. Appliances, motors and other stuff have smoke in 'em that lets them work. When one of us lets all the smoke out they cease to function. Gianni.

nvbirdman
02-20-2007, 01:25 AM
I tried shuffling my feet on the carpet and touching the filling on a friends wisdom tooth. It created a spark, his jaw muscles twitched, and he said my finger tasted like chicken.

castalott
02-20-2007, 08:28 AM
In power stations they have thousands of people who scuff their shoes on carpet and touch their tongues to power poles to make electricity. For 220 volt, 220 people touch the poles at the same time. For 12 v, 12 people do so. Since this must be done exactly, the power companies have banks of Cray supercomputers that play "99 bottles of beer on the wall" over loudspeakers. Each employee is assigned a 'beer number' and touches his tongue when his number comes up. Of course, the peoples tongues eventually wear off and this is called a 'short'.

All that coal delivered to the station is just another ripoff. All the machinery in the station pulverizes the coal and ships it to China over the phone line where is is used as an afrodeesiak. Why Chinese like afros I don't know but it causes them to have babies and that is why there are 17 quadzillion of them in the world today.

Also noteable ( five dollar word meaning full of notes) are the Chinese inventors of electricity..... How kome dat?, Peed Mi Pants, Burnd Mi Bum, U C Dat?, and Holt Mi Beer-Watch Dis!. This last man gave his life for electricity. He was doing research on tongue conductivity with the wife of the local "WOOHOO" ( we haven't translated this word yet) owner..IMA Baddas. He apparently returned home unexpectedly and was upset with the direction the experiment had taken. When he pulled the 2 experimenters apart, the magnetism between the 2 caused the sword in IMA's sheath to fly thru Watch Dis's chest.