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Linstrum
06-09-2005, 08:08 AM
This recipe is recommended for the times when She Who Must Be Obeyed has you headed toward the doghouse for the next week because you went small game hunting instead of unplugging the bathroom sink (plugged up with HER hair ‘cuz she’s too squeamish to pluck it out with a hank of toilet paper like you do). Actually, I thought this remedy, I mean recipe, up about a year ago for one of the guys here who got himself into a bit of a mess because he went hunting and put the harvested meat (dead squirrel) in the freezer and then didn’t tell SWMBO it was there. Anyway, depending on where you are, it is that time of year again when squirrels, chucks, rabbits, and other edibles are just starting to get harvested. Or at least that time of year when you want to go out and get some peace and quiet from those cyclical excess estrogen-powered mood swings (dare I say PMS?), as well as test some of those .30 cal 45-grain round ball with 4 grains Red Dot loads in that Mosin-Nagant, Enfield, K-31, 7.5 French, or whatever it is that you just picked up. Anyway, this is something that will help temper those kinds of situations a bit, but you’ve got to do this on the sly when She isn’t home. On the sly includes destroying ALL of the meat packaging and the grocery store receipts so the Super Detective you live with won’t figure out where the “game†meat really came from, or your “goose†is cooked, for sure!

This is how you pull it off:

Get a quart of Hampshire sour cream and two packages each of Lipton dry packaged mushroom soup/gravy mix and Lipton dry packaged California onion soup/dip mix. Get a large onion, a 6-ounce carton of fresh mushrooms, some flank steak, and chicken breast. Not too terribly much meat, though, maybe a pound of steak and a pound of chicken, 'cuz you see what you're doing is building a squirrel, rabbit, chuck, or whatever it was you were hunting when you should have been up to your elbows in hairy black stinking sink drain trap crap instead. To be exact, you are building a "sordo" squirrel, rabbit, chuck, duck, or whatever. Believe me, the “sordo†variety is the tastiest, most delicious kind there is! Take the flank steak and beat the blazes out of it with a ball-peen hammer to tenderize it extremely well, then cut it with scissors or tin snips (Tim Taylor Tool Time style) into little pieces the size that you would imagine would be the right size to come from a squirrel. Then take the chicken breast and cut it up into little squirrel-size morsels, too. Wash the mushrooms, peel the onion, and cut them into thin slices. Sauté the mushrooms, onion, and meat together carefully in some butter or margarine, and then make the gravy in with the meat after it is sautéed. Cook up enough brown rice or wild rice for all of your family to have two servings (wild rice has come down in price so it is VERY affordable now, but don’t tell her that, just say you saw it and gathered some on the way home from the woods). Make the dip with the sour cream. If you like salad, make some of that as well and put in some watercress. You saw the watercress and gathered some on the way home from the woods, too, at the store. Maybe a great big long loaf of French bread with garlic butter, sliced and then heated in the oven, too. Do all this while your better half is away or get her out of the kitchen while you pull it off, or at least do the meat part when she isn’t there so she doesn’t see exactly what it is or where it came from. Then serve the meat-mushroom gravy over the rice with lots of sour cream onion dip on top of it for a garnish, and have dinner. Tell her that the meal is the result of the day you had hunting in the store, er, oops, I mean the woods. Don't say the stuff in the meal is FROM the woods. You don't want to tell too much of a lie, the wild rice and watercress bit is bad enough! Just say to her that the meat-gravy stuff over the wild rice is the RESULT of the day hunting in the woods. I guarantee that you won't get as much of a ration of grief about having gone shooting ever again once you tell her that the meal is "sordo" squirrel, "sordo" rabbit, "sordo" chuck, "sordo" duck, or whatever you say the particular variety of meat is that is in the meal. Oh, by the way, "sordo" just means deaf in Spanish, which is what you were when SWMBO told you to unclog the drain in the bathroom sink.

Bon appetite!