Speaking in terms of self-defense ammo.
I got a deal on some 200 grain Speer Gold Dots for .40 S&W and 10mm and just loaded up a batch in .40 S&W that supposedly go only 857 fps using 231. The same in 10mm goes just over 1000 fps.
I'm sure both are fine for self-defense.
Usually I just let the pistol pick the bullet weight it likes and go with that.
Curious as to what other folks prefer.